FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

Cuck play question

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How do you respect someone’s kink, and treat them respectfully, if part of their kink is being humiliated and laughed at? If I refuse to do that bit of it, will it be a less sexually fulfilling experience for them? I have no experience of cuck play and this aspect of it I’m really struggling with. However grumpy I appear on the forums, respect to others is integral to the way I deal with people. Genuine question.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my opinion/experience I would say very likely yes, they will not get as good an experience. For me it's about having to do something I either wouldn't or might not do, having the choice taken away.

On the other hand if it feels unnatural or forced that isn't good. The lady/couple really needs to be into it as well.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anes HubbyCouple
over a year ago

Babbacombe Torquay

I know I've said it before about cuckolding but....without the dynamic of the couple being a 'real' couple, in that I mean a long term couple who know each other as deeply as they know themselves, and have that bond, then neither of you will experience the intensity that cuckolding can bring to both parties.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I guess the first step would be to talk to them at length about their kink, whether they like to play it out all the time, or perhaps if there is a time when it kicks in e.g. you agree that once the hotel room door closes the humiliation aspect starts - either way you can only get a sense of this from discussing on an individual basis with the person concerned.

Ultimately though if a particular kink goes against your own personal comfort zone of how to test people then surely the thing to do is express that, and either walk away from the situation or talk it through to see if a compromise position can be found?

P.S. For what it's worth I've never thought of you as grumpy, and always enjoy the threads you post as they are invariably thought provoking and interesting

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I guess the first step would be to talk to them at length about their kink, whether they like to play it out all the time, or perhaps if there is a time when it kicks in e.g. you agree that once the hotel room door closes the humiliation aspect starts - either way you can only get a sense of this from discussing on an individual basis with the person concerned.

Ultimately though if a particular kink goes against your own personal comfort zone of how to treat people then surely the thing to do is express that, and either walk away from the situation or talk it through to see if a compromise position can be found?

P.S. For what it's worth I've never thought of you as grumpy, and always enjoy the threads you post as they are invariably thought provoking and interesting"

FTFM "treat" not "test" people

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the honest responses. I am of course talking to the person concerned, I just wanted to get the view of others with experience of this kink. As for the comment about relationships, while you might have a point, it seems a little harsh to condemn someone to not indulge their kink until they’ve found a partner and been in a relationship with them for 10 years. I know several people who have this kink and have come out of relationships and tbh I think they struggle. This might be an explanation for why I had several such approaches after my profile rewrite I guess.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us the cuckolding aspect takes time to develop. It is not something to rush into. It starts with first meeting for a 3sum then as the meets progress so he gradually gets the upper hand as ones partner submits to his desires and gives herself to him.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nique_GymMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

It really depends on how you are with the chap, so for me how my ex and I got into was pillow talk. That I think is your starting point and openly discuss what you both like. So this evolved into me licking while she talked about what it would be like if there was another bloke in bed kissing her while I did that. Then her suggesting I could fluff him. Then when we were both horny she would say things like ‘make the most of it as you might not get to do this when I meet someone’. This would usually result in my ‘having an accident’ then I would go down on her again and she would then say things like ‘best get used to the taste etc’ so the erotic nature of these talks were very intimate, and she could read just how turned on I and as a result she was at the prospect which is where we built the foundation for more intense emotional play.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It really depends on how you are with the chap, so for me how my ex and I got into was pillow talk. That I think is your starting point and openly discuss what you both like. So this evolved into me licking while she talked about what it would be like if there was another bloke in bed kissing her while I did that. Then her suggesting I could fluff him. Then when we were both horny she would say things like ‘make the most of it as you might not get to do this when I meet someone’. This would usually result in my ‘having an accident’ then I would go down on her again and she would then say things like ‘best get used to the taste etc’ so the erotic nature of these talks were very intimate, and she could read just how turned on I and as a result she was at the prospect which is where we built the foundation for more intense emotional play. "

That’s a very erotic post.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For us the cuckolding aspect takes time to develop. It is not something to rush into. It starts with first meeting for a 3sum then as the meets progress so he gradually gets the upper hand as ones partner submits to his desires and gives herself to him."

