FabSwingers.com forum: Message quality

By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

As many of us feel, the quality of people's first messages often isn't something that attracts a conversation to gain momentum.

Is it just that they can send as many messages as possible hoping for a bite, or are these people unable to maintain a conversation in person. Is it a social skills situation, or just a keyboard thing I wonder?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We're happy to receive a 'hi, how are you?' message and build from there.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"We're happy to receive a 'hi, how are you?' message and build from there.

Same, sometimes feel guilty if they've put a lot of effort into their opening message only to be rejected at the first hurdle.

Subsequent messages are the important ones to us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's why winks are good,if you get one back then you can put some effort into a message. We you then know your not wasting your time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a guy looking its great to hear the above comments.far too many couples etc on here seem to want an essay as a first message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s more disappointing is when you put effort into a first message and the reply is a one word pointless reply, if you’re not interested, a no reply is far better

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

It's not even those kinda messages I've had recently that said literally "time and postcode"

I just can't see how it can work, but maybe it does, just not for me

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By *stoppMan
over a year ago

Durham

I make the effort of at least 2 lines on first contact rather than 'Hi or Hows things' it still doesn't always work, but that said I've had some great conversations leading to a meet from a couples or women messaging just 'Hi'

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By *ister KinkyMan
over a year ago

Sussex

A couple of people I’ve spoken to were of the opinion it’s a sex site, not a conversation site, which actually took me by surprise. To be fair they may have had detailed profiles with lots of pictures etc, I didn’t actually check. But for me there has to be a mental connection and attraction before a physical one; that comes from messaging and seeing if we click.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As many of us feel, the quality of people's first messages often isn't something that attracts a conversation to gain momentum.

I am not sure, but I don't think it is all that though. I've sent a fair amount of messages in the past. I have sent relatively long ones, I have sent short and sweet ones. From talking about things they have put on their profile that we have in common (outside of the "likes" list), and I have sent a message simply saying hi and inviting them to look at my page to see if they would be interested in talking, and to get back if they think we would get on. Sadly, every approach I try doesn't seem to work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's why winks are good,if you get one back then you can put some effort into a message. We you then know your not wasting your time. "

We feel the same way! Love winks and it’s less work for people who are trying and less discouraging than if a long message is rejected. Most messages we get are copy and paste or just Hi and a penis lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We're happy to receive a 'hi, how are you?' message and build from there.

Same as me ... I treat it the same as I would in real life really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's why winks are good,if you get one back then you can put some effort into a message. We you then know your not wasting your time.

And much prefer a wink!

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

Whats good for one isn't right for another.. if the messages you receive aren't what you'd like ..*news flash* you can always be proactive message those who interest first and initiate the conversation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We're happy to receive a 'hi, how are you?' message and build from there.

Yes we don't reject messages like this, although a little more like two sentences would be nice.

What is really frustrating for example, there was one guy who would send "hi how are you" which we would say "fine thanks how are you" and get the reply "OK thanks" anywhere from 3 times a day to every few days.

We actually felt a bit sorry for the guy, we tried chatting to him explaining that he isn't saying anything except these things + asking him to tell us about himself, asking about his profile, his picture (holiday pics), his veri's. Anything to try to get a conversation going. It was like pulling teeth but could tell this guy was struggling and really trying to help him.

This went on for months until we finally got so fed up our reply 3 times a day was simply "fine" - he still didn't get the hint and felt we had no choice but to block him.

Other people have been similar to this bit not so intensely + starting with that after not talking for a week or more is perfectly fine.

So as a first message ok, although an extra sentence would be appreciated. However don't keep repeating this all the time

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By *arcuszMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

There's no perfect first message, starting a conversation online is tough, especially on a site like this as many different approaches.

Obviously 'Me you fuck?' even for direct people will be instadelete. Some instadelete 'hi, how's things'. And some just have attitude problems. So sometimes it feels like you can't win regardless of what you put.

Winks are handy sometimes, and women are allowed to message first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" and women are allowed to message first. "

Women never message first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Missing Shakespeare

I think all fab single guy should join literature classes and learn how to write poetic message

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By *arcuszMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

" and women are allowed to message first.

Women never message first

That's part of my point. The heavy ratio favouring women online and constant inquiries/attention gives them a superiority complex, enabling them to discard almost all without a thought and respect.

Some guys are actually knobheads and deserve no respect, most are good, and some of those will understandably get bored of constantly being rejected and may not put maximum effort into every message.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

" and women are allowed to message first.

Women never message first

That's part of my point. The heavy ratio favouring women online and constant inquiries/attention gives them a superiority complex, enabling them to discard almost all without a thought and respect.

Some guys are actually knobheads and deserve no respect, most are good, and some of those will understandably get bored of constantly being rejected and may not put maximum effort into every message."

Whilst for *some* women the constant messages and attention may give them ideas above their station, I think it's a huge generalisation to suggest women get a superiority complex in general - when it actually boils down to it, we're all, men and women here looking for the same thing and that's people we are attracted to and have a connection with on some level, whether that be a superficial one or something deeper.

And just like in "normal" life we're not going to find that with everyone we meet, in fact it will only be a very small percentage of people that we do - so whilst a decent first message is important it can be the best ever written and still not mean there will be an attraction or the feeling will be reciprocated.

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By *arcuszMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

"Whilst for *some* women..."

Agree to disagree, I'll stick with most. I agree with the last point though, which wasn't in my comment, if there's zero or little attraction or compatability then of course no message however good will ever do the trick, especially when knowing there's a flock of guys round the next corner.

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By *rSquareMan
over a year ago

Cambridge

It’s worse when you put effort into the first message, maybe something witty, interesting or funny you then get a response, and conversation flows to the point of sending pictures. Once exchanged there’s an instant block! Getting blocked after sending a face picture is horrific for self confidence!

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I only message or wink first. It’s so much less time consuming. So make your profile as interesting as possible.

Show your sense of humour, your intellect or whatever else makes you that bit different.

I don’t suffer the same amount of timewasters any more either.

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