FabSwingers.com forum: The elusive "connection"

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I seem to be struggling to find this "connection" and "click" that some profiles claim they are looking for.

Whenever I post I am free for a social meet there is very little response. Very recently in fact, I had a night out posted to which I received a reply they'd be up for a meet but only if it ended up with sex. I had to say no three times to another response who was clearly trying to obtain a guarantee of sex again on a social meet.

Roughly how long does it take to find this click or connection? Seconds? Minutes? Days? Does it actually exist or is it a just a get out clause?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You better to just chat and get to know people through messages then when ready meet for a social only. I've always done it that way when meeting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great question. The connection can happen in the first five minutes of the conversation or the first meet. Unfortunately, it is hard to find something like that on this site, as this site is all about sex and fantasies.

I hear you!

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I found it in Wakefield last week so it does exist !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it can vary really, but I think I’d know quite soon after having a social if there was a connection but I’d never assume we’d be having sex at the end of the social

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I found it in Wakefield last week so it does exist !"

Awesome...that's encouraging to hear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always meet up socially and many men thought that after a coffee or drink we would go to my flat..

We didn't. I'm very selective of who I let in.

It is very hard on here. But it does happen sometime.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To find someone I click with on this site is almost harder than to find someone I'd marry in vanilla world (P.S. not looking for a relationship or to marry). I think a lot of people join this site expecting free sex now and not having the understanding of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I seem to be struggling to find this "connection" and "click" that some profiles claim they are looking for.

Roughly how long does it take to find this click or connection? Seconds? Minutes? Days? Does it actually exist or is it a just a get out clause?

Happened in past...

hopefully it will happen again...sooner rather than later

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To find someone I click with on this site is almost harder than to find someone I'd marry in vanilla world (P.S. not looking for a relationship or to marry). I think a lot of people join this site expecting free sex now and not having the understanding of swinging."

Yes, this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I seem to be struggling to find this "connection" and "click" that some profiles claim they are looking for.

Roughly how long does it take to find this click or connection? Seconds? Minutes? Days? Does it actually exist or is it a just a get out clause?

I don't bother looking for a connection, I just want rampant sex!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stay positive op, there's a lot of men happy to meet for a 'social only'. We've met many in this way. I wonder though if posting a meet is the best way to find them, as many of the guys who look at meets might just be looking for quick sex (not an assumption, just a guess). What's worked for us is to message the guys we like the look of and ask to meet them for a coffee, making it clear that it's a coffee and nothing else. I'm sure it would work for you, too, though you might end up drinking a lot of coffee

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

We have just found a connection with someone very recently. It happened on the second meet (which was our first time playing) so it definitely does happen. We haven't had that before though and it has taken a lot of time and patience to find. But it did make the sex a hell of a lot better! Keep looking!

Gem

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

As you yourself say your profile is rather "harsh". Personally I would find it a bit intimidating and off putting, but that is just my take...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Took me 2 years! Don’t give up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's just life - the connection thing.

You can't have that ' connection' with everyone or even the majority of people you meet because then it wouldn't be the elusive connection.

In life socially or at work it's the same. I have a a couple of great friends at work that I look forward to seeing and then there are lots of colleagues that I just say hi to and have a quick chat.

The 'connection' is what makes you feel much closer and relaxed with some people than others.

I'm not sure that helps lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm looking for a connection rather than a quick shag from a random someone.

I've been on normal dating sites and other adult sites, it can take a while to find.

The attraction has to be a two way thing. Some of us blokes don't want to shag everything that moves.

I like down to earth ladies with a similar sense of humour to myself.

I message ladies as I would on a normal dating site. Just random chit chat to get to know them a bit. I rarely talk about anything sexual. That bit should sort itself out if there is that connection.

I don't build up my hopes until I've actually met someone in person. So like to go on a social with no expectations other than to meet for a drink and a chat.

I know other people will do things differently. Perhaps flirt a lot in the messages, but I've found it can be a bit of a let down if you turn up for a social and not fancy the person.

It can take a bit of time.

