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Meets - Right of first refusal

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi, tricky subject here.

What’s everyone’s opinions on having right of first refusal when it comes to meeting?

For example - you’ve been speaking to someone (person 1) about meeting but haven’t met. One day another opportunity arises (person 2) - and so you meet person 2 instead.

Is that bad? Should you tell the other person you were speaking to? Should you have offered to meet person 1 instead?

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck it see if you can get both there.

Seriously though, I view it like selling on gumtree, I won’t hold for anyone, take the money that’s offered at the moment. It’s a swinging site, not an exclusive dating site, true first may happen another time

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fuck it see if you can get both there.

Seriously though, I view it like selling on gumtree, I won’t hold for anyone, take the money that’s offered at the moment. It’s a swinging site, not an exclusive dating site, true first may happen another time"

Thanks - yeah that’s how I feel too. But I’ve been “reprimanded” by a few people during my time here, for meeting others instead of them.

I wondered if I was in the wrong? Am I being a dick?

And it’s not that I dislike any of these people, it’s just one of those things.

Has anyone else been in the same situation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you may well blow your chances with number one. No one likes to feel second best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is your right to meet whoever you choose to meet, and whenever it's suitable for you both. It is a swingers site, just because you've been chatting with person A it doesn't mean you are now going to be exclusively chatting just with them, and only meet them.

People who told you off, OP, for exercising your right to choose are on the wrong site, in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is your right to meet whoever you choose to meet, and whenever it's suitable for you both. It is a swingers site, just because you've been chatting with person A it doesn't mean you are now going to be exclusively chatting just with them, and only meet them.

People who told you off, OP, for exercising your right to choose are on the wrong site, in my opinion."

Well that totally depends on whether he has agreed to meet person one then decides to meet person two instead and just because it's a swingers site doent mean you can treat people badly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is your right to meet whoever you choose to meet, and whenever it's suitable for you both. It is a swingers site, just because you've been chatting with person A it doesn't mean you are now going to be exclusively chatting just with them, and only meet them.

People who told you off, OP, for exercising your right to choose are on the wrong site, in my opinion.

Well that totally depends on whether he has agreed to meet person one then decides to meet person two instead and just because it's a swingers site doent mean you can treat people badly. "

I got from OP's post that the date for a meet with the 1st person was not agreed, not that he was supposed to meet person 1 but instead chose to meet person 2 on the day. Sorry if I misunderstood the original post.

If the case was that a meet was agreed for a particular date between person A and B, yet on the day either A or B decided to meet person C instead, then I agree, it's not on despite it being a swingers site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is your right to meet whoever you choose to meet, and whenever it's suitable for you both. It is a swingers site, just because you've been chatting with person A it doesn't mean you are now going to be exclusively chatting just with them, and only meet them.

People who told you off, OP, for exercising your right to choose are on the wrong site, in my opinion.

Well that totally depends on whether he has agreed to meet person one then decides to meet person two instead and just because it's a swingers site doent mean you can treat people badly.

I got from OP's post that the date for a meet with the 1st person was not agreed, not that he was supposed to meet person 1 but instead chose to meet person 2 on the day. Sorry if I misunderstood the original post.

If the case was that a meet was agreed for a particular date between person A and B, yet on the day either A or B decided to meet person C instead, then I agree, it's not on despite it being a swingers site. "

I have no idea if a date was arranged but he said in the OP they had discussed meeting and if both parties had agreed to this and he decided to meet someone "better" first I can see why he's had issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a sex site for swingers. Anyone who gets shirty because you met someone else first should be on tinder

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

It would depend on how definite the arrangement was.

I don't mind if someone cancels a meet if they have a good reason (including a better offer) if they are honest and communicate with me. We can meet another time.

But some people seem to arrange several meets, then choose on the day and ghost everybody else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no idea if a date was arranged but he said in the OP they had discussed meeting and if both parties had agreed to this and he decided to meet someone "better" first I can see why he's had issues. "

This is a swingers site. And, in my opinion, even if you have agreed to meet someone it does not mean that someone should feel 'tricked' or 'worse' or 'second best' just because you have managed to meet someone else before you met them. It is not bad manners, it is just taking advantage of the opportunity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people saying this is is swingers site and that it doesn't matter are totally missing the point.

