FabSwingers.com forum: DS couples and Singles

By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

Hello All

I’m here with my sub, looking to explore swinging, but within a bdsm dynamic.

So how many experienced to curious players are there out there, with it comes to bdsm and swinging?

Couples and single fems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello All

I’m here with my sub, looking to explore swinging, but within a bdsm dynamic.

So how many experienced to curious players are there out there, with it comes to bdsm and swinging?

Couples and single fems."

Hi. We are in a D/s relationship and swing. By no means experts but happy to chat if you want to message us

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

"Hello All

I’m here with my sub, looking to explore swinging, but within a bdsm dynamic.

So how many experienced to curious players are there out there, with it comes to bdsm and swinging?

Couples and single fems.

Hi. We are in a D/s relationship and swing. By no means experts but happy to chat if you want to message us

Hey, cheers for the offer. It’s the issue of new community, I’ve been in the bdsm scene for many years, but only really dropped in and out of the swing scene.

So what would you say are the big differences?

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Hello All

I’m here with my sub, looking to explore swinging, but within a bdsm dynamic.

So how many experienced to curious players are there out there, with it comes to bdsm and swinging?

Couples and single fems.

Hi. We are in a D/s relationship and swing. By no means experts but happy to chat if you want to message us

Hey, cheers for the offer. It’s the issue of new community, I’ve been in the bdsm scene for many years, but only really dropped in and out of the swing scene.

So what would you say are the big differences?"

The level of trust required. You ca swing with a given level of trust but the bdsm side requires a whole lot more.

That and understanding both ways. Those in the bdsm scene understanding the swing scene and the other way round.

You can have a lot of fun in the swing scene but it does require a different mindset. We are very careful who we share the bdsm side with to the point that it hardly happens to be honest.

You'll notice on our profile there's not much about the bdsm side of things. That's not a mistake enables me to keep control of who we share that with and when.

Had to many people make assumptions of D and get a shock lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello All

I’m here with my sub, looking to explore swinging, but within a bdsm dynamic.

So how many experienced to curious players are there out there, with it comes to bdsm and swinging?

Couples and single fems.

Hi. We are in a D/s relationship and swing. By no means experts but happy to chat if you want to message us

Hey, cheers for the offer. It’s the issue of new community, I’ve been in the bdsm scene for many years, but only really dropped in and out of the swing scene.

So what would you say are the big differences?"

I think not everyone understands a D/s dynamic and we haven't shared some stuff with meets. Setting a scene is more difficult in swinging if your partners don't understand. There are lots of people with similar interests to us but we've yet to meet anyone in a D/s dynamic.

Generally the swing community are pretty non judgemental. Just make sure you communicate well with any meets. Being the only collared sub is a bit daunting if the other party don't understand. We've recently changed our profile to try and meet others in similar situations so we can explore it more.

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

Cheers for that, that goes along with my previous impressions.

I’ve been on here for many year as a single guy, being open as a Dom, it has meant very little interest from the swing community.

But you’re very right, the trust is massively important.

That’s why we want to make actual friends and not just one off’s, plus we need that connection/chemistry.

Our first DS MMFF is next weekend with one of my best mates and his sub.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cheers for that, that goes along with my previous impressions.

I’ve been on here for many year as a single guy, being open as a Dom, it has meant very little interest from the swing community.

But you’re very right, the trust is massively important.

That’s why we want to make actual friends and not just one off’s, plus we need that connection/chemistry.

Our first DS MMFF is next weekend with one of my best mates and his sub. "

Hope it goes well!

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Cheers for that, that goes along with my previous impressions.

I’ve been on here for many year as a single guy, being open as a Dom, it has meant very little interest from the swing community.

But you’re very right, the trust is massively important.

That’s why we want to make actual friends and not just one off’s, plus we need that connection/chemistry.

Our first DS MMFF is next weekend with one of my best mates and his sub. "

Out of interest how do you negotiate a meet like that?

Swinging I totally understand but how do the Dominants involved relate to the others sub? I have a whole checklist for mine but someone else's? Not sure how that would work.

For example I can't even imagine putting a flogger in someone else's hands to see them risk my sub. I wouldn't be able to focus on what I was doing for making sure they weren't making mistakes with D.

I would never forgive myself for someone else causing injury to D through my own lack of judgement.

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

"Cheers for that, that goes along with my previous impressions.

I’ve been on here for many year as a single guy, being open as a Dom, it has meant very little interest from the swing community.

But you’re very right, the trust is massively important.

