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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If you like a man please message or wink at him. *Express your interest* Don't wait for him to say hi. As, to paraphrase Single_and_genuine_guy's excellent post on another thread...

"A lot of guys give up writing anything more than a one liner because they put a lot of effort into messages in the past only for some, if not most, to languish unread or just get deleted. So a lot of guys have lost heart in it.

That's why it's best to go searching and contact those of interest to you as it's more likely you will get a response as we don't get flooded out with messages like couples and single women do."

Such a great comment! I felt it needed emphasising in a thread of its own. Cheers dude

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An inspired piece of writing

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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago

wherever

Ah don’t most?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think they already do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always message if i like the look of someone..

Perhaps no one fancies you op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always message if i like the look of someone..

Perhaps no one fancies you op "

That’s a wrap!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

bit patronising...plenty of women message men first.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Thanks for the advice but I think you'll find fab women are quite happy to contact a guy if he takes her fancy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always message if i like the look of someone..

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah i agree not wanting to annoy anyone here but it seems to be all one sided on here ure ryt guys have lost heart on the site cause we do make an effort for it to get blanked deleted or ignored i do understand alot of woman get that much mail its just not practical to message everyone back so its abit of a catch 22 plus idiots dont make it easy either i do agree with this thread but it wont change the way it all works lol happy fabbin peeps

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By *traightguy101Man
over a year ago

Darlington

Do you message every woman you see, or only the ones you like.

Women are no different.

Be proactive, improve your profile, chat on the forums. Let people know you can talk. Crying about it isn't going to get you any pity.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Would Fab be improved if it worked like Bumble? i.e Men can't message first. They need a couple or woman to express an interest first. And then they can reply.

Sounds like that could be a major improvement on the sites functionality. For one it would stop the ludicrous situation where women have so much mail that sending them a decent message is like tossing a needle into a haystack

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By *hitevanMan
over a year ago

sheffield ( S17 )

Just what is the male to female ratio on fab

Must be 50 : 1

Must be totally demoralising for a woman trying to pick herself someone out when on day two she opens her inbox and there’s 500 messages in it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just what is the male to female ratio on fab

Must be 50 : 1

Must be totally demoralising for a woman trying to pick herself someone out when on day two she opens her inbox and there’s 500 messages in it"

8543 to 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would Fab be improved if it worked like Bumble? i.e Men can't message first. They need a couple or woman to express an interest first. And then they can reply.

Sounds like that could be a major improvement on the sites functionality. For one it would stop the ludicrous situation where women have so much mail that sending them a decent message is like tossing a needle into a haystack "

Or you could just try Bumble

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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago

Over the roundabout and then turn right.


"Would Fab be improved if it worked like Bumble? i.e Men can't message first. They need a couple or woman to express an interest first. And then they can reply.

Sounds like that could be a major improvement on the sites functionality. For one it would stop the ludicrous situation where women have so much mail that sending them a decent message is like tossing a needle into a haystack "

That's already available on Fab. People who block single guys can still message them first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would Fab be improved if it worked like Bumble? i.e Men can't message first. They need a couple or woman to express an interest first. And then they can reply.

Sounds like that could be a major improvement on the sites functionality. For one it would stop the ludicrous situation where women have so much mail that sending them a decent message is like tossing a needle into a haystack "

most women are not recieving the 'hundreds' of messages that are being mentioned all the time...so this constant moan that all these 'decent' messages are being missed all the time is not very realistic at all. Women are on here to meet..they are not deleting swathes of messages every day without looking at them,that would kind of defeat the purpose of being on here.

the vast majojrity, at least 75% of messages i receive are from people who havent bothered to read a profile...nothing to do with them not writing an enticing message. The message is pretty irrelevant if they dont bother to send them to someone who might be a match.

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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago

North Devon-ish

Blimey A Fab Expert after only 8 weeks.

Are you singing for all the Guys on here or only the ones that fire off the clearly cut and pasted one liners

Usually the "Hi How's you" ?

If we get a interesting message it always gets answered in one way or the other.

Might not get answered within the first five minutes, but does certainly within a day or two.

Like a lot of couples on here, we also browse and if someone takes my eye and they are not a 100's miles away or not living "somewhere near you" or in La La Land, I am more than happy to send a message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Blimey A Fab Expert after only 8 weeks.

Are you singing for all the Guys on here or only the ones that fire off the clearly cut and pasted one liners

Usually the "Hi How's you" ?

If we get a interesting message it always gets answered in one way or the other.

Might not get answered within the first five minutes, but does certainly within a day or two.

Like a lot of couples on here, we also browse and if someone takes my eye and they are not a 100's miles away or not living "somewhere near you" or in La La Land, I am more than happy to send a message.

"

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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago

North Devon-ish

Well said


"Would Fab be improved if it worked like Bumble? i.e Men can't message first. They need a couple or woman to express an interest first. And then they can reply.

