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Is chivalry dead?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It never cases to amaze me why men are so reluctant to pay for a membership, a drink, anything unless they are in the promise of a fuck. Yes we live in an age of equality, but when I date women they are always happy to get a round in or pay half the cost of a meal even though I try to be chivalrous. I know it is so they do not owe me anything (as a guy) but it seems guys these days do not want to pay for anything. Is chivalry dead?

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Not in my world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blame the radical feminists.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

[Removed by poster at 24/12/18 17:32:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always pay for everything. Food, drink, hotel. I don’t want anything for nothing.

In fact I hate it if anyone else tries to pay.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"It never cases to amaze me why men are so reluctant to pay for a membership, a drink, anything unless they are in the promise of a fuck. Yes we live in an age of equality, but when I date women they are always happy to get a round in or pay half the cost of a meal even though I try to be chivalrous. I know it is so they do not owe me anything (as a guy) but it seems guys these days do not want to pay for anything. Is chivalry dead?

"

Yes chivalry is quite dead! My last two Fab socials I bought two rounds of coffees while the dingbats (sorry, the males) sat awaiting the drinks! Never again !!!

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Happy to pay also happy to share the cost.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Total gentleman here, veris confirm it.

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I have always paid for coffee/drinks/meals. Don't care if it goes further or not. Its just way.

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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

As I have found myself left with the bill a few times this year I would say yes it is!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always offer to pay, it's always declined.

Me and fwb go out for tea quite often, he'll pay one week, I'll pay the next. If we get a hotel, he will pay for the room but I will buy the drinks and food. I like the fairness, and I will pay for the after sex pizza at 1am, it is always appreciated.

It's a turned into a joke that he only fucks me to get pizza! :D

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By *ngelina4uWoman
over a year ago

Camberley/Middleton

In general it is dead though there are a lot of white nights on here who pretend to be chivalrous but the reality is its a tool to acquire vag.

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

Chivalry is alive and well here - and not just when we're at a medieval event!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a handsome old fashioned man wants to take me out I'm right here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not in my world but I must say many women make it damn hard to do so. I am fed up with people who think that you think they owe you something because you bought them a drink or a slice of cake. My usual end of meet feeling is that if they think that I think they are that cheap, I will probably not go for a second meet.

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford


"In general it is dead though there are a lot of white nights on here who pretend to be chivalrous but the reality is its a tool to acquire vag. "

NOPE... I have had quiet a number or meets that end up just being that and I have always paid. Despite this being a naughty site, I don't use it as that. I use it as a way of acquiring new friends... (some with benefits) Each meet isn't looked on a a conquest with a goal. Its a meet to see if you gel. ... Well thats the way I see it.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Nope

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Chivalry as it was originally practised is long since dead. It seems nowadays to have boiled down to men paying for drinks and meals to show respect.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

It amazes me what folk think chivalry is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not in my world but I must say many women make it damn hard to do so. I am fed up with people who think that you think they owe you something because you bought them a drink or a slice of cake. My usual end of meet feeling is that if they think that I think they are that cheap, I will probably not go for a second meet."

Reason why I always insist on going halfers or just pay for my own coffee or wine as I do not want to feel obligated especially as I don't have sex on the social evening, in case I am not attracted ..

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley


"It never cases to amaze me why men are so reluctant to pay for a membership, a drink, anything unless they are in the promise of a fuck. Yes we live in an age of equality, but when I date women they are always happy to get a round in or pay half the cost of a meal even though I try to be chivalrous. I know it is so they do not owe me anything (as a guy) but it seems guys these days do not want to pay for anything. Is chivalry dead?

"

Holding a door is being chivalrous, paying for a meal may be acceptable but in this day and age I like to pay my own way. It’s nice to be treated but I don’t want a guy to think I’m taking advantage of the situation regardless of whether we play or not. I recently paid for coffees and this was accepted and hopefully appreciated. Chivalry may at times be confused with paying for sex. Some females want gifts and wined and dined but where is the line between being treated and being bought?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Playing devils advocate....

For every unchivalrous man that expects a shag in return for paying for everything - there's a woman who will use the lure of a shag to persuade a man to spend money on her. Gifts, meals, drinks, accommodation, etc.

Don't forget this isn't 'real life'. It's NSA encounters where both parties are looking to benefit.

The majority will behave courteously and respectfully and be prepared to treat eachother as equals.

