FabSwingers.com forum: Married but doesn't know I'm swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is a controversial topic so please be open, honest and courteous to all the contributors!

Quite a few people seem to be married or in a relationship and swing 'on the side' without their partner's knowledge.

It's easy to be quick to judge and it happens a lot on Fab. For some it's a black and white issue while others see shades of grey.

But what are the stories behind why men and women do this? Let's all try to understand and be slow to judge.

Over to you ... everyone is welcome on this thread but please be respectful and courteous.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

guess thats the beauty of swinging and FAB there is something for everyone, too many people judge folks too easily, for us we dont judge but have our rules which we play by

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are on here as a couple but both married to others who have no idea about us .. and yes we get judged and have been told we are seedy because we meet in hotels , and that we are untrustworthy because we lie to our partners etc but on here we are open and honest about our situation ... our reason for being together is simple we don’t get sex at home ..and we are d/s and have each our certain needs to satisfy , our reason for being on fab is that we are horny and kinky and I ( mrs ) wanted to explore bi play and couples

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's upto the individuals..and the consequences it may bring if found out by their partner it's the choice they make..we meet partnered people as we say on our profile ,just saves folks lying and then we all know where we stand

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We are on here as a couple but both married to others who have no idea about us .. and yes we get judged and have been told we are seedy because we meet in hotels , and that we are untrustworthy because we lie to our partners etc but on here we are open and honest about our situation ... our reason for being together is simple we don’t get sex at home ..and we are d/s and have each our certain needs to satisfy , our reason for being on fab is that we are horny and kinky and I ( mrs ) wanted to explore bi play and couples

Thanks for sharing! I know how difficult living in a sexless relationship can be. Been there (now divorced).

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met married women before and I'd meet them again. For me it's very kinky. Somewhat akin to cuckolding and hotwifing, although obviously quite different too. It's definitely very naughty... and let's face it naughty is hot.

I wouldn't cheat. But I don't tend to judge others who do, as sometimes it's all for the best

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexless relationship, but the rest of the relationship is good, so I look elsewhere for excitement

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Ok, here goes.

I’m in a sexless marriage. My wife does know I occasionally sleep with other women but doesn’t want to know the details and certainly doesn’t want to take part in any way. It’s something I do on my own. I am on here as a single male as that is how I meet.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

We have met plenty of married and attached guys and women . Although we are happily married to each other , we have no problem with those who are cheating by meeting us . The fact is that it really is nsa when you meet us so no drama

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m married. By husband doesn’t know I’m on here. Things are not great in the relationship, haven’t been for a whiles but we have children. And while everybody says ‘you shouldn’t stay for the kids’, it’s not always easy to walk away when you have them.

People are very quick to judge when they see somebody on here without their partners consent, but it’s never black and white. Everybody has a reason, or a story. I never thought I would be the wife that cheated, but here I am.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry but no excuses for being in here and cheating behind someone else s back

Swinging I thought was fun for couples in it together;

Swinging is not about cheating

Not getting enough at home lol leave and get someone else

No one deserves to be cheated on

Just my opinion but I can have my opinion can’t I??

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

"Ok, here goes.

Nice profile .... I perved

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

"I’m married. By husband doesn’t know I’m on here. Things are not great in the relationship, haven’t been for a whiles but we have children. And while everybody says ‘you shouldn’t stay for the kids’, it’s not always easy to walk away when you have them.

There is a counter argument that you should stay for the children. I did just over ten years back and glad I did. Mine are all grown now but my marriage is over.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *NACONDA1000Man
over a year ago

buncrana

What is "d/s"?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *traightguy101Man
over a year ago

Darlington

Back in towards the backend of my relationship, I explored the idea of finding a fix. I didn't want to go behind my former partners back. But the temptation to do something for myself instead of feeding the monster that the relationship had become was pretty high.

I even broached the topic with the former and even showed her the site, thinking that it could be something to explore together.

In the end she was getting her rocks off with someone else months before I created the account which was one of the reasons why the relationship was in the gutter.

In hindsight two wrongs rarely make a right.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *huckzMan
over a year ago

spalding

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

"
.... none of your business... I would say

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

It doesn't have to.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

It’s up to the individual what they do.

It’s not for us to judge as we don’t know the circumstances.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"It’s up to the individual what they do.

It’s not for us to judge as we don’t know the circumstances.

Put, but of a devils advocate post, but is it OK for the individual to do what they do, when doing what they do deceives someone else as to the whole basis of their life.

I. E., that they are in a monogamous relationship when they aren't.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say

Thanks for the support. This is why I don’t put it on my profile. If people ask I tell them.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is "d/s"?"

It means dom/sub

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think we ever really know what goes on in someone else’s relationship, and so if not judge. However, I do expect someone to disclose that information so I can make an informed choice about meeting them.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry but no excuses for being in here and cheating behind someone else s back

Swinging I thought was fun for couples in it together;

Swinging is not about cheating

Not getting enough at home lol leave and get someone else

No one deserves to be cheated on

Just my opinion but I can have my opinion can’t I?? "

Just throwing this in there, but I imagine it’s sometimes very difficult to just up and leave a marriage or partnership. Especially if there are children involved.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t think we ever really know what goes on in someone else’s relationship, and so if not judge. However, I do expect someone to disclose that information so I can make an informed choice about meeting them. "

That’s meant to say I’d not judge.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rHornyGentMan
over a year ago

South East London

Married bi guy here and in a pretty sexless marriage. Everything else is great and yes we have kids. She doesn’t want to know about my bi activities and we have an understanding that I can explore that so long as I don’t bring any unwanted presents back home.

