FabSwingers.com forum: Dom/Sub/Switch

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Which group do you fall into?

With women I'm usually quietly, naturally dominant, I enjoy taking the reigns and will happily steer things in the direction I'd like them to go.

If she'd prefer to lead, I'll happily Switch, relax and let her decide the direction things take.

With couples I'm also Switch, usually it's a case of allowing the couple to lead until they're confident enough to begin, then I tend to steer again. I can't help it

With men I'm definately submissive and am not interested in leading the way. Its partly what drew me into exploring my sexuality. Only during sex though, before and after I'm back to my normal naturally dominant self. My high level of self confidence can make it hard to find another man capable of handling me and grasping the reigns. They find me intimidating. I get it, I am occasionally intimidated when bumping into a strong, confident woman who is more intelligent and experienced than I am. Find it harder to lead her. Though it's not something I'm put off by.

Anyone else struggle with the whole Dom/Sub/Switch thing?

I often find a lot of men give it "The big I am". They can talk the talk, but when it comes to putting it into action. They're often left wanting.. As am I.. horned up and frustrated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im more sub

Sissys are a turn off

Yet I like pegging and other things that maybe are considered more 'domme'

I confuse myself sometimes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Im more sub

Sissys are a turn off

Yet I like pegging and other things that maybe are considered more 'domme'

I confuse myself sometimes

Define Sissy

I will act a little feminine when dressed only and not all the time. I'd describe it as a classy femininity though, imitating women I'm attracted to. I wouldn't say I Sissy up though

I guess that's all in the interpretation though.

Confused in normal

Explore it if you feel like it, then you'll be less confused, or more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im more sub

Sissys are a turn off

Yet I like pegging and other things that maybe are considered more 'domme'

I confuse myself sometimes

Define Sissy

I will act a little feminine when dressed only and not all the time. I'd describe it as a classy femininity though, imitating women I'm attracted to. I wouldn't say I Sissy up though

I guess that's all in the interpretation though.

Confused in normal

Explore it if you feel like it, then you'll be less confused, or more

I guess I mean sub more than sissy

Not into men that want to 'serve' me

I like to corrupt a more Dom man rather than someone that eager and willing (that sounds a bit ted bundy)

But basically I can't consider myself domme or even switch because subs don't turn me on

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By *ifuwMan
over a year ago

Hull

I am a switch but I tend to find that I am more dominant around most of the ladies. I only submitted to one person. I haven't found anyone else come close yet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Im more sub

Sissys are a turn off

Yet I like pegging and other things that maybe are considered more 'domme'

I confuse myself sometimes

Define Sissy

I will act a little feminine when dressed only and not all the time. I'd describe it as a classy femininity though, imitating women I'm attracted to. I wouldn't say I Sissy up though

I guess that's all in the interpretation though.

Confused in normal

Explore it if you feel like it, then you'll be less confused, or more

I guess I mean sub more than sissy

Not into men that want to 'serve' me

I like to corrupt a more Dom man rather than someone that eager and willing (that sounds a bit ted bundy)

But basically I can't consider myself domme or even switch because subs don't turn me on"

Ha ha.. not Ted Bundy at all. I think I know what you mean. I prefer the challenge of a stronger personality, than one who rolls over with their tail between their legs

Subs don't really do it for me either, even though a small part of me will sub for the right kind of person. Unless that makes me a Bundy as well

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am a switch but I tend to find that I am more dominant around most of the ladies. I only submitted to one person. I haven't found anyone else come close yet. "

If you're not naturally submissive, it can be quite hard finding someone who can be convincingly dominant. Especially if you've a strong personality yourself. When it happens it's quite nice. A rare but extremely pleasurable event.

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By *ister KinkyMan
over a year ago

Sussex

I’m a switch, but lean towards the submissive side. I enjoy the Dom role, but Love the submissive side. Would quite happily fall into a full time sub role. Doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s F/M/TG. Guess I just know my place.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m a switch, but lean towards the submissive side. I enjoy the Dom role, but Love the submissive side. Would quite happily fall into a full time sub role. Doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s F/M/TG. Guess I just know my place."

You know what you like, that's great

Where is your place? Cage? Cupboard? Dog Kennel?

