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How to be a good Dom

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi all I may be meeting a sub lady shortly, and I'd love to try been a dom. Please can everyone out there with experience and give me advice and idea's on how to act, ideas on what to make her do. How to reward or punish her?

PM me if your interested in talking in more details about it, I do have some ideas where we first meet outside and she will be instructed to carry out certain tasks in public.. this could include asking a guy if he would like to see breast etc etc.. if she is bad she is to perform more things.. I will subtly tie her to a rope if she refuses to do tasks I will begin removing items of clothing starting with her underwear... when she is well behaved and does her tasks I will take her to a house where another guy is waiting...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just send her to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends how far you want to go ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just send her to me"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Depends how far you want to go ????"

Well I'm not sure, are my ideas so far good? Also not sure how far to go as the women says if the guy dsnt know then there not for her...

need advice please start to finish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The first thing you need to do is talk and discover what her boundaries are and also to establish a 'safe word'

After this you need to think of ways of taking away her free will and asserting your will over hers. Some of the ideas you have already mentioned would be good starting places so long as boundaries are not crossed

Everyone is different and what you do with each partner will therefore differ

Bottom line.... TALK

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The first thing you need to do is talk and discover what her boundaries are "

agreed, i know loads of women who have doms and have done for years but they dont do public humiliation, i think asking her to show body parts to strangers in public maybe taking it a bit for, being a dom does not mean she has to do whatever you say like it or not, at the end of the day subs are usually the ones who have the final say as they will have a safe word that any good dom will respect

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The first thing you need to do is talk and discover what her boundaries are and also to establish a 'safe word'

After this you need to think of ways of taking away her free will and asserting your will over hers. Some of the ideas you have already mentioned would be good starting places so long as boundaries are not crossed

Everyone is different and what you do with each partner will therefore differ

Bottom line.... TALK"

Ah thanks, I would also like to know what types of rewards and punishments can be given, how do you take her free will.. ranging from simple things to pushing the boundaries. I really want to be good at this and make her very happy at the end

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The first thing you need to do is talk and discover what her boundaries are

agreed, i know loads of women who have doms and have done for years but they dont do public humiliation, i think asking her to show body parts to strangers in public maybe taking it a bit for, being a dom does not mean she has to do whatever you say like it or not, at the end of the day subs are usually the ones who have the final say as they will have a safe word that any good dom will respect

"

Ah yeah thank you for the advice. I think my main problem atm is fully understanding how to be a dom. And I need a good kick start for my imagination, I could do with a few scenarios and how you would deal with them so I can understand more how it works... if that makes sense

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"The first thing you need to do is talk and discover what her boundaries are

agreed, i know loads of women who have doms and have done for years but they dont do public humiliation, i think asking her to show body parts to strangers in public maybe taking it a bit for, being a dom does not mean she has to do whatever you say like it or not, at the end of the day subs are usually the ones who have the final say as they will have a safe word that any good dom will respect

Ah yeah thank you for the advice. I think my main problem atm is fully understanding how to be a dom. And I need a good kick start for my imagination, I could do with a few scenarios and how you would deal with them so I can understand more how it works... if that makes sense "

Scenarios are ok for some, but not for others. HAve you talked with her, maybe got her to fill in a checklist,lots are available online. They are a blunt tool but they are a good starting point, especially abut hard limits.

Every D/s relationship is unique, a good Dom gets inside the head of his sub and sees where she needs/wants to be. By understanding her he can lead her to that place...be it slut, pain slut, lil one or a combination of them all.

My Master knows my secrets before i do. Now of coure this did not happen the first time we met, but he treats each time we are together as a learning experience.

Being a good dom is not that far away from being a good mentor, with one exception, a mentor lets you work out where you want to be, a Dom takes you there,

Practical example, yesterday i travelled with Sir to and from a buisness meeting. He barely touched me, and there was no penetrative sex, however through a combination of ordering me when to come, when not to come, timely slaps. public nudity, and general fucking with my head

i have never felt more owned.