The only thing that would put me off in your profile is that you want to meet in clubs. This isn't my thing.

Best of luck. I hope you find what you are looking for.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As you yourself say your profile is rather "harsh". Personally I would find it a bit intimidating and off putting, but that is just my take..."

But I also say in my profile, blame the few that spoil it for the many.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

It does exist but like everything, it can take time.

Good luck OP and p.s I like your profile x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That connection can be elusive true but I have been lucky enough to find a few.

I mainly talk with people I have seen through the forums as you can get a feel for them as a person through what they post and how they reply to posts.

Then after chatting for a while we grab a drink and put the world to rights. If it leads to a second meet great if not we remain friends.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

It really is massively off putting when people try to insist on a guarantee of play. There should never be one! You never know if you click until you meet the person and not allowing them to back out if they're not feeling it is incredibly creepy!

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

It can be hard to build a connection quickly

I always point out to people that i'm not a quick meeter and its always a social with no guarantee of more.

The ones who still keep in contact with me after that,have been the ones i've developed a good rapport with and gone on to meet in past.

If someone tried to push for more on a meet,i'd simply stop the contact.

I can usually tell after a couple of messages how it will gom

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By * and BCouple
over a year ago

Durham

we are the same trying to find this, "connection" and "click" People seem to be full of empty promises. We think we find it to be proved wrong time and time again. Its a shame, like you say OP, the few spoil it so we are all on the back foot on Fab

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

Those who want guarantees of sex need to be told where to go. They can't even guarantee some respect in response.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The connection does exist. There is a guy on here who I have met a few times and each time is amazing, we get on, have great intelligent conversations and amazing sex.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

To be honest, an understanding of basic manners would be most welcome, but even that seems to be rare.

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By * and BCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"Those who want guarantees of sex need to be told where to go. They can't even guarantee some respect in response.

We would never ask or offer a guarantee. We never have expectations ever. If someone included this in a message we'd just stop the messaging by saying that it turns out you are not for us. As someone has already said above, until you meet face to face you just never know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The connection does exist. There is a guy on here who I have met a few times and each time is amazing, we get on, have great intelligent conversations and amazing sex."

Well he is a lucky guy!

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By *yLittleMushroomIndeedMan
over a year ago

Lowestoft

I dont understand the connection thing at all anyway. we are all here for fun and friendship plus i will do as the other person suggests or wishes, but i didnt know we had to be in a relationship to get anywhere on here as that is what 'connection' means to me and has always meant to me.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

"I dont understand the connection thing at all anyway. we are all here for fun and friendship plus i will do as the other person suggests or wishes, but i didnt know we had to be in a relationship to get anywhere on here as that is what 'connection' means to me and has always meant to me."

Is friendship not a connection?

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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago

North Devon-ish

We only meet with a view of playing on first occasion.

Of Course prior to this, we would have had a fair message exchange.

We would have exchange facial pictures .

Everyone has to be agreeable on the night after meeting locally for drinks.

We don’t have time for practice runs or purely socials. Our free time is not great. Of course we are selective and expect others to be likewise.

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By *yLittleMushroomIndeedMan
over a year ago

Lowestoft

Is friendship not a connection?"

I always thought that was trust side and not a connection but i could be wrong. I mean that could be where i am going wrong myself. As i trust my friends (trust issues from childhood) but i do not connect with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it only swingers that are capable of connecting with someone they'd like to have sex with?

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

Enjoy chatting first OP. It’s part of the fun and an essential way to begin to find out if the person is in your wavelength.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I seem to be struggling to find this "connection" and "click" that some profiles claim they are looking for.

Roughly how long does it take to find this click or connection? Seconds? Minutes? Days? Does it actually exist or is it a just a get out clause?

"
youve just been speaking to the wrong people is all

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

Is friendship not a connection?

Hm... Call it what you will then.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

"We only meet with a view of playing on first occasion.

Of Course prior to this, we would have had a fair message exchange.

We would have exchange facial pictures .

Everyone has to be agreeable on the night after meeting locally for drinks.