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By *ister KinkyMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Any of those would do

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By *ister KinkyMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Wrong smilie this one is the one I meant -

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wrong smilie this one is the one I meant -

What's the difference between

and

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unique

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By *indbodyplayerMan
over a year ago

Surrey /City/ Devon

Dom but the Dom she needs...different every time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm naturally submissive although I can switch.

sub x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sub, love to worship feet, legs, ass, humiliation etc rather than taking loads of pain.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

In a "vanilla sex" situation, I'm very much an equal player in terms of who controls how it goes and actually like a more go with the flow approach where both people (or peoples) take the lead at different times.

However in a BDSM situation (where control is handed over and taken completely) I am very much submissive and really cannot be either dominant or switch, it's just not in my nature and I would feel very uncomfortable doing so - that said if elements of "kink play" are introduced into a non-BDSM scenario then I'm perfectly comfortable carrying out individual activities that may be considered part of a dominants role but from an equal perspective, if that makes sense. It's the taking control thing I am not comfortable with, as opposed to the individual act.

Likewise when my bisexuality comes into play, I am definitely more bottom and happy to let the other guy take the lead and a more top role.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

More Dom than sub but have been known to switch when the mood takes me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scarlett is sub

I am switch with a leaning towards Dom

Or none of the above and we all have a free for all!!

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By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago

norwich

I'm totally submissive, a man MUST be on control.

I have been with some couples and lady's that have enjoyed using me, xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Enough Subs to keep a well known fast food chain in business for a week

Not so many Doms or Switches yet.

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By *ssex-guyMan
over a year ago

Essex

Very much a domionate guy here

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I think that is the truth of the scene. There are people who talk about 'dim doms' and FSOG doms taking over but my experience is there are a lot of unsatisfied submissives, but few competent doms.

From my own point I see myself in D/S as a benevolent dictator. I control but I consult. I like to connect with women that accept me in that role. But as Mindbodyplayer pointed there are different ways to dom.

The interesting issue raised is that of consent and control. There is an interesting line between taking control and criminal assault and bullying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think that is the truth of the scene. There are people who talk about 'dim doms' and FSOG doms taking over but my experience is there are a lot of unsatisfied submissives, but few competent doms.

The interesting issue raised is that of consent and control. There is an interesting line between taking control and criminal assault and bullying.

You're right. I know a fair bit about D/S and I'm also interested in psychology. The two together could be used to manipulate and control all sorts of behaviour. I stopped looking into it too much after that, as I've no desire to control anyone outside of the bedroom.

You sound like a responsible Dom

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

I do love being submissive(sexually) but have "switched" during sessions on a few occasions and enjoyed it WAY more than i thought.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I do love being submissive(sexually) but have "switched" during sessions on a few occasions and enjoyed it WAY more than i thought.

Switch is best of both worlds

You may be onto a winner lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Switch but I don’t think I would like being on a dog lead or licking high heels

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think of myself as a switch - I enjoy being submissive when playing with bi guys, and dominant when playing with women, but that can change depending on the dynamics of who I’m playing with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A Switch but I don’t think I would like being on a dog lead or licking high heels

Ooh, a dog lead? That’s on my bucket list....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do love being submissive(sexually) but have "switched" during sessions on a few occasions and enjoyed it WAY more than i thought.

Switch is best of both worlds

You may be onto a winner lol"

Very true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am a domistic submissive TV. Who loves doing the house work for females or couples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A Switch but I don’t think I would like being on a dog lead or licking high heels

Ooh, a dog lead? That’s on my bucket list...."

Down boy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A Switch but I don’t think I would like being on a dog lead or licking high heels

Ooh, a dog lead? That’s on my bucket list....

Down boy

Woof!

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By *adyx4Woman
over a year ago

Durham

Domme

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"I think that is the truth of the scene. There are people who talk about 'dim doms' and FSOG doms taking over but my experience is there are a lot of unsatisfied submissives, but few competent doms.

The interesting issue raised is that of consent and control. There is an interesting line between taking control and criminal assault and bullying.

You sound like a responsible Dom

I try to be, I am pretty nerdy when it comes to bdsm I research a lot around it . I am more of scene dom/ tpp with sadistic tendencies who loves playing with masochists. Therefore I have to be skilled in what I do. It also requires giving the bottom full knowledge and awareness of what will happen, this is the only way to clear consent.

If it is a relationship the same rules apply but there is more time to obtain consent. But in a relationship you have to look at protocols and hate to call it training, I prefer saying more time to understand the relationship.

