FabSwingers.com forum: Telling a friend you're a swinger ?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This a dilemma i have had for the last few month's,

I have a female friend who come's around my house pretty much every day and can be from just after school time until we pick the kid's up again in the afternoon sometime we go shopping and other times we just end up yapping and drinking coffee.

The thing is usually the only free time i have to meet people is during the day which can be a little hard if she is coming round without warning, The question is should i just come out and tell her i have and do meet people for fun or should i try and hide it from her ?

She is a little younger than me but seems quite worldy wise and maybe broad minded enough to be able handle me telling her the truth.

Confused of Devon lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just tell her you have a "friend with benefits" you meet sometimes, don't have to tell her you're a swinger. Sort of half way house between the truth and saying nothing.

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By *eicsCouple
over a year ago

leicester

Dont tell her just lock the door & drawing the curtains....and try not to make too much noise when you have company

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This a dilemma i have had for the last few month's,

She is a little younger than me but seems quite worldy wise and maybe broad minded enough to be able handle me telling her the truth.

Confused of Devon lol xx "

Just say you are having a friend round and things may lead to sex... ask her to ring first, not just turn up... I wouldn't tell her about swinging immediately... see how she reacts to that first?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just tell her you have a "friend with benefits" you meet sometimes, don't have to tell her you're a swinger. Sort of half way house between the truth and saying nothing."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just tell her you have a "friend with benefits" you meet sometimes, don't have to tell her you're a swinger. Sort of half way house between the truth and saying nothing."

Think she may already have an inklin as when we were shopping recently i saw a couple of previous meets (just a quick hello how are you chats) and she keeps asking how i know these people as they are not the usual people we know in general life.

If i went with the friend with benefits thing it may confuse her even more as then she would think im cheating on hubby and if she thought that she may well end up going to him and tell him im meeting people for fun ..... may not be a bad thing thinking about it as he doesnt do secrets and would come out and tell her straight that he knows and approves xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd just tell her I was going out. Or I needed some time.

Reason I say this is I once confided in someone and she outed me to everyone. Rang social services etc and caused me hell.

Cali

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By *ovely CummingsWoman
over a year ago

Peaky Nipples

Once you've told, you can't untell.

It's also a fact that humans like to gossip, it's part of the process of being accepted into a group, sharing gossip about someone else.

and, you can never truly know another person or how they will react to things

I'd just remember these points, before telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

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By *punkloverCouple
over a year ago

hatfield

I think unless she is into the same i would not say because she just would not understand and may think allsorts, whenever you see a swinger on tv they are never painted in the best light. I would never tell a friend as i would be worried she may just tell someone else in confidence and then everyone knows. Good luck xxx sarah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell her. You never know she may want to join in. How much fun would that be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well you know her better than all of us, so can judge best.

if as it seams your not sure how she will react then best not to.

just make up another reason for her not coming round all the time without asking first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As been swinging for 5 years. My advice is just tell her you have plans and see her another day. Everyone needs their own space from time to time. People have some strange ideas about swingers . Keep it to yourself it saves the akward questions and assumptions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it were me, I wouldn't tell her as my sex life is my business and as others have said above, there are too many negative assumptions made about swingers. I'd just ask her to check first if you're free before popping round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/03/12 09:01:29]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when she is round one day why do you not drop swinging into the conversation, by saying you watched something on tv,and see how she reacts to it.ask her what she thinks of swinging.but as someone else said you know her best.hpe it goes well for you.

steve x

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By *haynebabeCouple
over a year ago

Walsall

just tell her you a swinger dont hide be proud of yourself and you never know your friend might join the site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We did not tell my, (Paul), best friend for over 20 years, then let it slip... We now have the best friendship ever, with days out and REALLY sexy nights in. If they are really your friend they will support your choice, even if not fully approving. You might even find they are interested lol!

Good luck

Ann n Paul xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"just tell her you a swinger dont hide be proud of yourself and you never know your friend might join the site "

I did that.. my friend even came along to take some photos.. but when jealousy raised its ugly head.. ( my Master didnt want to play with her..and actually she didnt get much attention from my playmates either) She blabbed to the world..

Reported me to social services, had my private life heavily looked at... reported that I wore fetish gear around the kids. ( I wear a collar 24/7 but dont ever wear fetish gear)

I thought I could trust her.. and for a while she seemed into it too...