If the Op has a few is with this then it suggests a lot don't feel the same!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It would depend on how definite the arrangement was.

I don't mind if someone cancels a meet if they have a good reason (including a better offer) if they are honest and communicate with me. We can meet another time.

But some people seem to arrange several meets, then choose on the day and ghost everybody else."

Exactly this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi, tricky subject here.

What’s everyone’s opinions on having right of first refusal when it comes to meeting?

For example - you’ve been speaking to someone (person 1) about meeting but haven’t met. One day another opportunity arises (person 2) - and so you meet person 2 instead.

Is that bad? Should you tell the other person you were speaking to? Should you have offered to meet person 1 instead?

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this..."
i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have one simple rule on fab.I don't discuss my meets with anyone other than my hubby. I don't get why you need to tell others that you are meeting someone else. None of their business.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

Hm... What someone does before or after is their business. What is disrespectful is cancelling a meeting in a public place for introductions because someone else is guaranteeing play. Let alone how that sounds, why not just say you have work etc.? Honesty can be misplaced sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one simple rule on fab.I don't discuss my meets with anyone other than my hubby. I don't get why you need to tell others that you are meeting someone else. None of their business. "
its bragging thats why

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"I have one simple rule on fab.I don't discuss my meets with anyone other than my hubby. I don't get why you need to tell others that you are meeting someone else. None of their business. "

Precisely, there was no need for person 1 to ever know about person 2,avoids drama all round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one simple rule on fab.I don't discuss my meets with anyone other than my hubby. I don't get why you need to tell others that you are meeting someone else. None of their business.

Precisely, there was no need for person 1 to ever know about person 2,avoids drama all round. "
unless person 2 leaves a veri. But I totally agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one simple rule on fab.I don't discuss my meets with anyone other than my hubby. I don't get why you need to tell others that you are meeting someone else. None of their business.

Precisely, there was no need for person 1 to ever know about person 2,avoids drama all round. unless person 2 leaves a veri. But I totally agree. "

But actually thinking about it, no need to show veri's or summary.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough


"I think you may well blow your chances with number one. No one likes to feel second best. "

Only second. I'm lucky if I make it into single figure. Lol

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I think maybe you could have seen if the 1st person was free?

If not then you tried and can always try and set another date to meet .

It would possibly feel a bit like you were 2nd choice to some maybe.

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one simple rule on fab.I don't discuss my meets with anyone other than my hubby. I don't get why you need to tell others that you are meeting someone else. None of their business. "

this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think maybe you could have seen if the 1st person was free?

If not then you tried and can always try and set another date to meet .

It would possibly feel a bit like you were 2nd choice to some maybe.

Miss"
it definitely does give the feeling of second best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have one simple rule on fab.I don't discuss my meets with anyone other than my hubby. I don't get why you need to tell others that you are meeting someone else. None of their business. "

Exactly

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful "

Have you considered using a dating site rather than a swingers site? It does seem that you don't really 'get' swinging.

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville


"Hi, tricky subject here.

What’s everyone’s opinions on having right of first refusal when it comes to meeting?

For example - you’ve been speaking to someone (person 1) about meeting but haven’t met. One day another opportunity arises (person 2) - and so you meet person 2 instead.

Is that bad? Should you tell the other person you were speaking to? Should you have offered to meet person 1 instead?

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this..."

Have you considered a ticket system?

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By *hamboy69Man
over a year ago

huddersfield

If you have an alternative offer or in your own mind better offer then take it but let your original meet know.If you’re not going to make a meet then let that person know and at least you give them an opportunity to make other plans.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi, tricky subject here.

What’s everyone’s opinions on having right of first refusal when it comes to meeting?

For example - you’ve been speaking to someone (person 1) about meeting but haven’t met. One day another opportunity arises (person 2) - and so you meet person 2 instead.

Is that bad? Should you tell the other person you were speaking to? Should you have offered to meet person 1 instead?