There are however those of both genders that expect to get a more uneven 'return' on any investment. Be that time, money or their body.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It never cases to amaze me why men are so reluctant to pay for a membership, a drink, anything unless they are in the promise of a fuck. Yes we live in an age of equality, but when I date women they are always happy to get a round in or pay half the cost of a meal even though I try to be chivalrous. I know it is so they do not owe me anything (as a guy) but it seems guys these days do not want to pay for anything. Is chivalry dead?

"
i dont pay for many things and get fucked theres that theory debunked next

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"It never cases to amaze me why men are so reluctant to pay for a membership, a drink, anything unless they are in the promise of a fuck. Yes we live in an age of equality, but when I date women they are always happy to get a round in or pay half the cost of a meal even though I try to be chivalrous. I know it is so they do not owe me anything (as a guy) but it seems guys these days do not want to pay for anything. Is chivalry dead?

i dont pay for many things and get fucked theres that theory debunked next "

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?


"Chivalry as it was originally practised is long since dead. It seems nowadays to have boiled down to men paying for drinks and meals to show respect. "

Chivalry is not dead, nor is it to do with paying for things.

Although I'd be embarrassed if I was unable to pay or didn't pay and would never expect a freebie, I'd also be very wary of someone with expectations that I should be paying for everything.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

No, it's often in hiding but not dead

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Not where I am it isn’t. For me it’s simple manners

Triggly puff and her miserable friends can project their inherent misery elsewhere.

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By *etite HandfulWoman
over a year ago

Chester

Some real sad bastards around by the looks of it who equate chivalry to paying for things! Wake up smell the coffee the two are as far apart as millipedes and spacemen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It might still be alive but it is very poorly, every instance where you do something intended as chivalrous and it gets thrown back in your face as being masochistic does deter even the tge most simple act such as holding a door

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

Chivalry simply means using proper etiquette and manners around women, which should not difficult.

No, it shouldn’t mean paying for everything but it costs nothing to open doors for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Chivalry simply means using proper etiquette and manners around women, which should not difficult.

No, it shouldn’t mean paying for everything but it costs nothing to open doors for them. "

Exactly, people have got confused with the actual meaning of the word on this thread. It’s not just about paying for drinks or a meal.

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By *ogNMuseCouple
over a year ago

Surrey


"Chivalry as it was originally practised is long since dead. It seems nowadays to have boiled down to men paying for drinks and meals to show respect. "

I'm always happy to lay my cloak over a puddle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you know what I don't think chivalry is dead, however I think it's tricky for men to be chivalrous these days because women can be quite unreceptive to it.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

[Removed by poster at 24/12/18 22:25:15]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Blame the radical feminists. "

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge


"Chivalry simply means using proper etiquette and manners around women, which should not difficult.

No, it shouldn’t mean paying for everything but it costs nothing to open doors for them. "
thats not what chivalry means at all its how folk percieve it to be because its meaning has been butchered through the ages.

I blame hollywood for its misuse manners and courtousy should be extended to all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think chivalry is dead by all... the gentlemen we were with at the weekend all opened doors for us ladies- held our hands to guide us over the cobbles- offered to go to the bar for us... it was very seductive.

However- I have been around men where these thoughts don’t come into their minds at all. I personal not attracted to such men. Whether they are argue that we should have equal rights... I just prefer it the other way

Mrs P x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t think chivalry is dead by all... the gentlemen we were with at the weekend all opened doors for us ladies- held our hands to guide us over the cobbles- offered to go to the bar for us... it was very seductive.

However- I have been around men where these thoughts don’t come into their minds at all. I personal not attracted to such men. Whether they are argue that we should have equal rights... I just prefer it the other way

Mrs P x"

I agree with this it's usually the little things that make all the difference. One social meeting springs to mind in particular. I had really high heels on and we were Going down some steps and it was quite steep. He didn't offer me his arms and even worse he walked on the side of the handrail so I was tottering dangerously down the stairs and it didn't even enter his head to help me in any way.

I know that might sound a bit pernickety but it's things like that that I notice.

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By *imon the welderMan
over a year ago

Northampton


"Chivalry as it was originally practised is long since dead. It seems nowadays to have boiled down to men paying for drinks and meals to show respect.

I'm always happy to lay my cloak over a puddle "

I believe that one ends up with you being beheaded.....

Or maybe it was thinking that a potato was a suitable gift for a queen was what did for poor old Wally....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But what should the chivalrous man expect from the woman. For her to act like a "lady"? What would be the definition of that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I carry my cape at all times so I can cover puddles for women who forget their wellies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Blame the radical feminists. "

Yep

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"But what should the chivalrous man expect from the woman. For her to act like a "lady"? What would be the definition of that?"

