FabSwingers.com forum: Being Nice

By *ion78 OP Man
over a year ago

Erith

When you message somebody something nice and respectful they don't even replie and they are moaning on status that guys message them rude and disrespectful messages

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

[Removed by poster at 13/08/19 18:36:05]

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

To be honest I normally message back at least with a thanks but no thanks. But sometimes life is busy, your not intrested in the person (however lovely and polite). It sounds harsh but you never asked for the message. To reply just sometimes seems like effort and awkwardness you can do with out in your life. Also factor in possibly some experiences of abusive backslashes (even from people who were originally pleasant). On the other hand if you don't reply it's just far easier and less awkward, no effort. So you can see why people don't always reply to unsolicited messages if their not intrested in the person. Not getting replies back happens to us all and many of us are nice people too. I don't take offence, after all it was me imposing my self on them in the first place, I have no right to their time and energy.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

If you're doing it to be nice, congratulations, you've been nice. Job done.

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By *corpio67Man
over a year ago

hillingdon

Politeness costs nothing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If by nice and respectful you mean a gushing compliment, then I think many ignore that because it may seem fickle and insincere

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By *anchester_gentMan
over a year ago

Manchester/ Cheshire border

It’s Fab. It’s not customer services.

Nobody is automatically entitled to a reply from a stranger. To get one is always a bonus.

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By *ion78 OP Man
over a year ago

Erith

My point is if a women gets rude message why moan just bloke and your buying anything on fan so why would you have customer service lol

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"My point is if a women gets rude message why moan just bloke and your buying anything on fan so why would you have customer service lol"

Because it's horrible to be treated that way?

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By *ion78 OP Man
over a year ago

Erith

I agree the point which am trying to make is when you send a lady a nice message that puts on there status on that's how rude and disrespectful some guys are then she does not seem interested why a guy is nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree the point which am trying to make is when you send a lady a nice message that puts on there status on that's how rude and disrespectful some guys are then she does not seem interested why a guy is nice"

Just because you think it's nice doesn't mean she will

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

You're not entitled to get a reply for being nice.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

So you expect a reply because you're nice?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Politeness costs nothing!"

No a couple or even worse a single woman having to respond to literally 100s of unsolicited messages every single day would cost a significant chunk of somebody's time and I like many people place a high value on the limited free time I get in life.

Do you reply to every piece of junk mail that comes through your letter box?

If you read the fab website guidelines it actually explains the sheer volume of messages certain groups receive means that no reply should be taken as a polite no thank you.

We were replying for a bit to those who had bothered to read our profile and sent a personalized message but even doing that seemed to open the door to people asking why not, sending abuse even begging. We messaged back 1 guy who was 5 years out of our age range to politely decline only for him to then kick off that one of our veris was from a 49 year old! (Our age range is upto 50) The 49 year old was a lovely lady we met at a house party who didn't look a day over 40 and obviously we didn't know her age until after. In the end I had to say look my wife isn't interested in sleeping with men older than her father it's her preference please respect it.

The fact that he tried to use our verifications to make his case just highlights the can of worms replying to someone you have no interest in can be.

Slightly unrelated but all of the young guys under our age range who we said no to recently have all been super classy about it. Sometimes not enough positive things are said.

KJ x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saw a post from a woman the other day. She was stressing about being pregnant and alone in her situation. I messaged, stating I had no intention of looking to meet, but felt the need to reassure her that it will be ok in the end. Truly genuine message with no ulterior motive.

Message read and deleted

Such is fab lol

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"Saw a post from a woman the other day. She was stressing about being pregnant and alone in her situation. I messaged, stating I had no intention of looking to meet, but felt the need to reassure her that it will be ok in the end. Truly genuine message with no ulterior motive.

Message read and deleted

Such is fab lol"

Honestly, I'd probably delete it too. Posting in the forums isn't an invite for random messages. I know you meant well but she probably got tons of messages offering to marry her, be her baby's dad etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you want her to put up a status saying she had a nice message too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I received no thanks/not our type message, I send them thanks message, rather then confusion, clear no always appreciated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/08/19 19:12:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/08/19 19:12:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a sticky subject. I look at the profile of who has messaged me. If I find it’s not for me then I’ll normally say thanks but no thanks. It’s amazing how often that leads to either an abusive message back or a message saying why don’t you want to talk?

Sometimes it’s easier to just delete and not reply.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It’s a sticky subject. I look at the profile of who has messaged me. If I find it’s not for me then I’ll normally say thanks but no thanks. It’s amazing how often that leads to either an abusive message back or a message saying why don’t you want to talk?

Sometimes it’s easier to just delete and not reply. "

A lot of people take a polite thank you as a way in. Unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it’s easier to just delete and not reply.

A lot of people take a polite thank you as a way in. Unfortunately. "

those don't take, easy picky and hit a block button, nice way to filter out

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Even when I get a saucy or cuntish reply I only ignore or m always polite ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have said numerous times on threads lie this, I think Fab should introduce a "thank you for the message but no thanks" button.

How hard would it be Fab and think of the positiveness instead of all these negative threads, yes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My response to people who take the time to reply with a no thanks, is always "thank you for taking the time to reply, have fun and stay safe"

My response to people who simply delete is always the block button.

I understand completely why many women don't reply. Can't possibly answer all the messages they get.

I personally wasn't bothered about the pregnant girl, not replying. Fab isn't the place for sincerity, as it's always seen as a sneaky way of trying to get laid.

