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Still living with parents

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So how many over 30's still living at home? I have a new FB who is a carer to her elderly parents however she feels trapped as she is permanently worried about leaving them too long. Because of the system she gets little help as they say they should sell their home and pay for care!

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"So how many over 30's still living at home? I have a new FB who is a carer to her elderly parents however she feels trapped as she is permanently worried about leaving them too long. Because of the system she gets little help as they say they should sell their home and pay for care!"

I'm my mums carer, she was living independently but she urgently needed someone to care for her so we ended up having to get a house together. It's true there's a huge lack of support in place for carers. I'm lucky as my mum isn't so ill that she can't be left on her own, she can, but for limited time but it means I can at least have a social life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So how many over 30's still living at home? I have a new FB who is a carer to her elderly parents however she feels trapped as she is permanently worried about leaving them too long. Because of the system she gets little help as they say they should sell their home and pay for care!

I'm my mums carer, she was living independently but she urgently needed someone to care for her so we ended up having to get a house together. It's true there's a huge lack of support in place for carers. I'm lucky as my mum isn't so ill that she can't be left on her own, she can, but for limited time but it means I can at least have a social life."

It's so tough for carers being torn and feeling guilty just for wanting a life. She can't even get restbite care and her brother isn't interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents asked me to buy their house to keep the bank from taking it after the financial crash... I’m kinda trapped now.... but at least I’m a homeowner and bonus, my house came with staff....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I bet she does feel trapped. I don't live with my parents but we do caring duties. I worry before we go on a long journey of on holiday but once we set off I don't. I think anyone who cares for parents has to let go of guilt if they can and realise that if they don't look after themselves in terms of down time etc they'll crash and burn. Has your friend looked in to attendance allowance etc paying someone to come in a couple of times a week can make a big difference.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"So how many over 30's still living at home? I have a new FB who is a carer to her elderly parents however she feels trapped as she is permanently worried about leaving them too long. Because of the system she gets little help as they say they should sell their home and pay for care!

I'm my mums carer, she was living independently but she urgently needed someone to care for her so we ended up having to get a house together. It's true there's a huge lack of support in place for carers. I'm lucky as my mum isn't so ill that she can't be left on her own, she can, but for limited time but it means I can at least have a social life.

It's so tough for carers being torn and feeling guilty just for wanting a life. She can't even get restbite care and her brother isn't interested "

The worst part for me is that people look down on me because I don't work, but if I did work my mum would need social care and there isn't enough funding in mental health (or any health for that matter). When I was at college she relapsed and I had to give up going to university in order to care for her. People don't seem to realise that caring for someone and being a single parent are two full time jobs on their own.

I feel for your friend, it's really difficult to find a balance where you're meeting your own needs but also everyone elses around you that rely on you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So how many over 30's still living at home? I have a new FB who is a carer to her elderly parents however she feels trapped as she is permanently worried about leaving them too long. Because of the system she gets little help as they say they should sell their home and pay for care!

I'm my mums carer, she was living independently but she urgently needed someone to care for her so we ended up having to get a house together. It's true there's a huge lack of support in place for carers. I'm lucky as my mum isn't so ill that she can't be left on her own, she can, but for limited time but it means I can at least have a social life.

It's so tough for carers being torn and feeling guilty just for wanting a life. She can't even get restbite care and her brother isn't interested

The worst part for me is that people look down on me because I don't work, but if I did work my mum would need social care and there isn't enough funding in mental health (or any health for that matter). When I was at college she relapsed and I had to give up going to university in order to care for her. People don't seem to realise that caring for someone and being a single parent are two full time jobs on their own.

I feel for your friend, it's really difficult to find a balance where you're meeting your own needs but also everyone elses around you that rely on you. "

If she could work it would be like a holiday. She goes without so much and gives everything

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"So how many over 30's still living at home? I have a new FB who is a carer to her elderly parents however she feels trapped as she is permanently worried about leaving them too long. Because of the system she gets little help as they say they should sell their home and pay for care!

I'm my mums carer, she was living independently but she urgently needed someone to care for her so we ended up having to get a house together. It's true there's a huge lack of support in place for carers. I'm lucky as my mum isn't so ill that she can't be left on her own, she can, but for limited time but it means I can at least have a social life.

