FabSwingers.com forum: ANSWER TO TIME WASTERS

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There needs to be a solution to time wasters. Yet again we booked and paid for a hotel in Durham (nothing financial expected from the guys we invited to join us)and yet again last min they stop texting, and become unavailable, don't show up and mess up a night where perhaps we could have met some reliable people. There is verification on Fab swingers, but I think its now time to have a system where both parties log their event or meet - Like Meetup or something similar. You may not need to give the location but both parties have to agree that they will make the meet and then its locked in. Then just like meetup or ebay feedback is provided and the result can be published and prospective people looking for a meet would then get a "RELIABILITY" score....

So when you are deciding whether to meet someone you could check and see how many times they had arranged to meet before and how many times they had actually shown up... You could decide if you were wasting your own time agreeing to meet. Everyone has a problem now and again... but this needs sorting with a sensible measure. What do others think?? Suexx

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By *j_markCouple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Totteridge/Whetstone

They'd just delete their account and start over when they got negative rating?

We understand how frustrating timewasters/no-shows are, but it seems like you are setting yourself up to be disappointed by booking a hotel to meet someone for the first time.

Why not arrange a low key social meet first to gain trust then progress from there?

Admin x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't seem a bad idea. Not sure how viable it would be though.

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

The sensible thing would have been to meet the guys first on a social only basis....that way you get a better idea of who you are inviting.

Works for me

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Soooo, yu're proposing replacing a system that depends on the good will of the people you're meeting to turn up with......another system that depends on the good will of the people you're meeting with.

Your system would scare me to death. What happens if they need to cancel? If their kids are sick, or they have other problems? They get censured for everyone else to see?

If you got stood up then I am sad it happened. It's happened to me. The best way to deal is to report them as a no show, block them and move on. At least there you both had someone to play with. When I got stood up I was sat all alone!

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

Think the suggestion to not pay out for a first meet seems sensible.

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By *inkershoes69Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

"Soooo, yu're proposing replacing a system that depends on the good will of the people you're meeting to turn up with......another system that depends on the good will of the people you're meeting with.

Your system would scare me to death. What happens if they need to cancel? If their kids are sick, or they have other problems? They get censured for everyone else to see?

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Allways do a 'social' initially, allows all to assess compatible etc..

and yes of course someone may cry off after a social when a meet to play is on..

assume you did meet socially before booking a hotel?

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I tend to be suspicious of guys who only want to text.

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"I tend to be suspicious of guys who only want to text."

ooooh....love the new photo

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

I disagree. It is no-one elses business when or IF I chose to meet and I would certainly not be announcing it on the site.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I disagree. It is no-one elses business when or IF I chose to meet and I would certainly not be announcing it on the site.

Does seem an odd choice of words on the OP. 'Locked in' to the meet? What if I change my mind? What if I turn up but they said I didn't?

Scary stuff!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tend to be suspicious of guys who only want to text.

ooooh....love the new photo

i was thinking that x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your system would scare me to death. What happens if they need to cancel? If their kids are sick, or they have other problems? They get censured for everyone else to see?

Yes, things come up & people have to cancel. But that would only lower their reliability figure a bit. Surely though, if people often cancel, even for genuine reasons, their reliability is in question, and would be reflected in a lower rating than those who don't cancel as often. The problem is when one party says the other cancelled (or didn't show). Who's telling the truth?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Who's telling the truth?"

Exactly! How would you know? So a pointless system really isn't it.

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

"I disagree. It is no-one elses business when or IF I chose to meet and I would certainly not be announcing it on the site.

Do verifications that people choose to show on there profile not announce it on the site?

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By *j_markCouple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Totteridge/Whetstone

We had a negative rating system on another site of ours a couple of years back. Genuine people hated it because they still got negative feedback (and we tried all sorts of things like supressing negatives from showing if it was under a %age) and those who were not genuine simply removed their account and started again. We have thought hard about if there is a technical solution to "no-shows" and we don't think there is anything better than using your judgement and having a social meet first.

Admin x

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"I disagree. It is no-one elses business when or IF I chose to meet and I would certainly not be announcing it on the site.

Do verifications that people choose to show on there profile not announce it on the site?"

Yes - if you choose to show them...although they can also be verifications from phone calls and webcam which is no guarantee that someone is going to turn up for a meet

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"We had a negative rating system on another site of ours a couple of years back. Genuine people hated it because they still got negative feedback (and we tried all sorts of things like supressing negatives from showing if it was under a %age) and those who were not genuine simply removed their account and started again. We have thought hard about if there is a technical solution to "no-shows" and we don't think there is anything better than using your judgement and having a social meet first.

Admin x"

To be fair, I don't think it's your job to sort it out other than what you have provided already. I trust if a profile is reported a number of times from a variety of other profiles for 'no show' it is suspended or removed. But as you say they can just start up another account.