We don’t have time for practice runs or purely socials. Our free time is not great. Of course we are selective and expect others to be likewise."

I keep reading this from couples - no time for socials. Well, I have no time to spend a few hours behind closed doors in the company of someone I do not like. A cup of coffee takes much less time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I seem to be struggling to find this "connection" and "click" that some profiles claim they are looking for.

Roughly how long does it take to find this click or connection? Seconds? Minutes? Days? Does it actually exist or is it a just a get out clause?

Miss Calico as we have already met in person we would always meet you again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I found it in Wakefield last week so it does exist !"

Didnt know Mauritius was in Wakefield, think been looking in the wrong place lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s swinging not dating, go on shoot us down now, fact is you can connect with someone socially and absolutely not work when it comes to the play, we prefer to chat a little, flirt and then get it on

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"It’s swinging not dating, go on shoot us down now, fact is you can connect with someone socially and absolutely not work when it comes to the play, we prefer to chat a little, flirt and then get it on

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom"

I've never had a social meet that has turned into crap sex at a later date

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom"

You do you, we'll do us.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us."

Indeed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've never had a social meet that has turned into crap sex at a later date"

That's really good

. Sadly I have had, more than once

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

I think it just depends on what you looking for? For me is just a person that has A great smile and laugh with a lot of sarcasm

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

"I seem to be struggling to find this "connection" and "click" that some profiles claim they are looking for.

Roughly how long does it take to find this click or connection? Seconds? Minutes? Days? Does it actually exist or is it a just a get out clause?

It does exist and can knock you off your feet in seconds, once you have found the right one who is actually right now searching for you, chin up I believe you will find them

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

"I've never had a social meet that has turned into crap sex at a later date

That's really good

. Sadly I have had, more than once

Crap sex can happen to anyone. What I have indeed been able to avoid is spending time alone with someone and having nothing to talk about. Oh yes, I am so vanilla, I actually talk to men.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I have found that posting for a social meet is a no go, as the men want a guarantee of sex!

I haven't had sex in nearly 3 years because nobody locally has been able to stimulate my mind never mind anything else! So I have never been interested in them.

Sometimes someone pops up, that you think, maybe....just maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been stood up many times by men when it dawned on them that by "social" I really did mean social only. I've also unfortunately found the hard way that some of the ones that say it on their profiles are only doing so to try get one-offs i.e lure you in by saying they want meaningful sex with a fwb, you sleep with them once and then they ghost you as they got what they wanted.

OP in your situation all I can say is at least these men are doing you a favour by revealing themselves before you've put the effort into going to meet them. I'm sure when you do find that connection it'll be all the more worth it - that's what I tell myself anyway!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We only meet with a view of playing on first occasion.

Of Course prior to this, we would have had a fair message exchange.

We would have exchange facial pictures .

Everyone has to be agreeable on the night after meeting locally for drinks.

We don’t have time for practice runs or purely socials. Our free time is not great. Of course we are selective and expect others to be likewise.

I keep reading this from couples - no time for socials. Well, I have no time to spend a few hours behind closed doors in the company of someone I do not like. A cup of coffee takes much less time."

I totally second this. It took me two separate occasions of being stuck in a hotel room for a couple of hours with men I didn't fancy trying to build up the courage to tell them they'd paid for a room for nothing as I didn't want to sleep with them after all. Now I only do socials first - nobody's time or money is wasted and if you don't fancy someone it's not half as awkward to just cut it short as it is when someone's expecting sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It really is massively off putting when people try to insist on a guarantee of play. There should never be one! You never know if you click until you meet the person and not allowing them to back out if they're not feeling it is incredibly creepy!"

Makes it easy to avoid them though. Just means they're not what I'm looking for, saves both our time.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Makes it easy to avoid them though. Just means they're not what I'm looking for, saves both our time.