That’s why we want to make actual friends and not just one off’s, plus we need that connection/chemistry.

Our first DS MMFF is next weekend with one of my best mates and his sub.

Out of interest how do you negotiate a meet like that?

Swinging I totally understand but how do the Dominants involved relate to the others sub? I have a whole checklist for mine but someone else's? Not sure how that would work.

I would never forgive myself for someone else causing injury to D through my own lack of judgement."

That’s like any other play meet.

Negotiation, build trust, then start slow and light, then naturally escalate.

Thing is, it doesn’t have to start with a flogger or any pain. It’s about the dynamic, chemistry and exchange of power.

The first play could just be rough primal sexual play, that tests, reinforces the dynamic and chemistry.

Once thats been set and established, then SnM can be brought in.

This is something I’ve done before and seen done a lot via the bdsm scene.

But the bdsm scene doesn’t focus on group play, so given that’s what we want to explore, we are trying here.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Cheers for that, that goes along with my previous impressions.

I’ve been on here for many year as a single guy, being open as a Dom, it has meant very little interest from the swing community.

But you’re very right, the trust is massively important.

That’s why we want to make actual friends and not just one off’s, plus we need that connection/chemistry.

Our first DS MMFF is next weekend with one of my best mates and his sub.

Out of interest how do you negotiate a meet like that?

Swinging I totally understand but how do the Dominants involved relate to the others sub? I have a whole checklist for mine but someone else's? Not sure how that would work.

I would never forgive myself for someone else causing injury to D through my own lack of judgement.

That’s like any other play meet.

Negotiation, build trust, then start slow and light, then naturally escalate.

Thing is, it doesn’t have to start with a flogger or any pain. It’s about the dynamic, chemistry and exchange of power.

The first play could just be rough primal sexual play, that tests, reinforces the dynamic and chemistry.

Once thats been set and established, then SnM can be brought in.

This is something I’ve done before and seen done a lot via the bdsm scene.

But the bdsm scene doesn’t focus on group play, so given that’s what we want to explore, we are trying here."

Good luck hope you find what you seek

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

We have been on the kink scene for 6 years together, him more than 20, and we got to swinging events for that extra sexual vibe.

Not all kink events allow sex as they don't have the licences, so we tend to go to events held at swinging clubs such as liberty elite, as for us, kink is foreplay

As to group kink, we do that too, but it requires more time to observe others during their own play and deciding if the style is compatible.

Some experts in one area may be able to offer something your own Dom isn't skilled in (eg suspensions), so using another Dom can be the answer.

And it's a whole lot of fun with two Doms and two subs

Hope that helps;)

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple
over a year ago

luton

Fundamentally.... trust is the key, takes time. We would certainly play more BDSM type of meet, but only with those that we have had numerous meets with prior, and therefore have a close friendship with.

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

"We have been on the kink scene for 6 years together, him more than 20, and we got to swinging events for that extra sexual vibe.

Not all kink events allow sex as they don't have the licences, so we tend to go to events held at swinging clubs such as liberty elite, as for us, kink is foreplay

As to group kink, we do that too, but it requires more time to observe others during their own play and deciding if the style is compatible.

Some experts in one area may be able to offer something your own Dom isn't skilled in (eg suspensions), so using another Dom can be the answer.

And it's a whole lot of fun with two Doms and two subs

Hope that helps;)"

I’m a big believer in not getting everything from one person.

Often I’ve had subs with a little side and encouraged them to explore that with a daddy and I don’t like age play.

Suspension is a good example, I’ve done it abit, but have friend that are amazing at it, some of the best in the uk, so always jump at the chance for my subs to experience it with them, because I’ll never be at they’re level.

I do love libs, been to a few events there, definitely want to get to cmnf again, but I often go Xtasia as it’s more local.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We indulge in Domme/sub play but it's more a facet rather than lifestyle choice for us.

We have played a little in swinging clubs in that aspect but never attended a proper D/s or Fetish club.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think there's a lot of conflicting views between the Swinging scene and the BDSM one with judgements being made both ways - particularly towards BDSM.

It usually comes from a lack of understanding of the dynamic.

Personally I don't see why there can't be cross overs, whether that be on purely a "kink play" level or something more structured.

Ultimately it comes down to disclosure and negotiation of boundaries/limits etc, as well as building trust and respect same as with any other "meet" really.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

We love crossover events but they're few and far between.

I think it's a difference in etiquette more than anything. Swingers are more tactile including wandering hands...

