FabSwingers.com forum: How to politely say no?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When we receive a message from someone that doesn't fit our bill we usually reply with something like "Sorry, I don't think we are compatible", rather than just ignore people outright (unless it is blatantly obvious they haven't read our profile in which case they get blacked!).

On occasions we get people asking for feedback as to why!

We don't have a particular type we like, it's usually just a gut instinct and attraction (or not), but how do you tell someone you don't like them without feeling shallow?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ooking4funnowMan
over a year ago

Essex

Just a polite no thankyou not what we are Looking for is enough

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm not sure there is a nice way, unfortunately. Rejection is rejection. I very much live by delete without reply means no thank you, partly because I've had too many people try to argue with my no, be that by suddenly changing themselves, saying it's unimportant, or getting abusive. You don't have to have a good reason, and generally speaking I don't think it helps for people to have a list of reasons why they're not suitable unless they're specifically seeking profile advice.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone is kind enough to reply with a no thanks I think its rude not to reply saying: Thanks for replying and wishing them well...Wouldnt dream of arguing or trying to change their minds its their choice and we all like different things.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

If it's a personal message I will take the time to say no thank you, if it's anything less I don't bother as I'm very tired of the barrage of abuse and the questions if I respond to some messages. I just let them keep messaging and ranting and questioning without a reply until they tire themselves out.

Such a sense of entitlement, almost every time they won't have read my profile, and therefore not fit with any of my preferences but still they feel entitled to at the least a long drawn out reply, (or for me to drop whatever I'm doing and immediately rush 150 miles or so, to meet somebody I have never met with no face picture and drop my knickers out of the window on the way so I'm ready for them).

If they had read my profile it's all there, how I meet and where, to save everybody time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *errysMan
over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

Its very simple.

Say no thanks.

Block.

When i started i was told the main swinging rule is.

No means no and no why no.

In other words dont ask why its a no and dont tell why its a no. this is the only way to avoid upsetting people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck off usually works quite well

(kidding)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm unusual in that I look at the message first, and if it isn't promising, I go no further. My delete is rarely "no never" (if it is I'll block), but "I don't see potential here at the moment". I can and have met people whose initial attempt didn't interest me. (that may not work for most people, but what attracts me isn't cut and dried)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We sometimes give a reason eg distance when we respond or like you say we aren't compatible. However if someone asks for reasons after we've said no thanks we don't answer.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We reply in exactly the same way as you OP.

We do ignore if they clearly haven’t read our profile though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not what I'm looking for, sorry.

Or, no thank you does it for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otwife for useCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Feck of every time, understood in many languages

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone for your replies. I guess we're just being too kind!

Too many time wasters!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone does reply after I say no thank you, and asks what I'm looking for, I say someone I'm attracted to.

That's accepted by them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If it's a personal message I will take the time to say no thank you, if it's anything less I don't bother as I'm very tired of the barrage of abuse and the questions if I respond to some messages. I just let them keep messaging and ranting and questioning without a reply until they tire themselves out.

If they had read my profile it's all there, how I meet and where, to save everybody time. "

HAHAHAH! This made us laugh!

Thanks

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm obviously a horrible person - i just block

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they had read my profile it's all there, how I meet and where, to save everybody time.

HAHAHAH! This made us laugh!

Thanks"

Me too, especially the bit about dropping your knickers out of the window, I have that mental image in my head now, of your arm out the window dropping them xx

Hev

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *od ThrusterMan
over a year ago

Newport Pagnell

"If someone is kind enough to reply with a no thanks I think its rude not to reply saying: Thanks for replying and wishing them well...Wouldnt dream of arguing or trying to change their minds its their choice and we all like different things."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entileschiWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

I don't reply to requests for feedback as it will only offend

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend not to reply at all, purely because most men will ask why not, will try change my mind etc.

If it’s a really nice message I’ll say thanks, but no thanks (obviously worded a bit better). If they ask why I’ll say ‘I’m not attracted to you’. Simple as that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *astyEricMan
over a year ago

Hull

Simple No is enough for me don't need to know reasons

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *appy_hedonistMan
over a year ago

Islington

It's funny how we are famous as a nation for being polite, but online, other rules apply.

If you have been thoughtful enough to say "Sorry, I don't think we are compatible" that should be enough for anyone.

After that I'd just delete their response.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When we receive a message from someone that doesn't fit our bill we usually reply with something like "Sorry, I don't think we are compatible", rather than just ignore people outright (unless it is blatantly obvious they haven't read our profile in which case they get blacked!).

On occasions we get people asking for feedback as to why!

We don't have a particular type we like, it's usually just a gut instinct and attraction (or not), but how do you tell someone you don't like them without feeling shallow?"

Copy this post and send it to them?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one is obliged to give a reason. If you say no that's it.

When you start giving feedback it just opens up a whole new conversation and in our experience at times desparate pleading

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *od ThrusterMan
over a year ago

Newport Pagnell

It's all about respect really. If someone deleted my message without replying, I get the message! What is the point in sending another message or kicking off? They don't like me so how much fun would we possibly have even if we did meet?

If someone sends a reply to say "no thanks" I will typically thank them for replying and wish them well. Again, what is the point in pushing things? I can't change my looks, age, lack of hair, etc. so they won't change their minds.

If someone replies with positive intent - that's where I focus my energies. Mutual fun is what we all seek.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

A combination of thanks not for , no thanks or just plain no. That's if we reply. Badger for a why not and you may not like the answer.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I don't think plain speaking is rude. You don't have to go into the details of why not. I/we (on the couples profile) just say a simple no or your not for me/us or words to that effect.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's funny how we are famous as a nation for being polite, but online, other rules apply.