I didnt just lose a friend.. I put my kids at risk of finding out.. luckily they didnt.. but some people will judge.

I am proud of who I am.. sadly some people will use it against me.

Cali

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By *scottMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

"just tell her you a swinger dont hide be proud of yourself and you never know your friend might join the site

Reported me to social services, had my private life heavily looked at... reported that I wore fetish gear around the kids. ( I wear a collar 24/7 but dont ever wear fetish gear)

I thought I could trust her.. and for a while she seemed into it too...

I didnt just lose a friend.. I put my kids at risk of finding out.. luckily they didnt.. but some people will judge.

I am proud of who I am.. sadly some people will use it against me.

Cali "

People can be so bitter. There was no need for that just because she did not get "Attention". We all do what we do and it our choice, as long as we do not harm others we are doing nothing wrong.

I am open to all my friends and most of my family, but I do think it is easier for a guy than a couple or a single fem. People where shocked when they found out that once in a relationship it continued with us both. We love what we do and who we are so we have nothing to hide.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best male friend knows... but that is it.. To be fair most of my friends that know, know because I know them through swinging.

Funny but those that I made friends with but didnt play with I would never play with.. lol

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you think she is a good enough friend to know, and you think she is respectful enough to not tell everyone then tell her, but only you can make that call, some of my friends know, some don't why because some of my friends can't keep their mouths shut when they need to.

So only you know if you can trust her...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just tell her you have a "friend with benefits" you meet sometimes, don't have to tell her you're a swinger. Sort of half way house between the truth and saying nothing."

Perfect advice, and hopefully she'll know what a 'friend with benefits' is. I've known my best friend for 37 years l'm 47, so a very very long time. To date she doesn't know about our lifestyle, although she does know l'm bi curious. I'm not scared of telling her because our friendship has survived childhood, teenage years, marriage (each others), divorce (me), death (both) and the dreaded children, which can cause many arguments amongst friends. I want to tell her face to face for the best shock tactic!!! we love surprising each other....the thing is, l KNOW l can tell her and trust her with the knowledge, yet l have a friend l have known 12 years, wouldn't tell her because l don't trust her enough to not tell others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What i would do is say you have arranged a meet for friday, when she comes round on the thursday before she goes just say to her you wont be in tomorrow as you have to go out so you'll see her saturday

You dont need to tell her where and you certainly dont have to go into your sex life with her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friends all know what I get up to. I feel safer with people knowing and I think people need to be more accepting and broad minded.

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"What i would do is say you have arranged a meet for friday, when she comes round on the thursday before she goes just say to her you wont be in tomorrow as you have to go out so you'll see her saturday

You dont need to tell her where and you certainly dont have to go into your sex life with her"

My thoughts exactly.....there is absolutely no need to tell anyone....unless of course you are really dying to tell them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My friends all know what I get up to. I feel safer with people knowing and I think people need to be more accepting and broad minded. "

how does telling people make you safer? do you tell your mates everytime you have a meet and where your going?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make sure I tell someone yes. As a single fem I need to make sure I stay safe. But also, I don't want to have to watch what I say to people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hubby may have put his foot in today as she was here again while i was sunbathing and spoke to her saying that im a bit shy when going naked with another woman there

she txt him saying "should she go and leave me alone to sunbath in peace so as i wouldnt be embarressed?" and like all good husbands do he txt her back saying that "i was only getting my white bits done for him and anyone called to do some work on the house and would look good grrrrrrrr we did briefly chat about his txt but moved on with another convo and let it drop, maybe she is now thinking was it for real or just trying to get me some time on my own for meets will wait to see what's said tommorrow on the way to school xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when she is round one day why do you not drop swinging into the conversation, by saying you watched something on tv,and see how she reacts to it.ask her what she thinks of swinging.but as someone else said you know her best.hpe it goes well for you.

steve x

even still she might say one thing but deep down think another when its someone she knows and thinks well of.

they no need to tell her, and i think alot more risk than if they not. after all you might trust her, but she might trust other people and just have to tell one person and they might not care and tell anyone!

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

you know yourself, the school gates can be an horrendous place for someone to be.

as you arent sure about telling her then i wouldnt do at all.

gossiping will always happen and you will be the big subject, which would make it uncomfortable for your child.

probably best off to just come up with an excuse for her not to come round.

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