Kinksters would never do that - but then it's harder to initiate play in a subtle manner... Takes all kinds of discussion and negotiation some swingers aren't used to

. Some kink players don't have sex involved in their play at all, and swingers would find that very boring.

I think there's a place for both, but everybody needs to be polite and tolerant for it to work well

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I was not going to contribute to this thread as to my mind it is not about bdsm but about sex. OP highlights this by saying it is open to 'couples and single fems.

We all know the additional bdsm skills single females bring in distinction to single males.

Anyone who has read my comments on other threads know I prefer to keep sex and bdsm apart. But as I am ill and in hospital I reread "Screw the roses" and it is clear in the American scene sex and kink is mixed.

I have also realised more and more that mixed swinging and bdsm is the position here in the UK. Whether people see it as entwined or see bdsm as an easy entry to sex, I have a view, but no facts.

Actually there are a large number of crossover events and someone listed them on another thread. But they don't have gender biased pricing and are not restricted to couples. Although the bdsm tends to be in the dungeon and the swinging tends to be in a couples' room. I also know of a gender price biased event. I also know there used to be an occaisional Story of O style event in London.

The reason why there is less couple focussed bdsm events I would suggest is this. People don't like to do bdsm with strangers because of the risks involved it has physical and psychological risks. Whereas swinging is a pretty risk free activity.

However I know small private bdsm swinging parties occur, I have attended one. The hosts had benches and a St Andrews cross and all the toys that you need. I flogged a number of women at that party that I had barely met. But that was because I had flogged the hostess on a number of occasions, who herself was a domme and she vouched for me. At a random party or paid event that trust factor would not be there.

As Spirits have said trust is key.

Also the amount preparation before playing with someone's sub should (but is not always done) be exhaustive and meticulous.

Some years ago I did a double dom session. Before playing we had a social at a sex free site. We met later that evening at a BDSM club I watched them play, and as I was with a playmate they watched me play, and we agreed there was a match. I was rightly meticulously examined by email, and when they felt I was ready given detailed written instructions for play. During play I was subtly orchestrated. To my mind it was all textbook.

I am not sure many swinging couples would be that interested in that level of detail.

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

"We love crossover events but they're few and far between.

I think it's a difference in etiquette more than anything. Swingers are more tactile including wandering hands...

Kinksters would never do that - but then it's harder to initiate play in a subtle manner... Takes all kinds of discussion and negotiation some swingers aren't used to

. Some kink players don't have sex involved in their play at all, and swingers would find that very boring.

I think there's a place for both, but everybody needs to be polite and tolerant for it to work well"

You’re very right, consent is the corner stone of bdsm and that does seem very lax in swinger scene.

I’ve had various arguments with guys and girls at cross over events and swing events about inappropriate touching and comments.

It’s something that’s laegely put me off if I’m honest, guys standing around wanking, touching without consent, women thinking they can do what ever they want and really taking offence when turned down.

But that all said, we are very open to good experiences.

We are going to Klub vorborten soon, that sounds amazing and like it does the cross over very well.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Thing is, one of the reasons I like the swinging events is the wandering hands and extra fun that brings. I just move away if I don't want it.

It just wouldn't be done in a kink club...I'd be surprised!

There are plenty of private kink events where sexual activity is fine, but they tend to not be advertised and you need to be invited, by which everyone knows you have a certain level of trust and competence.

We were actually thinking of trying to organise a crossover event. Finding the venue and date seems to be a hard task

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

"Thing is, one of the reasons I like the swinging events is the wandering hands and extra fun that brings. I just move away if I don't want it.

It just wouldn't be done in a kink club...I'd be surprised!

We were actually thinking of trying to organise a crossover event. Finding the venue and date seems to be a hard task"

There’s various venues around the midlands perfect for it, I’ve held events myself and the venues are very open and helpful.

Xtasia, the facility and liberty elite are great options.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We enjoy our d/s play. But would need to build up a level of trust and understanding before playing like that with another

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Thing is, one of the reasons I like the swinging events is the wandering hands and extra fun that brings. I just move away if I don't want it.

It just wouldn't be done in a kink club...I'd be surprised!

We were actually thinking of trying to organise a crossover event. Finding the venue and date seems to be a hard task

There’s various venues around the midlands perfect for it, I’ve held events myself and the venues are very open and helpful.

Xtasia, the facility and liberty elite are great options."

What crossover events are currently held at Libs? And although good kink events are held at Facility which permit sex, I wasn't aware of any swinging crossover events?