Hence I’m careful with where, who and how I play with others.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet... "

It’s strange but I find the opposite to be true. The anonymity here means it’s easy to express true thoughts.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I receive quite a bit of flack for being open to meeting married or attached men. At the end of the day we all have our reasons for being here, some will be acceptable to others and some won’t. I’ve never met a man who puts his partner down to me, although I receive quite a few messages like that.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

It’s strange but I find the opposite to be true. The anonymity here means it’s easy to express true thoughts. "

Obviously that's true for some people, but from experience I reckon a clear majority of alleged single guys have some sort of unknowing partner. Very few mention it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it the other way around. People are more willing to be completely honest with a stranger. There’s nothing to lose.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I don't judge judging would mean I care why others cheat,I don't care I just don't entertain them.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inful xWoman
over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

It’s strange but I find the opposite to be true. The anonymity here means it’s easy to express true thoughts. "

I agree

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry but no excuses for being in here and cheating behind someone else s back

Swinging I thought was fun for couples in it together;

Swinging is not about cheating

Not getting enough at home lol leave and get someone else

No one deserves to be cheated on

Just my opinion but I can have my opinion can’t I?? "

Yes, of course you can gave an opinion! This thread is really for people to tell their story without being judged though. I think we need to respect that people are here for different reasons.

There's always someone ready to judge all of us in all aspects of our lives without hearing us out aren't there? I'm sure there are non-swinging people ready to judge you too. But I'd defend your right to be you without being judged.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

I find it the other way around. People are more willing to be completely honest with a stranger. There’s nothing to lose. "

But being openly attached will lessen your chances on here as a single man , hence you are better off lying if you want to increase your chances of a shag.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Always a tough situation ...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

I find it the other way around. People are more willing to be completely honest with a stranger. There’s nothing to lose. "

Yep

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oyboy2012Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Personally i wouldnt be here and cheat but each to their own and i wouldnt judge

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Word to the wise. You're not swinging, you're cheating.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

" Word to the wise. You're not swinging, you're cheating. "

I’m not going to argue about the cheating but most singles aren’t swinging either.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

I find it the other way around. People are more willing to be completely honest with a stranger. There’s nothing to lose.

But being openly attached will lessen your chances on here as a single man , hence you are better off lying if you want to increase your chances of a shag. "

It’s just my experience of it, which is a very tiny amount of men on Fab. I’m sure there are people who act in the way you’ve described.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s up to the individual what they do.

It’s not for us to judge as we don’t know the circumstances.

Put, but of a devils advocate post, but is it OK for the individual to do what they do, when doing what they do deceives someone else as to the whole basis of their life.

I. E., that they are in a monogamous relationship when they aren't. "

I think the point is that's not for us to judge based on limited information or any knowledge of the circumstances.

In an ideal world there wouldn't be any cheating and we'd treat eachother fairly. But we know the world is far more complex than that.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

" Word to the wise. You're not swinging, you're cheating.

I’m not going to argue about the cheating but most singles aren’t swinging either. "

No. But not harming anyone are they?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s up to the individual what they do.

It’s not for us to judge as we don’t know the circumstances.

Put, but of a devils advocate post, but is it OK for the individual to do what they do, when doing what they do deceives someone else as to the whole basis of their life.

I. E., that they are in a monogamous relationship when they aren't. "

It's not for us to say whether it's ok for them. We can say whether we think it's ok for us to meet them-or what we would do in their circumstances, but their relationship is their business.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Word to the wise. You're not swinging, you're cheating.

I’m not going to argue about the cheating but most singles aren’t swinging either. "

Which is irrelevant. Call it having sex instead of swinging, as that's what is all boils down to.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Didn’t have as much exploration as a teen and wasn’t very confident, now I am older, I wanted to see what’s out there and be adventurous. Sex life is fine just wanted to try different shapes and sizes

It is easy for people to choose the judge card when it comes to this subject matter, we get called a number of things based on assumption on why we are doing it “don’t love your partner obviously” etc etc. Everyone is entitled to their own choices and the consequences that come from those choices.

The act is the act.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *odernIdiotMan
over a year ago

Somewhere Rural

"...People are more willing to be completely honest with a stranger. There’s nothing to lose. "

I've found this to be true, both for myself and other people.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all the comments so far and, as I said at the beginning, this is a controversial subject with strongly held views!

This thread is really for those who are married or in a relationship to tell their story without being judged and to help us all understand a bit more.

Thanks especially to those who've been brave enough to share their stories so far.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"Didn’t have as much exploration as a teen and wasn’t very confident, now I am older, I wanted to see what’s out there and be adventurous. Sex life is fine just wanted to try different shapes and sizes

The act is the act.

Ask your parents or your kids if they think it's ok. Tell them not to get too "judgy".

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Married here too. We work shifts so are like passing ships!

I love my husband very much, not looking to replace him by any means! I have suggested the swinging scene before, in jest to test the waters so to speak, and he thought it was a bizarre choice that people make.

He isn’t vwe by any stretch of the imagination... far far from it in fact, but he is attentive and caring and certainly not a selfish lover, orgasms with him are out of this world but I get a real buzz from my meets here and at clubs with guys who are packing plenty.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The act is the act.

Ask your parents or your kids if they think it's ok. Tell them not to get too "judgy".

You don’t agree with it Clem, we get it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

The act is the act.

Ask your parents or your kids if they think it's ok. Tell them not to get too "judgy".

I’m sure most swinging couples might find their parents or kids might get a little ‘judgy’ too if they told them what they did.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a controversial topic so please be open, honest and courteous to all the contributors!

Quite a few people seem to be married or in a relationship and swing 'on the side' without their partner's knowledge.

It's easy to be quick to judge and it happens a lot on Fab. For some it's a black and white issue while others see shades of grey.

But what are the stories behind why men and women do this? Let's all try to understand and be slow to judge.

