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"This should be good... *grabs popcorn*" Otherwise known as the universal signifier for a front row fabicide  | |||
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"I think this should be true for everyone no? V x " Yes!! | |||
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"While you’re thinking “why should I meet them” all the ladies are thinking “I don’t give a fuck either way” they’re not gonna beat your door down mate if you don’t put yourself out there. " And equally I have no desire to meet anyone who doesn’t consider themselves my equal and thinks about what I may bring to the party. I hate this “women rule” bollocks. Largely brought about by the hoards of sad inadequate people who can’t think outside their pants. For them the concept of equality is lost. V x | |||
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"While you’re thinking “why should I meet them” all the ladies are thinking “I don’t give a fuck either way” they’re not gonna beat your door down mate if you don’t put yourself out there. And equally I have no desire to meet anyone who doesn’t consider themselves my equal and thinks about what I may bring to the party. I hate this “women rule” bollocks. Largely brought about by the hoards of sad inadequate people who can’t think outside their pants. For them the concept of equality is lost. V x " Wait a minute?  You didn't make these dating videos did you? I'm totally with you _irginie | |||
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"While you’re thinking “why should I meet them” all the ladies are thinking “I don’t give a fuck either way” they’re not gonna beat your door down mate if you don’t put yourself out there. And equally I have no desire to meet anyone who doesn’t consider themselves my equal and thinks about what I may bring to the party. I hate this “women rule” bollocks. Largely brought about by the hoards of sad inadequate people who can’t think outside their pants. For them the concept of equality is lost. V x " Refreshing....equality is sexy as women can admit to being as horny as men are....liberating, honesty is sexy x x | |||
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"This should be good... *grabs popcorn* Otherwise known as the universal signifier for a front row fabicide "Sorry I'll try be more constructive. You are a single guy looking for women and couples. You have a well written profile and tasteful pictures. The only thing you seem to be lacking is the right attitude. Don't ask why they should meet you or you should meet them, that's really the 2 opposite ends of the spectrum. Look instead at whether you both bring something to the table the other person wants. You say you like the build up, the sensual side of flirting and working your way up to the bedroom fun, so go with that. Browse profiles until you find someone that is saying something similar then send them a message that shows you have read their profile and that you are into the same thing and hope they respond. You could also go to your local club, go with 0 expectations other than to meet new people socially and you will be surprised. Too many single blokes expecting instant sex on here is what gives single men a bad rep, don't be a statistic. J | |||
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"I've just watched a few dating videos and, although I'm really not into this whole alpha male status play games bs, I've got to say the underlying point is bang on... and I've been going about this all wrong. I've been thinking "why should they meet me?" when I should have been thinking "why should I meet them?". A genuine eureka moment going on over here. I hope it's infectious as I'm sensing there are probably a few guys on here who also need this wake up call "While you’re doing that we will keep busy fucking the hell out of the hot filthy women on here who don’t give a fuck | |||
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This whole "these are the hoops you have to jump through to get to me" thing. That's just intended for the losers. You're actually yearning for someone worthwhile to ask you to jump through a few hoops of their own. Why not? Sex and passion is a thrilling and tantalising dance. It isn't something you earn by jumping through any amount of hoops. | |||
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"I thought he was talking about dating, not Fab stuff. Clarify, please, SK." I will once you clarify whether you're wearing a push up bra in your avatar or not
This applies to both. It's about guys being victims and selling themselves short... which is inherently unattractive to women | |||
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"I've just watched a few dating videos and, although I'm really not into this whole alpha male status play games bs, I've got to say the underlying point is bang on... and I've been going about this all wrong. I've been thinking "why should they meet me?" when I should have been thinking "why should I meet them?". A genuine eureka moment going on over here. I hope it's infectious as I'm sensing there are probably a few guys on here who also need this wake up call
While you’re doing that we will keep busy fucking the hell out of the hot filthy women on here who don’t give a fuck " Good for you guys. You won't find me being a snob about that. Go for it and have a blast  | |||
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"This should be good... *grabs popcorn* Otherwise known as the universal signifier for a front row fabicide
Sorry I'll try be more constructive.
You are a single guy looking for women and couples. You have a well written profile and tasteful pictures. The only thing you seem to be lacking is the right attitude.
