FabSwingers.com forum: Imaginative first messages

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I find it quite interesting the number of people who stipulate on their profile that if you are to write to them, in order to get a reply you must say something unique and interesting.

Often these people donot say much on their profiles so it's kinda hard to think of what to say. I mean they must get lots of messages from guys saying 'Hi, how are you!' and stuff like that.

But the thing is about intelligent conversation, or indeed any conversation is that it rarely starts with someone espousing some deep and meaningful monologue about something.

NO, when you meet someone for the first time it usually starts something like this-

Hello.

Hello how are you?

I'm fine thanks, my name is bla bla bla etc..

And there from there maybe an interesting dialogue will ensue, or maybe it wont.

For example-

hey I was just listening to this really great song on the radio.

Oh yeah I know that one, really like them, went to see a band the other night and it was awesome.

Oh yeah I've been there, don't like the doormen but the place is cool and I once met the lead singer of this band in there after the gig and he signed my t-shirt...

etc, etc...

So you see, there really is only one way to get an interesting conversation going. It involves TWO people, not ONE.

So to all those who say such things on your profile, in particular the ones who never respond to my messages, you are really only doing yourself a disservice.

End of rant.

Thank you for listening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it quite interesting the number of people who stipulate on their profile that if you are to write to them, in order to get a reply you must say something unique and interesting.

Often these people donot say much on their profiles so it's kinda hard to think of what to say. I mean they must get lots of messages from guys saying 'Hi, how are you!' and stuff like that.

But the thing is about intelligent conversation, or indeed any conversation is that it rarely starts with someone espousing some deep and meaningful monologue about something.

NO, when you meet someone for the first time it usually starts something like this-

Hello.

Hello how are you?

I'm fine thanks, my name is bla bla bla etc..

And there from there maybe an interesting dialogue will ensue, or maybe it wont.

For example-

hey I was just listening to this really great song on the radio.

Oh yeah I know that one, really like them, went to see a band the other night and it was awesome.

Oh yeah I've been there, don't like the doormen but the place is cool and I once met the lead singer of this band in there after the gig and he signed my t-shirt...

etc, etc...

So you see, there really is only one way to get an interesting conversation going. It involves TWO people, not ONE.

So to all those who say such things on your profile, in particular the ones who never respond to my messages, you are really only doing yourself a disservice.

End of rant.

Thank you for listening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you will find its a test to see how creative you are. There is no computation to mail them though its a choice thing. If the profile has little to appeal to me I leave it and go onto the next one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

completely agree buddy! you so often find those people who would like these "imaginative" messages are either "imaginatively impaired" or seem to think that they are a prize for everyone to "verbally fight" for.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah. Move on to the next one, good idea. It's just there are so many all espousing similar rhetoric.

And apparently I need to 'get a life' so I've just been told.

Oh well I guess it's an easy way to filter the intellectually challenged..

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I don't insist on an interesting first message.... I leave it up to the sender to choose what they think is appropriate.

However.... if they choose to send an interesting one they will likely be in my knickers by sunset

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

^now that's my kinda woman!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i went to the trouble of creating a fantastically whimsical message to a couple that had it on thier profile only to get ignored, so yeah, an originaly message is difficult, but ffs try a little more than hi, how are ya.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that the OP is wrong in thinking that real life face to face conversations are the same as initial messages on here.

If you look at it from a single female perspective she has numerous people all saying "hello" simultaneously.

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By *landPeggyCouple
over a year ago

Holland !

If you find yourself talking too much, asking questions is a good way out of a one way conversation.

If you've been cornered, guess it's a matter of weighing up the benefits of said situation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i went to the trouble of creating a fantastically whimsical message to a couple that had it on thier profile only to get ignored, so yeah, an originaly message is difficult, but ffs try a little more than hi, how are ya."

Well I usually do, and I often get ignored when I've gone the trouble as well, it's a bit annoying.

It's just the no one liners thing. I can often find something witty to say, but writing a few lines to someone you've never met, and someone who says nothing much on their profile is not so easy!

But yeah as the above poster says, gonna give these profiles the wide berth from now on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think that the OP is wrong in thinking that real life face to face conversations are the same as initial messages on here."

Am I?

How does it work then, for you?

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Actually I find messages which start with "Hello how are you" a pain in the arse.

Now if I were sending the OP a message I'd send something like... "If I draw ear lobes and eyes on my vagina photo, will it be alright to send you it? If it is Ok, I must warn you I only have a blue marker pen and my eyes are actually green."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You can say something more elaborate sometimes, but the point is it doesn't always go that way.

I do try to avoid the usual cliches, I find it a bit harsh to instantly disregard someone just because they said something that dozens of other have though.

Like I say, it works both ways. The onus is on both participants.

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By *landPeggyCouple
over a year ago

Holland !

As in both participants have an onus.

Usually the case.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

me personally, i try to say something witty about something i have noticed on either the photos, or more particularly, something i have read in the profile (as it shows you have done more than just look at the pics)

ust a thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not interested in conversation, just want to know if someone is nice, honest and reliable and not too stupid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My replies are normally influenced by what they have in their profile.