Over to you ... everyone is welcome on this thread but please be respectful and courteous.

I know i won't be the first to state your title refers to cheating, not swinging.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm probably not gonna make any friends here, but I find it morally wrong. Yes, there's a number of reasons why someone might cheat on their partner.

My ex cheated on her boyfriend before I came along and whilst I didn't agree with it, I accepted her reasons. He was a prick and her friend was telling her everything she wanted to hear, so they ended up sleeping together. It doesn't make it right, but I accepted it for what it was and I trusted her not to do the same to me.

So those who are being neglected emotionally or abused by their partner I can understand why they do it.

But those who cheat purely for sex, whether they're in a sexless relationship or they're doing it just for fun, are hurting someone they supposedly care about. The thing is I can imagine the same people being absolutely devastated if they found out their partner was cheating on them.

Why do something harmful to someone if you wouldn't want it being done to yourself? A break up is devastating under normal circumstances, but a break up where one person cheats on another would destroy someone even more.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkerbell67Woman
over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

A lot of women go of sex when they have children or they start early menopause but a man still has needs no matter what age ..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

The act is the act.

Ask your parents or your kids if they think it's ok. Tell them not to get too "judgy".

I’m sure most swinging couples might find their parents or kids might get a little ‘judgy’ too if they told them what they did.

That's what I was thinking.

Anyway I'm in this camp. My relationship status has nothing to do with anyone I meet on here. I put it 'out there' and if someone would rather not meet me because of that it's fine by me.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"It’s up to the individual what they do.

It’s not for us to judge as we don’t know the circumstances.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The act is the act.

Ask your parents or your kids if they think it's ok. Tell them not to get too "judgy".

My mum and children would have been ok with me cheating on my ex. Aside from that, it's not their issue to be privy to.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of women go of sex when they have children or they start early menopause but a man still has needs no matter what age .."

They can go off sex too, or have erectile dysfunction.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks again for your views but let this be the thread where people can tell their stories without public judgement.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Thanks again for your views but let this be the thread where people can tell their stories without public judgement."

You know that will never happen?!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkerbell67Woman
over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

"A lot of women go of sex when they have children or they start early menopause but a man still has needs no matter what age ..

They can go off sex too, or have erec

tile dysfunction. "
...oops yes I forgot about that

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say

Thanks for the support. This is why I don’t put it on my profile. If people ask I tell them. "

Anyone that puts "discrete" pretty much = cheating. It's not rocket science

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s up to the individual what they do.

It’s not for us to judge as we don’t know the circumstances.

Put, but of a devils advocate post, but is it OK for the individual to do what they do, when doing what they do deceives someone else as to the whole basis of their life.

I. E., that they are in a monogamous relationship when they aren't.

I think the point is that's not for us to judge based on limited information or any knowledge of the circumstances.

In an ideal world there wouldn't be any cheating and we'd treat eachother fairly. But we know the world is far more complex than that. "

Some accuse others of judging (condemning) when they are actually judging (assessing) in relation to themselves, ie, i don't want to fuck someone with a partner.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of women go of sex when they have children or they start early menopause but a man still has needs no matter what age .."

i dont agree at all. Plenty of men become no longer interested in sex..for a variety of reasons, many exactly the same reasons as women do..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The act is the act.

Ask your parents or your kids if they think it's ok. Tell them not to get too "judgy".

I’m sure most swinging couples might find their parents or kids might get a little ‘judgy’ too if they told them what they did.

Good point.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some accuse others of judging (condemning) when they are actually judging (assessing) in relation to themselves, ie, i don't want to fuck someone with a partner."

This in a nutshell. A lot of people that have been cheated on, don't want to be party to someone else's pain.

Vine's situation is different (IMO) if his wife knows he gets it elsewhere occasionally and stays, then presumably that works for her, and that wouldn't bother me.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *egs11ABCWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say

Thanks for the support. This is why I don’t put it on my profile. If people ask I tell them. "

Was going to say my reg fb doesn't say on his profile but 1 of the 1st things I ask a guy is are u single or attached and he was hinest from the off. x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks again for your views but let this be the thread where people can tell their stories without public judgement.

You know that will never happen?!!!"

I think we're doing quite well considering!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Some accuse others of judging (condemning) when they are actually judging (assessing) in relation to themselves, ie, i don't want to fuck someone with a partner."

That's how I view it. If my partner was cheating on me, I'd be really hurt, so I imagine it'd be the same for other people.

My conscience couldn't live with knowing that I could be the reason a relationship ends, so I'd just bypass those people altogether. I wouldn't turn someone down if their partner knew about it and were okay with it though.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"No. But not harming anyone are they? "

Whether someone is swinging or cheating, and whether someone is hurting somebody else, have nothing to do with each other.

I’ve read plenty of stories here indicating that people are often hurt when following a swinging lifestyle. There are also those who ‘cheat’ who aren’t hurting anyone.

If you don’t like it, that’s fine. Just try to avoid reasoning that simply does not follow.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s up to the individual what they do.

It’s not for us to judge as we don’t know the circumstances.

Put, but of a devils advocate post, but is it OK for the individual to do what they do, when doing what they do deceives someone else as to the whole basis of their life.

I. E., that they are in a monogamous relationship when they aren't.

I think the point is that's not for us to judge based on limited information or any knowledge of the circumstances.

In an ideal world there wouldn't be any cheating and we'd treat eachother fairly. But we know the world is far more complex than that.

Some accuse others of judging (condemning) when they are actually judging (assessing) in relation to themselves, ie, i don't want to fuck someone with a partner."

Just for clarity, you're saying you don't judge someone's motives but you want the choice whether to have sex with them? This is perfectly reasonable btw!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say

Thanks for the support. This is why I don’t put it on my profile. If people ask I tell them.

