FabSwingers.com forum: Joke of the day

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "...

??????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

Policeman knocks on a chaps door. The man answers and the policeman says I need to ask you a few questions. What can you tell me about CG ?

The guy stands silent, not understanding what the policeman is talking about. FY ? Again the man is unable to reply. Then the policeman says and what about DS ?

The man is getting anxious as he has never had any trouble before. What is this about? , he asks. Am I a suspect or something ?

The policeman smiles and reassures him . No sir, I am just making initial enquiries.

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

Ann Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vaginal gel that women can rub on their vagina.

So now when her guy goes down, he can have a bevvy as well.

However, anti-drink campaigners want it banned amid fears of minge-drinking.

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

Not sure which one made me giggle more!

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By *illy2018TV/TS
over a year ago

Birmingham

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "...

??????

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

A five-year-old boy asks his dad what the difference between a pussy and a cunt.

So his dad pulls the bedsheets off from the lower part of his wife, who is still sleeping in bed.

"That's a pussy" he says

"Great" said the boy. "Can I touch it?"

"No" said the dad. "If you touch the pussy, you'll wake the cunt up".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A five-year-old boy asks his dad what the difference between a pussy and a cunt.

So his dad pulls the bedsheets off from the lower part of his wife, who is still sleeping in bed.

"That's a pussy" he says

"Great" said the boy. "Can I touch it?"

"No" said the dad. "If you touch the pussy, you'll wake the cunt up"."

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On the local news....Theresa may announces a fall in the cost of fuel......

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By *ekyllnHideCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Virginity is like a balloon..........One prick and it’s gone!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a condom & a coffin??

You come in one & go in the other ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a bullet proof Irish man?

Rick O'shea

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By *ge_load_ladMan
over a year ago

NW & Mids

Whats the difference between light and hard?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I don't know. What's the difference between light and hard ?

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By *ants Horse Hung CockMan
over a year ago

co durham

"A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "...

??????

I think this ones great!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Captain Kirk had 3 ear's

A left ear

A Right ear

And a final front ear

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By *ottyNStripes30Couple
over a year ago

Oakham

Russian dolls! Hate them,So full of themselves.

Lollypop ladies, they make me cross!!

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By *ge_load_ladMan
over a year ago

NW & Mids

"I don't know. What's the difference between light and hard ? "

You can sleep with a light on

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

How do you spot a blind man at a nudist colony?

It's not hard.

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

Three Parrots are for sale. £150, £250 and £10.

Woman asks "Why is that parrot so cheap?"

The shopkeeper replies "Because it used to live in a brothel."

The woman thinks it's funny and buys the parrot. When she gets home the parrot says, "Fuck me, a new brothel." The woman laughs.

Two of the woman's daughters come home and the parrot says "Fuck me, new prossies!"

The womans husband comes home and the parrot says "Fuck me Keith, I haven't seen you for weeks!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Russian dolls! Hate them,So full of themselves.

Lollypop ladies, they make me cross!!"

Velcro what a rip off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Viagra are launching eye drops, they make you look hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"conjunctivitis.com" ..now that's a site for sore eyes

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

"What do you call a bullet proof Irish man?

Rick O'shea"

Thought Rick O'Shea was an Irishman that bounced off rocks...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Weight Loss Program.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cannibals eating a clown .one turns to the other and says .this taste funny to you

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Weight Loss Program.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

He lost 33 lbs that week."

A version of that was one of the first "dirty" jokes I can remember hearing at about the age of 8 or 9...it was the vision of the naked women that made it rude... To a 8 9 year old

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By *ossnsecretaryCouple
over a year ago

Epsom

I saw Sinead O’Connor doing some birdwatching so I asked how she was doing. She said “So far it’s been 7 owls and 15 jays”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I saw Sinead O’Connor doing some birdwatching so I asked how she was doing. She said “So far it’s been 7 owls and 15 jays”"

Lol, how many people are going to sing that punchline to themselves!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s brown and rimes with snoop ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bump x

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By *om cat 215Man
over a year ago

Derby

Two queers in a phone box trying to ring each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two queers in a phone box trying to ring each other. "

Yes x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I saw Sinead O’Connor doing some birdwatching so I asked how she was doing. She said “So far it’s been 7 owls and 15 jays”

Lol, how many people are going to sing that punchline to themselves!"

Haha - you’ll never know

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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

"I saw Sinead O’Connor doing some birdwatching so I asked how she was doing. She said “So far it’s been 7 owls and 15 jays”"

This made me laugh...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s brown and rimes with snoop ?"

Any takers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s brown and rimes with snoop ?

Any takers

Hoop ? ( at least those unbleached )

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..

They get back to his place,

And as he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom With hundreds and hundreds of cute cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them.

She was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf.

Medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf.

And huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, but she is quite impressed by his

sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking, after a while she finds herself thinking 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future Father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips

He responds warmly and continue to kiss, the passion builds. . .

He romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip each other's clothes off and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of unrivalled passion with this sensitive guy they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over gently, strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her,

Strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes and says:

'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..

They get back to his place,

And as he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom With hundreds and hundreds of cute cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them.

She was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf.

Medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf.

And huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, but she is quite impressed by his

sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking, after a while she finds herself thinking 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future Father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips

He responds warmly and continue to kiss, the passion builds. . .

He romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip each other's clothes off and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of unrivalled passion with this sensitive guy they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over gently, strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her,

Strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes and says:

'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s brown and rimes with snoop ?

Any takers

Hoop ? ( at least those unbleached )"

Dre x

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By *ain n MableWoman
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

We had a roll of Bubble wrap delivered at work today.

I asked the boss what should I do with it.

He said " just pop it in the corner over there"

4 bloody hours I was there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our pet Iguana cannot get a hard on...

Vet says he has a reptile dysfunction...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There once was a lady calle Jill

Who tried a grenade for a thrill

They found her vagina

In North Carolina

And bits of her tits in Brazil

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By *agicroundabout3100Couple
over a year ago

Camberley

These are hilarious, love this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Three Parrots are for sale. £150, £250 and £10.

Woman asks "Why is that parrot so cheap?"

The shopkeeper replies "Because it used to live in a brothel."

The woman thinks it's funny and buys the parrot. When she gets home the parrot says, "Fuck me, a new brothel." The woman laughs.

Two of the woman's daughters come home and the parrot says "Fuck me, new prossies!"

The womans husband comes home and the parrot says "Fuck me Keith, I haven't seen you for weeks!""

Funny

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By *amdacarrCouple
over a year ago

lincoln and chameleons

Haven't laughed so much since my ex told me he loved me and of course he wasn't cheating !!! Who's laughing now lol ..... Keep 'em coming please xxx

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By *ice guy for couplesMan
over a year ago

ipswich

Ive got a lovely body -its in the boot of my car .

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By *oltandJodyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

This morning I went to the meeting of my premature ejaculate support group, turns out it's tomorrow.

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