FabSwingers.com forum: Is honesty too much to ask for.

By *illagegirlie OP Woman
over a year ago

Swindon

Just wondering what people's thoughts are. Been chatting to a guy and was going to meet however decided not to as he's clearly not been honest.

Have found out not only is he older than his profile says, he's also a heavy smoker and has a partner he didn't mention who's provided him with lots of verifications.

Am I expecting too much from this site. I mean we all list what we want-i feel it's very underhand when guys like this arrange to meet.

Thoughts anyone!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering what people's thoughts are. Been chatting to a guy and was going to meet however decided not to as he's clearly not been honest.

Have found out not only is he older than his profile says, he's also a heavy smoker and has a partner he didn't mention who's provided him with lots of verifications.

Am I expecting too much from this site. I mean we all list what we want-i feel it's very underhand when guys like this arrange to meet.

Thoughts anyone! "

That would frustrate me to no end.

How did you find out, if you don't mind me asking?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be to honest and you can get shit all over.

No idea what the correct way to do things is.

But I stay true to myself and if someone takes the piss out of that they gone forever.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You're expecting too much. It's safest to assume that most people are economical with the truth if they want to have sex with you. They will tell you what you want to hear.

Of course loads of people are honest but you need to be able to suss which ones they are.

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By *ohnygodMan
over a year ago

TOKYO Japan

"You're expecting too much. It's safest to assume that most people are economical with the truth if they want to have sex with you. They will tell you what you want to hear.

Of course loads of people are honest but you need to be able to suss which ones they are."

Mummy is right

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Honesty is expected and you find it with most of the decent people on fab. It may take a while to establish your skill set to determine who is honest and reliable. Some things can be found out pretty quickly, such as build and age, if you do cam chats. Smoking isn't something to discover until you have met someone though.

I'd consider socials and clubs to establish a network of people who you trust and know. Beware men who will create profiles with tailored information for just you though - it really does happen. Avoid quicker meets too.

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By *illagegirlie OP Woman
over a year ago

Swindon

I put my Scooby doo hat on. We all read veris and lots from same person. I looked on her profile and saw a different guy so msg him. He told me background as he's met her. He also said they have couples profile again he's lies about his age and smoking on there.

I have issue with couples who play separately but just feel to blatantly lie to get meets...surely that's not what fab is about.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

You're having sex with them not employing them or marrying them, what does it matter?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bet he hasn't got a television license either. The wheels of justice will catch up with him sometime soon.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I put my Scooby doo hat on. We all read veris and lots from same person. I looked on her profile and saw a different guy so msg him. He told me background as he's met her. He also said they have couples profile again he's lies about his age and smoking on there.

I have issue with couples who play separately but just feel to blatantly lie to get meets...surely that's not what fab is about.

So who's lying? The guy you messaged to find out these things or the guy you were going to meet?

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By *illagegirlie OP Woman
over a year ago

Swindon

Why bother saying what you like and who you will meet if it doesn't matter?

We all have preferences? I'm selective like many people are ..not here to shag everyone.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 17/12/18 00:14:25]

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"You're having sex with them not employing them or marrying them, what does it matter? "

Going somewhere private, making yourself vulnerable, taking risks in terms of health (STIs) and safety (violence)... goodness, I can't imagine why trust might be important.

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By *illagegirlie OP Woman
over a year ago

Swindon

Guy I was going to meet- I've msg him to ask and he's blocked me so that speaks volumes

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

Honesty is a rare commodity on some profiles. As others have said some people will put the information that they feel their target audience want to know without any care for the truth.

Go with your gut instinct. We have no time for dishonest people as if they are lying about the little things then what else are they lying about.

To answer the OP's question no honesty isn't too much to ask for but take it with a healthy dose of scepticism.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Guy I was going to meet- I've msg him to ask and he's blocked me so that speaks volumes "

If you use reply and quote we know who you're answering.

I think you will tie yourself up in knots chasing back through verifications and double checking on whether your potential meets are telling the truth.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"You're having sex with them not employing them or marrying them, what does it matter?

Going somewhere private, making yourself vulnerable, taking risks in terms of health (STIs) and safety (violence)... goodness, I can't imagine why trust might be important. "

If they're verified they're less likely to be a serial killer. I practice safe sex, which of course isn't 100% but it's the best we can do without abstaining, so I don't interigate them on their sexual history, I'm meeting them from a swinging/sex site so it's safe to assume they're higher risk and will ensure I practise safer sex.

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By *ohndunboyneMan
over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

Were you meeting them for coffee or immediately sex? Coffee meets always to suss out the potential.

That gets rid of the wasters and wannabes.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"You're having sex with them not employing them or marrying them, what does it matter?

Going somewhere private, making yourself vulnerable, taking risks in terms of health (STIs) and safety (violence)... goodness, I can't imagine why trust might be important.

