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BDSM Threads

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By *ensual OP   Man
over a year ago

Sutton

Last night I saw another thread on BDSM closed by the monitors because it dissolved into abuse and slanging.

I have been on and off this site for 4 years and I have only seen two threads on BDSM that were not hijacked by people who dislike BDSM or become slanging matches about the "true way".

I believe people can have different views and need not accept other peoples' opinions and can challenge those opinions politely by reasoned argument with rational evidence.

However, why is it nearly impossible on Fab to have a sensible, educational discussion on kink?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't know but we rarely discuss it with anybody on or off fab for the reasons you state. We prefer to get on with it, our way and leave them to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The right way is the way everybody involved enjoys surely?

Everybody will have different opinions but if those taking part are enjoying themselves whichever way, it shouldn’t matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For the same reason that many don't discuss kinks on here; people make judgement and kink shame based on misunderstanding, personal preference and misinformation.

BDSM does cross over into swinging on the Venn diagram but not all swingers 'get' it.

Personally I haven't and won't discuss kinks on here as the discussion never actually goes anywhere other than downhill.

Tea

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)


"For the same reason that many don't discuss kinks on here; people make judgement and kink shame based on misunderstanding, personal preference and misinformation.

BDSM does cross over into swinging on the Venn diagram but not all swingers 'get' it.

Personally I haven't and won't discuss kinks on here as the discussion never actually goes anywhere other than downhill.

Tea"

this....I don’t discuss my fetishes on here because people can be judgemental waterspouts and foot worship is about as far as you can go......

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By *ensual OP   Man
over a year ago

Sutton

Thank you everybody for contributing, I agree with you all. Although there has been times when I have contributed to threads to help, or to provide education.

A BDSM forum would be great but for the reasons said by everyone in this thread it is a non starter.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry


"For the same reason that many don't discuss kinks on here; people make judgement and kink shame based on misunderstanding, personal preference and misinformation.

BDSM does cross over into swinging on the Venn diagram but not all swingers 'get' it.

Personally I haven't and won't discuss kinks on here as the discussion never actually goes anywhere other than downhill.

Tea"

I think this is a wise policy on FAB. Maybe kinks are probably safer talked about on sites more geared up to fetish and kink, maybe you'll find more sympathetic ears.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Zensual my friend - we're often on the same page, and have to agree with you again here, BDSM is a subject I enjoy discussing as you know, it's a topic I find fascinating - however I don't think it's only BDSM that attracts the kind of thing you are referring to, many threads dissolve into slanging matches for all kinds of reasons, mainly down to the anonymity a keyboard affords.

All you can really do is keep trying to steer them back on track really, which is not always easy when you get people deliberately being disruptive and not open to debate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one should judge anyone.. we all have our fetishes, and this place would be even more boring if everyone was the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sad to read this thread, but explains why threads I have started on this subject have rarely got very far. A few have helped explore ideas though, usually strongly helped by Gemini Man and Zensual. After reading this I think I won’t try again though.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

To those saying perhaps BDSM and kinks shouldn't be discussed here - so long as they conform to site rules why shouldn't they?

Surely the way to break down barriers and get past the nay sayers is to bring it out in the open, to discuss it more so it becomes more acceptable, rather than hiding it away for furtive behind the scenes discussions? Using it as an opportunity to educate rather than allowing those with a skewed knowledge continue to think they are right?

I personally think there is a lot of value to be found in discussing it openly and honestly to address the ignorance of those that do think it's simply about picking up a flogger and having at it.

It's no different from threads about bisexual men that are contentious and we don't shy away from them so why shy away from this?

Always makes me smile that threads about spanking are perfectly acceptable and yet one step further to BDSM and it brings out the worst in people at times.