Again of course this is 2 years into a relationship , not at the start of one, but i hope it gives you some insight into what D/s can be, which is so much more than role lay.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The first thing you need to do is talk and discover what her boundaries are

agreed, i know loads of women who have doms and have done for years but they dont do public humiliation, i think asking her to show body parts to strangers in public maybe taking it a bit for, being a dom does not mean she has to do whatever you say like it or not, at the end of the day subs are usually the ones who have the final say as they will have a safe word that any good dom will respect

Ah yeah thank you for the advice. I think my main problem atm is fully understanding how to be a dom. And I need a good kick start for my imagination, I could do with a few scenarios and how you would deal with them so I can understand more how it works... if that makes sense

Scenarios are ok for some, but not for others. HAve you talked with her, maybe got her to fill in a checklist,lots are available online. They are a blunt tool but they are a good starting point, especially abut hard limits.

Every D/s relationship is unique, a good Dom gets inside the head of his sub and sees where she needs/wants to be. By understanding her he can lead her to that place...be it slut, pain slut, lil one or a combination of them all.

My Master knows my secrets before i do. Now of coure this did not happen the first time we met, but he treats each time we are together as a learning experience.

Being a good dom is not that far away from being a good mentor, with one exception, a mentor lets you work out where you want to be, a Dom takes you there,

Practical example, yesterday i travelled with Sir to and from a buisness meeting. He barely touched me, and there was no penetrative sex, however through a combination of ordering me when to come, when not to come, timely slaps. public nudity, and general fucking with my head

i have never felt more owned.

Again of course this is 2 years into a relationship , not at the start of one, but i hope it gives you some insight into what D/s can be, which is so much more than role lay."

ahh yes that is brilliant! thanks for the help. I think I need to get submersed into the dom world and associate with others and there experiences to understand how to get inside the others head. If you have any good online form links u no of i'd much appreciate it, been new I don't no what is a good form.

I have tried talking to her but she said, if I need to ask her then i'm not the right dom.. she is 21(nt sure if this makes a difference)

thanks for the practical example, i need practical examples to get in the right mind set

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"The first thing you need to do is talk and discover what her boundaries are

agreed, i know loads of women who have doms and have done for years but they dont do public humiliation, i think asking her to show body parts to strangers in public maybe taking it a bit for, being a dom does not mean she has to do whatever you say like it or not, at the end of the day subs are usually the ones who have the final say as they will have a safe word that any good dom will respect

Ah yeah thank you for the advice. I think my main problem atm is fully understanding how to be a dom. And I need a good kick start for my imagination, I could do with a few scenarios and how you would deal with them so I can understand more how it works... if that makes sense

Scenarios are ok for some, but not for others. HAve you talked with her, maybe got her to fill in a checklist,lots are available online. They are a blunt tool but they are a good starting point, especially abut hard limits.

Every D/s relationship is unique, a good Dom gets inside the head of his sub and sees where she needs/wants to be. By understanding her he can lead her to that place...be it slut, pain slut, lil one or a combination of them all.

My Master knows my secrets before i do. Now of coure this did not happen the first time we met, but he treats each time we are together as a learning experience.

Being a good dom is not that far away from being a good mentor, with one exception, a mentor lets you work out where you want to be, a Dom takes you there,

Practical example, yesterday i travelled with Sir to and from a buisness meeting. He barely touched me, and there was no penetrative sex, however through a combination of ordering me when to come, when not to come, timely slaps. public nudity, and general fucking with my head

i have never felt more owned.

Again of course this is 2 years into a relationship , not at the start of one, but i hope it gives you some insight into what D/s can be, which is so much more than role lay.

ahh yes that is brilliant! thanks for the help. I think I need to get submersed into the dom world and associate with others and there experiences to understand how to get inside the others head. If you have any good online form links u no of i'd much appreciate it, been new I don't no what is a good form.

