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Women's Infidelity

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"After researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous."

(Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity)

Michelle goes on to say:

Women's relationships today follow

a very predictable pattern:

They push men for commitment

They get what they want

They lose interest in sex

They become attracted to someone else

They start cheating

They become angry and resentful

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.

The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships

Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I inter_iewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire.

Stage 1

Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They _iew sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.

Stage 2

Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.

Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.

Stage 3

Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.

These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.

Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.

The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”

Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.

Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.

Stage 4

The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.

The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.

Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved - once you understand what the real problem is.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Any thoughts?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

someone will be along in a second to point out a spelling mistake.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

tarts the lot of em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confirms what I already had knowledge of: A woman can potentially be her own worst enemy.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Any thoughts?"

None really, as my attention span is waining at the minute so I only got to the first paragraph.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Polo, what a fantastic post... I have experienced all those stages resulting in me ending my twenty year relationship... I could relate to each and every point... the sadness being that at stage 4 you often find the grass isn't greener and what you were so desperately searching for did not, infact, exist... the monotony and the life you chose to leave was no better with those you tried again with... so is it perhaps best to just stick with what you know? in my case am seriously considering going back to my ex on that basis

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably.

I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""After researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous."

(Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity)

Michelle goes on to say:

Women's relationships today follow

a very predictable pattern:

They push men for commitment

They get what they want

They lose interest in sex

They become attracted to someone else

They start cheating

They become angry and resentful

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex; but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.

The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships

Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I inter_iewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire.

Stage 1

Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They _iew sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.

Stage 2

Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.

Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.

Stage 3

Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.

These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.

Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.

The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”

Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.

Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.

Stage 4

The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.

The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.

Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved - once you understand what the real problem is.

"

Spose a shags out of the question then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you so much OP. Your post made me look up the author's book on Amazon where I found this fabulous re_iew:

"So its just another book written by a woman blaming men again..why am I not suprised. Men have built civilizations and invented everything a woman uses today like the car, internet, computer exct. The least they can do is give us a little credit. By the way I find it pathethic that a woman needs to read a book to "understand" herself. Pretty much proves that woman are usually the problem now in days with relationships. As a man would never need to read a book to "understand" himself. If your wife wants to buy this book for 130 Dollars then let her spend her OWN money and not yours."

Cracker!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably.

I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again."

I have question: Looking back, do you think your behaviour at the time made him feel distanced from you and made him look elsewhere? Also, what was the main trigger? Was he to blame or was it your own feelings?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i like to think we are honest with each other and after 7 years still have great sex at home with each other and with others,but its all above board Maybe despite what others think swingers stay the best chance of long term relationship@)

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

I'm past stage 3 she is absolutely right.. all of the above.. surprised i've not topped myself really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i like to think we are honest with each other and after 7 years still have great sex at home with each other and with others,but its all above board Maybe despite what others think swingers stay the best chance of long term relationship@)"

Not really. Swinging is still a minefield of emotions and some couples don't benefit from the lifestyle and use it to mask deeper problems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you so much OP. Your post made me look up the author's book on Amazon where I found this fabulous re_iew:

"So its just another book written by a woman blaming men again..why am I not suprised. Men have built civilizations and invented everything a woman uses today like the car, internet, computer exct. The least they can do is give us a little credit. By the way I find it pathethic that a woman needs to read a book to "understand" herself. Pretty much proves that woman are usually the problem now in days with relationships. As a man would never need to read a book to "understand" himself. If your wife wants to buy this book for 130 Dollars then let her spend her OWN money and not yours."

Cracker! "

while the woman makes me dinner, Ive downloaded it as an E-book..I'll read it to her as she sucks me off(i might twist and leave out several derogatory words,phrases, and concepts about men).

I'm $130's up...any lads up for comin to the local strip joint????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/03/12 18:31:25]

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably.

I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again.

I have question: Looking back, do you think your behaviour at the time made him feel distanced from you and made him look elsewhere? Also, what was the main trigger? Was he to blame or was it your own feelings?"

Bit of column A, bit of column B. We stopped having sex because he wasn't interested. I tried to discuss it with him but no dice, so I started meeting guys for sex. I wasn't as cunning as I thought and he worked it out, and we had a long discussion on holiday about it. He promised to increase the sexy times and I promised to stop shagging around. We got back from our hols, and nothing changed. Once a year if I was lucky. We staggered on for another 4 years for the daughter but neither of us was happy.

There were other things that caused problems in the relationship but if he'd at least tried to shag me I wouldn't have looked elsewhere. Which is why I tend to sympathise with the married guys on here - none of us know how much they've discussed it with their OH and nothing has changed.

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By *ickyfittsMan
over a year ago

newbury


"Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably.

I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again.

I have question: Looking back, do you think your behaviour at the time made him feel distanced from you and made him look elsewhere? Also, what was the main trigger? Was he to blame or was it your own feelings?

Bit of column A, bit of column B. We stopped having sex because he wasn't interested. I tried to discuss it with him but no dice, so I started meeting guys for sex. I wasn't as cunning as I thought and he worked it out, and we had a long discussion on holiday about it. He promised to increase the sexy times and I promised to stop shagging around. We got back from our hols, and nothing changed. Once a year if I was lucky. We staggered on for another 4 years for the daughter but neither of us was happy.

There were other things that caused problems in the relationship but if he'd at least tried to shag me I wouldn't have looked elsewhere. Which is why I tend to sympathise with the married guys on here - none of us know how much they've discussed it with their OH and nothing has changed. "

Thanks for posting this - understanding other's experiences and points of _iew really helps.

The original post concludes with:

Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved - once you understand what the real problem is.

Is the real problem that we just stop thinking of our partner as being sexually exciting and someone we need to make love to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Even though I was unfaithful to my ex, it was in a swinging capacity (I know, I know) so didn't get particularly attached to anyone. However, the relationship was sexless and loveless and it was only a matter of time before we split up. The surprising thing was that he met someone and left me first! But we split amicably.

I have since had two relationships and, although I was not unfaithful during either of them, I know it wouldn't have lasted. I am now very happily single and intend to stay that way because I know I need variety, and have no intention of commiting to a relationship that will, sooner or later, become stale and boring. I have a very high sex drive and not one of my longterm relationships have been able to keep up. So I have basically pre-empted the problems shown in the OP by refusing to become involved again.

I have question: Looking back, do you think your behaviour at the time made him feel distanced from you and made him look elsewhere? Also, what was the main trigger? Was he to blame or was it your own feelings?

Bit of column A, bit of column B. We stopped having sex because he wasn't interested. I tried to discuss it with him but no dice, so I started meeting guys for sex. I wasn't as cunning as I thought and he worked it out, and we had a long discussion on holiday about it. He promised to increase the sexy times and I promised to stop shagging around. We got back from our hols, and nothing changed. Once a year if I was lucky. We staggered on for another 4 years for the daughter but neither of us was happy.

There were other things that caused problems in the relationship but if he'd at least tried to shag me I wouldn't have looked elsewhere. Which is why I tend to sympathise with the married guys on here - none of us know how much they've discussed it with their OH and nothing has changed. "

Cheers for the reply!

I'm sat here wondering how people get together at all! From what I've read here, people's own stories and the testimonials off the page where the OP found this information, it provides good insight but it's sounds almost defeatist. I feel it partly isolates a husband/partner from the relationship as he's tries to engage with his loved one though it might be a losing battle. While this information provides a lot of answers, the questions it leaves will fill volumes to come.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Ill respond more more if theres ever a similar post about mens infidelty and then ill compare the data

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, what a great read that is, anyone here got the guts to write a male version?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ill respond more more if theres ever a similar post about mens infidelty and then ill compare the data "

We must have been typing at the same time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ill respond more more if theres ever a similar post about mens infidelty and then ill compare the data

We must have been typing at the same time! "

Such thoughts crossed my mind but I'm interested in why women cheat because it's rarely talked about and are just as likely (probably more) to commit acts of infidelity than men.

Sneaky Vixens!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any thoughts?"

Yes, my main thought would be where did she get her research and data from?

And how recent is it?

And that she has oversimplified it a bit really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any thoughts?

Yes, my main thought would be where did she get her research and data from?

And how recent is it?

And that she has oversimplified it a bit really. "

How do you feel she's oversimplified?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any thoughts?

Yes, my main thought would be where did she get her research and data from?

And how recent is it?

And that she has oversimplified it a bit really.

How do you feel she's oversimplified?"

The clue was in the smiley

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By *uvi n Jolly RogCouple
over a year ago

West Somerset... Near Butlins

As a man i have been thru nearly every stage of said "woman" and can sum it up in one word...."Selfish"....this is portrayed without shame on many profiles, and it seems the basis for the "soft swap" side to swinging. They want it all but cant deal with seeing their partner have anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any thoughts?

