FabSwingers.com forum: How to define the ideal sub

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all

Hope your weekend has gotten off to a bang..

I've been looking for a while for an sub that doesn't seem to exist, but I'm thinking it may be because of how I describe it...

Ultimately I travel A LOT so being able to meet face to face is highly unlikely..however I like the idea of being able to send commands/instruction s of what I want them to do - and receive pictures/videos back of them doing so - this could also be instructions to meet couples/others men /women and then show me the results

I'm happy with it being anonymous - face pics aren't really needed - I don't want to know their name - to be honest this is part of the turn on "being able to dom a sub from afar without them knowing who I am"

Anyone else have a similar fetish? Or an opinion on how best to describe the above?

All thoughts welcome

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

I would think the ideal sub is one that stays watertight when submerged

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would think the ideal sub is one that stays watertight when submerged

Omg this has made me laugh!! Brilliant hahahahahahahahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fully get that everyone has different desires and wants.

However- to me this isn’t a Dom/ sub relationship.

Those relationships are built on trust. This can’t be done surely online and through complete secrecy?

Just my thoughts.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Stingray

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would think the ideal sub is one that stays watertight when submerged

Hahaha this is true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it is not what you are looking for doesn’t exist or how you are describing it that is the problem. In my opinion there are two diffficulties with this:

1) This is a swinging site - not a fetish site and as such the majority of people want to actually meet up.

2) Domination and submission need to have a level of trust and understanding for it to work. What you are looking for is pretty much devoid of that. Not needing face pics or names makes this so impersonal that it will not appeal to the large marjority of submissives. A D/s relationship is a two way thing, all I can see is that you gain obedience and gratification but what does the submissive get? None of the usual rewards and emotional connection that submissive usual want and need.

I wish you luck with your search but maybe reconsider what you are willing to put into the relationship and where you are looking for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fully get that everyone has different desires and wants.

However- to me this isn’t a Dom/ sub relationship.

Those relationships are built on trust. This can’t be done surely online and through complete secrecy?

Just my thoughts.

Noticed your closing sentence , about questions, A D/s relationship, (never had a virtual one like you seek from afar) can only be built on dialogue and are time consuming in building ....but worth it , Respectfully searching for a submissive rather than a “sub” May prove more fruitful OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it is not what you are looking for doesn’t exist or how you are describing it that is the problem. In my opinion there are two diffficulties with this:

1) This is a swinging site - not a fetish site and as such the majority of people want to actually meet up.

I wish you luck with your search but maybe reconsider what you are willing to put into the relationship and where you are looking for it. "

I hate it when someone makes the same point as me but far more eloquently

Nicely put !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i never get to meet and physically play with my Dom then its a huge no. D/S is built on trust, by not meeting you the trust would never be happen .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I also suggest that your profile text is not reassuring or congruent with a genuine Dominant?

Authourising someone to contact you.

Insisting on pictures in the first message.

Suggesting that if someone has questions then they are not a true submissive.

A hell of a lot of red flags in only a few sentences in my opinion.

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

Subway have been trying for years

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can I also suggest that your profile text is not reassuring or congruent with a genuine Dominant?

Authourising someone to contact you.

Insisting on pictures in the first message.

Suggesting that if someone has questions then they are not a true submissive.

A hell of a lot of red flags in only a few sentences in my opinion. "

Hi good point - tbh I play around with profile content a lot seeing if anything triggers - I feel like I'm.niche within a niche..if you get what I mean?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi good point - tbh I play around with profile content a lot seeing if anything triggers - I feel like I'm.niche within a niche..if you get what I mean?

D/s is so much more than kinky fucking or obedience - it is based on trust and power exchange.

Ethical Domination requires open and honest communication, Submission has to be earnt not demanded and changing your profile to trigger responses is also a red flag. you are not trying to sell a car and tweaking your marketing strategy to speak to a wider audience, you are trying to find someone that trust you completely to give you an agreed level of power over them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi good point - tbh I play around with profile content a lot seeing if anything triggers - I feel like I'm.niche within a niche..if you get what I mean?