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful "

Your on a swinging site not a long term relationship site??

She has every right to meet who she wanted inbetween, before or after the meet she had with you surely?

KJ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful

Have you considered using a dating site rather than a swingers site? It does seem that you don't really 'get' swinging."
i get it fine i dont see why people have to brag that is kinda disrespectful dont you think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi, tricky subject here.

What’s everyone’s opinions on having right of first refusal when it comes to meeting?

For example - you’ve been speaking to someone (person 1) about meeting but haven’t met. One day another opportunity arises (person 2) - and so you meet person 2 instead.

Is that bad? Should you tell the other person you were speaking to? Should you have offered to meet person 1 instead?

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful

Your on a swinging site not a long term relationship site??

She has every right to meet who she wanted inbetween, before or after the meet she had with you surely?

KJ "
i agree but why brag about it?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Hi, tricky subject here.

What’s everyone’s opinions on having right of first refusal when it comes to meeting?

For example - you’ve been speaking to someone (person 1) about meeting but haven’t met. One day another opportunity arises (person 2) - and so you meet person 2 instead.

Is that bad? Should you tell the other person you were speaking to? Should you have offered to meet person 1 instead?

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this..."

I've been in this position several times.

One example

Chatting with someone, all going well.

Agreed to meet for a social.

I'm only free Weds & Thursday that week, Tues Weds Sat the week after, the person isn't free, but can meet me on the Sat - that's 13 days away.

I'm chatting to another person, same scenario. Only he's free that Thursday.

Yes I'm going to meet him on the Thursday.

I have no idea if chap 1 will still be inrested in 13 days, if he'll ghost me, if life will get in the way.

I'd probably tell him I'd planned a social with someone else, because a veri may pop up

If he didn't like it. Tough.

I'm on this site to meet people, not be exclusive to a person I haven't actually met yet

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

If woman 1 had tried to arrange a meet with you, but you’d said you were too busy, then I can understand her being annoyed if you see someone else instead. If you hadn’t got to the point of taking about dates to meet up then she can’t be cross really. But people have their own feelings about things, and she’s upset about it. We don’t know the nature of your conversations so it’s hard to judge properly.

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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

It's a tricky question tbh. Some won't care or bat an eyelid , others may get the hump and end the chat. It depends what it is you're looking for and also what their take on it is too.

Either way you have to do what's best for you at the time

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London


"

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful

Have you considered using a dating site rather than a swingers site? It does seem that you don't really 'get' swinging.i get it fine i dont see why people have to brag that is kinda disrespectful dont you think? "

Some people just can't stop themselves. I also prefer "something came up" to "I have a meet", but some people seem to enjoy sharing.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

If you have not arranged a meet with person one what does it matter what person one thinks. It is a swingers site after all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful

Have you considered using a dating site rather than a swingers site? It does seem that you don't really 'get' swinging.i get it fine i dont see why people have to brag that is kinda disrespectful dont you think?

Some people just can't stop themselves. I also prefer "something came up" to "I have a meet", but some people seem to enjoy sharing. "
yez but this was status updates

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"Hi, tricky subject here.

What’s everyone’s opinions on having right of first refusal when it comes to meeting?

For example - you’ve been speaking to someone (person 1) about meeting but haven’t met. One day another opportunity arises (person 2) - and so you meet person 2 instead.

Is that bad? Should you tell the other person you were speaking to? Should you have offered to meet person 1 instead?

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful

Your on a swinging site not a long term relationship site??

She has every right to meet who she wanted inbetween, before or after the meet she had with you surely?

KJ "

Of course she does, and he has every right not to like it.

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole


"It is your right to meet whoever you choose to meet, and whenever it's suitable for you both. It is a swingers site, just because you've been chatting with person A it doesn't mean you are now going to be exclusively chatting just with them, and only meet them.

People who told you off, OP, for exercising your right to choose are on the wrong site, in my opinion."

This, I was very confused about the op's post and had to re read it 3 times. It's a swinging site, your not exclusive to the person your chatting too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is your right to meet whoever you choose to meet, and whenever it's suitable for you both. It is a swingers site, just because you've been chatting with person A it doesn't mean you are now going to be exclusively chatting just with them, and only meet them.