Being chivalrous and being ladylike amount to the same thing. Respect each other.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Blame the radical feminists.

Yep"

For what?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not changing. Will always be a gentleman.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"But what should the chivalrous man expect from the woman. For her to act like a "lady"? What would be the definition of that?"

It boils down to ‘manners’ and ‘respect’. It’s not fine to put me in a position to buy two rounds of coffees at two seperate social meets, that’s unfair and ungentlemanly. Some men don’t know what respect means.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It boils down to a bigger social change. People tend to think, generally, about themselves first. Very few will put themselves out for others.

This thread is about showing respect for the opposite sex (generally) but actually as a society we should be respectful of everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It boils down to a bigger social change. People tend to think, generally, about themselves first. Very few will put themselves out for others.

This thread is about showing respect for the opposite sex (generally) but actually as a society we should be respectful of everyone. "

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing


"I'm not changing. Will always be a gentleman."

Same here. Also I like setting an example to my younger nephews.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Then you have the other end of the scales, women going out just to get a free drink from who ever they can.

I have a hosted mate who flirts with any man in a bar to get a free drink, then leaves him when he stops buying the drinks.

Cambridge dictionary says chivalry is being very polite, honest, and kind behaviour, especially by men towards women.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley


"Playing devils advocate....

For every unchivalrous man that expects a shag in return for paying for everything - there's a woman who will use the lure of a shag to persuade a man to spend money on her. Gifts, meals, drinks, accommodation, etc.

Don't forget this isn't 'real life'. It's NSA encounters where both parties are looking to benefit.

The majority will behave courteously and respectfully and be prepared to treat eachother as equals.

There are however those of both genders that expect to get a more uneven 'return' on any investment. Be that time, money or their body.

A"

I totally agree with your point. I don’t agree with being ‘bought’ though. I’ll meet and play with someone because I like them and there’s a connection and I want to play with them. I will offer to pay my half of the meal and hotel.

I know there are some on here who openly demand meals, gifts, shopping trips, etc but the site condones such activities. Doesn’t stop it from happening though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Recently i was sat waiting for my date in the car park, heater on, radio on.... yes you guessed it my battery went dead!

Panicked for about 10 seconds thinking what if he doesn't show up?

I thought it was very chivalrous of him to borrow some jump leads from the car wash guys so I could put my window up and again in the morning so I could get home.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Playing devils advocate....

For every unchivalrous man that expects a shag in return for paying for everything - there's a woman who will use the lure of a shag to persuade a man to spend money on her. Gifts, meals, drinks, accommodation, etc.

Don't forget this isn't 'real life'. It's NSA encounters where both parties are looking to benefit.

The majority will behave courteously and respectfully and be prepared to treat eachother as equals.

There are however those of both genders that expect to get a more uneven 'return' on any investment. Be that time, money or their body.

A"

I am not just talking about swinging but about life in general.

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire


"Playing devils advocate....

For every unchivalrous man that expects a shag in return for paying for everything - there's a woman who will use the lure of a shag to persuade a man to spend money on her. Gifts, meals, drinks, accommodation, etc.

Don't forget this isn't 'real life'. It's NSA encounters where both parties are looking to benefit.

The majority will behave courteously and respectfully and be prepared to treat eachother as equals.

There are however those of both genders that expect to get a more uneven 'return' on any investment. Be that time, money or their body.

A

I am not just talking about swinging but about life in general."

Everything boils down to sex on here though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It never cases to amaze me why men are so reluctant to pay for a membership, a drink, anything unless they are in the promise of a fuck. Yes we live in an age of equality, but when I date women they are always happy to get a round in or pay half the cost of a meal even though I try to be chivalrous. I know it is so they do not owe me anything (as a guy) but it seems guys these days do not want to pay for anything. Is chivalry dead?

"

But you’re a guy... so why don’t you pay? All I got from your post is that you like it when women pay for you, and you also expect men to pay for you too ?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Chivalry isn't just about money or who pays for what.

It about courteous behaviour, being polite, having manners, treating others with respect, attentiveness & consideration.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Chivalry isn't just about money or who pays for what.

It about courteous behaviour, being polite, having manners, treating others with respect, attentiveness & consideration.

"

Perfect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Chivalry isn't just about money or who pays for what.

It about courteous behaviour, being polite, having manners, treating others with respect, attentiveness & consideration.