Whilst I agree there are other sites where BDSM, D/s and kink are more appropriate, as Tea suggested above there *is* a crossover into swinging (No matter how much some will say there's not) and therefore those of us who are knowledgeable on the subject surely have a right, and an element of responsibility to impart that knowledge wisely and take on the nay sayers with that knowledge?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm not saying they shouldn't I'm saying I won't discuss mine. If someone asks a specific question that I know the answer to I'll happily give it though. I became tired of the superior and patronising attitude displayed by some and the deliberate decision to misunderstand of others. We both prefer to keep things private nowadays.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I'm not saying they shouldn't I'm saying I won't discuss mine. If someone asks a specific question that I know the answer to I'll happily give it though. I became tired of the superior and patronising attitude displayed by some and the deliberate decision to misunderstand of others. We both prefer to keep things private nowadays."

Oh absolutely - we each as individuals decide what works for us - I just find it a shame that it sometimes feels like we shouldn't discuss such things for the very reasons you mention.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I'm not saying they shouldn't I'm saying I won't discuss mine. If someone asks a specific question that I know the answer to I'll happily give it though. I became tired of the superior and patronising attitude displayed by some and the deliberate decision to misunderstand of others. We both prefer to keep things private nowadays.

Oh absolutely - we each as individuals decide what works for us - I just find it a shame that it sometimes feels like we shouldn't discuss such things for the very reasons you mention."

Me too

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

We love to talk about it but you are right, on here there is an awful lot of misconception and lack of understanding not to mention consideration of others.

We've had a lot of private msgs about it over the years so we keep the majority of our discussions there...

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By *eriousGuyABCMan
over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

I've found there are a lot of intolerance posts by keyboard warriors on every site but more prevalent on here, so I tend not to post very often. But there are more than a few of us BDSM peeps on here

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By *ensual OP   Man
over a year ago

Sutton

Thanks everyone for contributing.

I usual I tend to agree with Gemini man in that it is good to help with education. But it is a balance like Nicecouple561 and others have said. The issue being , what is the point of being helpful if you get insulted in the process?

I am someone who moved from swinging into bdsm and I have found information and comments on some threads helpful in my development. Contrary to some comments in threads, I do think there is a deep well of knowledge regarding bdsm on Fab.

It is a shame that the amount of intolerance prevents people wanting to know more to enter into sensible discussion.

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By *oss and SuzieCouple
over a year ago

Porthmadog

We are a long term BDSM couple, and have found it difficult to have an open discussion about more sensitive matters here. Fab is very good at what it does, which is principally for the swinging community, but we tend to use other sites for some discussions.

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By *issyfaggotfayeTV/TS
over a year ago

Bolton

Too many on here take the moral high ground when it's frankly none of their business whether I like an over 60 yr old pervert to use me, or whether I like bdsm and I'm happy to suffer at the hands of a dom guy, or whether I enjoy bareback. Frankly what I do is up to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks everyone for contributing.

I usual I tend to agree with Gemini man in that it is good to help with education. But it is a balance like Nicecouple561 and others have said. The issue being , what is the point of being helpful if you get insulted in the process?

I am someone who moved from swinging into bdsm and I have found information and comments on some threads helpful in my development. Contrary to some comments in threads, I do think there is a deep well of knowledge regarding bdsm on Fab.

It is a shame that the amount of intolerance prevents people wanting to know more to enter into sensible discussion."

I do agree with you on this, I have picked many folks brains in the past about BDSM and various aspects of it but I found that this was far better done in a one to one basis.

As so often is the case, even on other sites, everyone thinks that their way of doing things is the only right way. Especially in the heady world of domination (what kind of a Dom admits that they don't know everything or that they might be wrong?!)

I sometimes think that asking for advice on forums is like directing by committee; a lot will be said but no real results.

Tea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I think that fab forums are full of those that will always disagree on things they don't understand or accept.

If you look at threads about kink, sexuallity, body types, preferences, to general chats most of the time they get hijacked by someone that is either offended, just likes causing drama, has a air if self importance and as such theirs is the only opinion that matter, or those seeking attention.

I think a lot of this comes down to being hidden behind a screen and you don't see the damage your comments can make.

Some of it is we have become so complacent in actually learning to discuss debate and communicate with each other that some people can only insult and belittle when faced with a view or subject that they don't understand.