Anyone that puts "discrete" pretty much = cheating. It's not rocket science

I imagine people use 'discrete' for other reasons too such as having a public profile or sensitive job?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me E man well said

I’m your friend!! Lol

I’ll scream if I hear another man saying that they have needs not met by their partner Pmsl

What about a woman s needs ? To be loved and respected by her partner one who doesn’t rush off to have meaningless sexual gratification with strangers!! lol

Yes and they are the ones who are hypocrites!! Believe me I know one!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone that puts "discrete" pretty much = cheating. It's not rocket science

Although, much like rocket science, it’s clearly something beyond your understanding. Do be quiet."

Actually 'discrete' (has to be spelled incorrectly), appearing more than once in a profile is a useful red flag i find..just alerts me to the likelihood that someone might be attached, among other things..i don't care if you agree or not, but please try not to be quite so rude to people.its completely uncalled for.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 09/05/18 17:38:21]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"just alerts me to the likelihood that someone might be attached, among other things..i don't care if you agree or not,"

It says more about you that your mind jumps to that than it does about the people writing it.

As for how rude I am, I’d argue that the post I was responding to was the more obnoxious one. I may have been less subtle, but I’m not throwing baseless accusations at large sections of the site. Just a more targeted, verifiable one.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Me E man well said

I’m your friend!! Lol

I’ll scream if I hear another man saying that they have needs not met by their partner Pmsl

What about a woman s needs ? To be loved and respected by her partner one who doesn’t rush off to have meaningless sexual gratification with strangers!! lol

Yes and they are the ones who are hypocrites!! Believe me I know one!! "

Thanks for your comments Happy. I think the point about hurt has been well made by you and Mr E. I don't want to minimise that. But everyone has a story and this is an attempt to help us all understand eachother a bit more without rushing to judgement.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I could care less if someone is married but as I don't meet in hotels/laybys/car parks or invite anyone into my home who can't accommodate in theirs, sometimes leave a temporary tattoo "property of Miss Vee" on their arse, I think it's fair to say I'm not bothered by those playing away!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I love my wife completely and wouldn't want to be without her. When the sex stopped nearly 15 years ago,

I found that after a few frustrating sexless years that I was starting to resent my wife and felt depressed; our relationship took a nose dive.

We discussed an open marriage but she couldn't seperate love from lust and so wouldn't support such a lifestyle.

Being on fab meets my need for sex, I no longer feel sad and lonely and, my marriage is once again a strong and happy one.

I appreciate that this strategy is high risk and I stand to lose the person I love but, had I not chosen this route, I would've lost her long ago or, more to the point, she would've lost me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Sorry but no excuses for being in here and cheating behind someone else s back

Swinging I thought was fun for couples in it together;

Swinging is not about cheating

Not getting enough at home lol leave and get someone else

No one deserves to be cheated on

Just my opinion but I can have my opinion can’t I??

Just throwing this in there, but I imagine it’s sometimes very difficult to just up and leave a marriage or partnership. Especially if there are children involved. "

If you have your own money, know your own worth it's not that difficult. I did it when I was almost blind...my sight eventually came back.

But we're all different.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I love my wife completely and wouldn't want to be without her. When the sex stopped nearly 15 years ago,

I found that after a few frustrating sexless years that I was starting to resent my wife and felt depressed; our relationship took a nose dive.

We discussed an open marriage but she couldn't seperate love from lust and so wouldn't support such a lifestyle.

Being on fab meets my need for sex, I no longer feel sad and lonely and, my marriage is once again a strong and happy one.

I appreciate that this strategy is high risk and I stand to lose the person I love but, had I not chosen this route, I would've lost her long ago or, more to the point, she would've lost me"

Thanks for sharing Chris.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Always makes me smile the naivety of that statement.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say

Thanks for the support. This is why I don’t put it on my profile. If people ask I tell them.

Anyone that puts "discrete" pretty much = cheating. It's not rocket science

I imagine people use 'discrete' for other reasons too such as having a public profile or sensitive job?"

Society is the problem there. This is your private life. It's got nothing to do with your job or anything like that. If you wanna swing then no one at your job has the right to say you can't. Or at least they shouldn't have the right.

I don't hide my profile because I don't give a shit who finds out. It's got nothing to do with anyone else. They can judge me all they want for being on here, but I wouldn't leave the site unless I got into a relationship.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ribsaMan
over a year ago

A box at end of your bed

Ok here goes

I have been on this site for over a year. I joined the site as I too was in a sexless marriage and the wife told me if I wanted sex to find it somewhere else. So I looked on here but in all honesty I do not think I would have played away as I still loved her but will admit I never got the chance so who knows if I would have. Call me time waster or hypocrite who knows we all have our own resins for being on here, I did enjoy the chat rooms and looking at photo’s with the hope of a meet one day.

Our marriage has not been good for years as already posted by others we have kids so muddled on day to day for them, stuck in that marital rut. I also joked to her about joining swingers club just down the road to test the waters but to no luck.

Now for the kicker at the start of the year I felt something was not right with her and suspected she was having an affair. In march I confronted her with all the facts and told her I had seen her coming in and out of another mans house she denies it but seen them together with my own eyes.

She was the one who ended up cheating on me and believe me even in a sexless marriage being on the receiving end that it hurts. We are now getting divorced have a son that is heart broken about mum and dad splitting up. I do understand why some people have problems with cheats but in the end it’s the individual that make there own chooses and has to live with the consequences.

As for me I now know I will not meet with a married woman unless her husband is there, as I would not want to put some other mans kids through what mine is going through right now.

