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"So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise?" There's your answer. It is you that feels this. Not anyone else. You've created an expectation of rejection, and use it as an excuse to not even try. That sounds harsh, but I think it's true. I did the same. Yes, single men get a bad reputation, and too many of them deserve it. But in a club situation particularly, people aren't dealing with "single men" in the abstract. They've got an individual in front of them, and all that matters is how that individual presents themselves. Be friendly, and be respectful, and that will position you far above that awful stereotypical single man that everyone hates. But above all, be there. You will never have any opportunities if you don't get out and create them. I'm a single man, and I've got some issues of my own. I don't know how they compare to yours, but that doesn't really matter. I've been going to a club for a while now, and it's a great experience. I've had some very good times, met some wonderful people, and even made a few friends. I've had to work hard to overcome my self-doubt, and it has been worth the effort. Don't worry about the health issues. I won't name names or go into details, but it's not the problem you seem to believe it to be. And don't worry about being a single man. Just be one of the good ones. | |||
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"So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise? There's your answer. It is you that feels this. Not anyone else. You've created an expectation of rejection, and use it as an excuse to not even try. That sounds harsh, but I think it's true. I did the same. Yes, single men get a bad reputation, and too many of them deserve it. But in a club situation particularly, people aren't dealing with "single men" in the abstract. They've got an individual in front of them, and all that matters is how that individual presents themselves. Be friendly, and be respectful, and that will position you far above that awful stereotypical single man that everyone hates. But above all, be there. You will never have any opportunities if you don't get out and create them. I'm a single man, and I've got some issues of my own. I don't know how they compare to yours, but that doesn't really matter. I've been going to a club for a while now, and it's a great experience. I've had some very good times, met some wonderful people, and even made a few friends. I've had to work hard to overcome my self-doubt, and it has been worth the effort. Don't worry about the health issues. I won't name names or go into details, but it's not the problem you seem to believe it to be. And don't worry about being a single man. Just be one of the good ones." | |||
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"So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise? There's your answer. It is you that feels this. Not anyone else. You've created an expectation of rejection, and use it as an excuse to not even try. That sounds harsh, but I think it's true. I did the same. Yes, single men get a bad reputation, and too many of them deserve it. But in a club situation particularly, people aren't dealing with "single men" in the abstract. They've got an individual in front of them, and all that matters is how that individual presents themselves. Be friendly, and be respectful, and that will position you far above that awful stereotypical single man that everyone hates. But above all, be there. You will never have any opportunities if you don't get out and create them. I'm a single man, and I've got some issues of my own. I don't know how they compare to yours, but that doesn't really matter. I've been going to a club for a while now, and it's a great experience. I've had some very good times, met some wonderful people, and even made a few friends. I've had to work hard to overcome my self-doubt, and it has been worth the effort. Don't worry about the health issues. I won't name names or go into details, but it's not the problem you seem to believe it to be. And don't worry about being a single man. Just be one of the good ones." Perfect answer, and very true, I've never seen a respectful well behaved single guy treated badly or as a pest in a club. | |||
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"So I’m in the worst category. Single male. Alarms go off to most people who have been going to clubs etc for a while, when they hear those two words. It also attracts higher admission prices because we are seen as pests. Add to that I have a disability. I won’t say what it is, save for the fact I can see, hear and have both legs and both arms. So I can perform very well thank you. So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise? Can someone prove me wrong? Cliques seem to form all over the place. I do read the forums. Which is quite damaging when it comes to confidence for people in my position who expect to be ignored even without taking the disability into consideration. Shall I just forget wanting to have fun because I’m male and have had surgery twice in the past, and am now having to deal with the effects of it? It would be nice to hear from someone who would give me a chance. I can’t be the only one effectively hiding because they are expecting their confidence to be smashed in to the floor. " I think you maybe need to change your out look as you come across as being very negative which isn't an attractive feature. Clubs whether sex, swinging or a normal night club don't charge more because men are pests. Good luck | |||
