FabSwingers.com forum: Why do people see Bdsm and think it equals pain?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The amount of people iv come across that think everything to do with bdsm involves pain . It doesn't have to at all I enjoy sensation play it involves different objects creating a different sensation when moved over a person's body exciting the nerves another is rope play let's face it how many people have been tied up and loved it . I also love wax play which I have been told is as relaxing as a deep massage and how many people love a good massage?

And then there's impact play flogging caning etc this is where people think thats what Bdsm is all about, inflicting pain on others. It can be if that's what they want or it can be light more like sensation play no two people are the same

Bdsm covers a wide range of activities I have just named a few examples there are lots more.

I have two submissives one enjoys a certain level of pain one doesn't like any pain it's my job to cater to what they want/like it's never about what I want .

I just wanted to write this down as I have had messages by people that don't understand and think Bdsm equals pain.

Sorry for the rant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask your sub who enjoys a level of pain x

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By *horehouseprincessWoman
over a year ago

small town near Munich

I think its mostly down to a lack of information.

There are so many different shades (haha

) of it, so many aspects.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your right bdsm does not have to have any pain as part of its play. I suppose we only see or hear about excessive aspects of any behavioural or cultural process. The shock aspects are the ones people talk about in clubs or forums etc because they grab our attention.

male

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Ignorance mainly OP, and I don't mean that rudely - simply that most people outside of BDSM circles don't know or understand BDSM beyond the "whips and chains" image of it presented in the media, and if they don't look beyond that, then they won't know.

That's also part of the danger of some who take up BDSM - they don't take the time to look beyond the fantasy image they have in their head and see that it's not just about pain and someone doing everything another person tells them, without question. And that applies equally to people on both sides of the coin - submissives who blindly accept it as the ONLY way and don't question those who are borderline abusive, and dominants who think that all it takes to be a dominant is telling someone what to do and giving them a slap whenever the dominant fancies.

As you rightly point out there are many, many facets to BDSM, many that don't involve pain or restraint, and each of them unique to the relationship they are part of in whether they form part of that relationship or not.

There is no right way to BDSM though, other than the way agreed between two (or more) consenting participants who have mutually agreed that way in advance

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

"I think its mostly down to a lack of information.

There are so many different shades (haha

) of it, so many aspects. "

Good BDSM. always starts in the mind x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it’s the s&m part that a lot don’t understand. I have masochistic tendencies and get pleasure from pain in many different forms. It’s something I don’t fully understand why myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its the usual fab thing of people not understanding something because they have no interest in it, and then going by their own view of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The amount of people iv come across that think everything to do with bdsm involves pain . It doesn't have to at all I enjoy sensation play it involves different objects creating a different sensation when moved over a person's body exciting the nerves another is rope play let's face it how many people have been tied up and loved it . I also love wax play which I have been told is as relaxing as a deep massage and how many people love a good massage?

Bdsm covers a wide range of activities I have just named a few examples there are lots more.

I have two submissives one enjoys a certain level of pain one doesn't like any pain it's my job to cater to what they want/like it's never about what I want .

I just wanted to write this down as I have had messages by people that don't understand and think Bdsm equals pain.

Sorry for the rant."

Nice to see this type of post. Thanks for sharing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bdsm covers a wide range of activities I have just named a few examples there are lots more.

I have two submissives one enjoys a certain level of pain one doesn't like any pain it's my job to cater to what they want/like it's never about what I want .

I just wanted to write this down as I have had messages by people that don't understand and think Bdsm equals pain.

Sorry for the rant.

Nice to see this type of post. Thanks for sharing

It's Fab wisdom they know all but know nothing...and then throw in 50loads of rubbish and that is their knowledge...They can't understand that it all starts in the brain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably because the expansion is bondage, sadism and masochism. The latter 2 do indicate some kind of suffering and pain springs to mind, along with the whips and chains

Maybe 50 Shades? I've not read it so I don't know.

Also you mention having 2 submissives (greedy!) and a Ds relationship isn't a BDSM relationship although they can overlap so perhaps it's inexact use of terminology?

Mike xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have SM as interests in your profile. That's probably why they question you about it x

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

I'm a sadist but not into pain either, i more enjoy being bitchy and humiliating a guy (especially if he has a small dick). I love denying guys too.

BDSM is so many things it does seem weird that many people only focus onone aspec of it but my guess is that most people are completely unaware of psychology and how it is implemened in their own life and so don't even get there is that side to BDSM.

Maybe most porn just focuses on pain also? Don't really watch any BDSM porn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If im honest thats what i thought it was all about too for years untill a few months back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If im honest thats what i thought it was all about too for years untill a few months back

"
thats why i had no intrest in it now im a little more intrigued

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By *xLedZepxx2Man
over a year ago

Didcot

I'm aware that it's not all about pain, it's the clothing associated with BDSM and the whole sub/dom thing that I don't like, I had to put on my profile "don't call me that sir/master shit I don't like it" because it seems that because I frequent these sites and am bisexual somehow in some guys minds I must be into BDSM, each to their own and I have no problem with people enjoying BDSM.

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