And then we have the trolls those who actually get a kick out of saying stuff that they no will anger and hurt people. And as long as they get their kicks they dont care who they hurt.

In the long run there is incorrect thought that as we are on a swingers site we are supposed to be more open minded and accepting of people. And in truth some are but alit are not.

In the kink scene there is a thought of "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to have that kink"

Maybe people just accepting "your way of swinging is not my way of swinging but I respect your right to swing that way" is needed.

And in the long run if we come across people into different things than us just say have fun and enjoy and go your seperate ways.

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

Well put MT and Boo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks everyone for contributing.

I usual I tend to agree with Gemini man in that it is good to help with education. But it is a balance like Nicecouple561 and others have said. The issue being , what is the point of being helpful if you get insulted in the process?

I am someone who moved from swinging into bdsm and I have found information and comments on some threads helpful in my development. Contrary to some comments in threads, I do think there is a deep well of knowledge regarding bdsm on Fab.

It is a shame that the amount of intolerance prevents people wanting to know more to enter into sensible discussion.

I do agree with you on this, I have picked many folks brains in the past about BDSM and various aspects of it but I found that this was far better done in a one to one basis.

As so often is the case, even on other sites, everyone thinks that their way of doing things is the only right way. Especially in the heady world of domination (what kind of a Dom admits that they don't know everything or that they might be wrong?!)

I sometimes think that asking for advice on forums is like directing by committee; a lot will be said but no real results.

Tea"

To answer your question from.some one that came into swinging from the kink scene after many many years.

A Dom or Domme that has been around the kink scene and is trained in their craft will say they do not know everything and will admit they make mistakes.

I think there is a difference in someone being dominant and being an

Dom or domme

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks everyone for contributing.

I usual I tend to agree with Gemini man in that it is good to help with education. But it is a balance like Nicecouple561 and others have said. The issue being , what is the point of being helpful if you get insulted in the process?

I am someone who moved from swinging into bdsm and I have found information and comments on some threads helpful in my development. Contrary to some comments in threads, I do think there is a deep well of knowledge regarding bdsm on Fab.

It is a shame that the amount of intolerance prevents people wanting to know more to enter into sensible discussion.

I do agree with you on this, I have picked many folks brains in the past about BDSM and various aspects of it but I found that this was far better done in a one to one basis.

As so often is the case, even on other sites, everyone thinks that their way of doing things is the only right way. Especially in the heady world of domination (what kind of a Dom admits that they don't know everything or that they might be wrong?!)

I sometimes think that asking for advice on forums is like directing by committee; a lot will be said but no real results.

Tea

To answer your question from.some one that came into swinging from the kink scene after many many years.

A Dom or Domme that has been around the kink scene and is trained in their craft will say they do not know everything and will admit they make mistakes.

I think there is a difference in someone being dominant and being an

Dom or domme

"

Thanks, I know, I was being flippant

Tea

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

We're both into BDSM and have been wondering for a while if putting it on our profile puts people off! We're not about to start practicing it on people or anything we just make it clear it's an interest. C is my Dom and I'm allowed to play with his consent but I very much need his consent and that is clear. It's also the reason I always wear my collar to events, etc.

I'm into being degraded but I notice people here don't really like that subject. That's cool we do you don't. But yes there can be kink shaming here.

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By *hiny-SinnersCouple
over a year ago

Vale of Glamorgan

Agree with the comments and as a fetish couple who enjoy some aspects of swing we have been shocked over the seeming norrowmindedness of some, and we stress only some, of the swing community. We don't mind discussing out kinks, as is evident from our profile, and enjoy passing on our experiences if it helps others but, like others have commented, modern discourse has become far more polarised and aggressive. It reflects this whole wider identity politics that is ruining political and social debate, but don't get us started on that one.......

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"(what kind of a Dom admits that they don't know everything or that they might be wrong?!)"

The ones that should be avoided lol

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"Thanks everyone for contributing.