I like the idea of taking things slowly so that the vibe develops in a way that suits you both.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury


"I know I've said it before about cuckolding but....without the dynamic of the couple being a 'real' couple, in that I mean a long term couple who know each other as deeply as they know themselves, and have that bond, then neither of you will experience the intensity that cuckolding can bring to both parties.

"

Exactly this. anything else is just sub/dom play.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *019ReadyCouple
over a year ago

Leeds


"It really depends on how you are with the chap, so for me how my ex and I got into was pillow talk. That I think is your starting point and openly discuss what you both like. So this evolved into me licking while she talked about what it would be like if there was another bloke in bed kissing her while I did that. Then her suggesting I could fluff him. Then when we were both horny she would say things like ‘make the most of it as you might not get to do this when I meet someone’. This would usually result in my ‘having an accident’ then I would go down on her again and she would then say things like ‘best get used to the taste etc’ so the erotic nature of these talks were very intimate, and she could read just how turned on I and as a result she was at the prospect which is where we built the foundation for more intense emotional play. "

This! Slowly slipping into a chat about it & gauging reaction as it progresses.

Do think it has to be natural for all parties concerned. Some "playing" at cuckolding is unlikely to experience it the same way as someone fully immersed in that way of thinking/lifestyle.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Not liking the rather dismissive vibe coming into this thread, no doubt from people who would want their kinks respected.

‘Just’ sub/Dom play?

And my question stands ‘How does someone who enjoys cuckolding enjoy that kink if they’re not in a relationship?’ Are they just expected by you purists to sublimate for many years until they’re in a long term relationship for a ‘long enough’ time? With someone who they hope might be accepting of this kink?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury


"Not liking the rather dismissive vibe coming into this thread, no doubt from people who would want their kinks respected.

‘Just’ sub/Dom play?

And my question stands ‘How does someone who enjoys cuckolding enjoy that kink if they’re not in a relationship?’ Are they just expected by you purists to sublimate for many years until they’re in a long term relationship for a ‘long enough’ time? With someone who they hope might be accepting of this kink?"

Well, yes. Exactly that. If you don't love each other, it's not cuckolding. It's just a stranger having sex with another stranger, while some other guy watches and is belittled. Where's the emotion? Cuckolding doesn't just happen in bed for a couple of hours. It's 24/7. Unless you've been there you won't get it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not liking the rather dismissive vibe coming into this thread, no doubt from people who would want their kinks respected.

‘Just’ sub/Dom play?

And my question stands ‘How does someone who enjoys cuckolding enjoy that kink if they’re not in a relationship?’ Are they just expected by you purists to sublimate for many years until they’re in a long term relationship for a ‘long enough’ time? With someone who they hope might be accepting of this kink?

Well, yes. Exactly that. If you don't love each other, it's not cuckolding. It's just a stranger having sex with another stranger, while some other guy watches and is belittled. Where's the emotion? Cuckolding doesn't just happen in bed for a couple of hours. It's 24/7. Unless you've been there you won't get it."

Fantastic judgemental attitude. You’re experienced enough to know that sex isn’t EITHER meaningless disposable sex with someone you meet for two hours and never again OR kinked sex with a partner you’ve been with for a decade. The whole point of swinging is to explore the nuances between.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

‘Unless you've been there you won't get it.’

I certainly don’t get all of it, but I get some of it, which is why I’ve refused to play like this before. It seems to me there has to be a connection of some substance, but the whole ‘you have to be a life partner of several decades standing’ is just exclusivist bs.

Maybe you should publish your guidelines on the minimal level of emotional involvement and length of emotional attachment so that people who care about your ‘expert’ views can see if they are considered eligible to practice their own kink. Somehow I think my friend knows his wants better than you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

My god you come over so defensive! Do what ever the fuck you like. But it sure as shit ain't cuckolding!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

hell who would have thought this thread could turn out so nasty! surely the OP was merely asking questions ( well thats how it came over to me anyway)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I guess like BDSM and D/s there is no "right" way to it OP only the way you agree with another - if you're both getting what you desire out of it then that is all that matters.