Plus side is I am now on the site as a single man and can now meet with a clear conscience.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

I find it the other way around. People are more willing to be completely honest with a stranger. There’s nothing to lose. "

Single men struggle...I'd wager it's harder for the attached.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

I find it the other way around. People are more willing to be completely honest with a stranger. There’s nothing to lose.

But being openly attached will lessen your chances on here as a single man , hence you are better off lying if you want to increase your chances of a shag. "

Not just me then.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say

Thanks for the support. This is why I don’t put it on my profile. If people ask I tell them.

Anyone that puts "discrete" pretty much = cheating. It's not rocket science

I imagine people use 'discrete' for other reasons too such as having a public profile or sensitive job?

I give a shit who finds out. Some people can be very vindictive and I don't want my children defending me against one of my in-laws. Although, most of them wouldn't give a shit. Some employers can and do sack people because of publicity over their sex lives.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

It’s strange but I find the opposite to be true. The anonymity here means it’s easy to express true thoughts. "

But only if they ask.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Thanks for all the comments so far and, as I said at the beginning, this is a controversial subject with strongly held views!

This thread is really for those who are married or in a relationship to tell their story without being judged and to help us all understand a bit more.

Thanks especially to those who've been brave enough to share their stories so far."

Nothing to understand: I really don't care. I'm here for my own hedonistic pleasure. Being asked to shower and shampoo and use specific perfume (he bought them with him) so as not to leave a scent trail for his wife is not my idea of fun.

Who needs that shit?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone that puts "discrete" pretty much = cheating. It's not rocket science

Although, much like rocket science, it’s clearly something beyond your understanding. Do be quiet."

Don't be snotty just because I disagree with you dear. As a hotwife I have received hundreds of messages from "single men" and I can assure that every single one of the men that had "discrete" in their profiles, when asked, admitted they were married. Now go away and annoy someone who cares.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That always strikes me as a rather unrealistic request. Someone who lies to his nearest and dearest about something very important to them, is unlikely to be honest with strangers on the Internet...

Always makes me smile the naivety of that statement. "

I don’t think it’s naive. I ask and they answer. It becomes quite apparent if they are lying. Always happy to make someone smile though.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say

Thanks for the support. This is why I don’t put it on my profile. If people ask I tell them.

Anyone that puts "discrete" pretty much = cheating. It's not rocket science

I imagine people use 'discrete' for other reasons too such as having a public profile or sensitive job?

But it doesn't stop people judging ...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the comments so far and, as I said at the beginning, this is a controversial subject with strongly held views!

This thread is really for those who are married or in a relationship to tell their story without being judged and to help us all understand a bit more.

Thanks especially to those who've been brave enough to share their stories so far.

Who needs that shit?"

It seems you do care ...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Being single you have nothing to lose being married you have everything to lose...

whatever your reason maybe

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Don't be snotty just because I disagree with you dear. As a hotwife I have received hundreds of messages from "single men" and I can assure that every single one of the men that had "discrete" in their profiles, when asked, admitted they were married. Now go away and annoy someone who cares.

All you’ve done here is demonstrate your inability to draw reasonable or accurate conclusions from the evidence available. The fact that, I’m your experience, all married men have a profile that includes ‘discrete’ or ‘discreet’ does not, in any way whatsoever, justify your assertion that everyone who has ‘discrete’ or ‘discreet’ in their profile is cheating on a partner. Thanks for proving what I said.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm probably not gonna make any friends here, but I find it morally wrong. Yes, there's a number of reasons why someone might cheat on their partner.

So those who are being neglected emotionally or abused by their partner I can understand why they do it.

Love this. My thoughts exactly

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We only meet people in Clubs, for us the question is are we attracted to them, do we click, or are they rude and charmless.

We never ask about life outside of the Club, if people want to tell us stuff, fair enough, but who are we to judge - let she/he who hath not sinned, etc!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My regular guy has a partner. She knows he meets other people but doesn’t want the details. So he’s honest about it and that works for both of them and it works for me. My husband occasionally meets on his own as well and is always upfront that he’s married and that I know. I get that some people don’t feel they have that option. But some of us want the option of not meeting with those that do it behind their partner’s back. It’s not a lot to ask. I appreciate the guys that are honest when asked. A lot of people don’t care, a lot do.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Everybody says that? I don't! The ideal solution is of course to fix problems with the relationship. But if that isn't possible then supplementing the relationship with outside help is preferable to divorce. Anyone who says otherwise is ignorant to the effects of divorce on children.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Discrete vs discreet - my apologies, French is my first language

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

Each to their own, but i wouldn't knowingly meet someone who is attached and playing alone. But if we were all the same and thought the same it would be boring as fk. Some of the things i get up to wouldn't go down well with others...do i care, do i fek.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why stay in a sexles relationship if it’s that important to you??

Just an excuse for cheating

I’d love to ask your partner if it’s true?? Lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm probably not gonna make any friends here, but I find it morally wrong. Yes, there's a number of reasons why someone might cheat on their partner.

So those who are being neglected emotionally or abused by their partner I can understand why they do it.

Love this. My thoughts exactly "

The fact my husband had sex with someone while we were married didn't hurt me. If it was just sex it wouldn't have bothered me so much, although I would like to know why.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Children will know there’s something wrong so might as well get divorced

You’re only delaying the inevitable

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why stay in a sexles relationship if it’s that important to you??

Just an excuse for cheating

I’d love to ask your partner if it’s true?? Lol"

Why have extra marital sex if your sex life with your partner is amazing?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Children will know there’s something wrong so might as well get divorced

You’re only delaying the inevitable "

Not always. Maybe as they get older they will notice things, but , if you act normal around them they will be oblivious.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol all men say it’s just sex but he went with someone else and sex is very important to men’s needs so we have just been told?

So he went elsewhere for the most important part of a relationship to him???

