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Line of questioning when seeking new Vanilla partner to infer they might swing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So you know in the Walking Dead, the lead guy (Rick Grimes) asks 3 questions to determine whether a new face is eligible to join their group, it got me thinking.

I find myself newly single & the notion of meeting an 'open-minded' (code for "yeah, I'll go swinging with you") woman is somewhat appealing....in fact, the thought of vanilla sex for the rest of my days fills me with dread. So...

I'm on vanilla dating websites & since there isn't a category for "Swinging: Yes/No" I'm having to try & establish early on (I see no point in finding out after the 10th date)

it strikes me that a very high percentage of women who swing are either Bi or Bi-Curious. So I thought, ok, I'll use that as on of my earl probing questions. The challenge is to ask without coming across as a full on perv, for example...

Me: "Hi"

Her: "Hello"

Me: "Do you have any Bi Tendencies?"

Blocked.

To date I've managed to weave it in without being blocked....the few women I've asked were MOST DEFINITELY NOT Bi Curious (sample reply "I'd vomit")

Strikes me as being a valid way to establish early on the woman's state of mind re swinging (another reply I got..."I wouldn't want to share" ....Nil points)

But what would be another valid question (or two) to ask (towards establishing a degree of hope!) yet without giving fright?

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

1. Do you agree that making love can be a beautiful thing between two people?

2. Do you think that between five people it would be even better?

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

If you are trying vanilla sites to find swingers then best of luck to you. If I were you I wouldn't bother unless you look like Brad Pitt. Most women are not into this lifestyle and there has to be something exceptional about you to attract the ones that are.

Use those sites if you want a partner. If you are lucky enough to find somebody you click with then enjoy it. If you're incredibly lucky she will be open to this, but if you filter out the ones who aren't before you get involved, the chances are you won't find the person you are looking for. You are looking for a needle in a haystack.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip


"1. Do you agree that making love can be a beautiful thing between two people?

2. Do you think that between five people it would be even better? "

That's a variation on a Woody Allen quote.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you are trying vanilla sites to find swingers then best of luck to you. If I were you I wouldn't bother unless you look like Brad Pitt. Most women are not into this lifestyle and there has to be something exceptional about you to attract the ones that are.

Use those sites if you want a partner. If you are lucky enough to find somebody you click with then enjoy it. If you're incredibly lucky she will be open to this, but if you filter out the ones who aren't before you get involved, the chances are you won't find the person you are looking for. You are looking for a needle in a haystack. "

I'm aware of the odds ...but they're are surely women out there. I'm not saying that I want her to be into Swinging from the outset, but I'm looking for a 'non-closed' state of mind.

Besides trying to locate a genuinely single/available woman who's already in the swinging community really is the proverbial needle in a haystack. I used to be in the RAF ...literally hundreds of guys on an air base...and a handful of women...it's akin to that.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"1. Do you agree that making love can be a beautiful thing between two people?

2. Do you think that between five people it would be even better?

That's a variation on a Woody Allen quote. "

I know, but I couldn’t work in the moose joke

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I guess you have to ask yourself which is more important OP - finding a partner who you have lots in common with, who adores you and she you etc etc and potentially may be interested in an open lifestyle, or is the priority the open lifestyle?

If it's the latter, then you are indeed going to be looking for a needle in a haystack to find someone that (a) is into it from the get go and (b) who meets all the other usual attraction factors.

Yes, it's possible (and there are people on here who have met and got together), but I would think the most important thing would be finding someone who matches you on other levels before worrying about whether they may be into swinging.

Think about it this way, how appealing do you think it would be to *most* people to be asked early on if they'd be open to having sex with other people than you when you've only just met? Is almost like saying "you'll do for now, but I very soon will be looking for someone else" to anyone that doesn't know and "get" this lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Think about it this way, how appealing do you think it would be to *most* people to be asked early on if they'd be open to having sex with other people than you when you've only just met? Is almost like saying "you'll do for now, but I very soon will be looking for someone else" to anyone that doesn't know and "get" this lifestyle."

I hear ya...but conversely, think about it this way...you jump through all the hoops, you type away flirting online, you arrange to meet, it goes well, several dates later (we could be two weeks in by now & god knows how many hours expended!) ...you get to the bedroom ...she asks for the lights off, she only wants missionary blah blah.