I have tried talking to her but she said, if I need to ask her then i'm not the right dom.. she is 21(nt sure if this makes a difference)

thanks for the practical example, i need practical examples to get in the right mind set"

Meh sounds like she has been on some online sites...if u need to ask what her limits and boundaries are then u are a good Dom....or on the way to being one.

Of course you cant ask what u want her to do, but i imagine you wouldnt do that in straight sex...

Age will make a difference, but not necessarily negative. Yes she is more likely to have read some real crap, but she is also less likely to have met some of the abusive nasty twunts out there.

If u pm me i can send u some stuff, ty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kind of depends on what kind of sub she is. I'm more into restraint, spanking, flogging that kind of thing but I've been told some subs aren't into the pain side of things like I am (which surprised me!). Some women like orgasm control...forced orgasms or being told they aren't allowed to come despite being right at the point of climax. Maybe having a countdown to it, or having to beg for permission?

Teasing a blindfolded sub can be fun...not letting her know what is due to happen? Does she like BDSM? Is she into water sports..again something I hate, but some subs enjoy it as it's all part of being 'used'.

Some enjoy public humiliation, whereas I really don't...I can't relax in public, partly due to confidence, but also because you're never sure if the people in public fully understand what is happening. I've had a meet that tried it in a club once, but it was short lived because people thought we were arguing or that he was pushing me to do things I did't want to do so it just killed the atmosphere.

Face fucking, or directing her how to please you could be fun too, ultimately a sub does like to please her Master. Use of controlling type words to like making her call you Sir, or calling her slut or whore (if she is happy with those titles!) can also help to set the scene. Check which words she likes though...for example I love to be called a slut, but hate the word slag.

So many different ways of looking at it, so you do really need a bit of a chat with her...especially if you're still learning too. A checklist is actually quite a good idea because then you know what she likes, but she won't know what you might try.

The whole D/s thing relies so much on mutual respect...she has to trust that you have her best interests at heart too and would never do her any actual harm (aside from maybe a bruised bum!!).

Safety words are a must. Can have it in stages if needs be...maybe Amber for 'I don't like what you're doing so try something new cos I'm still having fun', and Red for 'stop right now I've had enough'. If she's restrained when she says Red, untie her straight away. Although I've never used the words, having them there makes me feel more comfortable as I know that I'll never be pushed beyond my limits.

Hope that helps a little! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" ahh yes that is brilliant! thanks for the help. I think I need to get submersed into the dom world and associate with others and there experiences to understand how to get inside the others head. If you have any good online form links u no of i'd much appreciate it, been new I don't no what is a good form.

I have tried talking to her but she said, if I need to ask her then i'm not the right dom.. she is 21(nt sure if this makes a difference)

thanks for the practical example, i need practical examples to get in the right mind set"

you do need to ask...and she should be glad you are asking as it shows that you aren't just some sadistic creep who wants to do things she isn't happy with! I'm a bit concerned that she has said that to be honest...she should have respect for her own thoughts and her own body regardless of how submissive she may be. Yes part of the excitement is not knowing what is going to happen, but she should be able to say what she doesn't want to happen

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Kind of depends on what kind of sub she is. I'm more into restraint, spanking, flogging that kind of thing but I've been told some subs aren't into the pain side of things like I am (which surprised me!). Some women like orgasm control...forced orgasms or being told they aren't allowed to come despite being right at the point of climax. Maybe having a countdown to it, or having to beg for permission?

Teasing a blindfolded sub can be fun...not letting her know what is due to happen? Does she like BDSM? Is she into water sports..again something I hate, but some subs enjoy it as it's all part of being 'used'.

Some enjoy public humiliation, whereas I really don't...I can't relax in public, partly due to confidence, but also because you're never sure if the people in public fully understand what is happening. I've had a meet that tried it in a club once, but it was short lived because people thought we were arguing or that he was pushing me to do things I did't want to do so it just killed the atmosphere.