Yes, my main thought would be where did she get her research and data from?

And how recent is it?

And that she has oversimplified it a bit really.

How do you feel she's oversimplified?

The clue was in the smiley"

Haha!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thing the behaviour described in that book is a surefire sign that the woman has been reading too many lifestyle magazines and watching too many fairy stories.

They breed the sort of person who think the world owes them the perfect life without having to put any real effort into achieving it.

Once they realise the realities of their current life they look across to the next field where the grass is greener. Only to discover that it's been spray painted that colour by the smooth talking man next door and actually tastes like paint stripper. Of course by this point you can never go back to what you had before because things have changed permanently no matter how hard to try to replicate it.

In a nutshell women are too demanding in a relationship these days and are never satisfied.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

How are they too demanding? im interetsted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never stop being gf and bf, fb's whatever but keep that spark of exitement or it'll inevitably be curtains. Both ways.

That's why swinging is good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Demanding as in demanding of the metaphorical princess life. The sort of lifestyle sold by Disney and peddled by Women's magazines.

I'm all for treating a lady like a princess. It's just not possible or practical 24/7.

It's not true of all women. It's just an increasing number are sold on fairytale life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

In a nutshell women are too demanding in a relationship these days and are never satisfied. "

Are men less demanding and more satisfied?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Demanding as in demanding of the metaphorical princess life. The sort of lifestyle sold by Disney and peddled by Women's magazines.

I'm all for treating a lady like a princess. It's just not possible or practical 24/7.

It's not true of all women. It's just an increasing number are sold on fairytale life."

Society and media feeds us all a fairytale life that we desire to have, men and women alike.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course men can be demanding to but in a different way. We all know men a generally less emotional and more physically wired. If the physical aspects of a relationship begin to wane they they will be more likely to look elsewhere. That's not taking into account the man-sluts who just take anything they can get regardless anyway.

So yes men are less emotionally demanding but not necessarily more satisfied.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

People rarely fir into the neat categories of researchers, but i do think fewer marriages would break up if people were willing, in fact found positive their partners need to grow and change, and accepted they too hd the same need.

i met kev at 18, i was very fortonate that he recognised that in many ways i was a very young 18...not only was i a virgin but i had never left home before, had a boyfriend etc...seeing me develop into a fully rounded adult has always been his wish...and it has only taken 22 years

Too often people marry and think it is the end, not the start of the journey...

Oh and before anyone comments, kev has his journey too, but if he wanted to share it, he would waste hours on the interweb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

simple but a good woman is worth all the pain otherwise you would find someone you hate an give em your house love finds a way

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I was never happy in a relationship, in fact my friends always said the only time i was happy was when i was single. I wasnt unfaithful to my ex husband we met people together but i was unfaithful in other relationships. Took me along while to understand why.

I wasnt born to be monogomous, i like variety, i also dont think i was born to live with a man either. I used to think there was something wrong with me, took me along while to realize it was just the way i was made. Also your expected to take a certain path in life, meet a man settle down get married. I guess i always knew that wasnt my path but didnt realize there was an alternative life that suited me perfectly.

What i have now is perfect for me, im in a wonderful loving relationship with a guy who has the same thoughts as me, doest want to live with me, marry me or tie me down. We are both happy to be who we are.

God forbid anything happened between us but i know the only way i could be in another relationship is if it was like it is now

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"I was never happy in a relationship, in fact my friends always said the only time i was happy was when i was single. I wasnt unfaithful to my ex husband we met people together but i was unfaithful in other relationships. Took me along while to understand why.

I wasnt born to be monogomous, i like variety, i also dont think i was born to live with a man either. I used to think there was something wrong with me, took me along while to realize it was just the way i was made. Also your expected to take a certain path in life, meet a man settle down get married. I guess i always knew that wasnt my path but didnt realize there was an alternative life that suited me perfectly.

What i have now is perfect for me, im in a wonderful loving relationship with a guy who has the same thoughts as me, doest want to live with me, marry me or tie me down. We are both happy to be who we are.

God forbid anything happened between us but i know the only way i could be in another relationship is if it was like it is now"

It is wonderful when you meet a person who loves you as you are, rather than trying to change you...however it also takes courage to accept yourself, you should be proud you do.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I think what diamonds and jem have said are really good points

People do change and relationships evolve all the time,I know im not the same as I was even 3 years ago let alone 20 years ago when I first met Rob and neither is he,if that can't be accepted,discussed or encouraged by each other then its going to cause problems,everyone needs room to grow and be what they want to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

except lil ol mushroom.