It's so tough for carers being torn and feeling guilty just for wanting a life. She can't even get restbite care and her brother isn't interested

The worst part for me is that people look down on me because I don't work, but if I did work my mum would need social care and there isn't enough funding in mental health (or any health for that matter). When I was at college she relapsed and I had to give up going to university in order to care for her. People don't seem to realise that caring for someone and being a single parent are two full time jobs on their own.

I feel for your friend, it's really difficult to find a balance where you're meeting your own needs but also everyone elses around you that rely on you.

If she could work it would be like a holiday. She goes without so much and gives everything "

Yeah, it's not an easy life. Tell her to make sure she does at least one thing for herself each month. I treat myself to one of those cosmetic/skin care subscription boxes each month, it's £14 but I love getting it through the post and having a nice surprise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So how many over 30's still living at home? I have a new FB who is a carer to her elderly parents however she feels trapped as she is permanently worried about leaving them too long. Because of the system she gets little help as they say they should sell their home and pay for care!

I'm my mums carer, she was living independently but she urgently needed someone to care for her so we ended up having to get a house together. It's true there's a huge lack of support in place for carers. I'm lucky as my mum isn't so ill that she can't be left on her own, she can, but for limited time but it means I can at least have a social life.

It's so tough for carers being torn and feeling guilty just for wanting a life. She can't even get restbite care and her brother isn't interested

The worst part for me is that people look down on me because I don't work, but if I did work my mum would need social care and there isn't enough funding in mental health (or any health for that matter). When I was at college she relapsed and I had to give up going to university in order to care for her. People don't seem to realise that caring for someone and being a single parent are two full time jobs on their own.

I feel for your friend, it's really difficult to find a balance where you're meeting your own needs but also everyone elses around you that rely on you.

If she could work it would be like a holiday. She goes without so much and gives everything

Yeah, it's not an easy life. Tell her to make sure she does at least one thing for herself each month. I treat myself to one of those cosmetic/skin care subscription boxes each month, it's £14 but I love getting it through the post and having a nice surprise."

We did afternoon tea she was away for an 1 1/2 hours and she was so happy we arranged for her neighbour to sit with them so she could dress us and escape for a bit. I think we all take life for granted may e we should all give two hours a month to someone else if no one care spare 2 hours then there is a problem!!

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"So how many over 30's still living at home? I have a new FB who is a carer to her elderly parents however she feels trapped as she is permanently worried about leaving them too long. Because of the system she gets little help as they say they should sell their home and pay for care!

I'm my mums carer, she was living independently but she urgently needed someone to care for her so we ended up having to get a house together. It's true there's a huge lack of support in place for carers. I'm lucky as my mum isn't so ill that she can't be left on her own, she can, but for limited time but it means I can at least have a social life.

It's so tough for carers being torn and feeling guilty just for wanting a life. She can't even get restbite care and her brother isn't interested

The worst part for me is that people look down on me because I don't work, but if I did work my mum would need social care and there isn't enough funding in mental health (or any health for that matter). When I was at college she relapsed and I had to give up going to university in order to care for her. People don't seem to realise that caring for someone and being a single parent are two full time jobs on their own.

I feel for your friend, it's really difficult to find a balance where you're meeting your own needs but also everyone elses around you that rely on you.

If she could work it would be like a holiday. She goes without so much and gives everything

Yeah, it's not an easy life. Tell her to make sure she does at least one thing for herself each month. I treat myself to one of those cosmetic/skin care subscription boxes each month, it's £14 but I love getting it through the post and having a nice surprise.

We did afternoon tea she was away for an 1 1/2 hours and she was so happy we arranged for her neighbour to sit with them so she could dress us and escape for a bit. I think we all take life for granted may e we should all give two hours a month to someone else if no one care spare 2 hours then there is a problem!!"

Yeah, too many families break up and don't have time for each other, its really sad.

The afternoon tea was a great idea, gives her abit of a treat and makes her feel abit more 'normal'.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Was until very recently full time carer for my elderly terminally ill father..

Reading between the lines there's numerous carers on here.. I think its good that those in similar circumstances can look out for each other and offer support..

As was pointed out to me "sometimes the carers need caring for on occasions"

Certainly tip my hat to those who care for loved ones.. They understand what family duty means..

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

I care for my mum...I moved back to hers a while ago. I have my own house that stands empty most of the time, a friend of mine said to me " when you look after someone... first thing you need to do is look after yourself, if you're unwell you can't look after anyone!" .