Very true. Though it's dissapointing when they come out with it after a while of enjoyable chatting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP in your situation all I can say is at least these men are doing you a favour by revealing themselves before you've put the effort into going to meet them"

In the past I did go to a lot of time and effort before a meet, so yes I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude if he continued to ask about sex when I'd made it clear it was just a coffee. I wouldn't meet him at all.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I have had a guy deny a no sex social. We didn't meet as a result. He asked if I had changed my mind a few months later and I hadn't.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I have had a guy deny a no sex social. We didn't meet as a result. He asked if I had changed my mind a few months later and I hadn't."

Sorry clicked send too early. I didn't find it rude but I was dissapointed. Incompatibility I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us."

Of course, we go looking for great sex with a variety of people as does everyone on here, how you go about it is your business, we have our own method based on our experiences and our own time management as a couple it’s different as it’s just fun for everyone, nothing more so maybe we will rephrase

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I have had a guy deny a no sex social. We didn't meet as a result. He asked if I had changed my mind a few months later and I hadn't.

Sorry clicked send too early. I didn't find it rude but I was dissapointed. Incompatibility I guess."

Ok I have denied social only meets because I would treat it like a business meeting....

I would just be meeting you before or after the gym for 20 minutes tops.... that would just to see if we looked as good in person....

I didn’t think it was fair to the other person..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us.

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom"

If you meet someone for a fuck and they're crap, is that a waste of your 15 minutes? Could have been spent doing something nice rather than a quick fuck with a stranger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

It makes me feel like they don't think I'm worth the effort of a half an hour and a drink/coffee. I don't like to feel like I have to guarantee sex to get someone to go to the effort of meeting me. My hole is not just another goal; sex with me is a privilege, not a right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us.

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

If you meet someone for a fuck and they're crap, is that a waste of your 15 minutes? Could have been spent doing something nice rather than a quick fuck with a stranger."

We’d guess wasting 15 mins of our time is far preferable to wasting an evening on a social, then organising a meet another time, travelling and then the play is crap! 2 nights wasted

FYI we’ve never played with anyone on a first meet within 15 mins, is normally a private meet where we’ve done our homework so the majority of time socially it’s fun, just sometimes the sex is not great, we can walk away and say we’ll that was a nice evening but we didn’t click sexually, does that make sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?"

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us.

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

If you meet someone for a fuck and they're crap, is that a waste of your 15 minutes? Could have been spent doing something nice rather than a quick fuck with a stranger.

We’d guess wasting 15 mins of our time is far preferable to wasting an evening on a social, then organising a meet another time, travelling and then the play is crap! 2 nights wasted

It’s crazy, some people act like you can’t say no at any point of a social with a option to play......

I’ve been to socials with the option to play and had couples/women say no........

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I have had a guy deny a no sex social. We didn't meet as a result. He asked if I had changed my mind a few months later and I hadn't."

I have had a guy say he would not drive for an hour each way for "just a coffee".

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us.

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

If you meet someone for a fuck and they're crap, is that a waste of your 15 minutes? Could have been spent doing something nice rather than a quick fuck with a stranger.

We’d guess wasting 15 mins of our time is far preferable to wasting an evening on a social, then organising a meet another time, travelling and then the play is crap! 2 nights wasted

It’s crazy, some people act like you can’t say no at any point of a social with a option to play......

I’ve been to socials with the option to play and had couples/women say no........"

An option is not the same thing as a guarantee.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us.

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

If you meet someone for a fuck and they're crap, is that a waste of your 15 minutes? Could have been spent doing something nice rather than a quick fuck with a stranger.

We’d guess wasting 15 mins of our time is far preferable to wasting an evening on a social, then organising a meet another time, travelling and then the play is crap! 2 nights wasted

It’s crazy, some people act like you can’t say no at any point of a social with a option to play......

I’ve been to socials with the option to play and had couples/women say no........"

Yep that’s kinda the point, we meet up and if everyone happy we play that night, if not we go home....

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I have had a guy deny a no sex social. We didn't meet as a result. He asked if I had changed my mind a few months later and I hadn't.

I have had a guy say he would not drive for an hour each way for "just a coffee".

I could understand if there was distance but this guy lived 10 minutes away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us.

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

If you meet someone for a fuck and they're crap, is that a waste of your 15 minutes? Could have been spent doing something nice rather than a quick fuck with a stranger.