Some people are easier to initially message than others.

Regardless though I still think it comes down to the person you message liking your pics more than what you've written

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

^good points.

I suspect though that many of these profiles are really choosing who they want to get to know primarily on the basis of whether there is a physical attraction, which is why I don't like to get too clever on my first message.

Just a quick hello. I like the look of you. Do you like the look of me. Ok then let's chat some more and see what happens..

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If it actually takes effort for someone to be witty or funny.... I wouldn't want to spend a couple of hours in the sack with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"^good points.

Just a quick hello. I like the look of you. Do you like the look of me. Ok then let's chat some more and see what happens.."

Well when i get messages like that, i just say thanks, you look nice too, i dont feel like i want to meet them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not interested in conversation, just want to know if someone is nice, honest and reliable and not too stupid.

Without conversation, how do you establish that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not interested in conversation, just want to know if someone is nice, honest and reliable and not too stupid.

Without conversation, how do you establish that?"

I mean, long conversations, sorry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that the OP is wrong in thinking that real life face to face conversations are the same as initial messages on here.

Am I?

How does it work then, for you?"

How it works for me is of no benefit to you. What matters is finding what works for you.

But yes you are very much wrong if you think that an initial message on here is the same as a 1 to 1 conversation in real life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

you are very much wrong if you think that an initial message on here is the same as a 1 to 1 conversation in real life.

Well both involve language, and using it to convey information so as to try to find some common interest between the two parties.

Only difference is the medium through which the communication is made.

Sometimes it can involve a detailed introduction (cf when you are approached by a canvasser in the street, or if someone needs your help...) and sometimes it can just involve a hello, how are you, wink wink, I like the look of you.... etc.

Which method is more likely to be used at a singles club, when two people meet and start flirting with each other and how hard is it to find something different and unique to say under those circumstances AND how much difference does it really make?

It's generally best to stick to something neutral and simple to begin with. It's called testing the waters and real life is no different to how it works on a dating site.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

you are very much wrong if you think that an initial message on here is the same as a 1 to 1 conversation in real life.

Well both involve language, and using it to convey information so as to try to find some common interest between the two parties.

Only difference is the medium through which the communication is made.

It's generally best to stick to something neutral and simple to begin with. It's called testing the waters and real life is no different to how it works on a dating site."

Ahhhh but face to face over 90% of the communication will not be the words used, much will be non-verbal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP is right.

I think the best profiles are the ones with question marks or periods - ...........

How are you supposed to start a conversation with someone who only has a "." key on thier keyboard?

Hi how are you?

.........

ok and what are your plans for the evening?

.........

great I was thinking of watching that film too

.........

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ahhhh but face to face over 90% of the communication will not be the words used, much will be non-verbal.

So therefore it takes longer and is more difficult to inspire a connection online. So why then are people demanding interesting first messages, but yet failing to actually say anything interesting on their profile themselves in the first place?

Like I say, it works both ways.

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

we don't state we expect 'imaginative' messages - but do say we'll only reply to coherent messages - All we ask for is face pics if none visible on profile ..

had greeat 1st message today (well, timed at about 2.30 this morning

) "what about meeting with us" .. all in CAPS and no punctuation. Their profile is almost as short as the message!

more fodder for the Block cannon lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meh, sod going for something a creative writer would like.

As the OP says, a conversation takes at least two people, with exchange of these you can gather if someone to your liking or not.

I don't list my life story in every message. Just say hi, introduce myself a little, then mention something thats written on their profile. if they like the look of you then its their job to respond and ask and/or check out your profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it quite interesting the number of people who stipulate on their profile that if you are to write to them, in order to get a reply you must say something unique and interesting.

Often these people donot say much on their profiles "

Why on earth mail profiles with very little on them? Wouldn't it make more sense to contact people who do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why on earth mail profiles with very little on them? Wouldn't it make more sense to contact people who do?"

Hello. Single guy here.

can't be too picky and all that.

If she's hot, I'll give it a pop. Nothing ventured and all that.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

So therefore it takes longer and is more difficult to inspire a connection online. "

Some people do that to me with one line... it just isn't "hello how are you doing"

You can debate for the next ten years why your approach should work... however, the clever thing to do would be to take on board why some people say it won't be so effective if used on them.

The even more clever thing to do is click onto the next profile down the results list if you don't agree with what a person is asking for on their profile.

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By *mma peelWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I find it quite interesting the number of people who stipulate on their profile that if you are to write to them, in order to get a reply you must say something unique and interesting.

Often these people donot say much on their profiles so it's kinda hard to think of what to say. I mean they must get lots of messages from guys saying 'Hi, how are you!' and stuff like that.

Awwwww I think you're ace..... !

Unfortunately, one dreary, uninteresting first

message tends to lead to more dreary conversation. I think if you can even string a sentence together or think of something a little more engaging then they're gonna be a wet lettuce in bed.... I know it's a generalisation, but I'm ALWAYS right.