D/s is so much more than kinky fucking or obedience - it is based on trust and power exchange.

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By *osmosgirlWoman
over a year ago

Wetherby

"Hi all

Hope your weekend has gotten off to a bang..

I've been looking for a while for an sub that doesn't seem to exist, but I'm thinking it may be because of how I describe it...

Anyone else have a similar fetish? Or an opinion on how best to describe the above?

All thoughts welcome "

I have actually done this in the past. I was on the fetish site and this guy just started to chat to me.

Over time he got into my head and gained my trust. He seemed to know me better than I knew myself. It was thrilling and I never knew what was going to happen next. He even brought me to orgasm many times.

We never exchanged face pics or spoke. It was entirely based on the written word.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi all

Hope your weekend has gotten off to a bang..

I've been looking for a while for an sub that doesn't seem to exist, but I'm thinking it may be because of how I describe it...

Anyone else have a similar fetish? Or an opinion on how best to describe the above?

All thoughts welcome

I have actually done this in the past. I was on the fetish site and this guy just started to chat to me.

We never exchanged face pics or spoke. It was entirely based on the written word. "

Ah that's really interesting.. sounds exactly what I'm after...do you have any suggestions (I'm open to profile feedback etc) also it's nice to know that it's not just me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fully get that everyone has different desires and wants.

However- to me this isn’t a Dom/ sub relationship.

Those relationships are built on trust. This can’t be done surely online and through complete secrecy?

Just my thoughts.

I agree.

If someone asked this of me as a submissive it would be a no personally.

I don’t think a D/S relationship can truly be done like that either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I also suggest that your profile text is not reassuring or congruent with a genuine Dominant?

Authourising someone to contact you.

Insisting on pictures in the first message.

Suggesting that if someone has questions then they are not a true submissive.

A hell of a lot of red flags in only a few sentences in my opinion. "

Wow I’ve just seen that and I totally agree.

I’ve had a good amount of messages from what I call Plastic Doms who seem to think because I’m a submissive, I shouldn’t ask questions or be able to say no, or make choices.

Real genuine Dom’s know that’s not how it works. Your profile isn’t going to attract what you’re looking for I’m guessing OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would suggest you search for "Second Life" and use that as it seems perfect for the sort of interaction you require.

Wolf

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

I think lots of "wanna be" Dom's have no idea about D/s scenarios and just confuse it with them wanting a sex slave to merely satisfy their own wants/needs. And also can never grasp the concept that in reality it is actually the sub who calls the shots, so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think lots of "wanna be" Dom's have no idea about D/s scenarios and just confuse it with them wanting a sex slave to merely satisfy their own wants/needs. And also can never grasp the concept that in reality it is actually the sub who calls the shots, so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it is not what you are looking for doesn’t exist or how you are describing it that is the problem. In my opinion there are two diffficulties with this:

1) This is a swinging site - not a fetish site and as such the majority of people want to actually meet up.

I wish you luck with your search but maybe reconsider what you are willing to put into the relationship and where you are looking for it. "

perfectly put. Seriously OP this is sense.

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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago

wherever

so basically you want to order someone to send you pics and vids of them doing what you tell them? What does the other person get out of this?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"so basically you want to order someone to send you pics and vids of them doing what you tell them? What does the other person get out of this? "

I imagine it's the thrill factor.. not knowing when a request will happen..

I completely get this isn't everyone's bag..and I may even be wrong with suggesting it's a sub/dom relationship..I'm open to suggestions on what to call it...

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By *hunderstruckMan
over a year ago

Northampton

"If i never get to meet and physically play with my Dom then its a huge no. D/S is built on trust, by not meeting you the trust would never be happen . "

Why couldn’t it happen

There’s always Skype , cam and phone too .

You could have a relationship like this quite easily , but I’d like a more hands in role .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You make it sound like Jigsaw in the film Saw...do you want to play a game?