People shouldn't rely on site functions to work out who they want to meet.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"I tend to be suspicious of guys who only want to text.

ooooh....love the new photo

i was thinking that x"

Thank you both.

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

"I disagree. It is no-one elses business when or IF I chose to meet and I would certainly not be announcing it on the site.

Do verifications that people choose to show on there profile not announce it on the site?

Yes - if you choose to show them...although they can also be verifications from phone calls and webcam which is no guarantee that someone is going to turn up for a meet"

I agree with you there. I will not verify people by phone or webcam for exactly that reason.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"I disagree. It is no-one elses business when or IF I chose to meet and I would certainly not be announcing it on the site.

Do verifications that people choose to show on there profile not announce it on the site?

Yes - if you choose to show them...although they can also be verifications from phone calls and webcam which is no guarantee that someone is going to turn up for a meet

I agree with you there. I will not verify people by phone or webcam for exactly that reason."

Me neither.

But the only time Ive had what I call a 'timewaster' (ie someone who didnt turn up when they said they would and didnt let me know) the guy was verified by meet.

And the verification was from me....

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

"I disagree. It is no-one elses business when or IF I chose to meet and I would certainly not be announcing it on the site.

Do verifications that people choose to show on there profile not announce it on the site?

Yes - if you choose to show them...although they can also be verifications from phone calls and webcam which is no guarantee that someone is going to turn up for a meet

I agree with you there. I will not verify people by phone or webcam for exactly that reason.

Me neither.

But the only time Ive had what I call a 'timewaster' (ie someone who didnt turn up when they said they would and didnt let me know) the guy was verified by meet.

And the verification was from me....

That's happened to me too. A guy I had met a cpl of times. Said he was on his way.. but didn't make it. The excuses got a little boring.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"And the verification was from me....

Did you meet him again?

Both the guys who stood me up were verified several times. Not sure what else can be done to prevent arseholes from behaving like arseholes to be honest.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"And the verification was from me....

Did you meet him again?

Both the guys who stood me up were verified several times. Not sure what else can be done to prevent arseholes from behaving like arseholes to be honest."

Nope. We'd met before and thats when I verified him. Arranged to meet up again and he didnt show. Deleted from the Friends List and blocked to remove my verification from his profile. Next!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good post im finding it with the ladys here alrite i think about 80% are fake or time wasters.ive totally giving up sending out mail just pop on now again.Time wasters should be banned from the site but they only come back again under a new profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what a crock of shite the op post is

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"what a crock of shite the op post is

You said what I was thinking. Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both the guys who stood me up were verified several times. Not sure what else can be done to prevent arseholes from behaving like arseholes to be honest."

Not sure either, but have found the verifications most useful so far. Particularly if they have a few, and their verifications have a few (obviously not the same ones!). Still feel there must be some better way out there though!

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Good post im finding it with the ladys here alrite i think about 80% are fake or time wasters.ive totally giving up sending out mail just pop on now again.Time wasters should be banned from the site but they only come back again under a new profile."

What is it you mean by timewaster? As 80% seems a tad high.

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By *inkershoes69Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

ive had a few meets where they turn up, then ask to meet again, but always let down at last minute

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

What is it you mean by timewaster? As 80% seems a tad high."

Timewaster = people who won't meet him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what a crock of shite the op post is

You said what I was thinking. Thank you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very simple folks, we all go on trust,thats what this lifestyle is based on....how on earth do you make sure some one is going to turn up, i ahve had a few no shows,and it is getting to be really annoying ....but i cant see and definetive way of stopping it, if they are reported,that system is open to abuse by people who have a grudge over something. As a previous poster said all they would have to do is setup another account...i do agree they must be ed out...but i can offer no solution unfortuneatly

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By *onnoisseur100Man
over a year ago

Woking-ish

"what a crock of shite the op post is

You said what I was thinking. Thank you.

Agreed, in itself a waste of time, three meets last year were either no shows or surprise 'contribution' required (60.00) in a private house.

Forget and move on its the only way..... funny thing is one lady who didn't turn up or let me know, subsequently blocked me?

They say it takes all sorts.... there certainly is on this site.

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By *eeking Maid MarianMan
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest N Notts

I feel sure that, as each computer has a unique IP Address,Fab Admin should be able to prevent multiple accounts beiong set up from the same IP address....and simply threaten to, or actually ban repeat offenders.

Just a thought..and I stand to be corrected by IT gurus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel sure that, as each computer has a unique IP Address,Fab Admin should be able to prevent multiple accounts beiong set up from the same IP address....and simply threaten to, or actually ban repeat offenders.

Just a thought..and I stand to be corrected by IT gurus

ip addressed can be changed pretty easily if you know how

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what a crock of shite the op post is

You said what I was thinking. Thank you.