Same goes with my theory about guys who can dance=great shag......!

Will think of other thoughts and theories shortly......

But the thing is about intelligent conversation, or indeed any conversation is that it rarely starts with someone espousing some deep and meaningful monologue about something.

NO, when you meet someone for the first time it usually starts something like this-

Hello.

Hello how are you?

I'm fine thanks, my name is bla bla bla etc..

And there from there maybe an interesting dialogue will ensue, or maybe it wont.

For example-

hey I was just listening to this really great song on the radio.

Oh yeah I know that one, really like them, went to see a band the other night and it was awesome.

Oh yeah I've been there, don't like the doormen but the place is cool and I once met the lead singer of this band in there after the gig and he signed my t-shirt...

etc, etc...

So you see, there really is only one way to get an interesting conversation going. It involves TWO people, not ONE.

So to all those who say such things on your profile, in particular the ones who never respond to my messages, you are really only doing yourself a disservice.

End of rant.

Thank you for listening.

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By *mma peelWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Sorry fluffed the quote thing...I meant to say....

Awwwww I think you're ace..... !

Unfortunately, one dreary, uninteresting first

message tends to lead to more dreary conversation. I think if you can even string a sentence together or think of something a little more engaging, then they're gonna be a wet lettuce in bed.... I know it's a generalisation, but I'm ALWAYS right.

Same goes with my theory about guys who can dance=great shag......!

Will think of other thoughts and theories shortly......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry fluffed the quote thing...I meant to say....

Awwwww I think you're ace..... !

Unfortunately, one dreary, uninteresting first

Same goes with my theory about guys who can dance=great shag......!

Will think of other thoughts and theories shortly......

well, i will argue your dancing theory, cuz i cant dance for shit, but im decent in bed, apparently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

have lots of messages that just say HI

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"have lots of messages that just say HI"

My most common one just late is

"You free? "

I sometimes when I get bored ask people to inspire me...

Sometimes I get the most amazing ideas and two of my best playmates came from those sorts of messages..

worse thing is when someone sends a fabulous message.. but I look at the profile and so not for me.. I actually hate writing the thanks but no thanks message in that case.

cali

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By *nsatiable firebirdWoman
over a year ago

LEEDS

"have lots of messages that just say HI

My most common one just late is

"You free? "

I sometimes when I get bored ask people to inspire me...

Sometimes I get the most amazing ideas and two of my best playmates came from those sorts of messages..

worse thing is when someone sends a fabulous message.. but I look at the profile and so not for me.. I actually hate writing the thanks but no thanks message in that case.

cali "

aiad agree with you on that one cali. I get a hundred messages a day saying hey lovely..free tonight for a good shafting. Or others like you want a good shafting tonight darling etc etc. I never reply to those messages so its a refreshing change when I get a nice message wanting to know about me as a person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Damn I thought this was going to be a thread with a list of good icebreakers to use instead of the ones I'm using. I had a pen and paper all ready

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is difficult when people give you nothing to go on, I dabbled in internet dating (the sort that promises to find you a partner for life but usually ends in that awkward moment before you get in separate taxis home)and all the profiles on there were the same:

"i like clubbing and tv and my mates and going to the gym, tell me something interesting!"

Errr right... lots to go on there... interesting to you hmmm... nope i give up!

Or on here you get the message "hey" and then proceeds a very short conversation before they get bored and you haven't really become interested yet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it quite interesting the number of people who stipulate on their profile that if you are to write to them, in order to get a reply you must say something unique and interesting."

What you'll find is that these people are mostly women. They don't put any effort into the profile, possibly even only one line or even the "I'll fill it in later when I can be bovvered"; there are no pictures of any kind and yet they "DEMAND" face pics or there will "BE NO REPLY AND YOU WILL BE DELETED YOU FASCIST BASTARD - HOW DARE YOU NOT SEND ME A FACE PIC?"

Strange, isn't it?

Comment allez vous?

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By *tephenb001Man
over a year ago

stapleton

Maybe they think they are trying to be funny

like " Hey how you doing" in the style of joey from friends.

Yeah doesn't work for me either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One person says witty, the other person says stupid. One person says creative, the other person has seen it before.

You won't get it right all the time so do yourself a favour. Be polite, be honest and most importantly, be you. No point in trying to be this "guy" or "gal" that this person has painted in their head because as soon as that message is sent, they're painting another picture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All said and done this is not a website for caravan enthusiasts. And unfortunately with any community you get those who believe they are the social elite. The key is to humour them. So anyone who needs "imaginative" "inspirational" or "interesting" opening correspondence try the language of love and use the following. "Oi je veux poke mon fuck stick dans votre boite de merde wifes"

it roughly translates "I want to poke my fuck stick up your wifes shit box"

"Back of the net"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think you will find its a test to see how creative you are. There is no computation to mail them though its a choice thing. If the profile has little to appeal to me I leave it and go onto the next one.

"
yeah, can be off putting with some profiles, so i'll avoid..but if i really want to make contact, i'll usually find something to say.

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