FabSwingers.com forum: I just cant get him out my head. Need advice!

By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Now I'm that person who would normally say "just move on,dont get attached,hes nothing to you,best way to get over someone is to get under another" but this has really thrown me and I just cannot shake him off,hes at the forefront of my mind daily..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

He isnt a dickhead,he is a gent and looked after me and is still doing to be fair..I have tried and tried to get him to get past it or for me to get over him and I just cant,nobody else feels right!! I feel I'm betraying him if I go to anyone else..

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh bab!

You gots dem feels

Was the 'event' serious? It's hard to understand the situation really. But if someone said that to me I would have to cut off contact, that's a really hurtful comment, no wonder you're upset x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think in this situation you need to be open and honest with him about how you feel and what you want/ need from him at this point.

However you also have to be prepared to hear what he wants/needs from you . A frank conversation is vital.

Some proper space to think things through may also be needed for you both. Sounds like it's been quite an intense whirlwind of stuff. That can sometimes mean we can get lost in it and reality is just a horrible crash. You have children according to your profile though so you need to try and function "normally" for them too.

I know it's not easy. Especially when your heart makes up its mind, just don't forget to take your brain with you .

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By *old1974Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Kylie minogue got him out of her head.lol.

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

I understand from his point of view the reasoning... but it wasnt to him personally and it hurts that its come to this...

I have told him that it's only him but he says he cant get past it... and its killing me.. and yes I have to act all normal for the kids too...

Thankyou for replies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh lovely, great big hug for you.

Not a lot I can say other than be kind to yourself. And time really is a healer, cliche but true xx

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"Oh lovely, great big hug for you.

Not a lot I can say other than be kind to yourself. And time really is a healer, cliche but true xx

Thankyou x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's so bad that he can't get past it?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'd echo Sinder's advice - have a frank and open conversation with him about it. If he's an adult and a mature one it should be the least you're able to do. You both might not like what the other has to say but do actually listen.

Sometimes because you're in danger of losing something your mind overexaggerates the actual worth to you.

Give it time. People process things at different rates. Distract yourself with other things.

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"What's so bad that he can't get past it?"

He thinks I lied... I've never lied to him..

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"I'd echo Sinder's advice - have a frank and open conversation with him about it. If he's an adult and a mature one it should be the least you're able to do. You both might not like what the other has to say but do actually listen.

Sometimes because you're in danger of losing something your mind overexaggerates the actual worth to you.

Give it time. People process things at different rates. Distract yourself with other things."

Yes we both had a talk and I have been open and honest with him fully,I've tried to distract myself and still doing family life,work and stuff,hes just always at the forefront of my mind.. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!! "
we can't advise really but if he's on this site he could be reading this, if he's verified you then we could also know who he is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you"

That's not a reflection of you btw

Some guys are weak or too polite or too nice to want to upset someone and will hide behind the scantest of excuses rather than say 'you're not for me'

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!! we can't advise really but if he's on this site he could be reading this, if he's verified you then we could also know who he is. "

Yes hes on the site... I've nothing to hide,I'm only saying on here what I've already said to him anyway.. just seeking some advice maybe just chat to see if anything helps me.. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My advice would be to lick your wounds quietly and resurface when you've had time to reflect and feel emotionally stronger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're in a difficult situation OP.

A previous response said it could just be a paper thin excuse.

You need to find out what his intentions are

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you

That's not a reflection of you btw

Some guys are weak or too polite or too nice to want to upset someone and will hide behind the scantest of excuses rather than say 'you're not for me'

Well he says he "cant get past it and that's how he is" I have asked the question "cant,wont or dont want to?" But hes adamant he cant get past it.. hes a perfect gent to be fair.. so i do believe him..

Just hard to concentrate on anything else but him.. x

Thankyou

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!! "

Hi hun. Was trying to message you privately but cant. I understand what you are going through here if you want to talk. Xxx Mags

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you

That's not a reflection of you btw

Some guys are weak or too polite or too nice to want to upset someone and will hide behind the scantest of excuses rather than say 'you're not for me'

Just hard to concentrate on anything else but him.. x

Thankyou"

If he wanted to he would

Block him and move on.

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"You're in a difficult situation OP.

A previous response said it could just be a paper thin excuse.

You need to find out what his intentions are"

Says he still cares for me and wants to look out for me... and he does still look out for me..

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you

That's not a reflection of you btw

Some guys are weak or too polite or too nice to want to upset someone and will hide behind the scantest of excuses rather than say 'you're not for me'

Just hard to concentrate on anything else but him.. x

Thankyou

If he wanted to he would

Block him and move on."

Already blocked

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!!