So I I think I'd rather get a hint early on (at the risk of alienating).

Your first paragraph sums it up nicely & being frank, having lived a colourful life...& being newly single after a very long relationship, I think I'll just sit tight until someone ticks ALL the boxes - she's out there, it's just will I find her.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Think about it this way, how appealing do you think it would be to *most* people to be asked early on if they'd be open to having sex with other people than you when you've only just met? Is almost like saying "you'll do for now, but I very soon will be looking for someone else" to anyone that doesn't know and "get" this lifestyle.

I hear ya...but conversely, think about it this way...you jump through all the hoops, you type away flirting online, you arrange to meet, it goes well, several dates later (we could be two weeks in by now & god knows how many hours expended!) ...you get to the bedroom ...she asks for the lights off, she only wants missionary blah blah.

So I I think I'd rather get a hint early on (at the risk of alienating).

Your first paragraph sums it up nicely & being frank, having lived a colourful life...& being newly single after a very long relationship, I think I'll just sit tight until someone ticks ALL the boxes - she's out there, it's just will I find her."

Oh don't get me wrong, I hear you completely just there's a fine balance to be found between alienation and finding what you are looking for, particularly on a vanilla dating site - I'm just not sure trying to assess if someone is into swinging, or even the idea of it, on one of those sites is the way to go either.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

First date say I'm into swinging are you or would you be interested?

Anyone open to the idea will say "possibly" and hopefully give the conditions under which they would be.

Vanilla (how I hate that term) sex can be every bit as fulfilling as mint choc chip though. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So you know in the Walking Dead, the lead guy (Rick Grimes) asks 3 questions to determine whether a new face is eligible to join their group, it got me thinking.

I find myself newly single & the notion of meeting an 'open-minded' (code for "yeah, I'll go swinging with you") woman is somewhat appealing....in fact, the thought of vanilla sex for the rest of my days fills me with dread. So...

I'm on vanilla dating websites & since there isn't a category for "Swinging: Yes/No" I'm having to try & establish early on (I see no point in finding out after the 10th date)

it strikes me that a very high percentage of women who swing are either Bi or Bi-Curious. So I thought, ok, I'll use that as on of my earl probing questions. The challenge is to ask without coming across as a full on perv, for example...

Me: "Hi"

Her: "Hello"

Me: "Do you have any Bi Tendencies?"

Blocked.

To date I've managed to weave it in without being blocked....the few women I've asked were MOST DEFINITELY NOT Bi Curious (sample reply "I'd vomit")

Strikes me as being a valid way to establish early on the woman's state of mind re swinging (another reply I got..."I wouldn't want to share" ....Nil points)

But what would be another valid question (or two) to ask (towards establishing a degree of hope!) yet without giving fright?

"

Are you saying straight women don't swing?

Mrs

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By *rustratedmissWoman
over a year ago

York


"So you know in the Walking Dead, the lead guy (Rick Grimes) asks 3 questions to determine whether a new face is eligible to join their group, it got me thinking.

I find myself newly single & the notion of meeting an 'open-minded' (code for "yeah, I'll go swinging with you") woman is somewhat appealing....in fact, the thought of vanilla sex for the rest of my days fills me with dread. So...

I'm on vanilla dating websites & since there isn't a category for "Swinging: Yes/No" I'm having to try & establish early on (I see no point in finding out after the 10th date)

it strikes me that a very high percentage of women who swing are either Bi or Bi-Curious. So I thought, ok, I'll use that as on of my earl probing questions. The challenge is to ask without coming across as a full on perv, for example...

Me: "Hi"

Her: "Hello"

Me: "Do you have any Bi Tendencies?"

Blocked.

To date I've managed to weave it in without being blocked....the few women I've asked were MOST DEFINITELY NOT Bi Curious (sample reply "I'd vomit")

Strikes me as being a valid way to establish early on the woman's state of mind re swinging (another reply I got..."I wouldn't want to share" ....Nil points)

But what would be another valid question (or two) to ask (towards establishing a degree of hope!) yet without giving fright?

"

I'm definitely not Bi or Bi curious so the question would be pointless for me but I am open to swinging as a couple.