I think some people confuse a number of things the differences between:

scenes and relationships;

D/S and masochism and sadism

Service and punishment

Sex and D/S

Being fixed in role or being on a journey.

The reason I love BDSM is because it is a broad church. I love this thread because no-one is being prescriptive on it.

I have seen subs become doms, and vice versa and I know people who do both.

For myself I love what I do, I would not switch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With Kitten, switch. It's nice to not have control for a while

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

You’ve got some very interesting tools in your kit bag

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

You’ve got some very interesting tools in your kit bag

I do indeed! Still adding to it

Want a bondage bed but needs to be foldable..struggling to find one that isn't way too expensive

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

You’ve got some very interesting tools in your kit bag

I do indeed! Still adding to it

Want a bondage bed but needs to be foldable..struggling to find one that isn't way too expensive

Well more like a bondage board

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

That's me a bit too

I think that when you're in the Submissive role and know or are known for being a bit disobedient, demanding or defensive (taking back control rather than giving in) You're being what's known as a "Bratty Submissive".

Which describes me all over when I Switch from being Dom to Sub.

WOUKD take a unique scenario and person to make me go Full on "Yes Boss"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

You’ve got some very interesting tools in your kit bag

I do indeed! Still adding to it

Want a bondage bed but needs to be foldable..struggling to find one that isn't way too expensive

I’m looking for an old leather doctors bag to put my toys in....functional and would look the part as well

I found someone a while ago who made bondage beds to order, I’ll see if I can find him again and pass you his details.

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

You’ve got some very interesting tools in your kit bag

I do indeed! Still adding to it

Want a bondage bed but needs to be foldable..struggling to find one that isn't way too expensive

I’m looking for an old leather doctors bag to put my toys in....functional and would look the part as well

I found someone a while ago who made bondage beds to order, I’ll see if I can find him again and pass you his details."

Aww amazing thankyou

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

That's me a bit too

Which describes me all over when I Switch from being Dom to Sub.

WOUKD take a unique scenario and person to make me go Full on "Yes Boss"

Only 1 man has managed to crack me so far. Bratty submissive sounds about right. Can't make it easy for them can we!?

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

That's me a bit too

Which describes me all over when I Switch from being Dom to Sub.

WOUKD take a unique scenario and person to make me go Full on "Yes Boss"

Apart from one person I know who calls himself a 'brat wrangler' but that is in a rope sense, most doms that I know avoid brats. I opened a thread on brats in the past and reached the conclusion that brats could be divided up into broadly two types. Those that like a bit of a laugh and being a bit cheeky, but will not disrespect the dom and those who disrespect the dom. I would suggest that if a submissive has initially given submission and then takes it back piecemeal, this is disrespect or shows a failure in the initial negotiation and possibly the sub not being clear on limits.

On forcing someone to submit or winning someone over without clear discussion and consent, as a dom it is a dangerous path. Someone told me that I was not rough enough, my response was that you had not given consent. With consent I am happy to grab you by throat hold you against the wall and tell you to behave. I am happy to think fast and put someone down. But without consent that is assault and bullying. I accept some subs want the dom to do stuff without being told. Personally it is a dice throw and I value my reputation and freedom from imprisonment.

The day of just going with the flow (if people think about it) has mainly gone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

That's me a bit too

Which describes me all over when I Switch from being Dom to Sub.

WOUKD take a unique scenario and person to make me go Full on "Yes Boss"

Only 1 man has managed to crack me so far. Bratty submissive sounds about right. Can't make it easy for them can we!?

Not at all.. Need to work hard for this pot o gold

From one brat to another

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

That's me a bit too

Which describes me all over when I Switch from being Dom to Sub.

WOUKD take a unique scenario and person to make me go Full on "Yes Boss"

The day of just going with the flow (if people think about it) has mainly gone.

Yes I think youre right, most Doms get tired of brats.

Everything you say about consent is spot on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m certainly sub..Hubby is Dom ...but I don’t submit to anyone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 100% Switch, depending on who I'm with. With single women I tend to be dom, with the occasional submissive acts, but then with a couple I am more sub and like to be guided/ordered

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

I am instinctively dom and have loved owning subs and playing dom/sub games with vanilla lovers.