Hi hun. Was trying to message you privately but cant. I understand what you are going through here if you want to talk. Xxx Mags"

Oh I wonder why you cant message? X

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By *ermes1Man
over a year ago

Ruislip

Tell him to come open on what he is hiding.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you

That's not a reflection of you btw

Some guys are weak or too polite or too nice to want to upset someone and will hide behind the scantest of excuses rather than say 'you're not for me'

Just hard to concentrate on anything else but him.. x

Thankyou

If he wanted to he would

Block him and move on.

Already blocked"

Good, be strong, move forward and dont look back.x

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!!

Hi hun. Was trying to message you privately but cant. I understand what you are going through here if you want to talk. Xxx Mags"

Messaged you mags..x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you

That's not a reflection of you btw

Some guys are weak or too polite or too nice to want to upset someone and will hide behind the scantest of excuses rather than say 'you're not for me'

Just hard to concentrate on anything else but him.. x

Thankyou"

I'm sorry you're hurting

Whatever the circumstances don't make him a priority in your life when you are only an option in his

You are better than that

You are more than that

It might not be this week, this month or even this year, but you will meet someone who presses all the right buttons who DOES want to run with you

Find things to occupy your mind, block him on here and block his numbers / emails etc

Or grab the bull by the horns and tell him to stay clear

If he leaves it, he is not as interested as you'd like him to be and you've fought and cried for nothing

Personally though, I'd be dusting myself down and moving the hell on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We cant help our feelings unfortunately neither can we control others feelings.. what works for one may not for another. whether it be the other person ruining your trust between you both or just loosing interest...

Cherish what youve had and move on easier said than done mind. Chin up keep smiling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I can say is take some time and space to yourself and try your hardest to move on.

From a mans point of view, I think once we say it’s over then it’s over. And if someone tries to drag out that break up process or acts clingy and doesn’t give any space, then that only emphasises the feeling that we do not want to be with that person.

I’d imagine your actions will be pushing him away further. If you want him to start trusting and respecting you again it would be best for you to both have some space for a considerable amount of time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PS I typed that quickly, so I didn’t mean it to sound so cold. My apologies. Sorry that you’re going through a tough time - but put yourself first and try and gain some perspective. You had a life before this and you’ll have one after. You’re the most important thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Yes hes on the site... I've nothing to hide,I'm only saying on here what I've already said to him anyway.. just seeking some advice maybe just chat to see if anything helps me.. x"
Nothing we say will make you feel better unfortunately, you like him, maybe he likes you to or maybe it's to soon after his previous relationship, just leave him be and see if he comes to you that's all you can do

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

You need time to grieve and handle things, whether your feelings are appropriate or not. Be gentle on yourself. Find an outlet for those feelings, whatever that might be.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

I am so sorry that you are in the position that you find yourself..

Although, this hasn't happened to me on fabswingers, i have experienced similar situations and identify with some of the feelings you describe..

I never ever want to go there again...I know your asking for advice but really dont feel qualified to comment,yes i could say move on, block etc but you know all that.

Maybe you just have to hang on in there and let go one day at a time..

There is not a right way forward, what works for one doesnt work for another..

I do hope the pain eases soon and the intensity passes and you can live and love normally again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hes not worth your time hun, if he cant get past it cut him out of your life, you dont need him to look out for you xx

Always here if you need a friend x

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

Thankyou so much for all your replies and advice,I know I have to do this fr my own sanity but it's just really hard and all very new and strange feelings for me...

I wasnt nicknamed "The ice maiden" for nothing..

Life eh!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been in a very similar situation...it didnt pan out how I wanted but have to just cherish the memories as it was a truly great time in my life xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Cut all contact. There's no other way.

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By *not69Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

"Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you

That's not a reflection of you btw

Some guys are weak or too polite or too nice to want to upset someone and will hide behind the scantest of excuses rather than say 'you're not for me'

My thoughts too. It seems like things were maybe progressing too fast for him or he just isn't looking for something as intense so is using the lie as his way out xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey maximus

I sorry to hear that you are hurting.

Online relationships go at 100mph..feelings and emotions on overdrive. Unfortunately, the hurt has to be kept secret since real life has to go on.

As previous posts have said, a frank and honest conversation is needed. Once you have disclosed your feelings towards him and he doesn't respond favourably, unfortunately you have to accept that. You have to protect your self esteem and confidence. You are worthy of better.

Take care

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

If a guy had told me they had lost all confidence me after just a couple of weeks, I'm sorry, but that would set of a alarm bell for me.

Although obviously we don't know the full details you should take the advice of others and move on. Keep busy and actively look for other guys that fit your preferences. Do not dwell on the past.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I feel you.