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"So why do I feel unable to attend anywhere because I have the misfortune of being both a single male and unlucky health wise? There's your answer. It is you that feels this. Not anyone else. You've created an expectation of rejection, and use it as an excuse to not even try. That sounds harsh, but I think it's true. I did the same. Yes, single men get a bad reputation, and too many of them deserve it. But in a club situation particularly, people aren't dealing with "single men" in the abstract. They've got an individual in front of them, and all that matters is how that individual presents themselves. Be friendly, and be respectful, and that will position you far above that awful stereotypical single man that everyone hates. But above all, be there. You will never have any opportunities if you don't get out and create them. I'm a single man, and I've got some issues of my own. I don't know how they compare to yours, but that doesn't really matter. I've been going to a club for a while now, and it's a great experience. I've had some very good times, met some wonderful people, and even made a few friends. I've had to work hard to overcome my self-doubt, and it has been worth the effort. Don't worry about the health issues. I won't name names or go into details, but it's not the problem you seem to believe it to be. And don't worry about being a single man. Just be one of the good ones." Wise words ... | |||
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"Disabilities are harder, unfortunately. Depends on specifics, but I've had a fairly visible one during my time on the scene and even at the other side of swinging, I'm afraid I've seen some truly appalling attitudes. Must be much worse without the single fem capital I have. " I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't have anything visible (my problems are all in my head), so I haven't been on the receiving end, and it's easy for me to forget that it's not all happy. Anyone with any visible difference will be all too familiar with the worst that people can be. I had meant to say something about this part, but it somehow fell out in the editing. Some people will have a problem with you, whoever you are. It's really hard to do in practice, but the best thing is to ignore them and focus on the ones who don't have a problem. If they've ruined your night, go home, do something that makes you happy, and start fresh when you go back the next time. Don't let some dick's bad attitude eat away at you. Remind yourself that their problem with you is their problem, not yours. There are other people who do like you. Think about them instead. That's helped me. And on the subject of disclosing invisible disabilities: only do that here if you're comfortable with it. If you're going to meet someone and think it's important that they know, then you can tell them before concrete plans are made and hotels are booked. But there's no need to make it public. | |||
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"Disabilities are harder, unfortunately. Depends on specifics, but I've had a fairly visible one during my time on the scene and even at the other side of swinging, I'm afraid I've seen some truly appalling attitudes. Must be much worse without the single fem capital I have. I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't have anything visible (my problems are all in my head), so I haven't been on the receiving end, and it's easy for me to forget that it's not all happy. Anyone with any visible difference will be all too familiar with the worst that people can be. I had meant to say something about this part, but it somehow fell out in the editing. Some people will have a problem with you, whoever you are. It's really hard to do in practice, but the best thing is to ignore them and focus on the ones who don't have a problem. If they've ruined your night, go home, do something that makes you happy, and start fresh when you go back the next time. Don't let some dick's bad attitude eat away at you. Remind yourself that their problem with you is their problem, not yours. There are other people who do like you. Think about them instead. That's helped me. And on the subject of disclosing invisible disabilities: only do that here if you're comfortable with it. If you're going to meet someone and think it's important that they know, then you can tell them before concrete plans are made and hotels are booked. But there's no need to make it public." Oh, I do all that. I referred to my (mostly temporary and mostly resolved) disability as my arsehole filter. | |||
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"Disabilities are harder, unfortunately. Depends on specifics, but I've had a fairly visible one during my time on the scene and even at the other side of swinging, I'm afraid I've seen some truly appalling attitudes. Must be much worse without the single fem capital I have. I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't have anything visible (my problems are all in my head), so I haven't been on the receiving end, and it's easy for me to forget that it's not all happy. Anyone with any visible difference will be all too familiar with the worst that people can be. I had meant to say something about this part, but it somehow fell out in the editing. Some people will have a problem with you, whoever you are. It's really hard to do in practice, but the best thing is to ignore them and focus on the ones who don't have a problem. If they've ruined your night, go home, do something that makes you happy, and start fresh when you go back the next time. Don't let some dick's bad attitude eat away at you. Remind yourself that their problem with you is their problem, not yours. There are other people who do like you. Think about them instead. That's helped me. And on the subject of disclosing invisible disabilities: only do that here if you're comfortable with it. If you're going to meet someone and think it's important that they know, then you can tell them before concrete plans are made and hotels are booked. But there's no need to make it public." | |||
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