We’d guess wasting 15 mins of our time is far preferable to wasting an evening on a social, then organising a meet another time, travelling and then the play is crap! 2 nights wasted

Yes it does make sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I have had a guy deny a no sex social. We didn't meet as a result. He asked if I had changed my mind a few months later and I hadn't.

I have had a guy say he would not drive for an hour each way for "just a coffee".

I wouldn't drive 2 hours just for a coffee with a stranger either.

If it was someone I'd chatted to and was some form of online friends then that would be different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us.

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

If you meet someone for a fuck and they're crap, is that a waste of your 15 minutes? Could have been spent doing something nice rather than a quick fuck with a stranger.

We’d guess wasting 15 mins of our time is far preferable to wasting an evening on a social, then organising a meet another time, travelling and then the play is crap! 2 nights wasted

It’s crazy, some people act like you can’t say no at any point of a social with a option to play......

I’ve been to socials with the option to play and had couples/women say no........

Yep that’s kinda the point, we meet up and if everyone happy we play that night, if not we go home...."

I think the dynamic between couples and singles playing is quite different though. I think if I had a partner to swing with I wouldn't require as much of a connection with the people I was meeting as I already had them for comfort, if that makes sense? As a single sometimes it's just nice to know the other person actually likes and fancies you and isn't thinking of you as just a breathing wank sock.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we connect sexually, all good, we can then build a friendship, repeat meets etc.

But if we don’t connect sexually, thanks for the nice evening, not much time is wasted and we move on, simple.

Just don’t get why so many people waste so much time do social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

You do you, we'll do us.

Just don’t get why couples waste so much time doing social only meets, getting to know someone, then all goes to crap in the bedroom

If you meet someone for a fuck and they're crap, is that a waste of your 15 minutes? Could have been spent doing something nice rather than a quick fuck with a stranger.

We’d guess wasting 15 mins of our time is far preferable to wasting an evening on a social, then organising a meet another time, travelling and then the play is crap! 2 nights wasted

It’s crazy, some people act like you can’t say no at any point of a social with a option to play......

I’ve been to socials with the option to play and had couples/women say no........

Yep that’s kinda the point, we meet up and if everyone happy we play that night, if not we go home....

Yep we get that, sometimes when we meet a couple and all they really want to do is swap partners ie just fuck someone else it just feels like you are being used.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The thing is OP you can't look for a "connection" or a "click" of any depth and meaning, they find you, often when you least expect them.

I think of it this way - of all the people we pass in the street, we're probably attracted to less than 5% of them - of that 5% an even small percentage will have the same values and interests as us, and of that smaller percentage an even smaller percentage will there be that "connection" and "click" with - it's no different here.

Of course, as this thread has shown, we all approach the site differently and look for different things - the key is sticking to our individual principles and waiting to find what we are each looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

So you plan your evening around this no sex social..... So you get dressed and decide to meet your social at Starbucks/Costas before you start your evening... you both have coffee and talk about the weather and life..... your friends or date are texting you at the same time about the great night you’re about to have.... I would answer my text because I’m excited to start my night...... I find that rude on my part because I can’t engage flirtatiously banter in a coffee shop.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

You meet at a hotel bar , put your phone away... Then pray to God you don’t say something stupid that would put them off during your conversation that would prevent you from making to the hotel room....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view...... "

Wow... I have no words.

Actually, I do. Do you think women have no commitments? According to you do women not work/gym/have social lives?! Do you think that when I meet - even for a coffee - I show up with un brushed hair and no makeup in my PJs?!

It takes me about three hours to get ready for a meet. I am just the same; every part of me shaved, makeup perfect, sleek hair and smelling on point with pretty matching lingerie on. I would much rather make that effort for someone I'd already met and know I fancy than do all that, turn up and there's no attraction or chemistry (which has happened multiple times).