Sometimes it’s very tempting to just unburden your thoughts and feelings and tell them what’s what in the hope they realise what they could lose in the hope that it will jolt them to their senses.

But you’ve told him how you feel. Laid your emotions bare. And he won’t meet you halfway.

You’ve done what you can. The ball is in his court. But don’t sit around waiting for him. Get on with life. Live it.

He’ll either miss you or he won’t. And if he doesn’t then he’s just not mean’t for you and it’s not to be. Simple as that. And In time, someone who is mean’t for will come along.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to sound harsh but I've been in a similar situation. He's using you and got cold feet. After a few weeks to reflect I think you might come to the same conclusion

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Sorry to sound harsh but I've been in a similar situation. He's using you and got cold feet. After a few weeks to reflect I think you might come to the same conclusion"

Unfair on the guy who has no right of reply here and whose side we havent heard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to sound harsh but I've been in a similar situation. He's using you and got cold feet. After a few weeks to reflect I think you might come to the same conclusion

Unfair on the guy who has no right of reply here and whose side we havent heard"

Fair point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was thinking exactly the same - without knowing the details nobody can offer any advice.

Every relationship is different as is every problem

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By *isstinseltoesWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op

It could be he's been hurt before and now feels unable to trust

I think you have done all you can now,leave it alone and see if he comes round

Sorry you feel so bad ,but things will get better x

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

Manoeuvring?

Him still being around helping you get over 'him' rings alarm bells. Why would he do that? He could be a really nice guy but in my book really nice guys leave you alone and don't prolong the hurt by being present. Be careful is all I'm saying, you being exactly where he wants you head wise could be a factor. Get your friends around you, a balanced opinion from people who have your interests at heart maybe what you need to see through the haze.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!! "

you know as woman to woman my advice is go with your gut feelings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Manoeuvring?

I suspect he’s being present because she’s the one contacting him still, even after making his feelings clear (at least that’s what this post would suggest)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!! "

and does he know that you have put him out here on a thread?

Talk to him and lay your cards on the table if it is meant to be it will be!

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"Manoeuvring?

I suspect he’s being present because she’s the one contacting him still, even after making his feelings clear (at least that’s what this post would suggest)"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave him alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go cold turkey , stop contact by all means. Otherwise it just drags it all out for longer. Then if it’s meant to be, it will be.

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

kells

You shouldn’t worry too much, after a quick scroll through this he has now changed his number, moved, and has a new name..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m in a similar situation with someone I was kinda sorta seeing. Turns out it’s not what I thought after a very long time. It hurts but there’s nothing can be done. Just move on, it’ll pass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!! "

I'm not that special OP.

You're creating a perfect partner within your mind before you truly know them. This is known as the honeymoon phase, It's also known as the honey trap.

Realize that it's all an illusion and you're creating your own perception of the individual as an ideal. You can also look at things for how they are. You had a good weekend, with a guy you had fun with. You should never allow emotional entanglements to get you this carried away.

Watch netflix and chill, though keep using my face pic as your wank rag, I enjoy it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh OP, another one going through the same old crap. Been there, done it, still wearing the scars. It doesn’t matter what we write, the sound advice, the sympathy and kind words because when you’re lying alone in bed at night, all you’ll think about is him...

Forget him. It won’t work. Whatever he ‘can’t get over’ will haunt you both of you. It hurts like hell, you probably will end up messaging him, but trust me, in the end someone else will come along and take the pain away...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh OP, another one going through the same old crap. Been there, done it, still wearing the scars. It doesn’t matter what we write, the sound advice, the sympathy and kind words because when you’re lying alone in bed at night, all you’ll think about is him...

"
will you take mine away?

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"Manoeuvring?

I suspect he’s being present because she’s the one contacting him still, even after making his feelings clear (at least that’s what this post would suggest)"

We both contact each other...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

will you take mine away? "

Cutie.

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"So I met a fab guy on here,and I think my feelings have gone into overload for him..

I know it's a fun site and really not for "dating" as such but I just cant get him out of my head.

He's everything I could ever want in a man. He SEEN ME as soon as we met,when he kissed me it was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

Anyway,we had a great couple of weeks,something happened (cant go into)and he now says hes lost all confidence in me..its hurting like hell..

Please help!!!! I've hardly slept or eaten and cried for a week now!! Wtf has happened to me??

Please help,I'm never usually like this,I'm a strong woman,but he just done something to me I cant explain... most intense few weeks of my life!!!

and does he know that you have put him out here on a thread?