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't say anyone I still haven't had a meet yet like u women are scared?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wouldn't say anyone I still haven't had a meet yet like u women are scared? "

Is this relevant to the thread?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *avidW500Man
over a year ago

Ramsgate

Interesting, reading through all the various comments on here.

So many reasons, and so many opinions.

Mine are somewhat different . First I don’t judge others. At sometime or another, most have done something others wouldn’t view as unacceptable. I did the long term loyal marriage bit. Put up with a partner who lost interest, and in that I mean wasn’t interested at all !!

I suggested she took a lover, we join a swing site, go to a swinging party (as friends of mine here run them). For her, sex was about having kids. Once she had them, everything changed.

I waited patiently for years, hoping things would improve, and eventually snapped saying I would have an affair. Now, heres another point; SHE objected! She wasn’t interested, but in her book I wasn’t allowed either!

So I divorced her. The last thing on my mind after 25years. But the combination of zero sex, and finding I was living with someone so selfish had to stop.

The bottom line is, it doesn’t seem to matter if you are as I was, open, honest and prepared to improve things for both. Sex for some is natural and important. For others, it doesn’t matter.

Ive met a few Married women on here, who are totality fed up being married to someone who isn’t interested in them. Ive heard that old nutmeg of ‘We are more like Brother and Sister’ so many times its unreal. And that’s why I’m here. I enjoy a womans company in may ways, so if I meet one and we both enjoy some ‘Us time’ where is the harm?

Initially, they feel guilty, but equally, many enjoy the risk and excitement, so the guilt doesn’t last.

So, cheating isn’t really the argument. Everyone will have a reason, even if for some it just plain greed.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/05/18 18:51:54]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"[Removed by poster at 09/05/18 18:51:54]"
when I see this written I sometimes add to the beginning ‘Steve’s underwear....’ in my head and have a little smirk to myself.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Why stay in a sexles relationship if it’s that important to you??

Just an excuse for cheating

I’d love to ask your partner if it’s true?? Lol"

I used to know a couple (both dead now, sadly) where this was exactly the case. The wife was unable to have sex, and the husband had a female friend, with benefits. I knew nothing about it (I’d known them since I was seven) until the male’s sexual partner accidentally fell pregnant (by which time I was in my late teens). I found out that a few people had had their suspicions about the sexual relationship with the friend. I also found out that the wife knew about it all along. The sexual relationship continued after the child was born, and everyone - including, crucially, the wife - knew about it. The husband and wife remained happily married.

Now, I’m not saying that this situation was the norm, but the fact that I know that it has happened means that I’m willing to accept that others may have a similar situation.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

How and why people are on here is there own business but we would not knowingly meet somebody who was cheating for the simple reason that we don't want at a later date there to be any comebacks which outs us as swingers to our families. Before somebody says it could never happen there has been many threads on here telling horror stories and we have met couple who it has happened to.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Thanks for all the comments so far and, as I said at the beginning, this is a controversial subject with strongly held views!

This thread is really for those who are married or in a relationship to tell their story without being judged and to help us all understand a bit more.

Thanks especially to those who've been brave enough to share their stories so far.

Who needs that shit?

It seems you do care ... "

I care in as much as it spoils my fun.

It wouldn't cross my mind to berate anyone for being attached and on here, just don't bring your drama to my door...and arriving with your wife's toiletries is spoiling my fun!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both my wifes doesn't know that I am here...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"[Removed by poster at 09/05/18 18:51:54] when I see this written I sometimes add to the beginning ‘Steve’s underwear....’ in my head and have a little smirk to myself. "

Bugger now every time I see that I will think the same thing

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

There is a married man on here who constantly messages me (Ms), goes on about being in a sexless marriage- why should I give a toss.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is exactly it m

Swinging is for couple s who are together and do this

Otherwise it’s just a sex site

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks again to everyone who's contributed to this thread about listening to people's stories.

What have we learned so far?

Firstly, this topic generates strong views! But also:

- the reasons married or attached people have sex with others are various;

- quite a few do this because of a sexless relationship which, other than for that, they are completely happy with or want to preserve for the benefit of their children;

- some do so with their partner's knowledge and others not;

- many Fabbers would like to know if someone is swinging without their partner's knowledge so they can make an informed decision whether to meet or not (and some ask this question explicitly) but others feel it's not their business;

And lastly, playing without a partner's knowledge is a high risk activity which could lead to harm and a relationship breakdown.

Further stories and comments are welcome but, as before, please avoid judgement as this thread is about the stories and improving understanding ...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

My story - I was the fool at home while an asshole cheated over and over. He was emotionally abusive to me and later my kids.

He probably told the women we were sexless, frankly in the end we were because I felt physically sick just hearing him breath.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s up to the individual what they do.

It’s not for us to judge as we don’t know the circumstances.

Put, but of a devils advocate post, but is it OK for the individual to do what they do, when doing what they do deceives someone else as to the whole basis of their life.

I. E., that they are in a monogamous relationship when they aren't.

I think the point is that's not for us to judge based on limited information or any knowledge of the circumstances.

In an ideal world there wouldn't be any cheating and we'd treat eachother fairly. But we know the world is far more complex than that.

Some accuse others of judging (condemning) when they are actually judging (assessing) in relation to themselves, ie, i don't want to fuck someone with a partner.

Just for clarity, you're saying you don't judge someone's motives but you want the choice whether to have sex with them? This is perfectly reasonable btw!"