Face fucking, or directing her how to please you could be fun too, ultimately a sub does like to please her Master. Use of controlling type words to like making her call you Sir, or calling her slut or whore (if she is happy with those titles!) can also help to set the scene. Check which words she likes though...for example I love to be called a slut, but hate the word slag.

So many different ways of looking at it, so you do really need a bit of a chat with her...especially if you're still learning too. A checklist is actually quite a good idea because then you know what she likes, but she won't know what you might try.

The whole D/s thing relies so much on mutual respect...she has to trust that you have her best interests at heart too and would never do her any actual harm (aside from maybe a bruised bum!!).

Safety words are a must. Can have it in stages if needs be...maybe Amber for 'I don't like what you're doing so try something new cos I'm still having fun', and Red for 'stop right now I've had enough'. If she's restrained when she says Red, untie her straight away. Although I've never used the words, having them there makes me feel more comfortable as I know that I'll never be pushed beyond my limits.

Hope that helps a little! x"

That was very big help too thanks! I'm learning loads already, and really liking the idea of all this!!

I like the idea of someone having to beg me!

Hope i get more advice on here!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Depends how far you want to go ????

Well I'm not sure, are my ideas so far good? Also not sure how far to go as the women says if the guy dsnt know then there not for her...

need advice please start to finish "

We always find it good to have an escape word. Talk to her about this so if you do get a bit carried away and start making her do things she doesnt like she can say the escape word and there is an end to it xxx

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"

Safety words are a must. Can have it in stages if needs be...maybe Amber for 'I don't like what you're doing so try something new cos I'm still having fun', and Red for 'stop right now I've had enough'. If she's restrained when she says Red, untie her straight away. Although I've never used the words, having them there makes me feel more comfortable as I know that I'll never be pushed beyond my limits.

Hope that helps a little! x"

Safe words are not magic and cannot replace observation and the Dom remaining in control. Remember part of the experience for many subs is being pushed beyond what they thought were there limits.

Without being pushed why see a Dom at all?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Depends how far you want to go ????

Well I'm not sure, are my ideas so far good? Also not sure how far to go as the women says if the guy dsnt know then there not for her...

need advice please start to finish

We always find it good to have an escape word. Talk to her about this so if you do get a bit carried away and start making her do things she doesnt like she can say the escape word and there is an end to it xxx"

A dom who gets carried away isnt safe full stop, why should a safe word stop him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Safety words are a must. Can have it in stages if needs be...maybe Amber for 'I don't like what you're doing so try something new cos I'm still having fun', and Red for 'stop right now I've had enough'. If she's restrained when she says Red, untie her straight away. Although I've never used the words, having them there makes me feel more comfortable as I know that I'll never be pushed beyond my limits.

Hope that helps a little! x

Safe words are not magic and cannot replace observation and the Dom remaining in control. Remember part of the experience for many subs is being pushed beyond what they thought were there limits.

Without being pushed why see a Dom at all?

"

Yes its fine to be pushed to your limits and a little beyond but what if the sub really hates whats happening ???

Escape words are there for that reason xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Safe words are not magic and cannot replace observation and the Dom remaining in control. Remember part of the experience for many subs is being pushed beyond what they thought were there limits.

Without being pushed why see a Dom at all?

"

Safe words aren't magic, and yes the Dom does need to be in control, but if they are new to this then he may not recognise her discomfort or desires to end something...or he may think he's pushing too far and stop when she may not want to. I can't speak for your personal experience, but I know they give me some security and have made guys I have played with more comfortable to try/push things as they know I have a way out if I want to take it.

From conversations I have had (and from the comments of this girl) some subs see themselves as completely passive in the play. Whilst it is mainly up to the Dom to ensure the subs safety, he can't be expected to read her mind and know she wants out of a situation...she has to take some responsibility for her safety too. All part of the communication which is essential for consensual play

As for limits, I think you may have taken me too literally there...yes part of the fun is being pushed past what you thought were your limits, but at some point there may be a breaking point where your boundaries cannot be pushed any further!