I usual I tend to agree with Gemini man in that it is good to help with education. But it is a balance like Nicecouple561 and others have said. The issue being , what is the point of being helpful if you get insulted in the process?

I am someone who moved from swinging into bdsm and I have found information and comments on some threads helpful in my development. Contrary to some comments in threads, I do think there is a deep well of knowledge regarding bdsm on Fab.

It is a shame that the amount of intolerance prevents people wanting to know more to enter into sensible discussion.

I do agree with you on this, I have picked many folks brains in the past about BDSM and various aspects of it but I found that this was far better done in a one to one basis.

As so often is the case, even on other sites, everyone thinks that their way of doing things is the only right way. Especially in the heady world of domination (what kind of a Dom admits that they don't know everything or that they might be wrong?!)

I sometimes think that asking for advice on forums is like directing by committee; a lot will be said but no real results.

Tea

To answer your question from.some one that came into swinging from the kink scene after many many years.

A Dom or Domme that has been around the kink scene and is trained in their craft will say they do not know everything and will admit they make mistakes.

I think there is a difference in someone being dominant and being an

Dom or domme

"

I like to call that the difference between being a Dom and being Domaneering. They're a world apart.

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)


"In the kink scene there is a thought of "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to have that kink’

And in the long run if we come across people into different things than us just say have fun and enjoy and go your seperate ways.

"

I would like this. I know my kinks are not the same as most people’s but I shouldn’t be shamed for having them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the kink scene there is a thought of "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to have that kink’

And in the long run if we come across people into different things than us just say have fun and enjoy and go your seperate ways.

I would like this. I know my kinks are not the same as most people’s but I shouldn’t be shamed for having them "

Indeed x

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)


"In the kink scene there is a thought of "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to have that kink’

And in the long run if we come across people into different things than us just say have fun and enjoy and go your seperate ways.

I would like this. I know my kinks are not the same as most people’s but I shouldn’t be shamed for having them

Indeed x"

A few more people like you would make for a happier site I am sure

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Unfortunately there are two sides to the ignorance (and I mean that in the context of not having the knowledge, rather than in a derogatory way) that often leads to the contentiousness we see on BDSM related threads - firstly those that see BDSM as abuse, and don't understand the finer nuances of it, or get that it couldn't be further from abuse in a lot of respects, and secondly those that see internet BDSM porn or those books and think that's all there is to it, and that's people on both sides of the D/s coin.

Knowledge really is key though, which is why I keep coming back to the value of being able to share that knowledge and do so whilst respecting others kinks and individuality

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By *oss and SuzieCouple
over a year ago

Porthmadog

Good idea

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Great idea.

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By *onestjohn1962Man
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Great idea."

Or simply sign up to another free site that is specifically for Kinksters.

I am not allowed to mention the name.

It is quite eye opening, some of the terms I have to Google !

And there literally is something for everyone and a lot of swinging groups too.

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By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago

North West

I’ve had messages from doms on here telling me I’m not a true sub and I have no idea what I’m taking about.

The plus side to it is that those types of Doms tend to show themselves quickly so I know to avoid. No body is right or wrong. We just aren’t for each other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the kink scene there is a thought of "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to have that kink’

And in the long run if we come across people into different things than us just say have fun and enjoy and go your seperate ways.

I would like this. I know my kinks are not the same as most people’s but I shouldn’t be shamed for having them

Indeed x

A few more people like you would make for a happier site I am sure "

I was thinking just the same about a few more like you grin x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For the same reason that many don't discuss kinks on here; people make judgement and kink shame based on misunderstanding, personal preference and misinformation.

BDSM does cross over into swinging on the Venn diagram but not all swingers 'get' it.

Personally I haven't and won't discuss kinks on here as the discussion never actually goes anywhere other than downhill.

Tea"

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By *ensual OP   Man
over a year ago

Sutton

Once again thank you all for your contributions.

The quality is really high and respectful. The thread seems to be creating its own database of people with knowledge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we are members of the site you cannot mention too!