Im dating from the mainstream sites and at the moment looking to meet someone who is right for me- if he was into swinging and wanted to explore together now that would just be perfect but don't want to miss out on meeting Mr Right just because I am a greedy girl

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By *ooliganMan
over a year ago

Preston

When I was using dating sites, I found it quite easy to guage each case differently...

Start with a line of conversation about how you're making the most of being single... If that illicits a bit of flirtatiousness and an interest in what you get up to, it's pretty eay to guide the convo towards talk of hook-ups, NSA and more... If they're completely turned off by that sort of conversation, they're not the girl for you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask the women if they've ever had a 3some, it's a good tell tale sign if they'd be up for it or not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are you saying straight women don't swing?

Mrs "

No, I'm saying a lot do - so it'll form one of my questions...I need more questions to capture those that aren't bi!

Here's what I've got so far...

Q1: Have you any bi leanings?!

Q2: Do you enjoy porn?

Q3: Will you accompany be to a fisting & Bukkake session next week

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

You could ask what other sites they've been using to meet people. If they say pof etc and 'a few others', that might be code for something else. But it's a tricky one and not something I'd bring up on date no 1!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

These are questions I want to ask *before* a first date! Time is precious.... I've had a reasonable amount of women contact me.... But I'd MUCH rather whittle it down via messaging, else there are going to be an awful lot of wasted evenings!

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By *imandHer69rCouple
over a year ago

Banbury

I (The F of the couple) met my other half on here. No point looking on vanilla sites if that’s not what you’re looking for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Think about it this way, how appealing do you think it would be to *most* people to be asked early on if they'd be open to having sex with other people than you when you've only just met? Is almost like saying "you'll do for now, but I very soon will be looking for someone else" to anyone that doesn't know and "get" this lifestyle.

I hear ya...but conversely, think about it this way...you jump through all the hoops, you type away flirting online, you arrange to meet, it goes well, several dates later (we could be two weeks in by now & god knows how many hours expended!) ...you get to the bedroom ...she asks for the lights off, she only wants missionary blah blah.

So I I think I'd rather get a hint early on (at the risk of alienating).

Your first paragraph sums it up nicely & being frank, having lived a colourful life...& being newly single after a very long relationship, I think I'll just sit tight until someone ticks ALL the boxes - she's out there, it's just will I find her."

Or she could be the best fuck of your life but not want to swing

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I (The F of the couple) met my other half on here. No point looking on vanilla sites if that’s not what you’re looking for"

There's a bazillion guys on here for every single female...nit great odds wrt finding a long term oartner. Even vanilla dating sites have many more men vs. women...but at least the odds are way better....just got to find a swinger in the making!

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By *rincessPussycatTV/TS
over a year ago

a world of her own


"Me: "Hi"

Her: "Hello"

Me: "Do you have any Bi Tendencies?"

Blocked.

"

I'm not surprised. Pmsl.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

I'd put in my profile that I'm none monogamous and intend to stay that way.

Which exactly what I do have in such profiles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd put in my profile that I'm none monogamous and intend to stay that way.

Which exactly what I do have in such profiles. "

Yes, I'd agree with this. Is there some way you can work it into your own profile instead of asking leading questions later? It doesn't need to be in your face, anyone who is already leaning in the same direction would probably catch your drift?

Gentleman in public, more liberal minded behind closed doors kind of thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I (The F of the couple) met my other half on here. No point looking on vanilla sites if that’s not what you’re looking for

There's a bazillion guys on here for every single female...nit great odds wrt finding a long term oartner. Even vanilla dating sites have many more men vs. women...but at least the odds are way better....just got to find a swinger in the making!"

There may be a bazillion guys in here but a large proportion are not (let's be kind) 'partner material'.

If you are one of the few normal guys, and are open and honest in your profile, then your chances of finding someone on here are probably better than you think.

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

I think you have much bigger hurdles to jump through, before asking any questions maybe accommodating and travel first, cannot see many women getting bi in a tent.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

If I had said to Niki I'm only going to have a relationship with you if we have a non-monogamous relationship it would never have happened and I would never have met my soul mate.

It took years for her to come round to the idea and a few more years to fulfil the idea.

I would say that most people have non-monogamous fantasies, they have to align and then be developed and cultivated, so I would say look for someone open-minded, be VERY patient and have lots of fun with the challenge.

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