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

"Thing is, one of the reasons I like the swinging events is the wandering hands and extra fun that brings. I just move away if I don't want it.

It just wouldn't be done in a kink club...I'd be surprised!

We were actually thinking of trying to organise a crossover event. Finding the venue and date seems to be a hard task

There’s various venues around the midlands perfect for it, I’ve held events myself and the venues are very open and helpful.

Xtasia, the facility and liberty elite are great options.

What crossover events are currently held at Libs? And although good kink events are held at Facility which permit sex, I wasn't aware of any swinging crossover events?"

Xtasia does the only cross over event I know of called “freakers ball”.

Town house are running some similar events and the organisers are running a similar one at Xtasia aswell.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Freakers ball sounds good not been to that one.

Libs has tried several times, but never worked long term not sure why

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By *LOVEpinacoladasWoman
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We are going to Klub vorborten soon, that sounds amazing and like it does the cross over very well."

I'm going next month - hi! ;D

I came on to the swinging scene via the fetish scene. In London, plenty of fetish clubs had a couples area (TG, Decadence, Antichrist etc - not all still running), and later some sex-positive parties had dungeon equipment. It felt in these instances that it all came under the 'hedonism' banner - although of course people used the space to suit their dynamics.

My experience has been that people who start off with fetish are generally more comfortable on the swinging scene, than vice versa. Perhaps because there's still a taboo around some sorts of fetish play (especially stuff that is more organic as opposed to classic spanking/flogging etc). Although it's a good point you make about some people on the swinging scene being less likely to explicitly ask for consent before touching (ie: more people use touch as a way to ascertain interest rather than asking first).

Quite a few private parties are more fetish-focused - I'm sure if you get chatting to people at clubs you'll make some rewarding connections!

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

What I have experienced, and was unpleasant, was being in the "dungeon area" of a swinging club receiving some pleasant impact play, only to hear "Omg what's he doing, why on earth would she like that, how weird...gross!".

That kind of killed my buzz ...

We tend to play very basic now if we're at a swinging event. I don't allow myself to get into a kink headspace and keep it all superficial.

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By *LOVEpinacoladasWoman
over a year ago

East Sussex

"What I have experienced, and was unpleasant, was being in the "dungeon area" of a swinging club receiving some pleasant impact play, only to hear "Omg what's he doing, why on earth would she like that, how weird...gross!".

That kind of killed my buzz ...

We tend to play very basic now if we're at a swinging event. I don't allow myself to get into a kink headspace and keep it all superficial.

Yes, that's the sort of thing I mean - what a nasty thing to hear.

Once someone kept on coming up to me and asking if I was alright during a pretty intense scene at a crossover event (even after being reassured by my then partner and others) - argh! I tend to keep my kink play private or at specific events these days.

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

Yep I’ve had exactly the same issues, even reducing subs to tears (not in a good way) because if comments by swingers that have come to fetish’s events.

If you see us at vorborten in April, come say hi.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

That kind of killed my buzz ...

We tend to play very basic now if we're at a swinging event. I don't allow myself to get into a kink headspace and keep it all superficial.

Yes, that's the sort of thing I mean - what a nasty thing to hear.

Awful isn't it. We just don't do any intense scenes at swinging events now. And you have to keep a close eye on your kit!! We've had floggers being picked out of the bag and whirled around.... sigh.

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By *renchieAndTheDom OP Couple
over a year ago

lichfeild

That kind of killed my buzz ...

We tend to play very basic now if we're at a swinging event. I don't allow myself to get into a kink headspace and keep it all superficial.

Yes, that's the sort of thing I mean - what a nasty thing to hear.

Awful isn't it. We just don't do any intense scenes at swinging events now. And you have to keep a close eye on your kit!! We've had floggers being picked out of the bag and whirled around.... sigh.

I’ve had kit stolen

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

"Hello All

I’m here with my sub, looking to explore swinging, but within a bdsm dynamic.

So how many experienced to curious players are there out there, with it comes to bdsm and swinging?

Couples and single fems."

We also are swingers and in the community. The 2 don't cross over. Someone asked the main differance. Sex! Most kink clubs ww attend are " no sexual acts" where swinging is fully sexual. ( for the context of this reply).

D/s takes time and respect to gain each others trust, bounderies and protocls.

Swinger slap and tickle is very much differant to kink.

Belive me we've both been swinging for more years than care to say. Remember po box numbers? Been in the Community 4 years, they don't cross over. ( our opiniun)

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