Everybody has their kinks ....we may not share some peoples but respect its their thing and get on with our own kinks.

Too many judgemental people around.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

We are on that site to. Mot the easiest site to chat on!

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

There have been plenty of civil bdsm threads on fabs over the years.

However this is a swing site rather than a fetish site. You may find it easier and more satisfying to discuss kink on one of the specialist kink sites.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There have been plenty of civil bdsm threads on fabs over the years.

However this is a swing site rather than a fetish site. You may find it easier and more satisfying to discuss kink on one of the specialist kink sites."

But what happens if you are into kinky fuckery and are a swinger. Surely the two can come together

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"We are on that site to. Mot the easiest site to chat on!"

Agreed, it is (to me) a horrible site to navigate, plus it is “Americanised”.

However, in its favour it is a good source for information.

We play, scene and like fab for contact with friends, we do find more open minds in the dungeons at clubs though.

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By *ensual OP   Man
over a year ago

Sutton

This is my view from my experience but as everyone have said everyone has and is entitled to their own take.

Privately, obviously, it is up to people to do what they want. The problem with public events is that people looking for sex attend who have no knowledge of kink etiquette, which can ruin the fun. Particularly where the kinksters are doing kinky fuckery in public and horny vanillas try to gatecrash the scene.

There is also I suggest a balance about how the event is advertised. Some people may not want to see the sexual side of bdsm. Therefore the event should clearly describe what may or may not happen and enforce it.

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

We've just found Angels in Melksham. We've been swingers for more years than we can count on fingers and toes. Been kinkesters for 5.

We've just found a cross over event , for both. Angels hold a dedicated Fet, swinging event once a month. We went last Sat, and very sucsusfully mixed the 2.

When we we're in kink mode on equipment, we we're not distrubed. But then moved to the orgy bed where swinging happened.

This will be out new home.

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham


"we are members of the site you cannot mention too!

Everybody has their kinks ....we may not share some peoples but respect its their thing and get on with our own kinks.

Too many judgemental people around. "

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

[Removed by poster at 24/06/19 20:34:05]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think some of the problems are you get people saying they don't get it/ don't agree with it and they are told they should go educate themselves, which sounds very patronising. They may well have educated themselves and that is why they say what they thought. No amount of brow beating or labouring a point will change their minds while they are being patronised. Sometimes it is best just to accept they don't agree with some parts of it.

You then get the people who think they are the only ones who know anything about dom/ sub and belittle anyone who is trying to get into the scene. This is also patronising and not helpful at all.

You also get some who discuss subjects that are not allowed on the forum.

All in all, the threads are never normally plain sailing

( FFS fingers don't work tonight so why so many posts )

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"There have been plenty of civil bdsm threads on fabs over the years.

However this is a swing site rather than a fetish site. You may find it easier and more satisfying to discuss kink on one of the specialist kink sites.

But what happens if you are into kinky fuckery and are a swinger. Surely the two can come together "

I have found that the vast majority of people into kink enjoy swinging and/or sex with their kink.

Some fetish clubs don't allow sex because they don't have a license.

But plenty of swing clubs hold fetish events.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Try doing a thread about preferring 'slim' women, then you really do find the controversy of fab and the true mud slinging it brings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm with Zensual and Gemini.

I think there should be a forum for it.

If only to help educate those who are new to BDSM and want to explore.

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By *rotica xCouple
over a year ago

Chepstow/Portugal

I just love how for women - it’s okay to post pictures of their feet for a fetish. But anyone else into other fetishes - NOT okay... I don’t understand feet fetishes but you know what? I love people expressing themselves! Women like to roleplay or don’t? I respect that!

Sorry but after posting a question on here about what mature women use in their makeup routine which I was crucified for (being a 25 yo girl), I find that women spend their lives trolling the forums to feel better about themselves. It’s not fair.