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

Is the real problem that we just stop thinking of our partner as being sexually exciting and someone we need to make love to?

Need to get back to the exciting imaginative sex!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow, what a great read that is, anyone here got the guts to write a male version?"

stage 1 : man gets horny

stage 2 : man joins fab

stage 3 : man gets no luck so shags secretary

stage 4 : man goes home for his tea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is the real problem that we just stop thinking of our partner as being sexually exciting and someone we need to make love to?

Need to get back to the exciting imaginative sex!"

yep, I agree and that is why I was trying to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thank god for that. i am a normal woman afterall. did the dirty deed at age 38. 15 years later still single. and discovering a new level of my sexuality.

on MY terms xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an interesting post Polo. I can recognise some of the attributes felt in a couple of the stages however thankfully I can say that women do not always progress on to the next stage. Having been with my husband 17 years, when feeling unsexy, unloved, taken for granted etc,etc,etc it is time to communicate with the other half and do something about it without cheating. And here we are on fab and loving every minute of it.......together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you so much OP. Your post made me look up the author's book on Amazon where I found this fabulous re_iew:

"So its just another book written by a woman blaming men again..why am I not suprised. Men have built civilizations and invented everything a woman uses today like the car, internet, computer exct. The least they can do is give us a little credit. By the way I find it pathethic that a woman needs to read a book to "understand" herself. Pretty much proves that woman are usually the problem now in days with relationships. As a man would never need to read a book to "understand" himself. If your wife wants to buy this book for 130 Dollars then let her spend her OWN money and not yours."

Cracker!

while the woman makes me dinner, Ive downloaded it as an E-book..I'll read it to her as she sucks me off(i might twist and leave out several derogatory words,phrases, and concepts about men).

I'm $130's up...any lads up for comin to the local strip joint????"

Hahaha this made me giggle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just downloaded the book and read the summary at the end of each section rather than the many conversations in the book itself. It was useful to read that a lot of women are angry that men can act how they want and they cannot and when they do society frowns on them causing anger towards husbands / partners. Also interesting that woman are just as likely to cheat as men and have the same sexual needs and urges that men do (no surprises there really for any of us here on this website)

SPOLIER ALERT!

However I then thought the book would help women and men work through their relationship problems by clearly identifying the issues and suggesting solutions, but no it doesn't. Instead at the end she tells them to split up, its inevitable and needs to happen for us all to evolve

Have I missed the point somewhere?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah!

She has just brought out another book as a follow up that explains how to use the information to make positive changes and save your relationship

Now it makes sense

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By *carletnsparksMan
over a year ago

halifax


"Wow, what a great read that is, anyone here got the guts to write a male version?

stage 1 : man gets horny

stage 2 : man joins fab

stage 3 : man gets no luck so shags secretary

stage 4 : man goes home for his tea"

men have two stages:

hungry and horny, if he aint got a hardon give him a butty lol

great post polo must read it properly when i have more time

sparks

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By *carletnsparksMan
over a year ago

halifax


"Ah!

She has just brought out another book as a follow up that explains how to use the information to make positive changes and save your relationship

Now it makes sense"

is that $130 as well then pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never read so much rubbish !

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By *ostcauseMan
over a year ago

dukinfield

Could you repeat that please

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

That was a good read, Polo. Whether or not it has total validity, I have no idea. I have however recognised the stages that a couple we went through. They were at stage two and from the outside, it was obvious.

I have to point out that although all true, some minor details of the following have been changed. It is not posted as a cure for anyone or anything other than as an interest, to illustrate what went wrong with one particular couple. I am sorry to those with a short attention span, this is another long post..

He said to me that the sex wasn’t great, “she doesn’t try anymore!” No matter what he seemed to do it didn’t work. I listened to what he had to say and to be honest, I am glad I am not his wife! (OK, I’m a bloke, but you get my drift!)

What exactly had he done to try to “win back” his wife’s affection? Now don’t laugh here, please… He:

Bought her a vibrator

Bought her sexy undies

Bought them some sex films

Booked a night in the local Travelodge

Suggested that they get another woman (her best friend) to join them!

The list is endless and all about the same.. He thought that sex was the only problem!