"

It should just be the norm, anything else and you’re just acting selfish jerk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will be accused of living in the past but i think that if a Lady and a Gentleman go for a meal or have a drink together then the Guy should pay But that is my view and in todays society will be called a outdated Caveman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I firmly believe that the man should pay for all of the date. He should also open doors, take coats, pull seats out, offer jacket if cold etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spot on mate

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Chivalry isn't just about money or who pays for what.

It about courteous behaviour, being polite, having manners, treating others with respect, attentiveness & consideration.

It should just be the norm, anything else and you’re just acting selfish jerk."

Exactly this. Treating the other person with respect and consideration should just be a basic human trait shouldn't it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think measuring chivalry by the behaviour of men hoping to get laid is probably not the best barometer

And as for the OP suggesting a man not paying membership to a club is somehow un-chivalrous, seriously? You think that is something to do with chivalry?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Chivalry isn't just about money or who pays for what.

It about courteous behaviour, being polite, having manners, treating others with respect, attentiveness & consideration.

It should just be the norm, anything else and you’re just acting selfish jerk.

Exactly this. Treating the other person with respect and consideration should just be a basic human trait shouldn't it? "

It always creeps me out a bit, when a bloke says he’s a gentlemen. It’s just about being a decent human being, saying you’re a gentlemen i always think is a bit cynical, like it should be rewarded.

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By *entileschiWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

Both men and women can be chivalrous as these days it surely means to be polite and kind wherever possible...

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Chivalry isn't just about money or who pays for what.

It about courteous behaviour, being polite, having manners, treating others with respect, attentiveness & consideration.

It should just be the norm, anything else and you’re just acting selfish jerk.

Exactly this. Treating the other person with respect and consideration should just be a basic human trait shouldn't it?

It always creeps me out a bit, when a bloke says he’s a gentlemen. It’s just about being a decent human being, saying you’re a gentlemen i always think is a bit cynical, like it should be rewarded. "

I agree, the old saying "virtue is its own reward" applies in this case.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area


"Both men and women can be chivalrous as these days it surely means to be polite and kind wherever possible..."

This.

I was amazed when a woman at work was critising a guy on a bus that she was on because he didn't give up his seat for a pregnant lady, even though he was further along the bus and she could've easily surrendered her seat.

Chivalry is a cop out for some females not to behave in a decent manner.

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

I think a few here need to see what the word means....then see if its dead...what you think might be chivalrous and what is are def different

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

Is there a feminine equivalent for this lovely word?

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

[Removed by poster at 25/12/18 14:02:36]

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area


"I think a few here need to see what the word means....then see if its dead...what you think might be chivalrous and what is are def different"

chivalrous

adjective

(of a man or his behaviour) courteous and gallant, especially towards women

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary


"I think a few here need to see what the word means....then see if its dead...what you think might be chivalrous and what is are def different

chivalrous

adjective

(of a man or his behaviour) courteous and gallant, especially towards women"

Not just towards women....

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"It never cases to amaze me why men are so reluctant to pay for a membership, a drink, anything unless they are in the promise of a fuck. Yes we live in an age of equality, but when I date women they are always happy to get a round in or pay half the cost of a meal even though I try to be chivalrous. I know it is so they do not owe me anything (as a guy) but it seems guys these days do not want to pay for anything. Is chivalry dead?

"

I'm lucky the women who I meet don't want the nonsense that is

chivalry they want me xxx

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

My understanding was chivalry was about courtly behaviour and related to the gentry. If you were a serving woman or a servant then you were not entitled to chivalry but you were technically entitled to courtesy unless you were a serf.

If you think about more modern chivalry i.e turn of the 19th century most women did not earn a wage or earned a small wage compared to a man. Women were seen as weak and frail and thus doors opened for them and seats given up for them.

However in this day many women do not want to be treated as frail, or weak or economically dependent. I work with three women,two refuse to let me open days and regularly open doors for me, it is no big deal.

As others have said in this day age surely politeness between all genders and ages is what counts.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"My understanding was chivalry was about courtly behaviour and related to the gentry. If you were a serving woman or a servant then you were not entitled to chivalry but you were technically entitled to courtesy unless you were a serf.

If you think about more modern chivalry i.e turn of the 19th century most women did not earn a wage or earned a small wage compared to a man. Women were seen as weak and frail and thus doors opened for them and seats given up for them.