Sorry but if I was a man transitioning and asking the same question, I’d be treated with respect. On fab - you have to go with what women find respectable... unfortunately women on forums like to have the first say rather than embrace others opinions. Sad really.. but true x

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Bookmarking to read later, intriguing subject x

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By *ensual OP   Man
over a year ago

Sutton


"We've just found Angels in Melksham. We've been swingers for more years than we can count on fingers and toes. Been kinkesters for 5.

We've just found a cross over event , for both. Angels hold a dedicated Fet, swinging event once a month. We went last Sat, and very sucsusfully mixed the 2.

When we we're in kink mode on equipment, we we're not distrubed. But then moved to the orgy bed where swinging happened.

This will be out new home. "

When I lived in Wiltshire Angels was a nightclub for the teenagers. What a difference 10 years make.

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By *ensual OP   Man
over a year ago

Sutton

Once again thank you for the contributions.

Thanks for the tip of the hat Genghis. I would like a bdsm forum but I can't see it happening. I was part of a strong push for one 3 years ago that got nowhere. I was also regularly on a bdsm thread 2 years ago that got stopped because people did not stick to the forum rules for discussion,

I think due to the reasons raised in this thread, there will not be BDSM forum. We can only (as individuals) try to help when people have queries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once again thank you for the contributions.

Thanks for the tip of the hat Genghis. I would like a bdsm forum but I can't see it happening. I was part of a strong push for one 3 years ago that got nowhere. I was also regularly on a bdsm thread 2 years ago that got stopped because people did not stick to the forum rules for discussion,

I think due to the reasons raised in this thread, there will not be BDSM forum. We can only (as individuals) try to help when people have queries."

Respect where it's due

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always have issues trying to get anything going on fab about our kink ours is fairly main stream I think. Would have thought it would be more open but I guess not. We get alot better on another well known site with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always have issues trying to get anything going on fab about our kink ours is fairly main stream I think. Would have thought it would be more open but I guess not. We get alot better on another well known site with it"

Love the rope work X Boo is a rigger x

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By *rotica xCouple
over a year ago

Chepstow/Portugal

I feel like people on here (swingers) all have their preferences. Some like feet, boobs, kinky outfits but those are the ones who judge... we don’t belong here because we have our kinks too no matter what they are..yet we arent accepted because our kinks are maybe ummm a collar? A spank?

Women use dildos, men use whatever they use but people on here are too self righteous to think “hold on, maybe my kink, others don’t like... same goes for theirs?”

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By *rotica xCouple
over a year ago

Chepstow/Portugal

I feel like people on here (swingers) all have their preferences. Some like feet, boobs, kinky outfits but those are the ones who judge... we don’t belong here because we have our kinks too no matter what they are..yet we arent accepted because our kinks are maybe ummm a collar? A spank?

Women use dildos, men use whatever they use but people on here are too self righteous to think “hold on, maybe my kink, others don’t like... same goes for theirs?”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Always have issues trying to get anything going on fab about our kink ours is fairly main stream I think. Would have thought it would be more open but I guess not. We get alot better on another well known site with it

Love the rope work X Boo is a rigger x"

Ty very much. We love seeing others work and and get inspiration

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By *hiny-SinnersCouple
over a year ago

Vale of Glamorgan

We too are a member of that other site and it is great for info and a feeling of community, but not as user friendly as Fab for arranging meets and finding out about other meets and events. And we too enjoy fetish sex rather than pure BDSM, whatever that means.

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By *eriousGuyABCMan
over a year ago

( WEST OF ) Chippenham ish

Yep, another "Macbeth" member here Every site has it's pros and cons but I have had more response to chat from the other site generally than here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because we're all arseholes with opinions.

Its taken me a fair while to not bite so hard when someone says something I dislike on here. That's only because it's in my nature and a bit of nurturing.. to be a little.. savage. Defending myself or others from a perceived threat.

It does you very little favours on here though, yes you'll get noticed, but itll be for all the WRONG reasons.

Now if someone tries to steal my thunder.. I smile (immitation/sincere flattery) same goes for those morons who pass themselves off as Forces or Firebrigade. Let them have their moment in the sun, with those not wise enough to see the truth of it.

