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Any advice on training to be a sub

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi all I need abit of help here. I'm curious as to be a sub where would I start x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go slow, build trust before you attempt to submit and get verified Dom’s.

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By *bi_AstrayTV/TS
over a year ago

Plymouth


"Hi all I need abit of help here. I'm curious as to be a sub where would I start x"

By doing what you're told...

Most Subs are actually the ones in control of the situation... The sub sets the conditions of the scenario that is being played out... So is the sub really the sub? You will only submit to the level of what you wish to submit to, if the dom goes beyond that threshold then it usually stops.

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin


"Go slow, build trust before you attempt to submit and get verified Dom’s. "

This... trust always comes first. You should get to know someone, you must from a trusting relationship/friendship in order to fully submit.

I will do a post about it on my blog at somepoint... link is in my profile if ur interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By doing as you're told! Or is that too obvious?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I think I need to talk to subs before I go any further

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I'd suggest going to munches (bdsm socials) and talking to people. Subs and Doms alike.

Go slow and don't do anything without trust first, if that gets broken at any time then move on.

The right Dom will instinctively go at your pace and just nudge a little more as you gain confidence.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I understand that it's doing as I'm told but I know there is more to it. I have got someone that I trust fully

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

First step would be spend some time reading, reading and then reading some more and getting an idea of what "you" think you want to get out of being a submissive and how you think you would enjoy experiencing it - for instance would you like pain and humiliation, mental stimulation or restraints - you could also do worse than complete an on-line BDSM questionnaire which will make you think about various aspects of BDSM play that you may not have considered.

Once you have an idea in your mind of what you think makes you submissive - get along to local munches (socials for the BDSM world) and talk to like minded and experienced people.

Don't just dive in with the first person that happens along calling themselves Dom unless you're absolutely sure they are the right match for you - there are a lot of players out there that think D/s is about rough sex and the sub blindly doing what they're told which couldn't be further from the truth.

Remember the mantra "safe, sane and consensual" at all times and be sure to put your own safety first - as a submissive you are the one in ultimate control not the dominant - sure you hand them control but you can take it away at any time you choose and if they are a decent person they will know and respect that

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

This might sound dull but how would I be in control if I'm the sub

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"This might sound dull but how would I be in control if I'm the sub"

Not dull at all - the only dull question is the one you don't ask

As a sub you have the power to give your submission and take it away THAT is how you have control - you should always have a safe word/signal that immediately brings a stop to any play you're not comfortable with and again that is how you have control ultimately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"First step would be spend some time reading, reading and then reading some more and getting an idea of what "you" think you want to get out of being a submissive and how you think you would enjoy experiencing it - for instance would you like pain and humiliation, mental stimulation or restraints - you could also do worse than complete an on-line BDSM questionnaire which will make you think about various aspects of BDSM play that you may not have considered.

Once you have an idea in your mind of what you think makes you submissive - get along to local munches (socials for the BDSM world) and talk to like minded and experienced people.

Don't just dive in with the first person that happens along calling themselves Dom unless you're absolutely sure they are the right match for you - there are a lot of players out there that think D/s is about rough sex and the sub blindly doing what they're told which couldn't be further from the truth.

Remember the mantra "safe, sane and consensual" at all times and be sure to put your own safety first - as a submissive you are the one in ultimate control not the dominant - sure you hand them control but you can take it away at any time you choose and if they are a decent person they will know and respect that "

This

There are so many different aspects to being a "sub" and you learn as you go along through play. For example I enjoy some pain and direction but I'm also a little bratty and prefer a caring dom/daddy dom over someone who enjoys humiliation for example.

There are some great books on the lifestyle that you can download from Amazon. Also do a search on the forums as this has been asked loads. There are blogs on the subjects too. I have been exploring my sub role for around 10 years and I've only just scratched the surface. Also make sure its definitely who you are and not who someone is suggesting you are.

What is it about the sub role that's made you want to explore further. Feel free to message me if you want to know anything, as I say my knowledge is limited by my own experiences.

Also please Google subdrop as it's a real thing and when it happened to me the first time it hit me hard

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay


"This might sound dull but how would I be in control if I'm the sub"

I had a FWB who was looking to explore her boundaries.

We discussed many scenarios by chatting so that I had an idea of what she wanted.

We set up a joint amazon account, I would put things on a wishlist. She would then edit the list. That gave her an element of control. She could also add things that she was shy to mention so that I knew she had an interest.

On meet days, as part of the play she had to select a certain number of toys/restraints and have them on a table.

Again this gave her an element of control.

Though obviously I may or may not have used them as she expected!

But she always had the ability to say slow down or stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd suggest going to munches (bdsm socials) and talking to people. Subs and Doms alike.