Sure. But establishing trust is important for me (and I suspect many) in ensuring safety. Along with verifications, safe sex, and other things.

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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

"Sure. But establishing trust is important for me (and I suspect many) in ensuring safety. Along with verifications, safe sex, and other things. "

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

" establishing trust is important for me (and I suspect many) "

Without trust nothing will happen. If it doesn't sound or feel right walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Be to honest and you can get shit all over.

No idea what the correct way to do things is.

But I stay true to myself and if someone takes the piss out of that they gone forever."

this

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By *ueen of sleezeWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Trusting a man who can cheat on his wife who he supposedly loves.

Think that says it all

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Just wondering what people's thoughts are. Been chatting to a guy and was going to meet however decided not to as he's clearly not been honest.

Have found out not only is he older than his profile says, he's also a heavy smoker and has a partner he didn't mention who's provided him with lots of verifications.

Am I expecting too much from this site. I mean we all list what we want-i feel it's very underhand when guys like this arrange to meet.

Thoughts anyone! "

People lie in the real world not just Fab.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"You're having sex with them not employing them or marrying them, what does it matter?

Going somewhere private, making yourself vulnerable, taking risks in terms of health (STIs) and safety (violence)... goodness, I can't imagine why trust might be important.

Sure. But establishing trust is important for me (and I suspect many) in ensuring safety. Along with verifications, safe sex, and other things. "

I see where you're coming from but if I was to meet someone on a night out, I wouldn't have the foggiest on their background so I view that as equal to on here. There's always a risk though.

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By *ingle ex cuckMan
over a year ago

chester

you can do better than that

surely ?

go for men with verifications

go with your instinct

awwww my heart goes out to you xxx

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

"Trusting a man who can cheat on his wife who he supposedly loves.

Think that says it all "

If I understand the situation, he was verified by his partner, so not cheating, just playing alone.

Still, he did misrepresent himself, as younger, non smoker, and failed to mention the partner, so still not trustworthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering what people's thoughts are. Been chatting to a guy and was going to meet however decided not to as he's clearly not been honest.

Have found out not only is he older than his profile says, he's also a heavy smoker and has a partner he didn't mention who's provided him with lots of verifications.

Am I expecting too much from this site. I mean we all list what we want-i feel it's very underhand when guys like this arrange to meet.

Thoughts anyone!

People lie in the real world not just Fab."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Welcome on the offline world where everything can be said to fit what you are looking for in order to do you during few minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plenty more fish in the sea. I can see your annoyance though x

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By *greygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

well op you got your profile hidden so no one can see .guessing you part of mad fab world .hes lied to fuck and you aint showing nothing .and you wanted to meet .gona dunk my biccies and work this one out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There has to be an element of trust. 3 red flags there straight away:

Smoker or non smoker - smoking is a turn off for me.

Age- some improve with age some dont

Relationship status- personally wouldnt want to be involved with someone in a relationship. Not fair.

Yes if you meet someone on a night out then its different circumstances, spur of the moment but here where (maybe more so as a female) you can take time and be choosy then lies are going to be a massive negative.

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By *adtaffladMan
over a year ago

Rhyl

I like to be completely honest with someone and hope for the same in return

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As said often ... no honesty no trust ... therefore no go!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Do people genuinely want complete honesty or only honesty about certain things?

There's another thread in which a guy feels insulted because a couple told him he was their third choice after two other let him down. Would everyone rather that honesty wasn't used in that case? Personally I'd rather not know I was third option.

Do we really mean we require complete honesty? Is it really true that you can't trust a married person because they have lied to their partner? Do we want to hear the complete truth?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its life in the wild west

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do people genuinely want complete honesty or only honesty about certain things?

Do we really mean we require complete honesty? Is it really true that you can't trust a married person because they have lied to their partner? Do we want to hear the complete truth?"

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"Guy I was going to meet- I've msg him to ask and he's blocked me so that speaks volumes "

your better off without him anyone who says a "reasonable" degree of honesty is not important on here is not very aware of the risks single females could face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you ask him if he was single or any of the other failings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm totally honest from the star of every message ... conversation I have but believe me it's not always the best policy ...,, but I will always be truefull even if it means that the person I'm chatting to either blocks or doesn't want to message me again.

I'd say 90 percent of guys on here clearly are not trueful at all

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm totally honest from the star of every message ... conversation I have but believe me it's not always the best policy ...,, but I will always be truefull even if it means that the person I'm chatting to either blocks or doesn't want to message me again.

I'd say 90 percent of guys on here clearly are not trueful at all "

I'd say 100% of people are not 100% truthful.

We don't tell people our exact location, date of birth, surname, where we work, exact job etc.