There will always be "purists" who will defend their way as being the only way and any other way not being "true" and they are of course entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't let it detract from "your" way either

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *anes HubbyCouple
over a year ago

Babbacombe Torquay


"I know I've said it before about cuckolding but....without the dynamic of the couple being a 'real' couple, in that I mean a long term couple who know each other as deeply as they know themselves, and have that bond, then neither of you will experience the intensity that cuckolding can bring to both parties.

Exactly this. anything else is just sub/dom play. "

Totally agree....

Cuckoldry is above all else a mindset, the actual sex act being only a small, but essential part of the entire experience.

It's often confused with sub/Dom or hotwifing but in our experience goes far deeper mentally.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury


"I guess like BDSM and D/s there is no "right" way to it OP only the way you agree with another - if you're both getting what you desire out of it then that is all that matters.

There will always be "purists" who will defend their way as being the only way and any other way not being "true" and they are of course entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't let it detract from "your" way either "

This sounds like saying to a kid on a bicycle with a piece of card in the spokes "yes that's right dear, you're really riding a motorbike! The purists might tell you it's just a bicycle, but you believe what you want."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It always saddens me how willing people, who one would have thought would be adventurous and experimental, are to draw lines around ‘their’ bit of fab and declare it exclusive and unavailable to others: ‘real’ swingers, ‘true’ Dom’s, ‘proper’ BDSM and now apparently ‘real’ cuckolding.

I’ll stay with my open-minded, pick and mix approach to playing with the non-judgemental, open-minded adventurers thanks.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Well i cant hang around this thread all night, I'm going out to drive my Lamborghini!!! I know 'purists' might say that it's 'only' a 'Ford Focus'. But more open minded drivers aren't restrained by 'labels'...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It always saddens me how willing people, who one would have thought would be adventurous and experimental, are to draw lines around ‘their’ bit of fab and declare it exclusive and unavailable to others: ‘real’ swingers, ‘true’ Dom’s, ‘proper’ BDSM and now apparently ‘real’ cuckolding.

I’ll stay with my open-minded, pick and mix approach to playing with the non-judgemental, open-minded adventurers thanks."

Well Said

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I guess like BDSM and D/s there is no "right" way to it OP only the way you agree with another - if you're both getting what you desire out of it then that is all that matters.

There will always be "purists" who will defend their way as being the only way and any other way not being "true" and they are of course entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't let it detract from "your" way either

This sounds like saying to a kid on a bicycle with a piece of card in the spokes "yes that's right dear, you're really riding a motorbike! The purists might tell you it's just a bicycle, but you believe what you want." "

Doesn't sound like that at all - one is an objective tangible and clearly defined thing, the other is completely subjective and open to individual interpretation - simple as

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My god you come over so defensive! Do what ever the fuck you like. But it sure as shit ain't cuckolding!! "

So pleased we have your permission, there we were, naked, cock cage in hand quivering as to whether we’d get your go ahead or not.

Hope you enjoy your drive in your car. Was it a Mondeo or a Lamborghini? I wasn’t paying attention, brands aren’t important to me as long as you enjoy the drive..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My god you come over so defensive! Do what ever the fuck you like. But it sure as shit ain't cuckolding!!

So pleased we have your permission, there we were, naked, cock cage in hand quivering as to whether we’d get your go ahead or not.

Hope you enjoy your drive in your car. Was it a Mondeo or a Lamborghini? I wasn’t paying attention, brands aren’t important to me as long as you enjoy the drive.."

Well done

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone I’ve met a few times over 4 years text me the other day and asked when I’m going to ‘cuckold’ him. I tried to explain that it’s not just an act and something you can just do with someone. I agree with the others above, it’s more dom/sub play but even that is hard to do properly between people that are involved casually.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

First of all, you have to be a genuine respectful person and know what the couple limit are and yours. Remember that is their wishes you have to be able to read signs and switch your mind to play time mode on and off mode, helps if you are a sadist. They too have to understand what they are getting into.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury


"First of all, you have to be a genuine respectful person and know what the couple limit are and yours. Remember that is their wishes you have to be able to read signs and switch your mind to play time mode on and off mode, helps if you are a sadist. They too have to understand what they are getting into.

"

That's very true. but in this case there isn't a couple.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

You start slowly by chatting about how you both feel about it. Talk about what you both like about it and the parts you find difficult to get your head around.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top