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First Time Couple (advice)

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By *onkyLemons OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Hey everyone.

So we’re a new couple to the scene/lifestyle. Had an account on here for a little while and arranged one FFM in which there was soft play only.

We’re still more and more interested as we go along and discover new things - both of us are eager to see what else we can get up to and enjoy!

Just wondered if anyone, specifically those of you that have played in couples had any decent advice for newbies just starting out?

We communicate ALOT. Have talked out some of our fantasies, in explicit detail sometimes and both feel okay with the idea and want to build up to giving full swap a go - however the idea and the actual swap are worlds apart...

We’ve got our first club visit pencilled in for relatively soon and have been chatting here and there to people and trying to network....but any advice for getting over those last minute jitters?

Or anyone had an experience (good or bad) that changed the way you’d approach things in the future?

We don’t want all the gory details - but we’re acutely aware that we’ve only looked at this from our viewpoint (which I know is the only one that really matters in terms of our own fun...) and wanted to hear some other opinions before we dived in!

Just want to go in to everything fully armed with all the information we can get so that we don’t regret anything in the future!

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By *estofbothCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

For your first club visit, set some limits on what you’d be comfortable doing and seeing each other doing, and stick to them. Be realistic and If anything dial it back a little bit from what you think you’d be happy with.

It’s easy to get carried away and we always like to just let things play out naturally, but for a first time, it’s better to be sat home the next morning saying that was really hot, I wish we’d done more, rather than regretting something.

There’s all the time in the world to expand your limits and work out what you like, so go at it slowly and together as an adventure as a couple. First time you may be happy just watching, or playing together and being watched. There’s no judgement and you’ll be surprised how natural and un intimidating a club is when you get through the door.

Have fun x

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By *onkyLemons OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"For your first club visit, set some limits on what you’d be comfortable doing and seeing each other doing, and stick to them. Be realistic and If anything dial it back a little bit from what you think you’d be happy with.

It’s easy to get carried away and we always like to just let things play out naturally, but for a first time, it’s better to be sat home the next morning saying that was really hot, I wish we’d done more, rather than regretting something.

There’s all the time in the world to expand your limits and work out what you like, so go at it slowly and together as an adventure as a couple. First time you may be happy just watching, or playing together and being watched. There’s no judgement and you’ll be surprised how natural and un intimidating a club is when you get through the door.

Have fun x "

Thanks for your input!

I think the idea of a little ‘secret’ and adventure between us is what gets us going (and all the potential sexy people to mingle with!).

We’ve already laid out some limits (said we’d both probably feel okay to play with each other and maybe in public) - but I can see the sensibility in coming one step back to take off that pressure (and we can always go one step forward if the night is a success!)

As a seperate kind of related note - we were given some advice about “potentially leading on” others, which is not something that we feel we have done - but as we are always friendly and chatty in most messages (because we also want to make friends and connections!), I can understand how it could be misconstrued as interest in going further.

Is it better to just say from the outset, something like “we’re not sure what we’re looking for - or how far we’re ready to go just yet....but happy to stay in touch”?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree with best of both ..

Best advice is take it slow and go with open mind - one can’t plan too much for club visits because who comes on the particulate night is out of your control .. think as it’s your best night out and that you and your partner to enjoy the evening between you both and anything more is a bonus.

As far as the meet is concerned, try and have prior chat, if possible a cam chat and understand the limits and interest of each party involved. In most circumstances the men in the couple invariably like the women in the other couple - but can’t say the same to the ladies .. so unless the ladies like the male of the other couple, try and avoid the meet - as this might create issues. Unless you both like the other couple and vice versa try and avoid that particular meet...... there are always plenty of fish in the sea and you will get to meet the right one if you take it slow

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

For our first club visit we agreed we wouldn't play with anyone but each other and stuck with that. We went to network and socialise and that was it. When we spoke to people we were honest and said it's our first time so we are just checking it out for now and getting a feel for the place. Everyone we spoke to was more than accomodating. They made us feel really welcome, no pressure. We made a few friends and exchanged fab names to keep in touch. It was a really good experience. I'd say maybe agree to not play with others so you can get a feel for the place and the people then you can decide where to go from there on your next visit! Good luck and have fun!

Gem

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By *onkyLemons OP   Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"For our first club visit we agreed we wouldn't play with anyone but each other and stuck with that. We went to network and socialise and that was it. When we spoke to people we were honest and said it's our first time so we are just checking it out for now and getting a feel for the place. Everyone we spoke to was more than accomodating. They made us feel really welcome, no pressure. We made a few friends and exchanged fab names to keep in touch. It was a really good experience. I'd say maybe agree to not play with others so you can get a feel for the place and the people then you can decide where to go from there on your next visit! Good luck and have fun!

Gem"

I really appreciate the advice!