People who told you off, OP, for exercising your right to choose are on the wrong site, in my opinion.

This, I was very confused about the op's post and had to re read it 3 times. It's a swinging site, your not exclusive to the person your chatting too. "

Me too which suggests if he's had this a few times, which is suggested then maybe it's the way he's going about it that's the issue.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London


"

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful

Have you considered using a dating site rather than a swingers site? It does seem that you don't really 'get' swinging.i get it fine i dont see why people have to brag that is kinda disrespectful dont you think?

Some people just can't stop themselves. I also prefer "something came up" to "I have a meet", but some people seem to enjoy sharing. yez but this was status updates "

Then it is none of your business. Do not ask to meet her again if it goes against your principles.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It is your right to meet whoever you choose to meet, and whenever it's suitable for you both. It is a swingers site, just because you've been chatting with person A it doesn't mean you are now going to be exclusively chatting just with them, and only meet them.

People who told you off, OP, for exercising your right to choose are on the wrong site, in my opinion.

This, I was very confused about the op's post and had to re read it 3 times. It's a swinging site, your not exclusive to the person your chatting too.

Me too which suggests if he's had this a few times, which is suggested then maybe it's the way he's going about it that's the issue. "

Lots of interesting replies it seems different people take it different ways.

As for the way I’m going about it - I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong.

For the scenario’s mentioned in my initial post - every time it has happened has been when I’ve listed myself as “meet today” or received a verification, then suddenly I’ll get a message in my inbox “oh you’re meeting someone are you?” “I told you to message me if you’re free” etc.

Receiving those types of messages creeps me out. I usually play it cool and try and smooth it over, and if they carry on I’ll let them know that they’re being too possessive.

So no, I don’t tell anyone my business as hinted at above. It’s more like being under surveillance.

The overall feeling I’m getting from this thread is, it’s ok to meet who you want b/c it’s not a dating site? (As long as you treat others with respect)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have been chatting to someone and agreed to meet and have an agreement that you message when free, but then don't and put up a meet then it's very obvious why you are having issues!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you have been chatting to someone and agreed to meet and have an agreement that you message when free, but then don't and put up a meet then it's very obvious why you are having issues! "

I have never told anyone that I would message them when I’m free or that I would exclusively meet them. That’s my whole point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you have been chatting to someone and agreed to meet and have an agreement that you message when free, but then don't and put up a meet then it's very obvious why you are having issues!

I have never told anyone that I would message them when I’m free or that I would exclusively meet them. That’s my whole point."

You just said that you get messages suggesting that you did.

My point is you are clearly suggesting otherwise to people if this keeps happening to you. It's never happened to me so that's why it's obvious it's your approach that's causing issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I had arranged a time and place to meet person A, then I would still do this as it wouldn't be fair to let them down. However, if I wanted to also meet person B then I would do so, regardless of whether it happens to be before or after meeting person A. If nothing has been arranged with person A in the first place, then it doesn't really matter tbh, as its only been chat. Hope this helps OP. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you have been chatting to someone and agreed to meet and have an agreement that you message when free, but then don't and put up a meet then it's very obvious why you are having issues!

I have never told anyone that I would message them when I’m free or that I would exclusively meet them. That’s my whole point.

You just said that you get messages suggesting that you did.

My point is you are clearly suggesting otherwise to people if this keeps happening to you. It's never happened to me so that's why it's obvious it's your approach that's causing issues. "

No, I said receive messages from others saying “I TOLD YOU to contact me”.

I would never even hint to anyone that I’m exclusively for them, or that I’m saving myself for them, because that’s way too full on for me.

Anyway after reading this thread I’m reassured that i don’t need to message a whole list of contacts, in date order, to ask their permission any time I want to do something.