Either way thank you for letting the women of fab know that it's only men who have lives. I'm sure that'll go down well

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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view...... "

So basically you would only have good manners (i.e not texting/giving your meet your undivided attention) if there was a chance of a fuck in it for you? If there's no chance of fucking that night you'll just half arse it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, because he'd rather be out having fun with his mates or on a date. Imagine being late to a date because you were busy sizing up someone else you only wanted to fuck and not even give them the decency of your undivided attention. Why does someone off fab not deserve it but someone from, say, a dating app does? What makes us only good for sex just because we are on this site? Are we not human beings worthy of respect and mental stimulation, chemistry? Why should I be treated differently and with less respect on here than I am on the T or B apps?

Either way, award for the most sexist drivel I've come across on here goes to that post. Christ, I've really seen it all now...

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view...... "

I would choose the option of having manners whatever my chance of having sex may be. I am surprised that there are still men who treat sex as something women owe them and not something both parties will enjoy. I would even find a way of texting my friends or dare without looking like I am not really in it: I would just apologise and say sorry, I really need to reply to this, this is work. This is what I do whoever it may really be that I am texting.

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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago

NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts

Yes its there but i take time to chat on here initially. It shows if people want to make the effort to chat and discover if that connection is there. Ive met some amazing because of fantastic connections. Its so worth it.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

There is one similarity between a guarantee of sex and a guarantee of no sex.

We would not bother with either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Either way, award for the most sexist drivel I've come across on here goes to that post. Christ, I've really seen it all now...

You do know I wasn’t looking for you to agree with me.... it is okay to have a different opinion without calling me sexist and my opinions drivel...

Now with that being said......

I respect you for why you will only have a no sex social before a sexual meeting....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

No ... not at all.... I’m always polite and gentleman at all times....

I can be flirtatious at a bar/club with a few drinks.....

In a coffee shop not so much......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

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By *ettyboop61Woman
over a year ago

St Neots

Exactly what I said on another thread on here....got my head bitten off for saying... But I believe like you many don't know what swinging is!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

If a man offered to meet me at a McDonald's he's getting blown off either way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

If a man offered to meet me at a McDonald's he's getting blown off either way. "

Ok I’m curious...... please tell me , what would be a perfect no sex social for you?

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

If he has no manners, he will blow it off. Clearly if he wants guarantees of sex and he has got them from someone, good on him as no-one will ever get them from me.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

It definitely exists. We have met people we click with. What's difficult is going out specifically trying to find it. It doesn't happen to order.

I imagine it could be harder for women because you get so many approaches from men that even though the right guy might be in there it's hard to spot him amongst all the noise.

I suggest you just chat to people. The more you chat to, the more likely it is somebody will stand out. Finding them by virtue of somebody bring around on a particular day probably brings the odds down.

Luke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

If he has no manners, he will blow it off. Clearly if he wants guarantees of sex and he has got them from someone, good on him as no-one will ever get them from me. "

I think I’m losing my skills with the written word..... or maybe I try to see the world from other peoples perspectives.....

I’ll try one more time......

You’re a female and you have a choice of 2 socials at 6 pm , both occurring on your only free night of the week.....

One guy wants to meet at the local Starbucks after work for a quick coffee before he heads home from work... if you get on well you might spend 1-2 hours enjoying coffee and keeping your voices down as not to disturb the people around you....

The second guy wants to go out for drinks, dinner, and maybe a sex club after..,.. if you hit it off you will have had a nice dinner, drinks, and maybe crazy sex at a club....

Are you a rude person if you don’t want to spend your only free night of the week in a coffee shop?

Are you looking for guaranteed sex if you decide to go out dinner, drinks, and a sex club?

Only you know the answer......

So In conclusion....not all guys who turn down a no sex social are rude with no manners or looking for guaranteed sex.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP it exists. You can’t find ‘it’ It finds you. Mainly when you aren’t looking for it. You also can’t predict how it will manifest. Once you share it with someone no matter what happens - I believe (probably just me) that it never leaves you both. You can only suppress it. Hide it and avoid it.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I don't think there's a ti_eline to how long it takes to build; sometimes you just meet someone or talk to them and it's there. Other times you can be talking for a bit and meet them and the nature of your dynamic changes for whatever reason.