Obviously that is not always the case, but hey ho

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"My response to people who take the time to reply with a no thanks, is always "thank you for taking the time to reply, have fun and stay safe"

My response to people who simply delete is always the block button.

I understand completely why many women don't reply. Can't possibly answer all the messages they get.

I personally wasn't bothered about the pregnant girl, not replying. Fab isn't the place for sincerity, as it's always seen as a sneaky way of trying to get laid.

Obviously that is not always the case, but hey ho

Yeah, it can be rough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My response to people who take the time to reply with a no thanks, is always "thank you for taking the time to reply, have fun and stay safe"

My response to people who simply delete is always the block button.

I understand completely why many women don't reply. Can't possibly answer all the messages they get.

I personally wasn't bothered about the pregnant girl, not replying. Fab isn't the place for sincerity, as it's always seen as a sneaky way of trying to get laid.

Obviously that is not always the case, but hey ho

Yeah, it can be rough. "

Only if you take fab, and yourself too seriously

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"My response to people who take the time to reply with a no thanks, is always "thank you for taking the time to reply, have fun and stay safe"

My response to people who simply delete is always the block button.

I understand completely why many women don't reply. Can't possibly answer all the messages they get.

I personally wasn't bothered about the pregnant girl, not replying. Fab isn't the place for sincerity, as it's always seen as a sneaky way of trying to get laid.

Obviously that is not always the case, but hey ho

Yeah, it can be rough.

Only if you take fab, and yourself too seriously

Indeed

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

it's easier maybe than replying to every nice message and there can be a few of these! Maybe your nice message just didn't get seen or she didn't have the time...either it's not going anywhere so does it really matter.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"When you message somebody something nice and respectful they don't even replie and they are moaning on status that guys message them rude and disrespectful messages"

Now why would it be that easy.

Backward thinking.

Why would anyone trust people that are nice surely they are after something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh I reply to nearly all my messages (occasionally some are just plain ignorant and don't deserve a reply) just for the fact I would find it impolite not to but it seems I'm in the minority and lucky few who rarely receives rude messages and I hide my profile when I don't have the time or the inclination for new messages so it's a win win situation for all!

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By *tephenb001Man
over a year ago

stapleton

It’s nice even though it’s probably a not my type, there’s no need to be rude about I believe I certainly wouldn’t do it to others so it’s great when people are nice. That said after being here over 11 years now. There are some knobs!!!!

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By *nderIwonder.Man
over a year ago

2nd City

"When you message somebody something nice and respectful they don't even replie and they are moaning on status that guys message them rude and disrespectful messages"

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Politeness doesn't work here.

I always get a reply from women and t-girls when I offer £. Money talks...

you serious about the cash?!

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By *nderIwonder.Man
over a year ago

2nd City

you are more likely to get a reply if you are rude or negative to someone, which says a lot, the narcissism is very prevalent here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you message somebody something nice and respectful they don't even replie and they are moaning on status that guys message them rude and disrespectful messages"

They’re not obliged to reply to you, no matter how “nice” your message is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the age old stereotype of a girl crying on your shoulder wanting a nice guy instead of her douchebag ex but really don't actually want a nice guy lol.

Granted there are some people are polite back which is always nice. I try be nice and message something relevant to their profile, some just delete the message, some say thank you but not interested (100% cool not everyone's cup of tea) and some I can actually have decent conversations with. All luck of the draw really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you are more likely to get a reply if you are rude or negative to someone, which says a lot, the narcissism is very prevalent here. "

And how did you manage to come to that conclusion?

Have you been sending rude and negative messages in order to have this view?

If I’m not interested I 99% of the time will not reply because far too many times I’ve sent “No thank you, but good luck in your search and have a nice day” only for some to think it’s an invitation to beg, start a conversation or be abusive.

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By *nderIwonder.Man
over a year ago

2nd City

"you are more likely to get a reply if you are rude or negative to someone, which says a lot, the narcissism is very prevalent here.

And how did you manage to come to that conclusion?

Have you been sending rude and negative messages in order to have this view?

case and point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you are more likely to get a reply if you are rude or negative to someone, which says a lot, the narcissism is very prevalent here.

And how did you manage to come to that conclusion?

Have you been sending rude and negative messages in order to have this view?

case and point. "

Ah. You posted that to seek attention and gain a response.

Got it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you message somebody something nice and respectful they don't even replie and they are moaning on status that guys message them rude and disrespectful messages"

Your one nice message likely got bulk deleted. I always check out the profile before reading my messages, it I'm not intetested I just delete so i have no idea if the message is polite or not. Try not to take it personally it is what it is x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you are more likely to get a reply if you are rude or negative to someone, which says a lot, the narcissism is very prevalent here.

And how did you manage to come to that conclusion?

Have you been sending rude and negative messages in order to have this view?

case and point.

Ah. You posted that to seek attention and gain a response.

Got it.

Narcissism? Are you sure that is the word you want to use? I think deluded is much more accurate lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wonder why you would be bothered about a woman who dies this? Attention seeking is all it is.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"Politeness doesn't work here.

I always get a reply from women and t-girls when I offer £. Money talks...

You probably have to try and pay because you use other people's pictures.

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

It's mostly a time thing or you don't fit the their needs.

Being polite can be taken as creepy by some. Some like a filthy message. It's pretty much a minefield when it comes to messages.

You can only be the best you can, don't expect a reply and reach for the stars.

Good luck.

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