Agreed, in itself a waste of time, three meets last year were either no shows or surprise 'contribution' required (60.00) in a private house.

Forget and move on its the only way..... funny thing is one lady who didn't turn up or let me know, subsequently blocked me?

They say it takes all sorts.... there certainly is on this site.

also the aspect of what is a time waster

to me a time waster is who agrees to meet and doesn't that all it means to me

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By *eeking Maid MarianMan
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest N Notts

Just a thought..and I stand to be corrected by IT gurus

ip addressed can be changed pretty easily if you know how

Well...I never realised that. Thank's for putting me wise

Thought I had just had a GOOD idea for a change

XxX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just a thought..and I stand to be corrected by IT gurus

ip addressed can be changed pretty easily if you know how

Well...I never realised that. Thank's for putting me wise

Thought I had just had a GOOD idea for a change

XxX"

good idea but it wouldnt work

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

Just a thought..and I stand to be corrected by IT gurus

ip addressed can be changed pretty easily if you know how

Well...I never realised that. Thank's for putting me wise

Thought I had just had a GOOD idea for a change

XxX

good idea but it wouldnt work

not a guru but doesnt your ip change if u turn the modem off and back on again...sure i read that here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not a guru but doesnt your ip change if u turn the modem off and back on again...sure i read that here"

Think you pretty much get a 'new' one assigned to you each time you go on-line

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OH NO... we were suckers TWICE! two of them didn't turn up the last time either!... so we got a 3rd as a safety net...he didn't show either!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear OP your in luck luv as I have my own mobile accom in the shape of a brand new tent!, hmm so long as you can use a kettle Sue luv and bring ya own milk then jobs a good un yeah and you wont have to book a naff posh swanky hotel again hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only ever meet socially first, that means if they don't show up, its just petrol wasted. As I cannot afford to travel far, it does eliminate anyone over an hour's drive away as I won't meet them at all plus I cannot afford a hotel anyway.

Oh yes I was once called a timewaster because I told a guy that I was spending the day with my kids and the guy I was texting wanted to meet up for fun and didn't like the fact that I was not free and available for him, so your idea is not fallible is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OH NO... we were suckers TWICE! two of them didn't turn up the last time either!... so we got a 3rd as a safety net...he didn't show either!"

i think you need to re look how you arrange meets etc

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By *lackCherryCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

It seems to more about the way the OP goes about their meets rather than the site.

They could put every control possible in place on the site none of it will guarantee people will turn up.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Socials.

Clubs.

Parties.

If you network at these, and factor in what people say in their verifications, then you shouldnt go too far wrong.

If you "dont do" any of the above, your chances of bumping into a "timewaster" increase.

We got slated once in the forums for using the word "gossip" when we were talking about socials, but the truth is, at these sort of gatherings people do talk about what sort of experiences they have had etc., and obviously any numpties... erm... I mean undesirables do get known very quickly.

We definately chat on the phone too, you do tend to sense something when you hear a voice.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

see... i really shouldn't comment about this... as i have my own personal story to tell...

as with most others i would normally say "well pick better".. do your "due diligence" ect ect ect....

but in this case i don't know if i can...

let me tell a bit of a story.....

i got an e-mail once out of the blue... very flattered and all that!! it said to me that they liked the look of my profile... so i looked at the profile which said "looking for fit attractive guys"...

so i looked at myself... looked at the profile... looked at myself again this time rubbing me eyes.... looked at the profile again!!

maybe they got the wrong vowel in "fit" for me .... i would love the think of myself as attractive, heck, my mum loved me but that was always the case....

so i sent one back saying "are they sure they meant me?"

reply... yes

me reply... and you do know i am of the larger persuasion... i do say that on my profile so its not like i am hiding anything.....

there reply.... well... there wasn't one... i know... me heartbroken!!

not really heartbroken.. that last bit was said for comedic effect....

now.. i don't know if i was "targeted" but from being on the other end I can't help but think the selection process my have been... ooooh... a bit off!!!

now... I don't think i have given away who it was... but if the OP's idea had been in place, how do you think I would have faired???

if I had been the vendictive sort (i'm not as i am luffley!!) how do you think I could of reacted????

as much as i love "he said... she said" it could have turned into nothing more than a "bum-fight" and how on earth are people suppose to rule on that???

as other have said...

clubs, social, parties.... one just across the river from the OP on friday night... better networking, better results.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes but if you have a genuine reason to cancel then call, text, e mail... Those people who simply dont show up most of the time have no intention

Too.

Also there are sites that will ban your IP address so you cant open more accounts. Yes some people might use other computers but most people are only in posession of one comp.