Unfortunately you need trust to build first and I doubt many will trust without meeting and building it up...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You make it sound like Jigsaw in the film Saw...do you want to play a game?

Unfortunately you need trust to build first and I doubt many will trust without meeting and building it up...

Well it is nearly Halloween haha but I do see your point...

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By *osmosgirlWoman
over a year ago

Wetherby

"Hi all

Hope your weekend has gotten off to a bang..

I've been looking for a while for an sub that doesn't seem to exist, but I'm thinking it may be because of how I describe it...

Anyone else have a similar fetish? Or an opinion on how best to describe the above?

All thoughts welcome

I have actually done this in the past. I was on the fetish site and this guy just started to chat to me.

We never exchanged face pics or spoke. It was entirely based on the written word.

Ah that's really interesting.. sounds exactly what I'm after...do you have any suggestions (I'm open to profile feedback etc) also it's nice to know that it's not just me

It was something that just evolved over time once a good connection had been built. I'm afraid I have no suggestions on how to make it happen except, if you find someone suitable, take things slowly and build up trust.

As for your profile, it needs much more content explaining your understanding of this type of D/s relationship. It currently reads like every other dom wannabe's profile. Sorry to be harsh.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As for your profile, it needs much more content explaining your understanding of this type of D/s relationship. It currently reads like every other dom wannabe's profile. Sorry to be harsh. "

Hi - not harsh - I get it...I'll rewrite a little later - appreciate your feedback a lot - thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ideal sub?

I used to like the crab stick one but now it's a meatball marinara on Italian bread

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

I reckon you'd be able to find someone like this if you pay them. Most fetish sites do have working people on them.

My ideal sub would do anything i want them to and enjoy it. I got that, lucky me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My ideal sub?

I used to like the crab stick one but now it's a meatball marinara on Italian bread"

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By *horehouseprincessWoman
over a year ago

small town near Munich

What you ask for wouldnt work for me and while it might work for someone else.. I doubt it.

Plus all the red flags in your profile? All the nope.

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

one that is water tight seems the best to us!!!!!! dont want damn thing leaking and drowning the poor sailors

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi all

Hope your weekend has gotten off to a bang..

I've been looking for a while for an sub that doesn't seem to exist, but I'm thinking it may be because of how I describe it...

Anyone else have a similar fetish? Or an opinion on how best to describe the above?

All thoughts welcome "

Thanks to everyone for feedback today..I've changed my profile to something that is honest and more explanatory of what I'm after- let's see and thanks again for everyone's input

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By *aiseaneyebrowMan
over a year ago

Fylde

As many have said. A Dom is not a Dom and cannot dominate without the desire and permission of their sub.

The unilateral submission comes from a total and complete belief that their Dom has their sub at the centre of it all. It’s a deeply intense and hugely initiate arrangement which takes time, trust and effort.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I've not read this. Has anyone mentioned 50 shades yet?

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By *aiseaneyebrowMan
over a year ago

Fylde

"I've not read this. Has anyone mentioned 50 shades yet? "

Oh yes. We have referred.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ideal sub.

italian bread, ham, chicken, lettuce, onion, tomatoes, peppers, mayo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all

Hope your weekend has gotten off to a bang..

I've been looking for a while for an sub that doesn't seem to exist, but I'm thinking it may be because of how I describe it...

Anyone else have a similar fetish? Or an opinion on how best to describe the above?

All thoughts welcome "

It's a role play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all

Hope your weekend has gotten off to a bang..

I've been looking for a while for an sub that doesn't seem to exist, but I'm thinking it may be because of how I describe it...

Anyone else have a similar fetish? Or an opinion on how best to describe the above?

All thoughts welcome

Thanks to everyone for feedback today..I've changed my profile to something that is honest and more explanatory of what I'm after- let's see and thanks again for everyone's input "

A much better profile and less demanding

I hope you help find someone for this kink

But try a Fet site too. You may have more luck

Mrs P

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