Don't ask why they should meet you or you should meet them, that's really the 2 opposite ends of the spectrum. Look instead at whether you both bring something to the table the other person wants. You say you like the build up, the sensual side of flirting and working your way up to the bedroom fun, so go with that. Browse profiles until you find someone that is saying something similar then send them a message that shows you have read their profile and that you are into the same thing and hope they respond.
You could also go to your local club, go with 0 expectations other than to meet new people socially and you will be surprised. Too many single blokes expecting instant sex on here is what gives single men a bad rep, don't be a statistic.
J "Thanks for the advice guys I'm on a totally different buzz though. I'm quite happy with how things are going on here and the dating sites. This is more a personal eureka moment of someone awakening to the fact that they've been selling themselves short (in life in general) and shedding off the old skin | |||
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"I will once you clarify whether you're wearing a push up bra in your avatar or not "Weekend photo challenge, innit. | |||
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"I will once you clarify whether you're wearing a push up bra in your avatar or not
Weekend photo challenge, innit."Changed your mind then. | |||
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"Changed your mind then." Twice, evidently. | |||
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"Let's face it women. You don't want a charity case. A creepy guy who sneaks under your radar by using NLP tricks and stuff. You're just looking for a guy who is genuinely your equal. Someone who stretches you and meets you somewhere in an exciting middle. Right?!?
This whole "these are the hoops you have to jump through to get to me" thing. That's just intended for the losers. You're actually yearning for someone worthwhile to ask you to jump through a few hoops of their own. Why not? Sex and passion is a thrilling and tantalising dance. It isn't something you earn by jumping through any amount of hoops. "I don't want someone who is my equal. I want someone who will push me to be a better person, who is intellectual (I'm not), and who will make me want to get off my arse and live. | |||
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"I thought he was talking about dating, not Fab stuff. Clarify, please, SK." For me.... not an awful lot of difference. V x | |||
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"Don't you think sometimes you can just try too hard which results in you not being yourself?" Absolutely. I liked Sybarite's reply too. I'm far better off relaxing into a self confident state, something I can apply to every aspect of my life, and just be me. If I was a dull squib I'd need game in order to bluff it. But I'm not. I'm pretty cool just as I am | |||
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"I think this should be true for everyone no? V x " Agreed | |||
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"Don't you think sometimes you can just try too hard which results in you not being yourself? Absolutely. I liked Sybarite's reply too. I'm far better off relaxing into a self confident state, something I can apply to every aspect of my life, and just be me. If I was a dull squib I'd need game in order to bluff it. But I'm not. I'm pretty cool just as I am "You won’t feel that way when the LSD wears off mate, it’s just an illusion  | |||
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"I've just watched a few dating videos and, although I'm really not into this whole alpha male status play games bs, I've got to say the underlying point is bang on... and I've been going about this all wrong. I've been thinking "why should they meet me?" when I should have been thinking "why should I meet them?". A genuine eureka moment going on over here. I hope it's infectious as I'm sensing there are probably a few guys on here who also need this wake up call "you are right.... up to a point!!! the point being that i don't see why you should feel inferior to anyone, so if i want to meet someone i'll be the best me i can be, and if someone wanted to meet me i would expect expect them to give the same effort i would if it were the other way round.... i think thats where a lot of couples think they are superior to single men because there are a lot more men here | |||
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Early days... but it's going to be interesting to see what comes of it all | |||
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"Brilliant! I completely changed the wording on my dating profiles from passive to active and I'm now starting to get likes from a whole different league of women. Just had one send me a pretty hot message too Early days... but it's going to be interesting to see what comes of it all "Can you give an example of how you've changed the wording? Not sure what you mean. Glad you're happy. I like reading your posts about your dating experiences. | |||
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"While you’re thinking “why should I meet them” all the ladies are thinking “I don’t give a fuck either way” they’re not gonna beat your door down mate if you don’t put yourself out there. And equally I have no desire to meet anyone who doesn’t consider themselves my equal and thinks about what I may bring to the party. I hate this “women rule” bollocks. Largely brought about by the hoards of sad inadequate people who can’t think outside their pants. For them the concept of equality is lost. V x " | |||