Talk to him and lay your cards on the table if it is meant to be it will be! "

Yes he does

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I know you say you can't go into why but if he has lost all confidence in you is there much point in dwelling on it? (easier said than done I know)

There is always the chance he is still looking after you so he can keep you dangling as you seem to have fallen really quickly and probably don't know him too well if you both haven't been involved in each other's life outside of fab. this is said without knowing the male so only suggesting not implying this is what he is doing.

Also if he is still on your veri list and he is able to access the forums then people might guess who he is so he may feel you are doing this for attention which will not really help his confidence in you.

Maybe a short break from fab would help so you aren't tempted to contact him or look at his profile and you say you can't meet anyone just now.

Sorry I'm not much help

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Manoeuvring?

I suspect he’s being present because she’s the one contacting him still, even after making his feelings clear (at least that’s what this post would suggest)

We both contact each other...

Thought you'd said you've blocked him? Or did it spill over into 'real life'...

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

Thanks everyone for your words of advice... much appreciated x

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

and does he know that you have put him out here on a thread?

Talk to him and lay your cards on the table if it is meant to be it will be!

Yes he does"

What did he say about it?

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"Manoeuvring?

I suspect he’s being present because she’s the one contacting him still, even after making his feelings clear (at least that’s what this post would suggest)

We both contact each other...

Thought you'd said you've blocked him? Or did it spill over into 'real life'..."

Real life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

will you take mine away?

Cutie."
I trod on some sharp heather on the beach

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By *aximus74 OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

and does he know that you have put him out here on a thread?

Talk to him and lay your cards on the table if it is meant to be it will be!

Yes he does

What did he say about it? "

He understands and hes sorry... he is a gentleman either way...

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's hard not knowing the full scenario details but my gut instinct is that you need no contact with him for some time. Your head has to process a lot, which should be easier if it's let do that, without contact which will probably keep cutting your wounds, however helpful, considerate etc that he is.

There's emotional turmoil, potentially some grief of what won't happen in future, the separation of your identity that's part of a couple, to re-establish as a single person and a lot more, potentially based on stuff from your past that would have got churned up.

Cold turkey is tough. You can support yourself by having people who are great for you spend time with you, talk and experience their company. Do things that are healthy for you, including exercise and time around nature, plus things you may know are healthy and nurturing for you. It may mean you get a bit tough with yourself but only in a compassionate way, such as scheduling and keeping your schedule for such activities. It takes a decision to definitely do such a thing and agreeing to stick with it.

Everything is one step at a time, no demands or pressures, spart from sticking with a plan that you know can help you. If some of it is allowing you to wallow, feel whatever etc, it's fine but stick to your plan committing to you. Just have sex in the future, at a point that's right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I worry for women in their 40s who still lay themselves bare to drama within relationships.

It won't ever bring happiness, and all of us are responsible for our own to a large extent.

If a guy isn't straightforward from the off, get out quick.

Or don't and enjoy misery

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry for women in their 40s who still lay themselves bare to drama within relationships.

It won't ever bring happiness, and all of us are responsible for our own to a large extent.

If a guy isn't straightforward from the off, get out quick.

Or don't and enjoy misery "

Women in their 40s? What’s age got to do with it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry for women in their 40s who still lay themselves bare to drama within relationships.

It won't ever bring happiness, and all of us are responsible for our own to a large extent.

If a guy isn't straightforward from the off, get out quick.

Or don't and enjoy misery

Women in their 40s? What’s age got to do with it? "

Life experience and reflecting on it

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Manoeuvring?

I suspect he’s being present because she’s the one contacting him still, even after making his feelings clear (at least that’s what this post would suggest)

We both contact each other...

Thought you'd said you've blocked him? Or did it spill over into 'real life'...

Real life"

Will be harder to forget him in that case I think anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to play Devils Advocate here

Is it something he really can't get over, or is it that he doesn't want to get over it?

Were you too much for him, too full on with him, saw things he didn't?

Sorry, but after two weeks, not being able 'to get over something' sounds, to me, like an excuse or a bs reason not to be around you

That's not a reflection of you btw

Some guys are weak or too polite or too nice to want to upset someone and will hide behind the scantest of excuses rather than say 'you're not for me'

Just hard to concentrate on anything else but him.. x

Thankyou"

Delete and block all his contact details and focus on work and your kids for a bit. Come off fab for a month to settle your mind.

He has answered the question by saying what he has. Do yourself and your kids a favour , sever all contact is my personal view. If it’s affecting your life personally it will affect your home life too eventually if you don’t get it under control .

Chin up and onward life ever only moves forward never backwards.

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

Be honest and tell him how it is. If it’s a no move on ASAP never waste your time on a dead end. You can’t make them love you. X plenty more fish in the sea.

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