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By *onnie And Clyde9070Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Guy I was going to meet- I've msg him to ask and he's blocked me so that speaks volumes "

"Single" males don't like being sussed out. They block you to have that last element of control.

We always presume a potential meet is being dishonest from the start. We then evaluate them based on their responses to our questions. Both being none smokers we can smell a smoker a mile off. No amount of Lynx Africa and mints can hide the stench. In fact OTT deodorant and mint is a dead giveaway. So we always ask if they'd be unhappy being turned away at the door because of their own dishonesty. You'd be surprised just how quickly they vanish and block you.

It's the FAB way we're afraid.

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By *ain n MableWoman
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I think if we found out that you had messaged people on our verifications to find out if we were genuine then we would block you aswell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

least you found out prior to meeting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bet he hasn't got a television license either. The wheels of justice will catch up with him sometime soon."

You owe me a new computer screen, I just spat coffee all over my desk...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

honesty in swinging ??? lol been on the scene 20 years now with hubs and we take everything like a pinch of salt people say what they want to get what they want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Trusting a man who can cheat on his wife who he supposedly loves.

Think that says it all "

i mostly meet married women because i give them the sex and attention they are craving.

everyone cheats. even at board games.

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By *oney to the beeWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

"Just wondering what people's thoughts are. Been chatting to a guy and was going to meet however decided not to as he's clearly not been honest.

Have found out not only is he older than his profile says, he's also a heavy smoker and has a partner he didn't mention who's provided him with lots of verifications.

Am I expecting too much from this site. I mean we all list what we want-i feel it's very underhand when guys like this arrange to meet.

Thoughts anyone! "

A large percentage of men lie on here and you have to think twice about meeting as what else could they be lying about (sti's etc) and then people come on here moaning about someone cancelling or not turning up. The reality is if you think someone is lying then you really have to think long and hard about meeting them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering what people's thoughts are. Been chatting to a guy and was going to meet however decided not to as he's clearly not been honest.

Have found out not only is he older than his profile says, he's also a heavy smoker and has a partner he didn't mention who's provided him with lots of verifications.

Am I expecting too much from this site. I mean we all list what we want-i feel it's very underhand when guys like this arrange to meet.

Thoughts anyone! "

That is really bad

Not just the men though. Some Women and couples lie on here big time. Unfortunately it's just the way it is. We all come across the fibbers or game players either wasting time or phishing for info. Honesty is the best policy, but people lie about basic things... completely different age. Not talking about 2/3 years more like 8/10 years.

Height is another one! If I get to the meet stage I would always re-confirm profile stats and make it clear there has to be trust and mutual respect otherwise it won't work. Especially their status... because if they are married and cheating that is a no no!

To cover up one lie you have to lie a 1000 times! If I find out that comes natural to them... there are no second chances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were right to cancel the meet. I wont hesitate to turn down people who have lied about things like health/hygeine (being a smoker), age and appearance - that’s a huge turn off and really deceitful, selfish and strange behaviour.

For example, last week I was going to meet someone who said they were 28, and had photos of them looking around that age. Then I found that same person on couples profile where their age was listed as 42 with more recent photos where they looked totally different and a lot older. Some people are nuts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think if we found out that you had messaged people on our verifications to find out if we were genuine then we would block you aswell.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"I think if we found out that you had messaged people on our verifications to find out if we were genuine then we would block you aswell.

Absolutely , we would too .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guy I was going to meet- I've msg him to ask and he's blocked me so that speaks volumes

If you use reply and quote we know who you're answering.

I think you will tie yourself up in knots chasing back through verifications and double checking on whether your potential meets are telling the truth.

I disagree. As Inaswingdress said, we need to do our best to ensure we are safe. Nothing is foolproof, but checking out who I plan to meet as thoroughly as I can is one of the precautions I take.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being too honest on here does you no good.

People may respect your honesty but it doesn't translate into meets.

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By *hubnwife_36dd_ukCouple
over a year ago

chester

"Just wondering what people's thoughts are. Been chatting to a guy and was going to meet however decided not to as he's clearly not been honest.

Have found out not only is he older than his profile says, he's also a heavy smoker and has a partner he didn't mention who's provided him with lots of verifications.

Sign of the bad times we live in.

You just have to go with your own personal radar.

Am I expecting too much from this site. I mean we all list what we want-i feel it's very underhand when guys like this arrange to meet.

Thoughts anyone! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think if we found out that you had messaged people on our verifications to find out if we were genuine then we would block you aswell.

Absolutely , we would too .

Yep, disagree on this one too. If there’s something bugging me about a profile I don’t hesitate to contact someone they’ve met. If it gets weird or people get offended then we won’t meet. Again, my safety is my priority. And yes, I wouldn’t mind if someone contacted my veris. One of my criteria for the veris I display is that I know they’d give a fair report of me.

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