For clarity - i won't condemn (or condone) cheaters on here but my opinion is that it is wrong. I simply don't want to be a party to it. So where do i imply i want choice?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would very much like to know from the cheated on partner, why their relationship is sexless

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"That is exactly it m

Swinging is for couple s who are together and do this

Otherwise it’s just a sex site "

Seeing and thinking things in such a categorised way must make life very easy. When one sees everything in black or white, all those shades of grey just don’t register and so all the nuances and possibilities are lost.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That is exactly it m

Swinging is for couple s who are together and do this

Otherwise it’s just a sex site "

This is a valid point but slightly off topic. That said, this site allows couples and singles and many couples look for single men (i.e. not a couple) ... and you have some verifications from single men yourself.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"just alerts me to the likelihood that someone might be attached, among other things..i don't care if you agree or not,

It says more about you that your mind jumps to that than it does about the people writing it.

She's pointing out it's a possible indicator, not her mind jumping to conclusions. Cannot accommodate can be an indicator.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"just alerts me to the likelihood that someone might be attached, among other things..i don't care if you agree or not,

It says more about you that your mind jumps to that than it does about the people writing it.

She's pointing out it's a possible indicator, not her mind jumping to conclusions. Cannot accommodate can be an indicator."

A pretty fucking strong one.

Not everyone who Can't accommodate is married, but the vast majority who are married can't accommodate.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"She's pointing out it's a possible indicator, not her mind jumping to conclusions. Cannot accommodate can be an indicator."

You’d be making as valid, significant, and valuable a point to say that being a man ‘can’ be an indicator. Being on the site ‘can’ be an indicator.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"VINE!!

But it doesn’t say anything about you being married on your profile??

.... none of your business... I would say

Thanks for the support. This is why I don’t put it on my profile. If people ask I tell them.

Anyone that puts "discrete" pretty much = cheating. It's not rocket science

I imagine people use 'discrete' for other reasons too such as having a public profile or sensitive job?

Professions have codes of conduct, this can affect how professionals are seen to conduct themselves privately.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im happy to meet married guys. Its easy. Works for me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"A pretty fucking strong one.

Not everyone who Can't accommodate is married, but the vast majority who are married can't accommodate."

Even if 100% of people who are married can’t accommodate, that gives you no way of gauging how many people who can’t accommodate are married.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aughtychopsCouple
over a year ago

Dartford

Swinging on the side is:

1. NOT SWINGING.

2. Finding a way of CHEATING because you think it’s easier here.

3. FAIL

4. Go have a wank and ....

5. Go home to your LOVING partner.

6. M U G

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"If you wanna swing then no one at your job has the right to say you can't. Or at least they shouldn't have the right."

It’s part of my employment contract that I cannot do anything in my life which might make my employer look bad. It’s also part of my contract that I can’t do anything which puts me at risk of being bla©kmailed. I’m sure you’ll forgive me if I don’t want to rely on, “Somebody on the internet said it’s fine,” at my employment tribunal.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She's pointing out it's a possible indicator, not her mind jumping to conclusions. Cannot accommodate can be an indicator.

You’d be making as valid, significant, and valuable a point to say that being a man ‘can’ be an indicator. Being on the site ‘can’ be an indicator."

What an utterly foolish thing to state.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A pretty fucking strong one.

Not everyone who Can't accommodate is married, but the vast majority who are married can't accommodate.

Even if 100% of people who are married can’t accommodate, that gives you no way of gauging how many people who can’t accommodate are married."

Irrelevant to the point.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"What an utterly foolish thing to state."

Go on...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Irrelevant to the point."

Not at all. It’s entirely the point.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I’m in a relationship, our sex life is IMMENSE! He just doesn’t want to swing. He’s welcome to, but he doesn’t. He knows all about everything. He even picked me up from the club so I didn’t have to get a taxi and has offered to pay for my swingfields ticket.

He goes to watch Tottenham play football, I have mmmmf at quest, we all have different hobbies!! Mon-fri we play happy families. Sat I go sit on some dicks. All is cool.

I wouldn’t meet a fella that was on here In secret, I had to endure a frank ‘love me as I am or leave me’ conversation when I ‘came out’ a few dates in.

Maybe that’s hypocritical but so be it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Irrelevant to the point.

Not at all. It’s entirely the point."

No. The point is, it's a reliable indication that a man is married. If that means some single men are skipped, it's not an issue if it means that all the married ones are.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"No. The point is, it's a reliable indication that a man is married. If that means some single men are skipped, it's not an issue if it means that all the married ones are."

It’s not a reliable indicator that a man is married. Not at all. The fact that you acknowledge that there are unmarried men who can not accommodate proves that it’s unreliable. The fact that you realise it means missing out on single guys proves that it’s unreliable.

Your comfort with it is fine, but that doesn’t make it reliable.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *elrose57Couple
over a year ago

reading

there are many reasons for women and men to be on here, being married or with a partner, in truth i would say nearly everyone on here has a partner in one way or another, there are many on here who are in a sexless marriage, and who are we to judge, after all why are we on here, and think about it , if they use fab swingers to indulge in there sexual likes and fantasies, and then go home ,are we helping to save there relationship, and stop them from having an affair, and yes we have met married men, safer option,

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. The point is, it's a reliable indication that a man is married. If that means some single men are skipped, it's not an issue if it means that all the married ones are.

Your comfort with it is fine, but that doesn’t make it reliable."

To indicate = to point towards/to suggest, it is not an assertion!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

I'll expect some negative comments for this, but we actively prefer men in a relationship as we think it has benefits. They will almost certainly be discrete, are less likely to become obsessive, and are likely to be less promiscuous elsewhere.

None of those things are guaranteed of course, but are almost certainly more likely.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I imagine people use 'discrete' for other reasons too such as having a public profile or sensitive job?

Some of us would definitely lose our jobs if we were discovered on a swinging site.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"To indicate = to point towards/to suggest, it is not an assertion!"