Same goes for bickering.. if someone's irritated by what I've said, think, or feel. I've grown up enough not to care about their reaction. I've come across it 500 times already in real life and elsewhere online that it's like water off a ducks back now.

Just carry on being yourself, talking and flirting with likeminded souls and ignoring the wronguns. Even if they are calling you out in the open on something. Lack of a response isnt always a lie, a hidden truth, fear, doubt, uncertainty..

#coldface. You don't deserve an answer face. The you've no idea what I'm thinking face. The go fuckyourself face. The I don't see you face.

Some of us thrive in a conflict zone, but the best of us survive by avoiding a conflict zone.

Cant believe I'm giving advice about squabbling online

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Part of our journey into the swinging scene was for both of us to experiment with kink and BDSM.

I must say I have been very surprised by some of the judgmental and narrowminded views.

Mind you this isn't just kink/BDSM isolated.

Live and Let Live comes to mind!

advice welcome

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Count Alfred Korzbyski that if there was a wood and two lovers walked in they would see it differently to a lumberjack, or an ornithologist.

It’s the same wood, just different perception.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"To those saying perhaps BDSM and kinks shouldn't be discussed here - so long as they conform to site rules why shouldn't they?

Surely the way to break down barriers and get past the nay sayers is to bring it out in the open, to discuss it more so it becomes more acceptable, rather than hiding it away for furtive behind the scenes discussions? Using it as an opportunity to educate rather than allowing those with a skewed knowledge continue to think they are right?

I personally think there is a lot of value to be found in discussing it openly and honestly to address the ignorance of those that do think it's simply about picking up a flogger and having at it.

It's no different from threads about bisexual men that are contentious and we don't shy away from them so why shy away from this?

Always makes me smile that threads about spanking are perfectly acceptable and yet one step further to BDSM and it brings out the worst in people at times.

Whilst I agree there are other sites where BDSM, D/s and kink are more appropriate, as Tea suggested above there *is* a crossover into swinging (No matter how much some will say there's not) and therefore those of us who are knowledgeable on the subject surely have a right, and an element of responsibility to impart that knowledge wisely and take on the nay sayers with that knowledge?"

I don't hide it on here. I get a lot of judgement for some of my kinks but I can't be bothered being secretive about it as then I just attract people who aren't into the same kind of sex as me. I often get messages from people who talk to me about their kinks or men who talk to me about being bisexual or enjoyed types of olay that some don't see as acceptable for men. I'm glad that at least being so bluntly honest on here helps others in some way.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"To be honest I think that fab forums are full of those that will always disagree on things they don't understand or accept.

If you look at threads about kink, sexuallity, body types, preferences, to general chats most of the time they get hijacked by someone that is either offended, just likes causing drama, has a air if self importance and as such theirs is the only opinion that matter, or those seeking attention.

I think a lot of this comes down to being hidden behind a screen and you don't see the damage your comments can make.

Some of it is we have become so complacent in actually learning to discuss debate and communicate with each other that some people can only insult and belittle when faced with a view or subject that they don't understand.

And then we have the trolls those who actually get a kick out of saying stuff that they no will anger and hurt people. And as long as they get their kicks they dont care who they hurt.

In the long run there is incorrect thought that as we are on a swingers site we are supposed to be more open minded and accepting of people. And in truth some are but alit are not.

In the kink scene there is a thought of "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to have that kink"

Maybe people just accepting "your way of swinging is not my way of swinging but I respect your right to swing that way" is needed.

And in the long run if we come across people into different things than us just say have fun and enjoy and go your seperate ways.

"

This very much chimes with our experience. I have been surprised at how judgemental people can be on fab - although I'm getting more used to it. We were kink shamed on another thread about Mr leading me into a club wearing my collar, which really riled me I have to say. I don't understand why people feel the need to tear others down.

We are relatively new to bdsm so the idea of a forum devoted to it would be great! There is so much to learn and explore. Chatting with like-minded people seems like an ideal way to go about it.