I think that’s sensible and was probably where we had settled on our own ‘game plan’ for our first visit.

Looking forward to it now - already looking at outfits and ideas....just hoping everyone is as welcoming as you guys have suggested!

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By *aisy6Woman
over a year ago

bath

So long as you’ve set clear rules then just go for it

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne


"For our first club visit we agreed we wouldn't play with anyone but each other and stuck with that. We went to network and socialise and that was it. When we spoke to people we were honest and said it's our first time so we are just checking it out for now and getting a feel for the place. Everyone we spoke to was more than accomodating. They made us feel really welcome, no pressure. We made a few friends and exchanged fab names to keep in touch. It was a really good experience. I'd say maybe agree to not play with others so you can get a feel for the place and the people then you can decide where to go from there on your next visit! Good luck and have fun!

Gem

I really appreciate the advice!

I think that’s sensible and was probably where we had settled on our own ‘game plan’ for our first visit.

Looking forward to it now - already looking at outfits and ideas....just hoping everyone is as welcoming as you guys have suggested!"

I'm sure they will be. Usually if the club host is good that sets the tone for the night. They will show you around and go over the rules and usually they will introduce you to some regulars. That always helps to break the ice. But if they don't, don't worry. I have found people, especially other couples are super approachable in clubs and happy to have a drink and a chat with newbies. We were all new once, we know how nerve wracking it can be

Gem

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By *estofbothCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Just with regards to leading people on, just be open up front. “ We’re not sure what we’re looking for, or we don’t want to go further than xyz”, would be fine.

Any couple that puts undue pressure on you isn’t worth the meet, we don’t swap, but happily chat and talk to couples and see how things play out, and everybody including ourselves have always been completely zero pressure. Everybody has to be comfortable or it’s not fun, and if it’s not fun what’s the point.

We’d be happy to chat if you want, we’re always down for naughty conversation and cam fun if you’d like to start poking your boundaries remotely a little bit.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

Good luck, hope it goes well for you.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Some great advice already

Talk talk and talk more is very important but listen! Go with the flow and try not to add any pressure on yourselves

Our first club visit was as mentioned above, just us two was the initial plan, unfortunately when arriving at the club I bumped into an old friend from my youth which hampered any play at all but the experience was still very positive.

You are local to us so if you are thinking of going to PM for your first visit I would recommend it for first time clubbers, it’s quite small and feels very intimate compared to somewhere like the Attic which can be overwhelming

Good luck to you both

D.

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By *emel9Man
over a year ago

West Midlands

Hi there. my partner and I are on here as solo profiles and with a couples profile, we met in the scene about 3.5 years ago, and are now a full couple.

We have/do clubs together and solo and have a big social network in the scene.

I would actually suggest a slghtly different approach to consider as you are newbies, ish. I would highly recommend finding a localish no play group social.

These are usually events held in pubs and get attended by couples, single females and single females.

This is a great way to network and chat with people in your area, face to face, about the clubs they like and their own experiences. I always see it as a stepping stone to the first club experience, and you may find someone there to meet at a club they know well.

Just an idea, but certainly what I wish someone had told me to do when I first entered the scene.

Mark

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne


"Hi there. my partner and I are on here as solo profiles and with a couples profile, we met in the scene about 3.5 years ago, and are now a full couple.

We have/do clubs together and solo and have a big social network in the scene.

I would actually suggest a slghtly different approach to consider as you are newbies, ish. I would highly recommend finding a localish no play group social.

These are usually events held in pubs and get attended by couples, single females and single females.

This is a great way to network and chat with people in your area, face to face, about the clubs they like and their own experiences. I always see it as a stepping stone to the first club experience, and you may find someone there to meet at a club they know well.

Just an idea, but certainly what I wish someone had told me to do when I first entered the scene.

Mark"

This is actually a great idea!

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By *estofbothCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Agree with the above, also a nice easy way to test the waters

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By *ute Manchester SwingersCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Hey! We are by no means experts but we've definitely learnt not to be afraid to ask for more pictures. Anyone can look good in one lucky photo, its very hard to contain your disappointment face to face x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and dont be disappointed if clubs are not for you as its not for so many

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry not trying to be negative just open and honest ... the forums are such a tiny part of the site you dont often get to read about the negative side of clubs

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By *ute Manchester SwingersCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Yes we don't do clubs, good point x

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

We're the weird couple who just decided to go all put full throttle hahaha.

We spoke for about it for a long time and we decided to try a party rather than a club. It worked really well for us.

That's not for everyone though I get that. It worked for us and we did discuss it before if there was anything the other didnt want to do, etc. For us we decided to go for it.

We booked hotel a little while away so if we didnt like it we could retreat and not do it again. Weve been a few times since and it definitely works for us!!

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