However in this day many women do not want to be treated as frail, or weak or economically dependent. I work with three women,two refuse to let me open days and regularly open doors for me, it is no big deal.

As others have said in this day age surely politeness between all genders and ages is what counts.

"

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend of mine will ask for separate checks when he goes on a date with women he has no intention of seeing again.....

The reactions to this have been comical....

They range from women getting up and leaving to some women picking up the whole bill....

I personally think he is crazy for doing this but in his mind he is being chivalrous....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend of mine will ask for separate checks when he goes on a date with women he has no intention of seeing again.....

The reactions to this have been comical....

They range from women getting up and leaving to some women picking up the whole bill....

I personally think he is crazy for doing this but in his mind he is being chivalrous....

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By *eKoopleCouple
over a year ago

Germany / Manchester

When my wife and I first dated, she surprisingly insitsted on paying the restaurant bill, and though I felt uncomfortable in the situation, I learned to understand her entitlement for independence. Even though I’ve payed for many of our bills since then, I still get a sense of slight discomfort when she pays on our monthly date night.

Unfortunately, we live in a society of Common Entitlement and by definition, it’s expected for a man to buy the drinks, hold the door open and pay the restaurant bill.

A well raised man will do any of the above and possibly feel the same way I do when a lady is paying the bill. And whilst Chivalry is placed under the microscope of men, ones attitude of entitlement should be questioned also.

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By *lim Jim 68Man
over a year ago

Guernsey


"I always offer to pay, it's always declined.

Me and fwb go out for tea quite often, he'll pay one week, I'll pay the next. If we get a hotel, he will pay for the room but I will buy the drinks and food. I like the fairness, and I will pay for the after sex pizza at 1am, it is always appreciated.

It's a turned into a joke that he only fucks me to get pizza! :D"

What flavour pizza?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A friend of mine will ask for separate checks when he goes on a date with women he has no intention of seeing again.....

The reactions to this have been comical....

They range from women getting up and leaving to some women picking up the whole bill....

I personally think he is crazy for doing this but in his mind he is being chivalrous....

"

Good for him. I'd love that.

Great way to sniff out the freeloading princesses!

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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago

Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire


"It never cases to amaze me why men are so reluctant to pay for a membership, a drink, anything unless they are in the promise of a fuck. Yes we live in an age of equality, but when I date women they are always happy to get a round in or pay half the cost of a meal even though I try to be chivalrous. I know it is so they do not owe me anything (as a guy) but it seems guys these days do not want to pay for anything. Is chivalry dead?

"

It never ceases to amaze me when people use their individual experiences to tar all people with a broad brush.

I don't think I've ever been in a relationship or on a date where I've let the woman pay for me. Not that she cannot but it is not the way I was raised.

Men do not operate a hive or group mind so, such a broad generalisation is not accurate or helpful.

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

Chivalry....is not...i repeat not about paying for stuff...if your with someone and she/he equates time spent togother with how much youve spent....then theres a problem....

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

If chivalry means buying me things, holding doors for me, and having a different set of manners because I'm female, then it's pretty poorly and I'm not sorry.

Treating people with respect, offering to be generous (not "generous" as a code word for a commercial transaction), reciprocation, and helping (doors etc) based on (perceived) need rather than gender sits much better with me in the world we live in.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"If chivalry means buying me things, holding doors for me, and having a different set of manners because I'm female, then it's pretty poorly and I'm not sorry.

Treating people with respect, offering to be generous (not "generous" as a code word for a commercial transaction), reciprocation, and helping (doors etc) based on (perceived) need rather than gender sits much better with me in the world we live in. "

I agree, I think that respect and understanding of a person's independence is very important. Unfortunately I think certain behaviour can leave you open to accusations of virtue signalling or misogyny depending on the context though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always offer to pay, it's always declined.

Me and fwb go out for tea quite often, he'll pay one week, I'll pay the next. If we get a hotel, he will pay for the room but I will buy the drinks and food. I like the fairness, and I will pay for the after sex pizza at 1am, it is always appreciated.

It's a turned into a joke that he only fucks me to get pizza! :D

What flavour pizza? "

Barbecue chicken :D

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"If chivalry means buying me things, holding doors for me, and having a different set of manners because I'm female, then it's pretty poorly and I'm not sorry.

Treating people with respect, offering to be generous (not "generous" as a code word for a commercial transaction), reciprocation, and helping (doors etc) based on (perceived) need rather than gender sits much better with me in the world we live in.

