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Discovering your other half is Gay

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How would you deal with the realisation or discovery that your partner is gay/ lesbian or Bi sexual ?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Discovering they were gay would be a huge shock after 38 years and it would take me a long time to recover from it. Bisexuality would be a surprise but people change or become more open to experimentation, I think I'd be able to deal with that more easily

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happened to a friend of ours several years ago. I told her, you can't compete. He is able to get something from his new partner, that you weren't able to give.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/02/19 13:46:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happened to me just before new year , my wife who I knew was bi sexual dropped the massive bombshell that she is in fact Gay.

I dare say it will take a long time to get completely over, it came as a huge shock , she had a steady girlfriend and things seamed really good in fact , she came back from a few days away with her and dropped the bomb .

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By *ross-eyed MaryMan
over a year ago

Salisbury

Why is this in "introductions"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppressed my sexuality for over 20yrs. I knew as a teenage lad that men excited me more than women. In the late 70s and 80s living in a remote rural location I never had the opportunity to explore my sexuality.

I just assumed all men felt the same as me. I conformed to social norms, got married and we concentrated on careers and raising a family.

In my 40s my sexuality suddenly hit me like a shock wave. I told my wife I was gay even though I had never been with a bloke, I was unable to suppress it any longer.

It was a huge shock to my wife obviously. Our sex lives stopped from that point. However we made the best of our relationship and carried on in all other aspects of our lives as a married couple in a sexless relationship.

Five years ago retirement and being the only ones at home, allowed us to find the opportunity for complex dialogue. It took us a long time to work out a solution for our different needs.

Fab provided us with the opportunity to find someone who could meet my wife's needs, while respecting our privacy as a non conventional married couple.

My wife's happiness was paramount as it was not her fault I suppressed my sexuality.

We are both a lot happier than we have ever been and have remained together.

It was very tough on my wife as initially she blamed herself and my disclosure hugely affected her self esteem

We kept all of this extremely secret. Some couples would have dealt with it differently. My wife stuck by me and I respect her for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife , spoke to me several years ago about her sexually, our relationship was completely solid , we were able to speak freely and very openly, I completely accepted her and completely encouraged her to explore her sexuality, she had the odd 1 night fling bit about 4 months ago started seeing her GF reggualy , I actually felt very happy with the whole situation, her GF lives a good distance away and never interrupted out husband and wife time , she was very respectful of our existing relationship, I thought things couldn’t be better , until she dropped the bomb , I kick myself so badly I feel like I was the one who set her free , and to say it’s knocked my own self esteem is an understatement.

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By *rwhite30Man
over a year ago

deptford London

finding out they are bi would be good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tough one, suppose when you are in love with someone deeply it would make you question all they ever said and did, and the invalidation would hurt somewhat, I love that my man is bi, doesn't mean he's not all man, because he's he is, not sure what all the fuss is about tbh. Claire x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife being bi had no baring on our relationship in fact it actually strengthened it , our ability to talk about anything and the way we encouraged eachother made it even stronger, obviously her coming out to me as 100% Gay finished that relationship

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I'd be fine as long as he hadn't lied to me and was honest about his feelings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My wife being bi had no baring on our relationship in fact it actually strengthened it , our ability to talk about anything and the way we encouraged eachother made it even stronger, obviously her coming out to me as 100% Gay finished that relationship "

Can you still be friends? It's not your fault. She may not have realised or admitted it to herself before she met her girlfriend.

Anna Richardson was straight until she met Sue Perkins.

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By *exfordMan
over a year ago

Romford


"How would you deal with the realisation or discovery that your partner is gay/ lesbian or Bi sexual ?"

Are you asking 'for a friend'

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury


"My wife being bi had no baring on our relationship in fact it actually strengthened it , our ability to talk about anything and the way we encouraged eachother made it even stronger, obviously her coming out to me as 100% Gay finished that relationship

Can you still be friends? It's not your fault. She may not have realised or admitted it to herself before she met her girlfriend.

Anna Richardson was straight until she met Sue Perkins. "

Actually she wasn't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppressed my sexuality for over 20yrs. I knew as a teenage lad that men excited me more than women. In the late 70s and 80s living in a remote rural location I never had the opportunity to explore my sexuality.

I just assumed all men felt the same as me. I conformed to social norms, got married and we concentrated on careers and raising a family.

In my 40s my sexuality suddenly hit me like a shock wave. I told my wife I was gay even though I had never been with a bloke, I was unable to suppress it any longer.

It was a huge shock to my wife obviously. Our sex lives stopped from that point. However we made the best of our relationship and carried on in all other aspects of our lives as a married couple in a sexless relationship.

Five years ago retirement and being the only ones at home, allowed us to find the opportunity for complex dialogue. It took us a long time to work out a solution for our different needs.

Fab provided us with the opportunity to find someone who could meet my wife's needs, while respecting our privacy as a non conventional married couple.

My wife's happiness was paramount as it was not her fault I suppressed my sexuality.

We are both a lot happier than we have ever been and have remained together.

It was very tough on my wife as initially she blamed herself and my disclosure hugely affected her self esteem

We kept all of this extremely secret. Some couples would have dealt with it differently. My wife stuck by me and I respect her for that. "

I think you are both very lucky to.have each other.

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe


"I suppressed my sexuality for over 20yrs. I knew as a teenage lad that men excited me more than women. In the late 70s and 80s living in a remote rural location I never had the opportunity to explore my sexuality.