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"Brilliant! I completely changed the wording on my dating profiles from passive to active and I'm now starting to get likes from a whole different league of women. Just had one send me a pretty hot message too Can you give an example of how you've changed the wording? Not sure what you mean." It was, “Anal: Passive,” But it’s now, “Anal: Active.” I’m pretty sure that’s what he means... | |||
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"I've just watched a few dating videos and, although I'm really not into this whole alpha male status play games bs, I've got to say the underlying point is bang on... and I've been going about this all wrong. I've been thinking "why should they meet me?" when I should have been thinking "why should I meet them?". A genuine eureka moment going on over here. I hope it's infectious as I'm sensing there are probably a few guys on here who also need this wake up call "We way prefer to meet guys who feel confident about themselves | |||
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"Brilliant! I completely changed the wording on my dating profiles from passive to active and I'm now starting to get likes from a whole different league of women. Just had one send me a pretty hot message too Can you give an example of how you've changed the wording? Not sure what you mean. It was, “Anal: Passive,” But it’s now, “Anal: Active.” I’m pretty sure that’s what he means..." More like whiny git to arrogant arse hole | |||
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"Brilliant! I completely changed the wording on my dating profiles from passive to active and I'm now starting to get likes from a whole different league of women. Just had one send me a pretty hot message too Early days... but it's going to be interesting to see what comes of it all
Can you give an example of how you've changed the wording? Not sure what you mean.
Glad you're happy. I like reading your posts about your dating experiences. "Thanks for your interest SteelHeels I enjoy posting them as I'm a total newbie to this so it's nice to share. Plus, I feel it relates to Fab as I'm not really interested in women who want sex without seduction. So, given that, I can't really see much difference.
The wording issue is complex. I'm not a guru so I have no idea if what I've done is going to work. But I do feel better about how I'm presenting myself. So that's the no brainer right there.
It's complex because it's all wrapped up in what you're trying to attract. On my previous profile I led with things like "I'm kind, romantic, thoughtful" etc. Now, I totally am those things. But I wouldn't say those things define me. Plus, what do they convey? It's all rather nice and cuddly. This is all very well if you're looking to attract someone who just wants to curl up in front of the tv with you. And don't get me wrong that's a perfectly legitimate relationship to want. But that's not what I'm primarily looking for. The centre piece to my ideal relationship is not curling up in front of the tv.
The crux is that I'm actually a very driven dynamic guy who is going places. And the best match for me is undoubtedly a similarly dynamic outgoing woman. Can you see the difference in that picture and the cuddles in front of the tv picture? That's what I've been doing wrong. I've been selling myself as a lovely cuddly teddy. When in fact I'm a lot more than just that... and I'm looking for a lot more than just that in a woman too.
The underlying point is that the whole "please take me. I'm a cuddly teddy" ploy is just another game guys play to try and sidle their way into a woman's knickers. It's just a pathetic weak boy game. And, as such, it is immediately overlooked by any woman with any degree of self worth. "You're a cuddly teddy? Ok. Cool. Now fuck off. I'm looking for a Man". So the move to more active language "I'm dynamic. I'm busy but will make time for you if you're special". That guy can still be the cuddly teddy right? But he's not a wet blanket and he's not playing games. He's someone you want to meet. Not because he's full of shit. But because he really is those things. Does that explain it? | |||
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) Besides... she might actually be a 7 or a 6 when it comes down to it And all those other cool guys hanging around her pretending to be 10s? Guess what... they're only 5s bluffing it.
I hate using numbers like that because it sounds so crass, like I'm weighing up the women I meet and comparing them with each other... I'm not. But it gets the basic point across simply | |||
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"OP i seriously recommend "models" by mark manson. I think you're eureka moment is only partially correct. Just test the first chapter of the book and you'll see why. " That looks like a very good recommendation. Thanks
My realisation is close. So good call | |||
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"Just to clarify. Just in case I haven't hammered it home so much that I've bent the hammer. In simplistic terms, a guy who is a 5 needs game play and tricks to try and enamour a woman who is an 8. He either lowers her down a few notches by putting her on the defensive. Or he fools her into thinking he's more cool than he is. It's this trickery and foolery that dating advice books and videos are full of. I've never liked them because I just can't see what possible good can come from tricking your way into a woman's knickers unless you're happy running away quickly afterwards before she sees you turn into a pumpkin. The realisation I got from watching those dating videos this morning doesn't have anything to do with that kind of game play. I just realised that to talk to an 8 I only need to go up and talk to her. Why? Because I'm an 8 (going on 9 ) Besides... she might actually be a 7 or a 6 when it comes down to it And all those other cool guys hanging around her pretending to be 10s? Guess what... they're only 5s bluffing it.