If you have been thoughtful enough to say "Sorry, I don't think we are compatible" that should be enough for anyone.

After that I'd just delete their response."

That's what I do.

If they keep mailing, I reply that I won't ever meet someone who can't take "no" for an answer.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

We had one today, they said they like all the norm stuff plus, strap on and fisting.

We're hardened swingers but this does not float my boat. I need a proper cock. And I'm a fuck slut not a size queen.

So said, thanks but no thanks then blocked.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *o_eye_deerMan
over a year ago

The South Near That London

On our couples account we just say, check our meets and if you fancy meeting us in a club, please come and say hi; 99% of the time they never go, but we also haven't rejected them so no one feels butt hurt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When i receive a 'No thank you' reply, i normally reply back with a 'No worries, thanks for replying'

It just shows that there is no hard feelings and that i understand i may not be for them, for whatever reason.

If i dont get a reply and see that my message was deleted, i may message 3 or 4 months later as you never know, you just might catch that person at the right time (you never know lol)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say your face offends me so nooooooooooooooooooo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best for me is when people say "you're not what I'm\ we're looking for".

I can log it In their notes and not bother them again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A polite no thanks, not what they are looking for is always better than no reply. But don’t be offended so easily, can not be everyone’s cup of tea

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our profile is very informative with regards to whom we would like to meet and where. When it is obvious that someone has not read it, we just delete the message. Its a good screening method for both parties.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Our profile is very informative with regards to whom we would like to meet and where. When it is obvious that someone has not read it, we just delete the message. Its a good screening method for both parties.

I'd sooner have a delete than an ignore or a read message then ignore. Least you know

Then it's logged in the notes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd sooner have a delete than an ignore or a read message then ignore. Least you know

Then it's logged in the notes"

Do you reply to your postal/email jung mail to say your not interested?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No sorry

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No sorry "

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No sorry

This

This too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tooveMan
over a year ago

belfast

Think what you say is enough. You don't have to justify yourselves. If people don't like that then block them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riage12Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

Just a simple “sorry, not for me but thanks anyway” that’s what I usually send anyway if I’m not interested.

Tends to be mostly to the 3,000* men who message me per day asking to suck my cock.

* - N.B not actually 3000 but it feels like it haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes I just ignore.

Sometimes I say "no thanks".

Sometimes I'll do one of the above and block.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd sooner have a delete than an ignore or a read message then ignore. Least you know

Then it's logged in the notes

Do you reply to your postal/email jung mail to say your not interested?

Yup

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A simple "no thanks" works for us.

If they feel the need to question why we have spurned their advance, that's up to them but we feel no obligation to continue messaging.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *odramafunCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire/staffordshire

On occasions we get people asking for feedback as to why!

We don't have a particular type we like, it's usually just a gut instinct and attraction (or not), but how do you tell someone you don't like them without feeling shallow?"

We tend to say a polite no thank you and wish you fun ... manners cost nothing ... that is if people are rude then they get it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erfumedpornovampireWoman
over a year ago

Swindon

On occasions we get people asking for feedback as to why!

We don't have a particular type we like, it's usually just a gut instinct and attraction (or not), but how do you tell someone you don't like them without feeling shallow?"

When this happened to me I just put them straight on block, I’ve had enough of people who won’t take no for an answer

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say sorry not our cup of tea but thank you for the interest have a good night xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *unningFoxWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

No reply and delete message and if I know I won’t meet this person I block them. In case they absolutely ignore what I have said in my profile I will asked them why would on earth they would text me this and does it go down well with any ladies he contacts?

I have no time for time wasters/chancers and unfortunately I don’t like to get abuse after texting no thank you but good luck etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *astyEricMan
over a year ago

Hull

Just say No, if someone can't unerstend simple, no, is he really worth your time

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On here -: Sorry I’m not interested but good luck happy swinging.

In a club -: No thanks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd sooner have a delete than an ignore or a read message then ignore. Least you know

Then it's logged in the notes

Do you reply to your postal/email jung mail to say your not interested?

I'm not suggesting that you reply - I'm saying that a delete is far more helpful.

I don't get junk mail anyway as I've opted out and don't sign up for new things

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ily Con CarneTV/TS
over a year ago

Cornwall

If it was a nice message that I'd received I usually reply with....

"Thank you for the message and your interest in me but on this occasion I'll not be taking this any further, however, I do wish you luck on here"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No sorry

This

This too"

That

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eedsortingMan
over a year ago

Radley

A lot comes down to attitude and personality. The thing with a site like this is that you have to understand that it is not the most important thing in life (IMHO). So, hold yourself a bit lightly, be respectful to others and don't get hung up on "rejections". If someone says no, then for me I don't really need or want to question why as I can get that I am just not ticking their boxes. Which is ok. I do appreciate it when they reply politely and for some we have even gone on to have the odd interesting conversation but that feels more about being polite human beings. Just because we are all on this site is not a guaranteed access to be intimate with anyone. They have their own tastes and preferences in the same way that I do. Although it might be that there are some who have, shall we say, much wider "standards" and expect everyone else to be the same

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always add the line "if I am not what you are looking for, feel free to just delete this message without reply." When messaging women/couples. That way they can just ignore it and not feel they have to reply, as the reasons for the 'no' is irrelevant. It is still a no. And if they are compelled to explain why they said no then they can write back should they wish.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread