FabSwingers.com forum: Sex has got boring.... now what?!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Opinions from the guys on this one for a friend.... (yes really a friend!

)

In the beginning its shagging like rabbits, the lust factor ramping up the excitement, getting to know what turns the other on, experimenting with toys/dress up, outdoor fun etc.

Fast-forward a few years and the guy just stops bothering, sex now has no passionate makeouts with good foreplay before the actual fucking, the guy seems to have no feelings that turning on his SO is needed, so thinks just a quick 3 second rub of her groin region and the same to his is foreplay enough and sets about inserting P into V

The woman still trys to do all the things she knows the guy likes, dress up, surprise bj's, toy games but sometimes as it does life factors can mean no spontaneous sex on the living room floor... thats life, but she trys.

She loves to dress up to feel sexy but feels the guy just doesn't seem bothered in her pleasure...just his, never does anything she likes and doesn't seem remotely interested to try, so her dress up and bj's are becoming less and less... So Guys whats my friend to do, as said shes talked with him about effort and not being 1 sided before and still nothing has changed, is he bored of her and just isn't man enough to say so while he's getting what he needs and move on or could it be he's got comfortable and like many (women included) and doesn't feel the need to try anymore??

Oh to add, he's always got one eye on other women, gloats he loves sex and has a high SD... just not around her it seems.

Opinions please and no nasty retorts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need help but too much of anything in life ultimately sours you of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are kids involved? Is it just sex where he’s not pulling his weight or is he selfish in general? I’d say get rid without knowing all the details.

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

Maybe read the kanasutra or bring some variety like maybe she can give him a surprise threesome with yourself etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She needs to not make herself as available to him as she is now and almost make him a bit jealous and sit up and take notice.

She’s doing all the running e.g dressing up etc and he can have it when and if he wants.

Don’t know the details obviously but sounds like he doesn’t appreciate her so she should maybe go out a bit more (if that’s possible) without him, maybe Dress up a bit more when she goes out so she’s looking hot (if she doesn’t already) take in a new gym class for example. Basically start making effort for herself and elsewhere and not him. As soon as she’s heading out for a drink with friends looking hot or something like that he’ll soon start taking notice

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By *roticaCouple
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Totally agree with the above comment. Treat them mean...keep then keen!

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By *illing to please46Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

Send her round to me I had this with my ex wife she never wanted it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He’s got too comfortable with the status quo, he’s not putting in the effort but still getting all the good stuff.

If your friend wants the situation to change then she needs to change it.

Keep doing all the dressing up etc to get him interested, but then when it comes to the act deny him, and tell him why.

And start pointing out hot guys as well, if he can ogle why can’t she.

Basically show him he’s not indispensable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She needs to not make herself as available to him as she is now and almost make him a bit jealous and sit up and take notice.

She’s doing all the running e.g dressing up etc and he can have it when and if he wants.

This! It sounds like the thrill of the chase has definitely worn off and he's got complacent.

It's like when you threaten to give your child's toys to someone else who will play with them..suddenly they become their favourite toy again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex is overrated

I love kisses

I love cuddling

I love foreplay... If its mutual great.

Awesome build up to awesome whatever you want it's not always about a cock in a hole

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know you say one for the guys but it sounds like he is having an affair. She needs to communicate with him about she feels and then decide if she wants to stay in a relationship like that. Counseling may help. Either couples or individually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know you say one for the guys but it sounds like he is having an affair. She needs to communicate with him about she feels and then decide if she wants to stay in a relationship like that. Counseling may help. Either couples or individually."
now theirs another insight he's cheating oh my, he didn't say that though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Males can lose interest

Its not about him though

Ask him why he has become frigid

Maybe he lost his mojo

Maybe.... Never assume just ask him.

Communication is the key

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe read the kanasutra or bring some variety like maybe she can give him a surprise threesome with yourself etc. "

So in order for him to pay more attention to her during sex she needs to let him fuck another woman? Hmmmmm?

3somes or any type of swapping when in a couple should only be contemplated if the relationship is solid, it's not a bandage option or problem fixer

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I thought this myself! But not exactly the type of option to add the mix, as far as shes said thats not on her mind so didnt want to put the thought there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know you say one for the guys but it sounds like he is having an affair. She needs to communicate with him about she feels and then decide if she wants to stay in a relationship like that. Counseling may help. Either couples or individually."
I think counselling would help a lot of people here

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By *adlyDeeplyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

It’s difficult to know but I would suggest they a)talk more about their predicament and b) seek help.

Esther Perrell has a great Ted talk about desire in long term relationships.. really worth a watch and listen.. It put a lot of our adventures into a meaningful and structured context..

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