I do understand why some men and indeed why anyone would rather go with a "cert" - if you have limited time you might not want to spend it discussing life over a coffee. There's not a right or wrong way to approach the site nor is there to building a connection with someone.

When you do find it, you just know. I hope you find your connection soon OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

If he has no manners, he will blow it off. Clearly if he wants guarantees of sex and he has got them from someone, good on him as no-one will ever get them from me.

I think I’m losing my skills with the written word..... or maybe I try to see the world from other peoples perspectives.....

I’ll try one more time......

You’re a female and you have a choice of 2 socials at 6 pm , both occurring on your only free night of the week.....

The second guy wants to go out for drinks, dinner, and maybe a sex club after..,.. if you hit it off you will have had a nice dinner, drinks, and maybe crazy sex at a club....

Are you a rude person if you don’t want to spend your only free night of the week in a coffee shop?

Are you looking for guaranteed sex if you decide to go out dinner, drinks, and a sex club?

Only you know the answer......

So In conclusion....not all guys who turn down a no sex social are rude with no manners or looking for guaranteed sex.....

I knew what you meant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does exist, I haven’t found it here and not sure it’s possible...but I did meet guy online and we chatted for quite a while and met for a social and then we continued to meet and had a great connection, unfortunately it ended recently but would love to find the same again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think there's a ti_eline to how long it takes to build; sometimes you just meet someone or talk to them and it's there. Other times you can be talking for a bit and meet them and the nature of your dynamic changes for whatever reason.

When you do find it, you just know. I hope you find your connection soon OP."

Exactly this ^^^ most guys on here aren't looking for it nor are remotely interested ... but there are a lot of great men on here and sometimes if you don't look it'll sneak up on you!

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By *thena123Woman
over a year ago

Swansea

It does exist yes, well at least it does for me....i met my man about 4yrs ago and within days he had gotten under my skin and knew me so much better than some of my friends, when we met up for coffee I knew that instant that he was gonna be around for a long time,the atmosphere was charged and his touch was electric to me....four yrs on its still the same he knows what I want before I even know I want it, he reads me very well and the bonus is the sex is fantastic.... Keep looking you'll find it.xxx

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By *rufinWoman
over a year ago

notts

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

Why is that a man thing? Women get offers of sex socials literally every day you know? It's also possible to have both lined up on one day. So you meet early in the evening to chat to a potential, then go to meet another guy you already met for a social another time. Multi tasking.

We haven't talked about why women do this yet? It's often because we are much more at risk of sexual violence and need to be a bit more careful. Also because in hetero sex, women often don't get orgasms, unbelievable though that may sound! Men are pretty much guaranteed to end up cumming if they get as far as sex. For women, not so. Only 65% of the time, stats say. So if our experience is so likely to be unfulfilling, maybe it makes us choosier about who we sleep with? Less self centred before bed maybe equals less selfish in bed?

Meeting other women or as a couple is way easier for me. A lot less worries about safety, and a guaranteed good fuck either way. Meeting men or a couple? For me, it's always social first. I wouldn't post on 'meet now' though. I thought that was code for 'sex now'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

Wow , I never thought of that...

Thank you for dropping some knowledge on me today....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The connection does exist. There is a guy on here who I have met a few times and each time is amazing, we get on, have great intelligent conversations and amazing sex.

Well he is a lucky guy!

Why thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I chatted for months with both my previous fwb, not from here, before we met for a no obligation social. We had already made that connection I consider vital for a potential playmate, so when we actually met we knew a lot about each others preferences and expectations. Meeting in person just confirmed our anticipated compatibility and the no obligations socials got considerably intimate..

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By *esse1972Man
over a year ago

Rugeley

Making a connection is like a piece of string, can be any amount. Always best to send messages, maybe move onto phone, meet for a social and take it from there. It will happen just need to sift through the shit for that golden penny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Connection is a subjective thing really. You can have a passionate sexual connection where you just need to rip each other clothes off , or you can have a connection where you could just chat for ages like old friends . All depends what your looking for I guess. Both would be great but isn’t necessarily essential depending on your needs I guess x

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By *rank speakerMan
over a year ago

Worcester

"I seem to be struggling to find this "connection" and "click" that some profiles claim they are looking for.