Go slow and don't do anything without trust first, if that gets broken at any time then move on.

The right Dom will instinctively go at your pace and just nudge a little more as you gain confidence."

Agree with this advice

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Plenty for me to think about and thank you all for yr advice

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Two recommended reads:

SM101

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism

Both available on Amazon and elsewhere

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"Two recommended reads:

SM101

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism

Both available on Amazon and elsewhere "

2nd that. Both worth a read.

There are a lot of good blogs out there too...

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London


"First step would be spend some time reading, reading and then reading some more and getting an idea of what "you" think you want to get out of being a submissive and how you think you would enjoy experiencing it - for instance would you like pain and humiliation, mental stimulation or restraints - you could also do worse than complete an on-line BDSM questionnaire which will make you think about various aspects of BDSM play that you may not have considered.

Once you have an idea in your mind of what you think makes you submissive - get along to local munches (socials for the BDSM world) and talk to like minded and experienced people.

Don't just dive in with the first person that happens along calling themselves Dom unless you're absolutely sure they are the right match for you - there are a lot of players out there that think D/s is about rough sex and the sub blindly doing what they're told which couldn't be further from the truth.

Remember the mantra "safe, sane and consensual" at all times and be sure to put your own safety first - as a submissive you are the one in ultimate control not the dominant - sure you hand them control but you can take it away at any time you choose and if they are a decent person they will know and respect that "

All this, yes!!! Read all you can.

Avoid anyone who wants to collar you straight away. And those whose toy collection consists soley of sex shop crap

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin


"First step would be spend some time reading, reading and then reading some more and getting an idea of what "you" think you want to get out of being a submissive and how you think you would enjoy experiencing it - for instance would you like pain and humiliation, mental stimulation or restraints - you could also do worse than complete an on-line BDSM questionnaire which will make you think about various aspects of BDSM play that you may not have considered.

Once you have an idea in your mind of what you think makes you submissive - get along to local munches (socials for the BDSM world) and talk to like minded and experienced people.

Don't just dive in with the first person that happens along calling themselves Dom unless you're absolutely sure they are the right match for you - there are a lot of players out there that think D/s is about rough sex and the sub blindly doing what they're told which couldn't be further from the truth.

Remember the mantra "safe, sane and consensual" at all times and be sure to put your own safety first - as a submissive you are the one in ultimate control not the dominant - sure you hand them control but you can take it away at any time you choose and if they are a decent person they will know and respect that

All this, yes!!! Read all you can.

Avoid anyone who wants to collar you straight away. And those whose toy collection consists soley of sex shop crap "

Yes this.

You need to figure out what it is you want from being a sub.... just like how most people are still trying to figure out what they actually want from the swinging scene.... it’s taken me 2-3 years to figure out what I want from swinging and now I’m am doing a similar slow discovery into sub/dom play... I know that I don’t want a 24/7 lifestyle. But I’m just exploring different aspects with my “partner” and trusted friends to figure out what I really enjoy, which bits I want to keep and which bits I don’t want to try again.

I agree with not buying cheap sex shop crap though... there is some rubbish out there. Choose your toys carefully and think outside the box

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth


"Hi all I need abit of help here. I'm curious as to be a sub where would I start x

By doing what you're told...

Most Subs are actually the ones in control of the situation... The sub sets the conditions of the scenario that is being played out... So is the sub really the sub? You will only submit to the level of what you wish to submit to, if the dom goes beyond that threshold then it usually stops. "

So true....something the "50 shades of shite" bandwagon brigade find hard to comprehend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t pick a dom for the sake of them being a dom. Make sure you trust the person fully before you do anything. BDSM is a lot of trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really agree with the idea of "training" to be a sub unless you are wanting something high protocol like gorean.

Every sub and dom are different and want different things so saying you are training is really only another way of saying you are getting to know each other.

I think most people start by "bottoming" which is allowing someone to do a specific thing to you for the purpose of trying it. Some people might find that is also they enjoy, maybe if they are a masochist but not a submissive.

I personally think I am submissive because that is my personality type. If someone tells me what to do my brain automatically tells me I WANT to do it. Some subs like the fight of having a strong man over power them because it makes them feel safe or like the man has proven himself worthy.

I would say as a sub you still retain a big element of control but you have moved on from the bottoming.

The next step from being a sub if thabks not enough, is to be a slave.

Again what you define yourself as is how you feel. There are things I do that some have referred to as me submitting but I have disagreed because I didn't have the mental submission/ trust and to me I was only bottoming.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't rush into anything take you time and gain as muck knowledge as you can. You also need to find out more about what it means to be a Dom. There are far too many guys on fab now saying they are Dom but don't actually know what a Dom is. It has nothing to do with a guy throwing orders about and you saying yes sir.....

Good luck x

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