But tomorrow I am handing myself over to a gorgeous Fab friend, who will be my Mistress. She will be in complete control and appears to have some very interesting plans in store for me.

I’m excited to hand over control to her and to revel in her fantasies and kinks.

Just can’t wait for the fun to begin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although I don't do Dom/sub in its purest form I am naturally submissive, but I like to switch now and then to use a man's body, for our pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

That's me a bit too

Which describes me all over when I Switch from being Dom to Sub.

WOUKD take a unique scenario and person to make me go Full on "Yes Boss"

The day of just going with the flow (if people think about it) has mainly gone.

My partner has full control over me, sexually. He calls the shots and I fall in line. There is no safe word, no boundaries, no contractual conversation and never will be. He's considerate and caring and if something hurts and I say stop, he stops. He's not into BDSM though, which I would love, but I don't do the asking.

If he pulled out ropes one day I would lay there and let him tie me up, even though I suffer with claustrophobia.

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

Switch

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

That's me a bit too

Which describes me all over when I Switch from being Dom to Sub.

WOUKD take a unique scenario and person to make me go Full on "Yes Boss"

The day of just going with the flow (if people think about it) has mainly gone.

If he pulled out ropes one day I would lay there and let him tie me up, even though I suffer with claustrophobia.

I get claustrophobia too. I also like BDSM a little, though have trust issues. So won't allow myself to be in a situation I can't escape from. (Checks strength of headboard/rope/knots) I will turn into the Hulk if I want out, furniture will be broken.. followed by whoever tied me up and didn't let me free in time

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"I'm definitely dominant. Have played the submissive partner a few times but I end up being very disobedient and many 'Dom' males have struggled

That's me a bit too

Which describes me all over when I Switch from being Dom to Sub.

WOUKD take a unique scenario and person to make me go Full on "Yes Boss"

The day of just going with the flow (if people think about it) has mainly gone.

If he pulled out ropes one day I would lay there and let him tie me up, even though I suffer with claustrophobia.

I love rope, I am just in from attending a peer rope event.

I also hate restriction, I tie, but I am not tied. I have only been restrictively tied once and in a one to one lesson with a respected rigger to demonstrate how a specific tie should feel (TK3 for those into rope).

I understand the issue, therefore if I am tying someone at home I do one of two things.

I know this is simplistic but bear with me. To tie someone to an object you need two knots. The first on the person's appendage and the second to the object. The tie to the appendage has to be secure but you can give the impression of a secure tie with the second knot.

So, firstly I demonstrate a self release knot. Boy scouts will recognise the highwayman's hitch, It is on the animated knots site. Basically one pull on the working end it comes apart. So I put the working end in the subs hand. Secondly if the trust is not that far, I wrap the end of the rope round the post and put the working end in the subs hand. They are then in control of the restriction.

There are ways around trust, I am more about being on the same page.

@Kaitlyn there are many people in relationships in BDSM that do not use safe words. They do so for the same reasons you do. But you have a safe word which is 'stop'.

However in some scenes the dynamic is whatever the sub says the dom continues,the sub may beg, plead and cry for the dom to stop but the negotiation is that the dom does not stop until the specific safe word is used. To swinging vanilla people, it is hard to understand that some people want to be used very hard. The dicks and psychopath in the scene see it as all subs want this or the sexual equivalent. In my experience truly masochist subs with no limits exist but are rare. Even those with no limits will have some limits. The issue is, there has to be freely given consent which is accepted in an empathic way by the dom.

The other issue without having a safe word is some submissives by nature will take whatever is done to them whether they like it or not, because some submissives feel as failures if they stop a scene. A safe word explained properly to them gives the sub an opportunity to request a timeout and reset without feeling guilty.

However a safe word in itself for many reasons is not a guarantee of safety.

The most obvious reasons are just because you have a safe word it does not mean the dom will accept it. If the dom is a dick or psychopath they will just ignore it. So a safe word does not guarantee safety. Some people say for this reason a safe word is a dangerous illusion.

Conversely, some subs see it a failure to use a safe word and would rather go beyond their limits than use it.

Some people would see the above as trust issues, for both the dom and sub. I see it as part of the checking that you are on the same page.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do love being submissive(sexually) but have "switched" during sessions on a few occasions and enjoyed it WAY more than i thought.

Me too, it definitely depends on who I'm with. If it's someone where the power unpredictably goes back and forth then woah that's amazing!

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