FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

Can it ever go back to before.

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So you as a couple have embarked on a journey to try swinging. You've come out of your comfort zones of only being with each other and set up that profile, added sexy photos, written your desires and sit back and see where it leads. Fast forward to the now and you've experienced the social aspect, tried some clubs, met and played with others and have encountered some right twats along the way. Then one day you're sitting there and wonder... maybe it wasn't as liberating as it was thought it would be? Not that you are lazy but it's such hard work finding those connections in the swing world and you start to feel its all so draining, Yes it can be fun, sexy, naughty even but that buzz just didn't hit like expected. If anything its possibly created a distance, a feeling of being on seperate pages, So what now?

Can a relationship EVER go back to just being the two of you wanting just each other or is it a case of once you open dear old Pandoras box you're doomed???

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.

The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.

A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course it depends on the individuals in said relationship,

I'm not sure exactly as it was ie we all keep changing as we grow older, and of course life experience plays a massive part of that,

But is it possible to have a good stable loving relationship with your partner after, yes I think so absolutely

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport


"So you as a couple have embarked on a journey to try swinging. You've come out of your comfort zones of only being with each other and set up that profile, added sexy photos, written your desires and sit back and see where it leads. Fast forward to the now and you've experienced the social aspect, tried some clubs, met and played with others and have encountered some right twats along the way. Then one day you're sitting there and wonder... maybe it wasn't as liberating as it was thought it would be? Not that you are lazy but it's such hard work finding those connections in the swing world and you start to feel its all so draining, Yes it can be fun, sexy, naughty even but that buzz just didn't hit like expected. If anything its possibly created a distance, a feeling of being on seperate pages, So what now?

Can a relationship EVER go back to just being the two of you wanting just each other or is it a case of once you open dear old Pandoras box you're doomed???

"

Communication.... we’re lucky it’s made us stronger as a couple. But so fed up with Fab now we’ve hidden our profile. Probably be back, but for now fed up with things going no where, not having replies to messages or people cancelling or not showing to to arranged meets!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uck-RogersMan
over a year ago

Oakhill

Well Carnal, you are in Limbo young lady.

I personally think, ! That you love your partner, But you feel that he does not love you, in the same way that you want him to. When the two of you, are in the company of other consenting adults, you have to give reassurance to each other, and be specially attentive towards each other also.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes, it can go back to being similar to how it was before but never the same. Relationships change and move forwards as do the people within them and are influenced by many factors. Swinging changes the way you think about yourself and your partner if you stop swinging those changes remain.

How you deal with the changes whether they're positive or negative depends on the individuals concerned really.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once the genie is out of the bottle... It's hard to put it back in again

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why I roll my eyes when couples get arsey about singles leaving the site when they get into a relationship.

Having sex others, while your in a relationship, is something you should not rush into.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ilthyfucks69Couple
over a year ago

Neverland

We have most definitely opened Pandora's box and have pretty much resorted back to vanilla as we haven't swung for like two years. We are both stronger than ever and still enjoy sharing fantasies and checking people out together. So we aren't the same, definitely more sexual but vanilla as such now

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

Swinging is not finite and will run it natural course.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really think it can. You can stop. But there is usually one partner that wants to continue it again that's what happened to me and my husband. Now only I play really, we do have a couples account but don't use it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.

The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.

A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?" "

I suspect it’d be the same as if one didn’t want to start ...... it’s usually an itch that has to be scratched in my opinion

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro


"Once the genie is out of the bottle... It's hard to put it back in again"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suspect it depends on how many cracks there were in the relationship to begin with. Having your eyes opened to things isnt always bad even if it means a change is needed.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.

The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.

A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?" "

It's not necessarily glib. We have genuinely agreed that if one of us wants to stop we both will. Whether that would cause problems remains to be seen because the situation hasn't arisen. Our relationship genuinely is bigger than swinging.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ampshirehotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I think we still have more to do before we are ready to go back to a vanilla lifestyle.

Our relationship lasted over 30 years without swinging and we had sex pretty much constantly, still do.

Once we get to the point where sex isn't a big deal we will be safe knowing that we have each other to start the next chapter of our relationship which I imagine will be less physical and more spiritual.

Hopefully it's a long way off tho I still have lots more sexual encounters in me yet as does hubby and us as a couple.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are so many variables in this there is no real clear answer.

The one thing that always runs through my mind regarding couples swinging, is whether you allow swinging to define you individually and as a couple, (which is where swinging then controls you), or as an individual and couple you define it, which puts you in control of it.

We see both types in the scene, at clubs and on here.

State of mind, respect and attitude makes or breaks it in my opinion.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Relationships change over time. It's whether you grow together or apart that makes the difference. Too many become dead because of apathy and taking each other for granted.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"Relationships change over time. It's whether you grow together or apart that makes the difference. Too many become dead because of apathy and taking each other for granted. "

Communication is pretty much as important as love in a successful relationship.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.

The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.

A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?"

It's not necessarily glib. We have genuinely agreed that if one of us wants to stop we both will. Whether that would cause problems remains to be seen because the situation hasn't arisen. Our relationship genuinely is bigger than swinging. "

Oh don't get me wrong I didn't necessarily mean "glib" in a derogatory way, more that that phrase is something that rolls easily off the tongue and often appears in threads like this, when I suspect in a lot of cases the reality may not match - not saying that is the case for you at all, in fact from all I know of you from your forum posts I suspect it's a case where the phrase would most definitely hold true.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think there are so many variables in this there is no real clear answer.

The one thing that always runs through my mind regarding couples swinging, is whether you allow swinging to define you individually and as a couple, (which is where swinging then controls you), or as an individual and couple you define it, which puts you in control of it.

We see both types in the scene, at clubs and on here.

State of mind, respect and attitude makes or breaks it in my opinion. "

I agree.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think there's a danger it can go that way yes, particularly if one wants to stop and the other doesn't, or you find you want different things from the lifestyle.

The key is being able to communicate, and not only that understand and be prepared to listen to each other and act. If that's not possible, or one half refuses to listen and act, then sadly it's a nail in the coffin - doesn't mean that is that of course, but it can only lead to resentment and misery.

A lot of glib "if one of us wanted to stop then we would" type replies will be thrown about but it's not always that simple, and a better question to ask would be "what if one didn't want to stop?"

It's not necessarily glib. We have genuinely agreed that if one of us wants to stop we both will. Whether that would cause problems remains to be seen because the situation hasn't arisen. Our relationship genuinely is bigger than swinging.

Oh don't get me wrong I didn't necessarily mean "glib" in a derogatory way, more that that phrase is something that rolls easily off the tongue and often appears in threads like this, when I suspect in a lot of cases the reality may not match - not saying that is the case for you at all, in fact from all I know of you from your forum posts I suspect it's a case where the phrase would most definitely hold true."

I understand

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ever since the incident with the camel and the jellied eels I've struggled to hold down a normal relationship.

They all get the hump with me. No going back.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

Neither of us would want to go back, we only had a few weeks of non-swinging at the start of our relationship and eased into the lifestyle as we both need sexual variety. It hasn't affected either our love or our sex together which is always the best.

There are so many society/religion type pressures for couples not to involve others in their sex play, but we're sure more and more couples are discovering they can still have a loving relationship and fuck other people openly and joyfully.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your relationship ever gets past ‘just being the two of you wanting just each other’ and you treat the extras as anything other than an extra to enhance what you already have then your relationship is likely fucked anyway.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I love Pandora's box.. lots of other people do as well

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top