Its so bloody annoying these people get away with it. There should be some way of dealing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Think the suggestion to not pay out for a first meet seems sensible."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Admin x"

all about judgement and choices in one way or another

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but if you have a genuine reason to cancel then call, text, e mail... Those people who simply dont show up most of the time have no intention

Too.

Also there are sites that will ban your IP address so you cant open more accounts. Yes some people might use other computers but most people are only in posession of one comp.

Its so bloody annoying these people get away with it. There should be some way of dealing. "

yep there is, choose carefully and if it happens more than a few times question yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but if you have a genuine reason to cancel then call, text, e mail... Those people who simply dont show up most of the time have no intention

Too.

Also there are sites that will ban your IP address so you cant open more accounts. Yes some people might use other computers but most people are only in posession of one comp.

Its so bloody annoying these people get away with it. There should be some way of dealing. "

The IP address you show to the world is issued by your ISP to your router, and it's dynamic. This means, simply resetting the router gives you a brand new IP.

This has nothing to do with the IP address within your home network that allows your computer to talk to the router (probably 192.168.0.* 90% of routers use this range) which is never seen by the "outside world". There are no ways of banning dynamic IP addresses. If any site claims to do so, they are simply trying to "smoke" their users!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well either way its an issue that should be addressed somehow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even though there is no technical way to do it?

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By *ane and JonnyCouple
over a year ago

Clwyd

ADMIN - you really need to get your act together!! At least set up sub-site for cam perv's and photo hunters and leave us REAL red blooded swingers to chat n meet each other without trawling thru the majority of "fakes" (probably wont get answered but....)

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By *azzydeeMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Sue, you've hit the nail on the head there with your suggestion. I'd certainly support any move like that on here, anything that proves whether or not people are genuine has to be a good thing, as there are too many halfwit time wasters on here that spoil things for the majority of genuine site users.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The sensible thing would have been to meet the guys first on a social only basis....that way you get a better idea of who you are inviting.

Works for me"

It works for us too. We have never had trouble with time wasters not turning up. We always insist on a social meet first just for a drink that way if anyone not happy you walk away and nothing been wasted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we only ever had one "timewaster" and that was very early on, now w never get any, why because we are careful, the only one too blame if you have a timewaster is yourselves sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how about just meeting people at a club?

Saves on hotel bills and if they don't turn up no great loss there are plenty of other people in the club.... i would never meet someone at a hotel unless i was planning to be at that hotel anyway... never pay out for something for someone else,, most of the time you will end up dissapointed...

Also if thise is repeatedly happening why not think a little more about your vetting process... perhaps your not scrutinising people enough.... we have had only 1 no show.. and i told my partner before we even arranged for them to come over (to our house) that they wouldn't show, but he insisted that i have faith in people so i let him organise a meet with "her" because you very quickly learn who is just talk, who is a man pretending to be a woman/couple and who is just a time waster, if you spend a little time asking the right questions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont think there is a way to out deliberate timewasters. We drove an 80 mile round trip to meet a verified couple who didnt appear. No texts no excuses no nothing. Wwhen we looked again their profile had gone and no doubt they have another one.

No real answer except to do everything we can to ensure peeps are gen. If were wrong we learn something- if we're right we have a great time.

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield

"Dont think there is a way to out deliberate timewasters. We drove an 80 mile round trip to meet a verified couple who didnt appear. No texts no excuses no nothing. Wwhen we looked again their profile had gone and no doubt they have another one.

No real answer except to do everything we can to ensure peeps are gen. If were wrong we learn something- if we're right we have a great time."
Was that couple real? Maybe the female part just found that her OH was planning a meet on her back

Have you spoken to both of them over the phone before deciding to meet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a really good idea. And to deal with the delete accounts after negative ratings fab could counter that with allowing only 2 accounts to an ip address.

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield

"This is a really good idea. And to deal with the delete accounts after negative ratings fab could counter that with allowing only 2 accounts to an ip address."
.....Floating IP????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this would need to be done separate to verifications and also need to be administrated very carefully.

Obviously both people would have to agree to the meet first to be 'locked in' so maybe a warning that once they agree to it then they have committed and are liable to receive reliability feedback from their prospective meet.

Then obviously afterwards this will need to read as 2-way feedback like e-bay so that the party that gets stood up gets to have their say and how they felt the excuse came across if it seemed genuine or not and also the other party would get chance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the biggest things I see is the desperation of some to message and try to meet people that are new to the site.

They aint verified, they aint got pics, nothing. They are just setting themselves up for a huge huge fall.

Remember also, that even a timewaster can be a genuine couple or single.

Steve

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

"I think this would need to be done separate to verifications and also need to be administrated very carefully.

If someone doesn't show up the first thing they will do is leave a negative/didnt show feedback - so anyone who has the misfortune of being stood up several times will also have a poor reliability score

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