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Disposable after 8 months?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have a regular guy. We’ve been meeting about once every 2/3 weeks for the last 8 months or so. The sex is always amazing. Full on, kinky, absorbing and a huge release for both of us. It’s a very boundaried arrangement. I know very little about him, his life, who else he meets. He’s a nice guy but I don’t want to be with him and I don’t want to expand the boundaries of our arrangement. So why, after 8 months, am I starting to feel weirded out about the fact that I’m completely disposable to him?

I’m hoping to provoke some thoughtful posts with this thread, so please keep away from the ‘oh you must have feelings for him’ judgements. Beyond a genuine respect and mild friendship, I don’t.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe it's simply about being desired. That the relationship is disposable as you put it, doesn't leave you feeling like you would if there was deeper meaning to it.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

What's changed I wonder?

Is it something he's said, or done that has made you feel disposable?

Respect is the key thing here.

There's a world of difference between being NSA FBs and being made to feel like a handy hole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe you want more (not necessarily from him). If you arent careful that line of thinking can lead you to feel cheap and/or used.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are starting to feel this way but neither of you wants to be in a relationship with each other maybe it's time to pull the ripcord and drop this one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" What's changed I wonder?

Is it something he's said, or done that has made you feel disposable?

Respect is the key thing here.

There's a world of difference between being NSA FBs and being made to feel like a handy hole.

"

It’s not that. He’s very respectful (apart from when he’s naked with his cock in me, in a totally consensual and for me very sexy way). If I was made to feel like that I’d be out of there like a rat OUT of a drainpipe.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Maybe it's simply about being desired. That the relationship is disposable as you put it, doesn't leave you feeling like you would if there was deeper meaning to it. "

This feels closest to it. Ultimately all swinging relationships are very superficial. Maybe it’s just my struggle with that aspect of swinging, rather than him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are questioning it...its probably time to call it a day regardless of what weirded you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you are starting to feel this way but neither of you wants to be in a relationship with each other maybe it's time to pull the ripcord and drop this one"

But by God the sex is good!

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

I don't think feeling that being disposable is unpleasant is weird.

Even if a vanilla friend/workmate etc. suddenly doesn't seem to want/need you any more it can feel crap.

It's how you handle the feeling of being disposable that matters I'd say

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

That sounds like a perfect arrangement to me.

Enjoy it for what it is and he is so disposable to you to. It works both ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you feel he’s disposable too?

Or are you becoming a bit attached?

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach


"If you are starting to feel this way but neither of you wants to be in a relationship with each other maybe it's time to pull the ripcord and drop this one

But by God the sex is good! "

Good sex isn't unique to this guy.

Maybe put him on hold for a couple of months. You don't have to ditch him completely, you have no commitment to each other, just have a "holiday"!

You can then both have a chance to examine how you feel.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think very many people struggle with the disposable aspect of swinging. I think also that a fuck buddy or friends with benefits situation can magnify that feeling. Lets face it nobody really wants to feel as if they are entirely insignificant in the life of someone they are regularly having sex with do they.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think very many people struggle with the disposable aspect of swinging. I think also that a fuck buddy or friends with benefits situation can magnify that feeling. Lets face it nobody really wants to feel as if they are entirely insignificant in the life of someone they are regularly having sex with do they.

"

Nail on the head I think. It doesn’t matter for a short period, but after several months it does feel a bit odd.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think very many people struggle with the disposable aspect of swinging. I think also that a fuck buddy or friends with benefits situation can magnify that feeling. Lets face it nobody really wants to feel as if they are entirely insignificant in the life of someone they are regularly having sex with do they.

Nail on the head I think. It doesn’t matter for a short period, but after several months it does feel a bit odd."

yeah I couldn't ever be in a fuck buddy or fwb relationship I'm not wired that way

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

You haven't said whether this is pure FB (i.e. you turn up, get naked and get straight down to it and then leave) or more a FWB (i.e. you socialise, spend the day together and sex is just a part of it) situation - if it's the former, could it be that it's become a little clinical and that is what is causing the feelings of disposability?

That even though you don't want a relationship or commitments as such, that you want something *more* than just sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a very interesting thread.

I was with my fwb for nearly three years. I would never have wanted a relationship with him at all.

Our relationship was disposable and we went our separate ways when he found someone to have a proper relationship with. A year on and they are still together and making plans for the future .

When we split I didn't miss him, I missed what we had. I've yet to find a replacement for him.

Sometimes it's not feelings about a person, more feelings about a situation.

It sounds like maybe you are looking for more just maybe not with him?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I think most of us feel that way at some point and feel "unfulfilled" after casual sex.

That's the time to step away and do other things that "ground" you. You can always return to it.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Maybe you want more (not necessarily from him). If you arent careful that line of thinking can lead you to feel cheap and/or used.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Disposabilty.... That's the whole NSA mindset I'm afraid. Brings to mind the film Last Tango In Paris, which might be cathartic for you to watch if you haven't seen it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think feeling that being disposable is unpleasant is weird.

Even if a vanilla friend/workmate etc. suddenly doesn't seem to want/need you any more it can feel crap.

It's how you handle the feeling of being disposable that matters I'd say "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you know you're disposable to him? Is he the one who asks for a fuck, but when you ask he's always 'busy'? Does he meet other women but treat them differently?