You're lucky to be in a committed D/s relationship where you both have a good idea of limits etc, but I'm sure that didn't happen over night. Simple steps like safe words help both parties to learn what buttons to push and where to hold back.

That's just my experience, I'm not claiming to know it all and I never will know it all as there is always more to learn...I was just offering an opinion from my personal experiences! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Depends how far you want to go ????

Well I'm not sure, are my ideas so far good? Also not sure how far to go as the women says if the guy dsnt know then there not for her...

need advice please start to finish

We always find it good to have an escape word. Talk to her about this so if you do get a bit carried away and start making her do things she doesnt like she can say the escape word and there is an end to it xxx

A dom who gets carried away isnt safe full stop, why should a safe word stop him?"

I am totaly safe when i dom my other half so we dont need a safe word but she always uses one when being domed by another male xxx

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Safe words are not magic and cannot replace observation and the Dom remaining in control. Remember part of the experience for many subs is being pushed beyond what they thought were there limits.

Without being pushed why see a Dom at all?

Safe words aren't magic, and yes the Dom does need to be in control, but if they are new to this then he may not recognise her discomfort or desires to end something...or he may think he's pushing too far and stop when she may not want to. I can't speak for your personal experience, but I know they give me some security and have made guys I have played with more comfortable to try/push things as they know I have a way out if I want to take it.

From conversations I have had (and from the comments of this girl) some subs see themselves as completely passive in the play. Whilst it is mainly up to the Dom to ensure the subs safety, he can't be expected to read her mind and know she wants out of a situation...she has to take some responsibility for her safety too. All part of the communication which is essential for consensual play

As for limits, I think you may have taken me too literally there...yes part of the fun is being pushed past what you thought were your limits, but at some point there may be a breaking point where your boundaries cannot be pushed any further!

You're lucky to be in a committed D/s relationship where you both have a good idea of limits etc, but I'm sure that didn't happen over night. Simple steps like safe words help both parties to learn what buttons to push and where to hold back.

That's just my experience, I'm not claiming to know it all and I never will know it all as there is always more to learn...I was just offering an opinion from my personal experiences! x"

Very fair comments , i just want the op to be aware that nothing can replace being observant.

I have to totally agree about the needs for subs to take more responsibility, nd to communicate more. One of the first things Sir trained me in was speaking more, even now he will frequently stop to ask what i am feeling and thinking, a few cane strokes have been got by failing to answer fully

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Safe words are not magic and cannot replace observation and the Dom remaining in control. Remember part of the experience for many subs is being pushed beyond what they thought were there limits.

Without being pushed why see a Dom at all?

Safe words aren't magic, and yes the Dom does need to be in control, but if they are new to this then he may not recognise her discomfort or desires to end something...or he may think he's pushing too far and stop when she may not want to. I can't speak for your personal experience, but I know they give me some security and have made guys I have played with more comfortable to try/push things as they know I have a way out if I want to take it.

From conversations I have had (and from the comments of this girl) some subs see themselves as completely passive in the play. Whilst it is mainly up to the Dom to ensure the subs safety, he can't be expected to read her mind and know she wants out of a situation...she has to take some responsibility for her safety too. All part of the communication which is essential for consensual play

As for limits, I think you may have taken me too literally there...yes part of the fun is being pushed past what you thought were your limits, but at some point there may be a breaking point where your boundaries cannot be pushed any further!

You're lucky to be in a committed D/s relationship where you both have a good idea of limits etc, but I'm sure that didn't happen over night. Simple steps like safe words help both parties to learn what buttons to push and where to hold back.

That's just my experience, I'm not claiming to know it all and I never will know it all as there is always more to learn...I was just offering an opinion from my personal experiences! x

Very fair comments , i just want the op to be aware that nothing can replace being observant.