I hate using numbers like that because it sounds so crass, like I'm weighing up the women I meet and comparing them with each other... I'm not. But it gets the basic point across simply "You can't put numbers on people, like this. Your 5 may be my 8 and we may think more highly of someone who we admire for their character. | |||
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"You can't put numbers on people, like this." Tell that to the managers of sports teams. | |||
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"I think this should be true for everyone no? V x " Never a truer word spoken. | |||
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"I hate using numbers like that because it sounds so crass, like I'm weighing up the women I meet and comparing them with each other... I'm not. But it gets the basic point across simply. You can't put numbers on people, like this. Your 5 may be my 8 and we may think more highly of someone who we admire for their character." I'd hoped I'd made it clear I was only using numbering to convey the point. Nothing more. It's a given really that all these numbers are only in your own head. The idea is that you have a number for yourself and you look around at people and quickly figure out what number they are *in your eyes*. As I said, I don't really consciously do that myself. But I guess we probably all do it subconsciously and that's maybe the point. | |||
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"I hate using numbers like that because it sounds so crass, like I'm weighing up the women I meet and comparing them with each other... I'm not. But it gets the basic point across simply. You can't put numbers on people, like this. Your 5 may be my 8 and we may think more highly of someone who we admire for their character. I'd hoped I'd made it clear I was only using numbering to convey the point. Nothing more. It's a given really that all these numbers are only in your own head. The idea is that you have a number for yourself and you look around at people and quickly figure out what number they are *in your eyes*. As I said, I don't really consciously do that myself. But I guess we probably all do it subconsciously and that's maybe the point. " I don't see people as levels of hotness. I see differences that I find more attractive and can become more attracted after watching a listening for a while (a bit stalkerish on the tube). Occasionally I'm struck by someone who has that extra something; which is usually their gait and how they stand, along with grooming and hair. | |||
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"You can't put numbers on people, like this. Tell that to the managers of sports teams." That's just so women like me can tell who's who. | |||
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"That's just so women like me can tell who's who." Always with the labels. | |||
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"That's just so women like me can tell who's who. Always with the labels. "I'm labelling myself a dumbass | |||
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"I'm labelling myself a dumbass "And the sportsmen. What if the No. 8 doesn’t want to be a No. 8? What if he wants to be more than that? | |||
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"I don't see people as levels of hotness. I see differences that I find more attractive and can become more attracted after watching a listening for a while (a bit stalkerish on the tube). Occasionally I'm struck by someone who has that extra something; which is usually their gait and how they stand, along with grooming and hair. " The numbers. If they mean anything. It's not level of hotness. It's level of desirability i.e attraction. They aren't objective numberings. They're a way of describing what's going on in your subconscious. When you got on the tube the young guy reading the book on philosophy was an 8. Then, when he started picking his nose, he quickly fell to a 0 | |||
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"Brilliant! I completely changed the wording on my dating profiles from passive to active and I'm now starting to get likes from a whole different league of women. Just had one send me a pretty hot message too Early days... but it's going to be interesting to see what comes of it all
Can you give an example of how you've changed the wording? Not sure what you mean.
Glad you're happy. I like reading your posts about your dating experiences.
Thanks for your interest SteelHeels I enjoy posting them as I'm a total newbie to this so it's nice to share. Plus, I feel it relates to Fab as I'm not really interested in women who want sex without seduction. So, given that, I can't really see much difference.
The wording issue is complex. I'm not a guru so I have no idea if what I've done is going to work. But I do feel better about how I'm presenting myself. So that's the no brainer right there.
