FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

The entitled

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’m not entirely sure why I feel the need to post this, but sometimes it’s just better out than in...

Having been a member of the London swinging scene for a number of years, and I like to think a well received one, I am so amazed by the about of entitlement that seems to have crept into swinging.

What happened to manners, politeness, charm and integrity. The things we all signed up for require at a base level honesty and trust so I am always amazed at how entitled some seem to be these days.

And I’m sorry to say, it seems to be the younger members to the scene, mainly guys, but couples and women exhibit it too. Demanding messages, assumption rife and quite often rude.

Who in their right mind goes for the ego maniac who messages, thinking they are gods gift and that the rest of us should be greatful for their mere existence?

Don’t get me wrong, I know this sounds like someone who has been burnt, but honestly that couldn’t be further from the truth, I simply wish that egos could be checked at the log in screen, and that what should be a fun and engaging activity should remain that, and that the hassle, harassment, rudeness and entitlement should be expunged from this great lifestyle, life is simply too short.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I had this very same discussion with a friend of mine the other night OP. It never used to be like this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I had this very same discussion with a friend of mine the other night OP. It never used to be like this. "

No, precisely, it’s draining the fun from it I think.

I love that so many are realising that casual sex is not a big taboo anymore, and that the Victorian era level of prudishness is waning.

But what happened to being nice and civil? Do those that demand actually get anywhere? I’d love to here from anyone that has issued a crass one liner and been successful, or for that matter from anyone who finds this approach works, either as the instigator or the recipient.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

As a recipient, no it doesn't work for me at all.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It's quite probably due to our age but we don't find this at all. Although having said that we do tend to just completely ignore the few impolite or demanding messages.

I wonder if porn, tinder et al have anything to do with it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's quite probably due to our age but we don't find this at all. Although having said that we do tend to just completely ignore the few impolite or demanding messages.

I wonder if porn, tinder et al have anything to do with it"

I think you have a point there, people can be seen as so one dimensional and disposable in this day and age.

Manners should be compulsory.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had this very same discussion with a friend of mine the other night OP. It never used to be like this. "
all our yesterday's, the good old days ,was never like this when I was a lad

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We just block and move on. We have a swing phone so we can avoid using our own number. It's entitled people that made us fancy the club scene so all is good x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s the presumption that cause you’re a single male on here, alot of couples and women automatically think you’re going to be interested in them. I’ve had plenty of messages asking for a face pic when they haven’t got one or sent one, which I think is the height of arrogance.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It could all be with the way everything is available in an instant now

If you remember pre computer days contact was a long drawn out process through contact mags or if you dared by making a judgement call on people you knew to speak openly so meets were less frequent but you made sure all enjoyed it

Now it's so easy to select and reject so quickly that it seems it fosters a sense of entitlement

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Yes there seems to be an attitude in some people of I'm horny now so let's meet.

I was chatting to a guy earlier this week who got snippy when I suggested meeting next weekend instead of this one. Apparently the constant to-ing and fro-ing (chatting for two days) meant I was using my status as a single female to dictate terms.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s the presumption that cause you’re a single male on here, alot of couples and women automatically think you’re going to be interested in them. I’ve had plenty of messages asking for a face pic when they haven’t got one or sent one, which I think is the height of arrogance. "

Agree, basic etiquette...

or lack of

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's quite probably due to our age but we don't find this at all. Although having said that we do tend to just completely ignore the few impolite or demanding messages.

I wonder if porn, tinder et al have anything to do with it"

I think it probably does, and other social network/dating apps. I guess a lot of people who are just getting into the scene have probably used quite a few different sites or apps for hook ups before this, and it probably effects how they see this scene. I don’t get it though...no one has a god given right to have sex with someone else. You should always be polite and respectful.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"It's quite probably due to our age but we don't find this at all. Although having said that we do tend to just completely ignore the few impolite or demanding messages.

I wonder if porn, tinder et al have anything to do with it

I think you have a point there, people can be seen as so one dimensional and disposable in this day and age.

Manners should be compulsory."

They are for some of us .

Neither of us has dated or interacted as a single person for hundreds of years and I don't think we'd want to. I for one simply don't understand the current rules of engagement.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m not entirely sure why I feel the need to post this, but sometimes it’s just better out than in...

Having been a member of the London swinging scene for a number of years, and I like to think a well received one, I am so amazed by the about of entitlement that seems to have crept into swinging.

What happened to manners, politeness, charm and integrity. The things we all signed up for require at a base level honesty and trust so I am always amazed at how entitled some seem to be these days.

And I’m sorry to say, it seems to be the younger members to the scene, mainly guys, but couples and women exhibit it too. Demanding messages, assumption rife and quite often rude.

Who in their right mind goes for the ego maniac who messages, thinking they are gods gift and that the rest of us should be greatful for their mere existence?

Don’t get me wrong, I know this sounds like someone who has been burnt, but honestly that couldn’t be further from the truth, I simply wish that egos could be checked at the log in screen, and that what should be a fun and engaging activity should remain that, and that the hassle, harassment, rudeness and entitlement should be expunged from this great lifestyle, life is simply too short."
we agree. Some many single guys who've messages us to meet now and seemed shocked when we say "how about hello" and "let's chat first" even in clubs there seemed the air of although it is polite to ask I'm gunna get my dick out anyway and they won't say "no thanks"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We just block and move on. We have a swing phone so we can avoid using our own number. It's entitled people that made us fancy the club scene so all is good x"
same here

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a great topic to discuss and I agree with OP. The assumption of entitlement, or over inflated sense of entitlement is something which does annoy me and I find rude.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

I’m sorry to say, it seems to be the younger members to the scene, mainly guys, but couples and women exhibit it too..