Hope I don’t come across as a dick. Don’t have any serious problems with anyone, I just wanted to reflect on others opinions. Thanks for the advice

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I had arranged a time and place to meet person A, then I would still do this as it wouldn't be fair to let them down. However, if I wanted to also meet person B then I would do so, regardless of whether it happens to be before or after meeting person A. If nothing has been arranged with person A in the first place, then it doesn't really matter tbh, as its only been chat. Hope this helps OP. X"

Thank you

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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

If you hadn’t arranged to meet person 1 it doesn’t matter does it? Depends on the situation only you know if you should feel guilty for your actions

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you hadn’t arranged to meet person 1 it doesn’t matter does it? Depends on the situation only you know if you should feel guilty for your actions"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this...i recently organised a meet with a woman and she organised and met three guys leading up to our meet i wasn't best pleased with that if youre going to do stuff like that keep it to yourself, i personally thought it was disrespectful

Have you considered using a dating site rather than a swingers site? It does seem that you don't really 'get' swinging.i get it fine i dont see why people have to brag that is kinda disrespectful dont you think?

Some people just can't stop themselves. I also prefer "something came up" to "I have a meet", but some people seem to enjoy sharing. yez but this was status updates

Then it is none of your business. Do not ask to meet her again if it goes against your principles. "
i didnt acknowledge that person again it says quite clearly on my profile i'm not a fan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd think you were just playing a numbers game and it would put me off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt let down someone i had a firmed up arrangement with. If its just an if our free times collide then hopefully we can meet i wouldnt feel bad meeting someone else

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up


"Fuck it see if you can get both there.

Seriously though, I view it like selling on gumtree, I won’t hold for anyone, take the money that’s offered at the moment. It’s a swinging site, not an exclusive dating site, true first may happen another time"
this is my view too x but some people do get funny

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By *orthern PowerhouseMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

God its a swingers site NO STRINGS so no you don't have to tell a about b or what ever as long as you are polite with both that's all you owe them if people get narked its their problem and are just the clingy sort who should be in a dating site not here.

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

Sometimes it's down to each others circumstances at the time , it's happened to me both ways , it's how life works at times

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By *uminsiderMKMan
over a year ago

St Austell

At the end of the day, it's about taking up what's on offer at the time - if person B offers to meet before person A does, there's nothing wrong with taking them up on it...

....if person A then offers to meet and you can't because you're meeting person B, simply politely tell person A you've other arrangements, and suggest another time - there's always the prospect that person A won't offer to meet, and while you're holding out for them person B makes other arrangements...

....on a couple of occasions I've passed on guaranteed fun (with someone who I'd met before), because of holding out for someone else I'd been exchanging messages with...

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By *bzcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

AOP, I think you’re over thinking this!

It’s a swingers site. Play with whoever you like on whatever day suits you. If person 1 doesn’t like that, maybe they should be on a dating site...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Based on this years experiences on here, I’d suggest arrange to meet both of them in the expectation that both will cancel about two hours beforehand. Then get yourself to Quest.

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By *etite HandfulWoman
over a year ago

Chester

Meet who you like in the order you like its your life just as long as the other person is up for it go for ti.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"If I had arranged a time and place to meet person A, then I would still do this as it wouldn't be fair to let them down. However, if I wanted to also meet person B then I would do so, regardless of whether it happens to be before or after meeting person A. If nothing has been arranged with person A in the first place, then it doesn't really matter tbh, as its only been chat. Hope this helps OP. X"

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster


"Meet who you like in the order you like its your life just as long as the other person is up for it go for ti. "

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By *erfumedpornovampireWoman
over a year ago

Swindon


" i didnt acknowledge that person again it says quite clearly on my profile i'm not a fan "

If I was the person this guy was on about that would be an immediate block. No one has time for entitled, angry guys on the internet, they aren't exactly rare

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster


" i didnt acknowledge that person again it says quite clearly on my profile i'm not a fan

If I was the person this guy was on about that would be an immediate block. No one has time for entitled, angry guys on the internet, they aren't exactly rare "
I don't know , I quite like being at the beck and call of an attractive dominant man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nobody owns anyone here and nobody is obliged to go ahead with a meet if they don't want to. It is good manners though to let the other person know that you can't make it and let them know in good time.

Its always possible to rearrange and have two meets in a day.. I'm a greedy bitch like that

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