Mrs TMN x

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By *ensual OP   Man
over a year ago

Sutton

I am really glad to see the positive contributions in light of a few recent negative threads.

People seem to concentrate on the negative aspects, but actually there is a lot of fun and joy in kink.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I am really glad to see the positive contributions in light of a few recent negative threads.

People seem to concentrate on the negative aspects, but actually there is a lot of fun and joy in kink."

Absolutely! I find so much freedom in submission. Which on the face of it doesn't seem to make sense - but yet it is true. It is a wonderful world of possibilities

Mrs TMN x

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By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago

North West


"To be honest I think that fab forums are full of those that will always disagree on things they don't understand or accept.

If you look at threads about kink, sexuallity, body types, preferences, to general chats most of the time they get hijacked by someone that is either offended, just likes causing drama, has a air if self importance and as such theirs is the only opinion that matter, or those seeking attention.

I think a lot of this comes down to being hidden behind a screen and you don't see the damage your comments can make.

Some of it is we have become so complacent in actually learning to discuss debate and communicate with each other that some people can only insult and belittle when faced with a view or subject that they don't understand.

And then we have the trolls those who actually get a kick out of saying stuff that they no will anger and hurt people. And as long as they get their kicks they dont care who they hurt.

In the long run there is incorrect thought that as we are on a swingers site we are supposed to be more open minded and accepting of people. And in truth some are but alit are not.

In the kink scene there is a thought of "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to have that kink"

Maybe people just accepting "your way of swinging is not my way of swinging but I respect your right to swing that way" is needed.

And in the long run if we come across people into different things than us just say have fun and enjoy and go your seperate ways.

This very much chimes with our experience. I have been surprised at how judgemental people can be on fab - although I'm getting more used to it. We were kink shamed on another thread about Mr leading me into a club wearing my collar, which really riled me I have to say. I don't understand why people feel the need to tear others down.

We are relatively new to bdsm so the idea of a forum devoted to it would be great! There is so much to learn and explore. Chatting with like-minded people seems like an ideal way to go about it.

Mrs TMN x "

Ooh I’ve wondered about having my other half do that. Not been to a club yet so may need to go once before the collar and lead. It’s a way of showing I’m his though

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Makes being naughty a little naughtier with good communication build a fantasy and execute it, well not literally

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"To be honest I think that fab forums are full of those that will always disagree on things they don't understand or accept.

If you look at threads about kink, sexuallity, body types, preferences, to general chats most of the time they get hijacked by someone that is either offended, just likes causing drama, has a air if self importance and as such theirs is the only opinion that matter, or those seeking attention.

I think a lot of this comes down to being hidden behind a screen and you don't see the damage your comments can make.

Some of it is we have become so complacent in actually learning to discuss debate and communicate with each other that some people can only insult and belittle when faced with a view or subject that they don't understand.

And then we have the trolls those who actually get a kick out of saying stuff that they no will anger and hurt people. And as long as they get their kicks they dont care who they hurt.

In the long run there is incorrect thought that as we are on a swingers site we are supposed to be more open minded and accepting of people. And in truth some are but alit are not.

In the kink scene there is a thought of "your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to have that kink"

Maybe people just accepting "your way of swinging is not my way of swinging but I respect your right to swing that way" is needed.

And in the long run if we come across people into different things than us just say have fun and enjoy and go your seperate ways.

This very much chimes with our experience. I have been surprised at how judgemental people can be on fab - although I'm getting more used to it. We were kink shamed on another thread about Mr leading me into a club wearing my collar, which really riled me I have to say. I don't understand why people feel the need to tear others down.

We are relatively new to bdsm so the idea of a forum devoted to it would be great! There is so much to learn and explore. Chatting with like-minded people seems like an ideal way to go about it.

Mrs TMN x

Ooh I’ve wondered about having my other half do that. Not been to a club yet so may need to go once before the collar and lead. It’s a way of showing I’m his though "

It was our first and so far only time! Just felt like the right thing to do. Loved chatting away to folk at the bar with him holding it casually

Mrs TMN x

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