Roughly how long does it take to find this click or connection? Seconds? Minutes? Days? Does it actually exist or is it a just a get out clause?

Ahh. I sympathise with this post. When I was last here as part of a couple we frequently posted 'social only' meets. Often it would work well, but on a couple of occasions we did have guys contact us who were only prepared to travel if there was some sort of 'action' (to be fair usually newcomers or rather desperate sounding types) we often did meet with guys from socials who were polite and not repulsive but it was always down to my lady friend who we actually played with... Generally it worked well for us and we did have an interesting meets with mixed results of course.. So sticking to your guns is certainly advised from this end..

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

"Op and all the people who like a no sex social...

Would you find it rude if a guy denied a strictly no sex social?

I’m not talking about him demanding sex on a social.....

More like let’s meet for a drink and if we hit it off , there is a chance for play.....

I would find it rude.

I definitely understand that..... let’s say I met you before I went on a date or a night out with friends......

Would you find it rude if I left you at the bar to go out after we had 30 minutes of a social?

Would you find it rude if I was texting my friends or date during our social?

Are you speaking from personal experience?

The friends scenario I wouldn't mind as I get having to kill two birds with one stone sometimes but damn I would feel sorry for whoever your date was.

No , not at all....

Look at it from a guys point of view......

You work long hours , go to the gym , and have family/friends commitments.....

You have two nights per week to have some fun......

So you get a offer for a no sex social for one of your free nights.....

Now let’s flip this to a social with the possibility of sex....

You will plan one of your free night around this social.... You get ready extra meticulous for this evening....

You shave your balls , shave nose/ears hairs , moisturize , and wear your new underwear.....

If you’re charming you have a great night of sex...... If not , you had a few drinks and can still have a great night.....

Now if you were a guy..... what option would you choose?

I think a lot people get stood up and label single men to be time wasters because they never try to look at the situation from a guys point of view......

Honestly...... you can’t understand my post.....

If I’m meeting you for a no sex social or a potential sex social.... I still will show up looking good , and I will treat you with manners and respect...

The only caveat is....if we are meeting for a no sex social.... there will be a time limit...

If we are in McDonald’s/Starbucks, we are talking about general things and maybe about a future meeting....

If we are meeting in a hotel bar or lounge, we are flirting and building up sexual energy for the night ahead......

So a single guy might have a no sex social set up and on the day of the social... He might get a offer for a potential sex social and blow off the no sex social....

Can you see the difference?

If he has no manners, he will blow it off. Clearly if he wants guarantees of sex and he has got them from someone, good on him as no-one will ever get them from me.

I think I’m losing my skills with the written word..... or maybe I try to see the world from other peoples perspectives.....

I’ll try one more time......

You’re a female and you have a choice of 2 socials at 6 pm , both occurring on your only free night of the week.....

The second guy wants to go out for drinks, dinner, and maybe a sex club after..,.. if you hit it off you will have had a nice dinner, drinks, and maybe crazy sex at a club....

Are you a rude person if you don’t want to spend your only free night of the week in a coffee shop?

Are you looking for guaranteed sex if you decide to go out dinner, drinks, and a sex club?

Only you know the answer......

So In conclusion....not all guys who turn down a no sex social are rude with no manners or looking for guaranteed sex.....

"Turn down a no sex social" actually constitutes wanting guarantees of sex.

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"I seem to be struggling to find this "connection" and "click" that some profiles claim they are looking for.

Roughly how long does it take to find this click or connection? Seconds? Minutes? Days? Does it actually exist or is it a just a get out clause?

The last thing we ever look for is a connection. We have all the connections we need with our vanilla friends. We swing to fulfill our fantasies, particularly anonymous spontaneous sex with people we find sexually attractive, which is why we swing mainly in clubs. Having said that, very occasionally we do find a connection with people we've played with and they become friends.

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