Sounds like that could be a major improvement on the sites functionality. For one it would stop the ludicrous situation where women have so much mail that sending them a decent message is like tossing a needle into a haystack

most women are not recieving the 'hundreds' of messages that are being mentioned all the time...so this constant moan that all these 'decent' messages are being missed all the time is not very realistic at all. Women are on here to meet..they are not deleting swathes of messages every day without looking at them,that would kind of defeat the purpose of being on here.

the vast majojrity, at least 75% of messages i receive are from people who havent bothered to read a profile...nothing to do with them not writing an enticing message. The message is pretty irrelevant if they dont bother to send them to someone who might be a match.

"

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"Would Fab be improved if it worked like Bumble? i.e Men can't message first. They need a couple or woman to express an interest first. And then they can reply.

Sounds like that could be a major improvement on the sites functionality. For one it would stop the ludicrous situation where women have so much mail that sending them a decent message is like tossing a needle into a haystack

most women are not recieving the 'hundreds' of messages that are being mentioned all the time...so this constant moan that all these 'decent' messages are being missed all the time is not very realistic at all. Women are on here to meet..they are not deleting swathes of messages every day without looking at them,that would kind of defeat the purpose of being on here.

the vast majojrity, at least 75% of messages i receive are from people who havent bothered to read a profile...nothing to do with them not writing an enticing message. The message is pretty irrelevant if they dont bother to send them to someone who might be a match.

"

Absolutely! I don't get hundreds of messages because I've used the filters that fab allow to only get messages from guys who fit my preferences!

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"Absolutely! I don't get hundreds of messages because I've used the filters that fab allow to only get messages from guys who fit my preferences!

"

There’s an ugly filter?

I knew something would get me in the end

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"Absolutely! I don't get hundreds of messages because I've used the filters that fab allow to only get messages from guys who fit my preferences!

There’s an ugly filter?

I knew something would get me in the end "

Dammit I haven't found that one

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By *eardsandboobsCouple
over a year ago

north of lincoln


"Absolutely! I don't get hundreds of messages because I've used the filters that fab allow to only get messages from guys who fit my preferences!

There’s an ugly filter?

I knew something would get me in the end "

It’s a shame there’s not a “your not my type and you would know that if you read my profile “ filter

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" "

And you win the award for the most upbeat thing said on this thread so far Next time I'll try and remember to start a thread on something that people don't agree is a good bit of advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

?? do men think us women are so fragile and weak that we can't message ?? the difference is i'll message a guy if im ''interested'' a guy (not all) will cut n paste a message to 100s with out even looking at a profile

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"?? do men think us women are so fragile and weak that we can't message ?? the difference is i'll message a guy if im ''interested'' a guy (not all) will cut n paste a message to 100s with out even looking at a profile"

Some Neanderthals only dream of cut and pasting.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'll be honest OP and say that whilst I can see your thread was well intentioned it was also a little patronising in that it assumed the good ladies of Fab don't do this already, or weren't capable of coming to that conclusion themselves.

To take the quote you were championing though and try and look at it from another perspective:

"A lot of guys give up writing anything more than a one liner because they put a lot of effort into messages in the past only for some, if not most, to languish unread or just get deleted. So a lot of guys have lost heart in it.

That's why it's best to go searching and contact those of interest to you as it's more likely you will get a response as we don't get flooded out with messages like couples and single women do."

Those that give up, or lose heart obviously don't truly "get" the site and how it works - far too many sign up expecting, as it's a "sex site", that they'll instantly get all the sex they want and more, without realising that's not the case in fact far from it. All the usual rules of attraction and connection still apply the same as they would in the dating world, just because it's a "sex site" doesn't mean those things go out the window.

I've sent no more than a handful of unsolicited messages and only ever had one that didn't generate a reply of some sort, and I'm far from easy on the eye, or sought after. How do I manage that? By being respectful, having expectations correctly set and not diving straight in with sex chat, or wanting to meet straight away.

And I'm not alone, there are lots of guys on here who just go about their Fab business quietly and without fuss who have a perfectly good time without having to wait for women to message them or any of what has been suggested here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll be honest OP and say that whilst I can see your thread was well intentioned it was also a little patronising in that it assumed the good ladies of Fab don't do this already, or weren't capable of coming to that conclusion themselves.

To take the quote you were championing though and try and look at it from another perspective:

"A lot of guys give up writing anything more than a one liner because they put a lot of effort into messages in the past only for some, if not most, to languish unread or just get deleted. So a lot of guys have lost heart in it.

That's why it's best to go searching and contact those of interest to you as it's more likely you will get a response as we don't get flooded out with messages like couples and single women do."

Those that give up, or lose heart obviously don't truly "get" the site and how it works - far too many sign up expecting, as it's a "sex site", that they'll instantly get all the sex they want and more, without realising that's not the case in fact far from it. All the usual rules of attraction and connection still apply the same as they would in the dating world, just because it's a "sex site" doesn't mean those things go out the window.