I have to totally agree about the needs for subs to take more responsibility, nd to communicate more. One of the first things Sir trained me in was speaking more, even now he will frequently stop to ask what i am feeling and thinking, a few cane strokes have been got by failing to answer fully "

Yes I understand I must be observant, and I am aware there is a line you can cross. I am far from crossing the line as of yet as I will work up towards boundaries finding out what I also like to do as a Dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/02/12 17:56:25]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Damn hate it when your let down, was really looking forward to learning and experimenting. It's not on now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Research it online. Join a bdsm website and get clued up.

Many men make the mistake of thinking its about handcuffs and whips, but there is often much more to it emotionally (including subdrop, aftercare, etc.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/02/12 19:43:42]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Damn hate it when your let down, was really looking forward to learning and experimenting. It's not on now "

what a shame! especially seeing as you were approaching it in the right way and not just jumping in feet first!

if it's something you're interested in then still do some research on it. find out what 'kind' of fun you're after and see who is out there with the same perversion!! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very fair comments , i just want the op to be aware that nothing can replace being observant.

I have to totally agree about the needs for subs to take more responsibility, nd to communicate more. One of the first things Sir trained me in was speaking more, even now he will frequently stop to ask what i am feeling and thinking, a few cane strokes have been got by failing to answer fully "

True, being observant is very important too...guess I'm not used to looking from the Dom point of view!!

Ah cane strokes for being naughty...almost a reward for being bad!! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ahhhh a wanna be dom

its all in the axxttitude and respect

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

Just looking at this and can't help but ask: Why do you want to be a Dom? (I'm thinking including but not limited to, or none of the below):

1) You want to meet the lady in question, but she is looking for a Dom?

2) Lady in question is sub and you feel its the common ground to establish??

3) You're looking for a sub?

With anything, its about the chemistry and rapport the two people have - if none at all then work on it as humans before exploring the BDSM world, it should not be taken lightly as it has the potential to be equally as damaging (if done wrong) as rewarding if done right.

And by rewarding I don't mean "I told her to do x y and z and she did it".

Its about growth for both parties and believe it or not, trust from both parties that can only be earned, not given.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"

Safety words are a must. Can have it in stages if needs be...maybe Amber for 'I don't like what you're doing so try something new cos I'm still having fun', and Red for 'stop right now I've had enough'. If she's restrained when she says Red, untie her straight away. Although I've never used the words, having them there makes me feel more comfortable as I know that I'll never be pushed beyond my limits.

Hope that helps a little! x

Safe words are not magic and cannot replace observation and the Dom remaining in control. Remember part of the experience for many subs is being pushed beyond what they thought were there limits.

Without being pushed why see a Dom at all?

Yes its fine to be pushed to your limits and a little beyond but what if the sub really hates whats happening ???

Escape words are there for that reason xxx"

If the sub really hates what is happening then what kind of person would carry on? Calling yourself a Dom does not exclude normal moral behaviuor from you.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Very fair comments , i just want the op to be aware that nothing can replace being observant.

I have to totally agree about the needs for subs to take more responsibility, nd to communicate more. One of the first things Sir trained me in was speaking more, even now he will frequently stop to ask what i am feeling and thinking, a few cane strokes have been got by failing to answer fully

True, being observant is very important too...guess I'm not used to looking from the Dom point of view!!

Ah cane strokes for being naughty...almost a reward for being bad!! x"

Ahh he doesnt do punishment...the cane tends to stop me floating off to subby space before he wants me too...i am incomprehensible once there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ahh he doesnt do punishment...the cane tends to stop me floating off to subby space before he wants me too...i am incomprehensible once there "

Lol...guess that just hightlights how different each sub is then, I've never been to subbyspace - I'm always aware of what's happening so always have the option of a safe word. I guess if you've drifted off then a safe word may not come to you as easily? x

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