It's complex because it's all wrapped up in what you're trying to attract. On my previous profile I led with things like "I'm kind, romantic, thoughtful" etc. Now, I totally am those things. But I wouldn't say those things define me. Plus, what do they convey? It's all rather nice and cuddly. This is all very well if you're looking to attract someone who just wants to curl up in front of the tv with you. And don't get me wrong that's a perfectly legitimate relationship to want. But that's not what I'm primarily looking for. The centre piece to my ideal relationship is not curling up in front of the tv.
The crux is that I'm actually a very driven dynamic guy who is going places. And the best match for me is undoubtedly a similarly dynamic outgoing woman. Can you see the difference in that picture and the cuddles in front of the tv picture? That's what I've been doing wrong. I've been selling myself as a lovely cuddly teddy. When in fact I'm a lot more than just that... and I'm looking for a lot more than just that in a woman too.
The underlying point is that the whole "please take me. I'm a cuddly teddy" ploy is just another game guys play to try and sidle their way into a woman's knickers. It's just a pathetic weak boy game. And, as such, it is immediately overlooked by any woman with any degree of self worth. "You're a cuddly teddy? Ok. Cool. Now fuck off. I'm looking for a Man". So the move to more active language "I'm dynamic. I'm busy but will make time for you if you're special". That guy can still be the cuddly teddy right? But he's not a wet blanket and he's not playing games. He's someone you want to meet. Not because he's full of shit. But because he really is those things. Does that explain it? "Yes that explains it, thanks.
I think there's a fine line though. Between sounding confident or arrogant. Sounds good so far. | |||
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"I don't see people as levels of hotness. I see differences that I find more attractive and can become more attracted after watching a listening for a while (a bit stalkerish on the tube). Occasionally I'm struck by someone who has that extra something; which is usually their gait and how they stand, along with grooming and hair. The numbers. If they mean anything. It's not level of hotness. It's level of desirability i.e attraction. They aren't objective numberings. They're a way of describing what's going on in your subconscious. When you got on the tube the young guy reading the book on philosophy was an 8. Then, when he started picking his nose, he quickly fell to a 0 "I was just going to say this but you said it better. I don't see number ratings as facial/ physical hotness. For me it's an assessment on everything I know. The guy that patiently held the door open for the old lady is a 9. The woman on her phone ignoring her lonely kids is a 1. | |||
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"I don't see people as levels of hotness. I see differences that I find more attractive and can become more attracted after watching a listening for a while (a bit stalkerish on the tube). Occasionally I'm struck by someone who has that extra something; which is usually their gait and how they stand, along with grooming and hair. The numbers. If they mean anything. It's not level of hotness. It's level of desirability I was just going to say this but you said it better. I don't see number ratings as facial/ physical hotness. For me it's an assessment on everything I know. The guy that patiently held the door open for the old lady is a 9. The woman on her phone ignoring her lonely kids is a 1." Spot on! Just seen a single woman's profile - her profile picture was a 10, then I read that her perfect meet was one where the guy takes care of the meal, drinks hotel... and she takes care of her body - instant crash to a 1 | |||
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"Yes that explains it, thanks.
I think there's a fine line though. Between sounding confident or arrogant. Sounds good so far. " Definitely. Being super cocky might be ok if I was going for a woman who was quite up herself (a 10?). But that's not me, and sounds like too much like hard work. In fact I tend to think of women who are 9s and 10s as actually undesirable because there's a much higher chance they're actually a 3 when you get to know them. My highest criteria isn't looks. It's personality... and maybe spirituality (for a date that is). So it's quite important to me to dial down on the confidence a little bit. Just so I don't attract the wrong kind of woman.
The numbers thing is really complex and personal. It's about your view of how you relate to the people around you. The number isn't just about them. It's about you. You might need someone to be a 3 before you start flirting with them, their lowered level making you more comfortable with them. Or you might need them to be a 10... if you're so up yourself that nothing short of George Clooney will suffice. However, many people tend to reserve the very highest numbers for people who are unobtainable wowzers or narcissistic nightmares. It's complex | |||
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"I've just watched a few dating videos and, although I'm really not into this whole alpha male status play games bs, I've got to say the underlying point is bang on... and I've been going about this all wrong. I've been thinking "why should they meet me?" when I should have been thinking "why should I meet them?". A genuine eureka moment going on over here. I hope it's infectious as I'm sensing there are probably a few guys on here who also need this wake up call
you are right.... up to a point!!!
