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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh I’m really sorry to hear that Eva & Shah; but I know the feeling. It puts you right off.
One of the problems I’ve found is that when I go to a new unfamiliar swinging place one feels very vulnerable and initially uncomfortable. It’s surprising that I’ve experienced this feeling more often when I was with my FWB, perhaps I was doubly sensitive about how she was feeling. Perhaps alone, it bothers me less.
That’s why I contacted FlirtySquirty one of the party organisers the day before and said I was planning to come; and if she had time, to come and say hi!
It wasn’t necessary when I went; by the time (and it was only shortly after I arrived) Flirty found me at the bar, I’d found my feet and started to enjoy myself but it was still a boost to feeling welcome and included when someone seeks you out to say ‘hi’.
It was my FWB who actually challenged this feeling in me: I remember one of the first clubs we went together, we had just arrived and got a drink and were sitting in the corner feeling uncomfortable. I was saying that it feels a bit cliquey but she looked around and said ‘No, I think it’s just because others are either just as shy as us or they know the place. Start smiling at me. Keep smiling’
After a few minutes of inanely smiling at each other until we burst out laughing, it was time for another drink. As soon as I got up to the bar, someone came over and got chatting.
They were new to the club too, as we discovered were many of the people there that night. There were actually less regulars in that night and when we got chatting to them they were very welcoming. They’d seen us sitting in the corner but felt we were just being private and aloof.
Lol!
Now of course, I tend to overcompensate; I went to the Vanilla Alternative for the first time this week (although it’s actually my closest club) I swanned in; got chatting to the lady behind the bar, ‘Yes, I’m a newbie; could you tell me where everything is? Is there a couples only area? Etc. Etc.’ Yes, I made her laugh but perhaps the second time was trying to hard!
I found myself again thinking, actually this place is a bit cliquey and I’m a lesser mortal by being a single guy and some couples were keeping exclusively to the couple area. Then I thought ‘well, they can’t be much fun; swapping trophy partners rather than mixing with the rest.’
But then I got chatting to some people, properly relaxed and also understood that some of the guys were being a bit pushy and hovering and actually, well I can see why. If anyone likes the look of me come and say hello; if not, their loss.
Again it’s the semblance of confidence and ‘just keep smiling’. Sure enough a number of people did approach with a little time and once chatting, I found them welcoming and open minded.
I’d urge you to try Eureka again; but this time tell everyone you can that you’re going (particularly the party organiser or just someone on here). I bet it’ll feel different. Some people compensate by being a little brash; and it can come across wrong.
After all swinging for me is all about inclusion and sharing and being open minded: Cliques if they exist are at best selfish. It isn’t your club!
Hope this helps and gives encouragement.
Cxx
Wow what a sane and rational reply. Can I have some of your rational thinking for my brain pls?!
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