I've sent no more than a handful of unsolicited messages and only ever had one that didn't generate a reply of some sort, and I'm far from easy on the eye, or sought after. How do I manage that? By being respectful, having expectations correctly set and not diving straight in with sex chat, or wanting to meet straight away.

And I'm not alone, there are lots of guys on here who just go about their Fab business quietly and without fuss who have a perfectly good time without having to wait for women to message them or any of what has been suggested here "

Perfectly put.

If a woman is interested then they will message you or show some intentions in the forums, to open the door for you to message them.

It’s about trying to stand out on here and then being able to converse properly when given the chance.

If you aren’t getting chances or opportunities then generate them yourself. Don’t be moaning about women not knocking on your door....go and there and do the knocking yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'll be honest OP and say that whilst I can see your thread was well intentioned it was also a little patronising..."

Thanks for taking the time to write that thoughtful response Gemini. This wasn't intended to be a moany thread. I'm more than happy with the interaction I'm getting on here... primarily because I've got more than enough excitement on other sites. I just want other users to know that many of us guys don't message... we wait to be contacted in some way. This thread confirms that.

People who respond on the forums tend to think they account for all of Fab. They forget there is a sizeable contingent who might be flicking by or just read it for advice. I've been on Fab, off and on, for about 4 years... so I'm more than happy to post the odd bit of advice I think might be pertinent to other users. I do that, in all honesty, from a positive point of view... I think it's good advice and that's all... without any thought for being patronising. I obviously expect those who already take that advice not to bother replying to the thread other than perhaps to give it a thumbs up. I'm not talking about them. Obviously I'm not.

This is the second time I've done one of these simple "hey here's some good advice" threads. And the second time I've been accused of being patronising by doing it. I suppose that a single man offering advice on here is a bit like a turd trying to tell the toilet to flush. Sorry. I'll know my place in future

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

No apology necessary at all - as I started my post by saying, I can see your advice was well intentioned just think it was a little misplaced and a touch patronising - we're all however entitled to our views and opinions and that's what makes forums go round

I don't however come at this from the perspective of the forums being representative of the whole of Fab, far from it, they're but a tiny microcosm of the site - but what I said applies equally to forumites and all other users.

The way to making the most out of Fab IS by being respectful, courteous, considerate, having a decent profile and pictures and correctly set expectations and a few other things besides, along with being both proactive and reactive in a reasonable manner. And that applies equally across all categories of user to a greater or lesser extent.

Invariably when someone moans about their lack of success on the site it's because they have failed in one or more of the above factors and often all of them.

Sitting back and waiting for things to happen, especially for single guys, is NOT the answer 95% of the time - it'll invariably lead to further disappointment and frustration, whereas presenting yourself the best you possibly can whilst being proactive but having low expectations can lead to a much better experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for the advice but I think you'll find fab women are quite happy to contact a guy if he takes her fancy! "

Are you sure we're not known to be shy and retiring?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The way to making the most out of Fab IS by being respectful, courteous, considerate, having a decent profile and pictures and correctly set expectations and a few other things besides, along with being both proactive and reactive in a reasonable manner. And that applies equally across all categories of user to a greater or lesser extent."

Another excellent post Gemini This should be included in a message to everyone who joins. Great summation. I would start a new thread pointing people at it but I'd probably be crucified haha

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"Would Fab be improved if it worked like Bumble? i.e Men can't message first. They need a couple or woman to express an interest first. And then they can reply.

Sounds like that could be a major improvement on the sites functionality. For one it would stop the ludicrous situation where women have so much mail that sending them a decent message is like tossing a needle into a haystack

most women are not recieving the 'hundreds' of messages that are being mentioned all the time...so this constant moan that all these 'decent' messages are being missed all the time is not very realistic at all. Women are on here to meet..they are not deleting swathes of messages every day without looking at them,that would kind of defeat the purpose of being on here.

the vast majojrity, at least 75% of messages i receive are from people who havent bothered to read a profile...nothing to do with them not writing an enticing message. The message is pretty irrelevant if they dont bother to send them to someone who might be a match.

"

Well said!!

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"Thanks for the advice but I think you'll find fab women are quite happy to contact a guy if he takes her fancy!

Are you sure we're not known to be shy and retiring?! "

Oh sorry UP I of course should of said *most* fab women. My bad

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sitting back and waiting for things to happen, especially for single guys, is NOT the answer 95% of the time - it'll invariably lead to further disappointment and frustration, whereas presenting yourself the best you possibly can whilst being proactive but having low expectations can lead to a much better experience "

This is actually a really good bit of advice for me to take from this thread. I currently approach Fab in just the way you describe. But I had been toying with giving up on messaging anyone as the only success I've ever had on here was from people who winked or messaged me first. Good to know I'm doing things right. I just need to lower my expectations from "extremely low" to "non-existent" Cheers dude

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