the point being that i don't see why you should feel inferior to anyone, so if i want to meet someone i'll be the best me i can be, and if someone wanted to meet me i would expect expect them to give the same effort i would if it were the other way round....
i think thats where a lot of couples think they are superior to single men because there are a lot more men here"Fabio, I always find your posts really well balanced and considered. As part of a couple I can appreciate that there might appear to be a sense of superiority coming from the couples population on Fab, but do they really think they are? I'm not convinced they do. They'll almost certainly be more relaxed as they should be 'getting plenty' within their relationship. They're typicially not on the hunt for sex because they're not getting any, which I suspect might be the case for many (not all) singles. And the volume of approaches from hopeful suitors means the only real desperation will be in finding somebody they like amongst the many they don't. But that's not necessarily superiority. Of course there will be couples who swan around like the big 'I am', so I'm not saying it doesn't happen. | |||
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"I think this should be true for everyone no? V x " This
x | |||
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"OP i seriously recommend "models" by mark manson. I think you're eureka moment is only partially correct. Just test the first chapter of the book and you'll see why. That looks like a very good recommendation. Thanks
My realisation is close. So good call "As a married man, i didn't read it for dating advice per se. It's message is more than the more you allow external validation to determine your own value, then the less attractive you make yourself. So that's more than just dating advice really. But it is a book about chasing tail. | |||
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"OP i seriously recommend "models" by mark manson. I think you're eureka moment is only partially correct. Just test the first chapter of the book and you'll see why. That looks like a very good recommendation. Thanks
My realisation is close. So good call
As a married man, i didn't read it for dating advice per se. It's message is more than the more you allow external validation to determine your own value, then the less attractive you make yourself. So that's more than just dating advice really. But it is a book about chasing tail. "Bingo! Yes I started reading it last night. Very interesting. In relation to my previous post you could say that whole thing of thinking in numbers, of approaching people with status anxieties about them, is the same as engaging with and trying to manipulate or trick external valuations. When you throw the whole number thing out of the window. That's like saying what Fabio said "you know what! I'm me. I'm great. I'm going to just be myself and talk to anyone in this room. Fuck numbers. This is my room". That's confidence | |||
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"When you throw the whole number thing out of the window. That's like saying what Fabio said "you know what! I'm me. I'm great. I'm going to just be myself and talk to anyone in this room. Fuck numbers. This is my room". That's confidence "Unless you are walking around carrying a stinky colostomy bag and a cardboard placard bemoaning the loss of a tin of sardines to the Queen. In that case you're mad | |||
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"OP i seriously recommend "models" by mark manson. I think you're eureka moment is only partially correct. Just test the first chapter of the book and you'll see why. That looks like a very good recommendation. Thanks
My realisation is close. So good call
As a married man, i didn't read it for dating advice per se. It's message is more than the more you allow external validation to determine your own value, then the less attractive you make yourself. So that's more than just dating advice really. But it is a book about chasing tail.
Bingo! Yes I started reading it last night. Very interesting. In relation to my previous post you could say that whole thing of thinking in numbers, of approaching people with status anxieties about them, is the same as engaging with and trying to manipulate or trick external valuations. When you throw the whole number thing out of the window. That's like saying what Fabio said "you know what! I'm me. I'm great. I'm going to just be myself and talk to anyone in this room. Fuck numbers. This is my room". That's confidence "Well the book goes into the benefits of polarisation. Some people are going to dislike you no matter what, so filter them out early, don't take it personally and then present yourself well to the remainders. | |||
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"I really do hate the numbers thing though. Because it's also about how others judge you. You think "argh. If only that gorgeous 8 wasn't surrounded by guys who look like 10s and she realised she should be with me, this 6 sitting in the corner". Then the guys see you dithering and clock you as a 3. She sees you, initially thinks you're maybe a 6 like her and wishes she could get away from these 3s all around her. Then sees you dither and look awkward and thinks you're just a 3 like the rest of them. When all along you were actually an 8, she was a 7, and the guys around her were 5s. If you stop to think about it too much your head hurts and you start seeing the world through a really judgemental and paranoid lens. If my epiphany yesterday was anything it was that there are a whole crowd of guys out there locked in this lowest common denominator numbers game and I don't need to stoop to that. I'm quite happy being an 8 and sauntering into the middle of their games and utterly ignoring them and being real instead. Phew! Thank goodness. I hate that crap "Ha brilliant, I love that! It's very true. | |||
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"OP i seriously recommend "models" by mark manson. I think you're eureka moment is only partially correct. Just test the first chapter of the book and you'll see why. That looks like a very good recommendation. Thanks
My realisation is close. So good call
As a married man, i didn't read it for dating advice per se. It's message is more than the more you allow external validation to determine your own value, then the less attractive you make yourself. So that's more than just dating advice really. But it is a book about chasing tail.