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 13/05/19 15:32:25]

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By *ap AdgeMan
over a year ago

Wirral

Sometimes the chemistry can be perfect

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

Most men on here are treated as being disposable and seen as no more than a "dildo with legs" as the male of the couple described it to me once. They may have a favourite dildo but ultimately disposable.

It is one of the main reasons I now only dip my...toe in from time to time.

In terms of kink I occaisionally top, but at the end of the day I think most non sexual doms who don't feel entitled want someone of their own. I always see D/S as being a relationship with all that entails. Topping is fun but doing something to someone who is yours, and wants you to do it and only you is a connection on a higher level.

I think for some submissives it is the same but from the receiving end. Their dom may do some stuff that would have vanillas doubting their sanity. But knowing your dom will break you down and then put you together again and is there for you when you need them is powerful. But if they are not there when you need them this can lead to feeling not wanted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From a man's perspective, he has a great thing going, regular great NSA sex. He may not want anything more, is a private person and may value discretion due to work or small community.

I have given minimal information to fuck buddies in the past, if things go sour, would you want some one posting on Facebook or turning up at your work etc.

Maybe having more than one regular fuck buddy would help. Good luck with it all, you are not disposable, you are a person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From a man's perspective, he has a great thing going, regular great NSA sex. He may not want anything more, is a private person and may value discretion due to work or small community.

I have given minimal information to fuck buddies in the past, if things go sour, would you want some one posting on Facebook or turning up at your work etc.

Maybe having more than one regular fuck buddy would help.

***Good luck with it all, you are not disposable, you are a person ***"

*** This!

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up


"I think very many people struggle with the disposable aspect of swinging. I think also that a fuck buddy or friends with benefits situation can magnify that feeling. Lets face it nobody really wants to feel as if they are entirely insignificant in the life of someone they are regularly having sex with do they.

"
yes.. This would suit me perfectly.. Just answer each others booty calls... But it never happens. I'm quite happy that it's just sex. I don't need to know what they do for jobs.. What they do for anything... I fall out with fb all the time as they start wanting to know more and more about my personal life. Like I will normally tell people the county I live in and that's as close as they get.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Whatever our needs are when we start something, as clear as they may seem to us, once we've progressed a little in life and with interacting with someone, it doesn't necessarily mean that we'll still have that exclusive need. Often we have multiple desires, some of them in conflict with others, some of them more to the fore or just not pertinent to a specific time. We're organic, we evolve and we're also influenced by how we engage with the world. Things can seem so black and white - we just want 'X'. It's never likely that we'll only ever need/want just X though.And when we get our cravings for X satiated, a bit like damning up a river flow, our energies can be diverted, possibly wearing away at other barriers that may have stopped us being aware of those other possible channels for our life.

It would be a simple life if we were robots, only programmed to behave in certain ways, or limited by technology - Daleks that could only move on flat floors. When artificial intelligence makes consciousness possible for robots, then it's feasible that they would want to alter their rigid protocol - ongoing repetition may also have delivered some wear.

There's no right and wrong, if we're respectful of others - it's just important for us to be respectful of ourselves.It may just be about listening a little more and greater consideration for more of our needs to be met somehow.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I've always worked on the assumption, no matter how good something is, I'm 'disposable'

I'll be sidelined as soon as the next pretty thing comes along.

Guess it's my safety net, knowing nothing lasts, I've already prepared myself for the inevitable before it's happened.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

These are really thoughtful and interesting contributions. Thank you. I think there are several posts here that chime with how I feel. It is more about my feelings about the situation rather than the person.

We’ll see what happens. I’ll be sad if it ends, and I’ll certainly miss the great sex, but I won’t be upset.

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By *aling69Man
over a year ago

London


"I have a regular guy. We’ve been meeting about once every 2/3 weeks for the last 8 months or so. The sex is always amazing. Full on, kinky, absorbing and a huge release for both of us. It’s a very boundaried arrangement. I know very little about him, his life, who else he meets. He’s a nice guy but I don’t want to be with him and I don’t want to expand the boundaries of our arrangement. So why, after 8 months, am I starting to feel weirded out about the fact that I’m completely disposable to him?

I’m hoping to provoke some thoughtful posts with this thread, so please keep away from the ‘oh you must have feelings for him’ judgements. Beyond a genuine respect and mild friendship, I don’t."

Here's another angle, because the sex is so amazing and you really enjoy it and you know you will enjoy it each time, may be you are subconsciously thinking how you may have to replace such a good arrangement if it were to end so the feeling of being disposable may be playing on your mind because you have such a good arrangement.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have a regular guy. We’ve been meeting about once every 2/3 weeks for the last 8 months or so. The sex is always amazing. Full on, kinky, absorbing and a huge release for both of us. It’s a very boundaried arrangement. I know very little about him, his life, who else he meets. He’s a nice guy but I don’t want to be with him and I don’t want to expand the boundaries of our arrangement. So why, after 8 months, am I starting to feel weirded out about the fact that I’m completely disposable to him?

I’m hoping to provoke some thoughtful posts with this thread, so please keep away from the ‘oh you must have feelings for him’ judgements. Beyond a genuine respect and mild friendship, I don’t.

Here's another angle, because the sex is so amazing and you really enjoy it and you know you will enjoy it each time, may be you are subconsciously thinking how you may have to replace such a good arrangement if it were to end so the feeling of being disposable may be playing on your mind because you have such a good arrangement.

"

Well all of that is certainly true too. He’s reliable, can plan ahead and is laid back about my not great time keeping. All of those qualities I find very rare on fab.

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