I agree, I think that respect and understanding of a person's independence is very important. Unfortunately I think certain behaviour can leave you open to accusations of virtue signalling or misogyny depending on the context though"

I try to be charitable, but some traditionally chivalrous behaviour can come across as misogynistic. It's almost politeness theatre. Holding a door or offering a seat can be kind, but doing it as a big song and dance production because I'm a laaaaady and you expect kudos is absurd (particularly when you're rude to others, ignore those older or less physically attractive, or even need the help more yourself). And loudly huffing and puffing when I politely and quietly decline (or getting offended when I try to reciprocate)... It might have been the done thing once upon a time, but now it just seems ridiculous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not at all but like everything there are some that are and some that are not.

The same as there as some women who like it and others that do not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't read the replies but every single date I've been on in my life I've paid for everything and even collected the girl at her door and dropped her off at her door. I opened doors for people and offer to help carry heavy things if I see anyone struggle but I wouldn't do more than that. I see girls on this asking for lifts to places etc... There's chivalry and there's being a bitch. I used to go without to save for dates when I knew they wee coming up.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"If chivalry means buying me things, holding doors for me, and having a different set of manners because I'm female, then it's pretty poorly and I'm not sorry.

Treating people with respect, offering to be generous (not "generous" as a code word for a commercial transaction), reciprocation, and helping (doors etc) based on (perceived) need rather than gender sits much better with me in the world we live in.

I agree, I think that respect and understanding of a person's independence is very important. Unfortunately I think certain behaviour can leave you open to accusations of virtue signalling or misogyny depending on the context though

I try to be charitable, but some traditionally chivalrous behaviour can come across as misogynistic. It's almost politeness theatre. Holding a door or offering a seat can be kind, but doing it as a big song and dance production because I'm a laaaaady and you expect kudos is absurd (particularly when you're rude to others, ignore those older or less physically attractive, or even need the help more yourself). And loudly huffing and puffing when I politely and quietly decline (or getting offended when I try to reciprocate)... It might have been the done thing once upon a time, but now it just seems ridiculous. "

Yes, exactly. It's about being a consistent in your approach with everyone and not just with those that you feel you will get 'something' from. There is a whole world between doing something that is right and doing something to show what a wonderful person that you are to others.

Virtue is it's own reward and doesn't need to be recognised to exist.

I don't think that Chivalry is dead, I do however think that many people don't understand what it is or consider using the word as a way of manipulating a situation to their advantage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chivalry is not about paying for stuff for people you want to have sex with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can be polite and considerate without expecting sex as a result.

That's how I was brought up anyway.

Not that I'd say no to sex as a result of my chivalry

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By *ySweetLadyWoman
over a year ago

London


"If a handsome old fashioned man wants to take me out I'm right here"

This.

I do offer to pay as I do not assume the man is going to pay but when my offer is declined I am happy to see that chivalry is not dead.

Same as when holding a door open for me. It is a lovely gesture and I always smile and say thank you... but I will also hold a door open for the gentleman some times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not dead at all just depends who your picking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Il always paid for drinks, coffee etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It might still be alive but it is very poorly, every instance where you do something intended as chivalrous and it gets thrown back in your face as being masochistic does deter even the tge most simple act such as holding a door "

Chivalry doesn't equate to paying for things but rather unconscious acts done without thinking, such as holding doors open, giving up your seat on a train etc, that men (apart from those that are disabled obviously) do without thinking really?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chivalry isn't to do with paying. It's opening doors, walking to the car, pulling seat out etc. A gentleman is top of my list of they want to get past a social if I'm honest. However A recent social I had opened the doors and told me to take a seat and he would get the drinks in, that really made me smile. He even went to get a second round in until I insisted that it was on me. But it was really nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chivalry is about honour, resprct and a code of noble and gracious behaviour not just who pays for what, although that attitude sums up a lot of people here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chivalry was a code of honour between medieval knights,i think we are just talking about good manners here and yes some of us do still believe in them.

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By *lim Jim 68Man
over a year ago

Guernsey


"I always offer to pay, it's always declined.

Me and fwb go out for tea quite often, he'll pay one week, I'll pay the next. If we get a hotel, he will pay for the room but I will buy the drinks and food. I like the fairness, and I will pay for the after sex pizza at 1am, it is always appreciated.

It's a turned into a joke that he only fucks me to get pizza! :D

What flavour pizza?

Barbecue chicken :D"

Fair enough x

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

I don’t see chivalry and paying for things as the same thing at all.

No chivalry isn’t dead thank goodness

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