I just assumed all men felt the same as me. I conformed to social norms, got married and we concentrated on careers and raising a family.

In my 40s my sexuality suddenly hit me like a shock wave. I told my wife I was gay even though I had never been with a bloke, I was unable to suppress it any longer.

It was a huge shock to my wife obviously. Our sex lives stopped from that point. However we made the best of our relationship and carried on in all other aspects of our lives as a married couple in a sexless relationship.

Five years ago retirement and being the only ones at home, allowed us to find the opportunity for complex dialogue. It took us a long time to work out a solution for our different needs.

Fab provided us with the opportunity to find someone who could meet my wife's needs, while respecting our privacy as a non conventional married couple.

My wife's happiness was paramount as it was not her fault I suppressed my sexuality.

We are both a lot happier than we have ever been and have remained together.

It was very tough on my wife as initially she blamed herself and my disclosure hugely affected her self esteem

We kept all of this extremely secret. Some couples would have dealt with it differently. My wife stuck by me and I respect her for that. "

We take our hats off to the both of you. Feeling very humbled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppressed my sexuality for over 20yrs. I knew as a teenage lad that men excited me more than women. In the late 70s and 80s living in a remote rural location I never had the opportunity to explore my sexuality.

I just assumed all men felt the same as me. I conformed to social norms, got married and we concentrated on careers and raising a family.

In my 40s my sexuality suddenly hit me like a shock wave. I told my wife I was gay even though I had never been with a bloke, I was unable to suppress it any longer.

It was a huge shock to my wife obviously. Our sex lives stopped from that point. However we made the best of our relationship and carried on in all other aspects of our lives as a married couple in a sexless relationship.

Five years ago retirement and being the only ones at home, allowed us to find the opportunity for complex dialogue. It took us a long time to work out a solution for our different needs.

Fab provided us with the opportunity to find someone who could meet my wife's needs, while respecting our privacy as a non conventional married couple.

My wife's happiness was paramount as it was not her fault I suppressed my sexuality.

We are both a lot happier than we have ever been and have remained together.

It was very tough on my wife as initially she blamed herself and my disclosure hugely affected her self esteem

We kept all of this extremely secret. Some couples would have dealt with it differently. My wife stuck by me and I respect her for that.

We take our hats off to the both of you. Feeling very humbled. "

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Some honest and frank response’s. I was married for over 25 years and dated my ex wife since we were 16. She had a bad experience with a friend of her family when she was just a kid. That always seemed to get in the way of our sexual relation ship as well as our intimate time. Fast forward 27 years and 2 kids later things started to unravel. I found lesbian porn on her computer and other subtle incidents started a chain of events that eventually led me to suggest to her that she might be lesbian. She denied it and said she loved me. I just couldn’t shake my suspicions off and over the next couple of years the relationship drifted apart. I ended up joining this site as well as trying to get an alternate perspective from someone out with our relationship.

The general consensus was that my ex was probably gay but was in denial. I ended up having an affair rather than dealing with the situation head on. It was then I knew that My marraige was missing the heterosexual ingredients. My ex and I had been living like friends for years with sex but no passion.

We got divorced albeit reluctantly. She was still in denial for about a year afterwards then she eventually broke cover and got involved in a lesbian relationship. She has since found a new lesbian partner and has moved in together.

I am really happy for her and am glad she could eventually be true to her feelings.

I am also glad I eventually had the courage to face up to my gut instincts after years in a wasted marriage. Sometimes I look at the profiles on here and see couples where one is bi and the other straight. How does that work in a relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some honest and frank response’s. I was married for over 25 years and dated my ex wife since we were 16. She had a bad experience with a friend of her family when she was just a kid. That always seemed to get in the way of our sexual relation ship as well as our intimate time. Fast forward 27 years and 2 kids later things started to unravel. I found lesbian porn on her computer and other subtle incidents started a chain of events that eventually led me to suggest to her that she might be lesbian. She denied it and said she loved me. I just couldn’t shake my suspicions off and over the next couple of years the relationship drifted apart. I ended up joining this site as well as trying to get an alternate perspective from someone out with our relationship.

The general consensus was that my ex was probably gay but was in denial. I ended up having an affair rather than dealing with the situation head on. It was then I knew that My marraige was missing the heterosexual ingredients. My ex and I had been living like friends for years with sex but no passion.

We got divorced albeit reluctantly. She was still in denial for about a year afterwards then she eventually broke cover and got involved in a lesbian relationship. She has since found a new lesbian partner and has moved in together.

I am really happy for her and am glad she could eventually be true to her feelings.

I am also glad I eventually had the courage to face up to my gut instincts after years in a wasted marriage. Sometimes I look at the profiles on here and see couples where one is bi and the other straight. How does that work in a relationship? "

Maybe she was bi and just not ready to come out yet. Just because she's now with a woman doesn't mean she never loved you and was never attracted to you.

As for couples where one person is straight and the other is bi, it works because we make a commitment to our partner and honour it regardless of our sexuality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Happened to a friend of ours several years ago. I told her, you can't compete. He is able to get something from his new partner, that you weren't able to give.

"

Pegging ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You are correct on both points..that’s why society has to be more open and honest and allow people to make choices that will avoid heartache further down the line.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being in this 'swinging society', individuals are in the perfect place for encouraging an 'alternative' sexuality.. A fat kid in a sweet shop left to their own desires will only get fatter and probably gorge on the produce... In other words..too much unregulated temptation...

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