She on the other hand told me that he didn’t love her anymore and all he wanted was sex! Everything they argued about came back to sex, so she usually stormed out of the house.. And that is where she met another person. She walked into town one afternoon after an arguement and went into a coffee shop and sat drinking a coffee.. A guy struck up a conversation and the rest is history.

She doesn’t love him and he doesn’t love her, but the sex is great! I asked the question, isn’t this just like her husband? Isn’t this chap also always after sex? She said yes, but it was different and more exciting. The crux of the whole situation was yes, the stranger was only there for the sex, but that was their relationship and it was expected. Her home life should have been so much more..

She was bored, no doubt. She said she had fantasised about taking a lover on many occasions and had almost done it on a few occasions. She saw her newly single best friend out there and having fun, she wanted some of it.

Eventually he found out and was devastated, hence the reason I got involved. They (he) wanted a quick fix and really couldn’t see where he went wrong. She came along because he asked her too and didn’t really mind if life carried on as it was. She had her cake, she eat it whenever SHE wanted and she also had a nice dollop of cream outside with no ties!

My advice? Well, they both had to work a bit harder! Like anything worth having, it can be hard to achieve what you want. She didn’t feel loved and to her credit, she did take some responsibility for that. It was same old every day. He thought all was OK but she had gone off sex and if I could fix that with her, he’d be “laughing”!

But not a hopeless case. My advice (abridged) was to both agree to draw a line for now.. Accept what went on as in the past and move forward. For her, talk to him more about how she feels and accept that we can’t all live what someone on this thread called the “Princess Life”. It can be very hard to accept that you will never be that person on TV who has everything. Who can go out with her mates, chat up guys and generally have fun. But that is what most sign up for when they get married!

He on the other hand had an easier time of it! All he had to do was stop expecting sex! OK, not quite that simple as he also had to re-learn what he was like when they were courting, 20 years before. How he paid her attention and not just for sex. How he cuddled, held hands and just looked at her! All simple stuff and what he should have been doing all the time.

I also advised that they abstain from sex for a few weeks at least, no matter how they felt. They should be naked together and just hold each other, no sexual touching at all.. Talk about what they both wanted, hopes and desires about life not just sex.. Progress to massage and take it from there.. He was to make her a cup of tea when she wanted one in the evening and help out more.. Not just washing up and stuff, but in the day to day things too…

In short, back to how they said they were in the first years.. They had all the information to fix this themselves, but they were too close to the problem to see it! Perhaps reading this book or any one of the many “Relationship” books out there, they would have recognised themselves and started the road sooner. Of course, this is a very short version and loads more happened, but I can tell you that after three follow-ups in the following year, they are still together five years later…

-Smug Smile!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Never read so much rubbish !"

+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like your post Rumour. It sums a lot of this up perfectly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks polo and _umour for your posts on this, really interesting reading!

Although I personally cant identify with all the stages described, I can see how the stages progress.

I know there are many different reasons why marriages/relationships fail. But after reading both polo and _umours posts I wondered if;

1) some people get married/live together but dont really know eachother well, therefore cant grow together?

2) do just get plain ole bored of the life they have made for themselves, so its easier to think 'the grass is greener'

3) become addicted to the above mentioned 'chemical high' of excitement attached to a new relationship, and so keep trying to get that high by cheating, as they believe they wont achieve it with their current partner?

4) have an unrealistic _iew about what a marriage/longterm relationship is?

I blame the Walt Disney films and rom com crap ive grown up with!!

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden


"Thanks polo and _umour for your posts on this, really interesting reading!

Although I personally cant identify with all the stages described, I can see how the stages progress.

I know there are many different reasons why marriages/relationships fail. But after reading both polo and _umours posts I wondered if;

1) some people get married/live together but dont really know eachother well, therefore cant grow together?

2) do just get plain ole bored of the life they have made for themselves, so its easier to think 'the grass is greener'

3) become addicted to the above mentioned 'chemical high' of excitement attached to a new relationship, and so keep trying to get that high by cheating, as they believe they wont achieve it with their current partner?

4) have an unrealistic _iew about what a marriage/longterm relationship is?

I blame the Walt Disney films and rom com crap ive grown up with!! "

Short answer? (Hooray, I hear you say? lol) I would say No.4 is one of the top ones, coupled with No.1, for couples married in the 60's onwards that have a total breakdown. If it is infidelity rather than a break up.. No.2.. Not sure about the chemical high, but I can see it!

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