Whenever I see her she asks what have you done for yourself, we all need a break at times caring for someone is so stressful and tiring.

Try and do something for yourselves it makes a vast difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive just left my job of 10 years as a manager for a home care provider

Social care is all about money now and not about the persons real needs

I loved my job and the carers I worked alongside did (and still do) a sterling job for minimum wages but it all just went against my personal morals in the end

All people who care for their loved ones have my utmost respect

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham


"I care for my mum...I moved back to hers a while ago. I have my own house that stands empty most of the time, a friend of mine said to me " when you look after someone... first thing you need to do is look after yourself, if you're unwell you can't look after anyone!" .

Whenever I see her she asks what have you done for yourself, we all need a break at times caring for someone is so stressful and tiring.

Try and do something for yourselves it makes a vast difference."

Here here.. As I said there are times when the carers need caring for themselves..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was my dad's carer for the last 2 and half years of his life and it was tough. My sister Never helped or visited and I was left to just get on with it. I was only offered help from social services when he was near the end of his life. I didn't know about all the extra help he could get till it was too late. Find out what help is on offer as they won't go out of their way to tell you.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham


"Ive just left my job of 10 years as a manager for a home care provider

Social care is all about money now and not about the persons real needs

I loved my job and the carers I worked alongside did (and still do) a sterling job for minimum wages but it all just went against my personal morals in the end

All people who care for their loved ones have my utmost respect

"

I also would add respect for those in care industry as well..

Especially those who do home visits.. Many families would be lost without them..

They're not always appreciated, are left with shit jobs to do, get shit wages on zero hour contracts, and on occasions have to put up with very awkward demanding relatives..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ive just left my job of 10 years as a manager for a home care provider

Social care is all about money now and not about the persons real needs

I loved my job and the carers I worked alongside did (and still do) a sterling job for minimum wages but it all just went against my personal morals in the end

All people who care for their loved ones have my utmost respect

I also would add respect for those in care industry as well..

Especially those who do home visits.. Many families would be lost without them..

They're not always appreciated, are left with shit jobs to do, get shit wages on zero hour contracts, and on occasions have to put up with very awkward demanding relatives.. "

The relatives...sometimes..are just stressed n take it out on the carer.

I found that some families just don't understand why carers cant just do what the family ask - like get "person" in the shower for example! If "person" says no then its no! If carer "forces" person into shower thats abuse !

Still find it VERY difficult to reconcile the fact that a home carer gets paid same as someone stacking beans in Asda (no disrespect to the Asda bean stackers by the way!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spent 60-70 hours a week caring for my dad, all for an extra £32 per week on top of my income support so around £108 per week. Am i wrong in thinking family who care for family should get more than this?. And the wages for qualified carers is a joke for all the hard work they do? They go above and beyond and deserve better. Rant over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I spent 60-70 hours a week caring for my dad, all for an extra £32 per week on top of my income support so around £108 per week. Am i wrong in thinking family who care for family should get more than this?. And the wages for qualified carers is a joke for all the hard work they do? They go above and beyond and deserve better. Rant over."

I hope you don't mind me asking but has your dad had an visit from someone who can check that HE is claiming the benefits he is entitled to ... attendance allowance etc??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I spent 60-70 hours a week caring for my dad, all for an extra £32 per week on top of my income support so around £108 per week. Am i wrong in thinking family who care for family should get more than this?. And the wages for qualified carers is a joke for all the hard work they do? They go above and beyond and deserve better. Rant over.

I hope you don't mind me asking but has your dad had an visit from someone who can check that HE is claiming the benefits he is entitled to ... attendance allowance etc??

"

He passed away last October.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Belated condolences..

Mine went just over a month ago..

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

There is a solution, but it is only available for terminally ill who need care and still have their own home.

This could be extended for all and can be funded by combined tax money, businesses/bank profits and sponsorship.

A seperate carer's fund could be set up by the goverment too.

The treasury don't consider carers it's probably not even on teir list of todo's. They seem too think their private pensions will look after them when they are old. It won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm still living with parents too...it has its pros n cons but it's frustrating and embarrassing too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Belated condolences..

Mine went just over a month ago.. "

Sending hugs dude.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Appreciated..

Though I miss those moments of squeezing my hand his way of saying thank you.. For getting up at 04.00am to make him a cup of tea..

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