Bingo! Yes I started reading it last night. Very interesting. In relation to my previous post you could say that whole thing of thinking in numbers, of approaching people with status anxieties about them, is the same as engaging with and trying to manipulate or trick external valuations. When you throw the whole number thing out of the window. That's like saying what Fabio said "you know what! I'm me. I'm great. I'm going to just be myself and talk to anyone in this room. Fuck numbers. This is my room". That's confidence
Well the book goes into the benefits of polarisation. Some people are going to dislike you no matter what, so filter them out early, don't take it personally and then present yourself well to the remainders. "I like the sound of this book. Good tip, I'll look it up. | |||
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"Well the book goes into the benefits of polarisation. Some people are going to dislike you no matter what, so filter them out early, don't take it personally and then present yourself well to the remainders. " Yes. That's why I like the analogy of getting rid of the whole number system in your head. Just quit judging status already!!  Instead it's just a series of critical questions... do I like the look of you? do I like how you're acting? are we compatible? And you just apply that to anyone and if they don't meet your standards move on. Easier said than done when you're talking about assessing people you previously thought were way out of your league in your old paranoid value seeking number head | |||
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"Well the book goes into the benefits of polarisation. Some people are going to dislike you no matter what, so filter them out early, don't take it personally and then present yourself well to the remainders. Yes. That's why I like the analogy of getting rid of the whole number system in your head. Just quit judging status already!! Instead it's just a series of critical questions... do I like the look of you? do I like how you're acting? are we compatible? And you just apply that to anyone and if they don't meet your standards move on. Easier said than done when you're talking about assessing people you previously thought were way out of your league in your old paranoid value seeking number head "Well I'm a fan of numbers, sorry. But scientific research suggests that they are far more objective for women, than men. It's not that women have totally different criteria, just that they have totally different weighting on the criteria. The impact for you is the same anyway, you won't know their weightings until you approach them. | |||
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"Well the book goes into the benefits of polarisation. Some people are going to dislike you no matter what, so filter them out early, don't take it personally and then present yourself well to the remainders. Yes. That's why I like the analogy of getting rid of the whole number system in your head. Just quit judging status already!! Instead it's just a series of critical questions... do I like the look of you? do I like how you're acting? are we compatible? And you just apply that to anyone and if they don't meet your standards move on. Easier said than done when you're talking about assessing people you previously thought were way out of your league in your old paranoid value seeking number head
Well I'm a fan of numbers, sorry. But scientific research suggests that they are far more objective for women, than men. It's not that women have totally different criteria, just that they have totally different weighting on the criteria.
The impact for you is the same anyway, you won't know their weightings until you approach them. "Good point and well made. I'm enjoying your brilliance, albeit somewhat broken | |||
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"Well the book goes into the benefits of polarisation. Some people are going to dislike you no matter what, so filter them out early, don't take it personally and then present yourself well to the remainders. Yes. That's why I like the analogy of getting rid of the whole number system in your head. Just quit judging status already!! Instead it's just a series of critical questions... do I like the look of you? do I like how you're acting? are we compatible? And you just apply that to anyone and if they don't meet your standards move on. Easier said than done when you're talking about assessing people you previously thought were way out of your league in your old paranoid value seeking number head
Well I'm a fan of numbers, sorry. But scientific research suggests that they are far more objective for women, than men. It's not that women have totally different criteria, just that they have totally different weighting on the criteria.
The impact for you is the same anyway, you won't know their weightings until you approach them.
Good point and well made. I'm enjoying your brilliance, albeit somewhat broken "Delightful. My former vessels were lovers of many women. | |||
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