But this is not just limited to Fab! It's in life generally.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I would agree it's in life generally.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’ve found mainly with the younger crowd, butbreading this it’s good it’s across the board.

The need for instant gratification that technology has born I think is the problem. People expect now now now forgetting that everyone has their own agenda and that for swinging or anything for that matter to work those agendas need to align which takes some effort from everyone.

Instant gratification seems to have done away with simple niceties. I’d love it if there was a national be nice day, a day to remind people of manners and patience, the best things really do come to those that wait and play nice.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

I wouldn't necessarily say its younger men, for messages to me its men across all ages, but truly the most entitled seems to be couples. They will message me with comments basically assuming that I will definitely meet them and in lucky to have the opportunity and that will literally be in the opening message. I had one this week that said 'what days are you free this week?' When I replied saying that's a bit presumptive isn't it? They replied with, 'tough, make your Saturday free'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *estofbothCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We always respond to any messages we get on here and try to treat people how we would in person.

But some of the stuff we get through makes it difficult to be nice sometimes, really presumptive and rude. Yes it’s a sex site, but our profiles pretty clear and it’s still nice to start an interaction like a normal human being isnt it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adylydfordWoman
over a year ago

altinkum

I have heard one young guy refer to this place as find a fuck.... made me want to slap him. Its so much more then that. Im quite sick of all the messages with just one line... wanna fuck.. then get abuse when i ask if they have read my profile. Its that attatude that sends me offline for a few weeks. I alwsys come back hoping its changed..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I’m not entirely sure why I feel the need to post this, but sometimes it’s just better out than in...

Having been a member of the London swinging scene for a number of years, and I like to think a well received one, I am so amazed by the about of entitlement that seems to have crept into swinging.

What happened to manners, politeness, charm and integrity. The things we all signed up for require at a base level honesty and trust so I am always amazed at how entitled some seem to be these days.

And I’m sorry to say, it seems to be the younger members to the scene, mainly guys, but couples and women exhibit it too. Demanding messages, assumption rife and quite often rude.

Who in their right mind goes for the ego maniac who messages, thinking they are gods gift and that the rest of us should be greatful for their mere existence?

Don’t get me wrong, I know this sounds like someone who has been burnt, but honestly that couldn’t be further from the truth, I simply wish that egos could be checked at the log in screen, and that what should be a fun and engaging activity should remain that, and that the hassle, harassment, rudeness and entitlement should be expunged from this great lifestyle, life is simply too short.we agree. Some many single guys who've messages us to meet now and seemed shocked when we say "how about hello" and "let's chat first" even in clubs there seemed the air of although it is polite to ask I'm gunna get my dick out anyway and they won't say "no thanks" "

Tbh, I find that couples are far worse than single guys, specifically the male halves. Just had crude messages from a couple of them this morning already hitting the block button lol.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Manners, politeness, respect, and courtesy have been replaced with classic one liners such as ‘suck it’, can i fist you’, and ‘will you be my whore’.

Manners go a long way still

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one is "entitled" to good manners.

And those you find that are ill mannered, are quite easy to ignore and block.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I wonder if porn, tinder et al have anything to do with it"

I think so, some sex/hook up sites have names that add to that sense of entitlement. I can’t name them here, but they really don’t help. I think the companies who run them should be held more accountable.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly, it feels like to get on today you have to be loud, pushy, full of self importance but definitely shout louder than everyone else. Many workplaces I visit are all about the image and pr rather than quality of work. Not necessarily bad qualities in small doses if coupled with respect and manners but too often they are not.

I'm not saying quiet, polite, respectful people don't exist or get on well in life they just appear to be outnumbered at the moment. Stands to reason that the swinging scene will suffer from the problem as will other areas of life.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have heard one young guy refer to this place as find a fuck.... made me want to slap him. Its so much more then that. Im quite sick of all the messages with just one line... wanna fuck.. then get abuse when i ask if they have read my profile. Its that attatude that sends me offline for a few weeks. I alwsys come back hoping its changed.."
you must have the memory of a goldfish

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think the entitlement is restricted to swinging. Or youth.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I don't think the entitlement is restricted to swinging. Or youth."

It's definitely not.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God I hate that expression it's used here a lot lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My generation lacks internal structure. They are what they see, and deem to be desirable. It’s a societal issue, not just a single guy one.

Thankfully, I deem myself not to be like op. Though I do get the same ‘drop everything now, come see us’ messages from couples. They do tend to be from the younger generations though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My generation lacks internal structure. They are what they see, and deem to be desirable. It’s a societal issue, not just a single guy one.

Thankfully, I deem myself not to be like op. Though I do get the same ‘drop everything now, come see us’ messages from couples. They do tend to be from the younger generations though. "
lol you get drop everything now messages ......nice one

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ffanotdykeCouple
over a year ago

Telford

When I was a lad in another century there was a phrase which I found useful "manners maketh the man". The word man is generic as applied to both sexes.

Please and thank you don't seem to be in a lot of people's vocabulary.

Even if an encounter has been less than fruitful we always say thank you because even in the worst situations we have learned something to put in the experience bank.

Gill and Aitch

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ussD1Man
over a year ago

Gloucester


"We always respond to any messages we get on here and try to treat people how we would in person.

But some of the stuff we get through makes it difficult to be nice sometimes, really presumptive and rude. Yes it’s a sex site, but our profiles pretty clear and it’s still nice to start an interaction like a normal human being isnt it. "

Manners maketh the man

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top