And if it points towards or suggests something that is not the case, it’s unreliable.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *antonkid1955Man
over a year ago

cardiff

I'm married,,happily,,I get invited to parties as a passive observer..I do not play,,but I enjoy watching,,and the social side of parties,,and that's the beauty of it,,I'm not being unfaithful,.and my wife is completely unaware.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"If you wanna swing then no one at your job has the right to say you can't. Or at least they shouldn't have the right.

Become a politician, then you can do what the hell you want without consequence.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"...but are almost certainly more likely."

Again, totally unverifiable, illogical nonsense.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"I'm married,,happily,,I get invited to parties as a passive observer..I do not play,,but I enjoy watching,,and the social side of parties,,and that's the beauty of it,,I'm not being unfaithful,.and my wife is completely unaware."

You don’t have to participate to be unfaithful. I’d argue that, by deliberately putting yourself in a situation from which you gain sexual gratification, without your partner’s knowledge, you are being unfaithful.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well my wife’s in prison ....

So am I a cheater?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Well my wife’s in prison ....

So am I a cheater?"

It Is if she’s a warden

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To indicate = to point towards/to suggest, it is not an assertion!

And if it points towards or suggests something that is not the case, it’s unreliable."

Guy cannot accommodate, states need for discretion, only plays week days and during the day, isn't available by phone or online at certain times... All indicators and builds a picture. Any woman who doesn't want a cheat, ignoring the bigger picture may be a little foolish but her choice.

And if you want to state all this is unreliable, go ahead. It's not as if your opinion is going to change my thoughts, or others on my wavelength.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. The point is, it's a reliable indication that a man is married. If that means some single men are skipped, it's not an issue if it means that all the married ones are.

Your comfort with it is fine, but that doesn’t make it reliable."

Yes it is

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We joined the site to meet single guys as love a mmf and the type I like seem to be attached. We don't judge and will meet guys in a relationship but the only problem is they can be unreliable and restricted on when they can meet and how long they can stay. I hate meets where you have to watch the clock.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We find that racist, homophobic, misogynistic people are the ones we don’t want to meet. We have no idea about other peoples relationships, but when you meet with someone you get a pretty good idea what they are like, so if they fail these criteria then its a big no.

Should cheating be in the same space? Not for us, but if someone (male or female) comes over as an arrogant and uncaring prat, then they fail on that criteria. People, as indicated on this thread, ‘cheat’ for a variety of reasons, but that is up to them and not us.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a sexless marriage. My ex controlled when we had sex(usually once every three months). I just sorted myself out,with a quick tug. She used to go ballistic if she found out I’d been wanking.

Thing is,I never once strayed-I should have,thinking back but I’ve never been a cheating sort.

Thing is,I found out that she cheated. It was about control. As soon as I stopped having sex,she decided to find it elsewhere! We’re divorced now-the sex was shit from the get-go,like fucking a corpse...funnily enough,one of her ex-boyfriends said the same thing!

I’ve had the best sex of my life since divorcing,with women that have brought out the best in me and I’ve enjoyed everyone of them too!

Thank God for Fab!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am open and honest about my status... it's written there for all to see.

For me it's not that I am wanting to replace my wife... I simply have a higher sex drive that she does. There was only so much time that sorting myself out worked so I came to fab

Do I feel guilty? Yes, everytime and I will go fabquiet for a while after I have met someone.

These are my issues to work through and I don't need any judgement for my choices and as a rule, most people on here are appreciative of the honesty of my profile... it allows them to make an informed decision after all.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...but are almost certainly more likely.

Again, totally unverifiable, illogical nonsense."

For me also, it is a good initial 'indicator'...women are usually not completely illogical or stupid. I, and others who have a similar view, have come to it through experience...and our experiences have shown that certain things point to the likelihood of someone being attached. Very often , when men cannot accomodate for other reasons they will say so. It isn't that difficult really! And i would say that it is, if you can be arsed, which i certanly can't, possible to verify the percentage of profiles that fit into this quite easily.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could say the same for solo porn watching and masturbating though, that wouldnt be considered cheating?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could say the same for solo porn watching and masturbating though, that wouldnt be considered cheating?"

If it takes anything away from your partner, then yeah.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As we"re heading towards this thread closing let me thank everyone again for commenting, especially those of you who told your stories. It's not an easy thing to do.

And let's remember to keep things courteous and to respect other people's point of view!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

You could say the same for solo porn watching and masturbating though, that wouldnt be considered cheating?

If it takes anything away from your partner, then yeah."

If you make the definition broad enough then you can make any word pointless

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could say the same for solo porn watching and masturbating though, that wouldnt be considered cheating?

If it takes anything away from your partner, then yeah."

How much do you have to consider everything to be a shared thing with a partner though. Can you still not have solo needs/interests

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

You could say the same for solo porn watching and masturbating though, that wouldnt be considered cheating?

If it takes anything away from your partner, then yeah.

How much do you have to consider everything to be a shared thing with a partner though. Can you still not have solo needs/interests"

I suspect there are very few married people who don't engage in sexual activity of which their partners are unaware. Even if it's just masturbation.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you wanna swing then no one at your job has the right to say you can't. Or at least they shouldn't have the right.

That's completely ridiculous. I can understand if we were talking about drugs or something like that, but it's sex. Everyone does it, everyone has the right to do it and it's not illegal. What I'm saying is an employer shouldn't have the right to tell us what we can or can't do in our private life unless it's illegal and could harm the employer.

If someone wants to go swinging, then their employer shouldn't be able to say ''no, you're not allowed, because that will make me look bad''. Again if you were taking drugs then fair enough, I can see their point, but to say we're not allowed to have sex because it will embarrass them is wrong.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So would your wife say it’s just abitbof fun ?

I’m sure she will prefer you to be faithful to her and want only her not strangers for a very special and intimate act

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you wanna swing then no one at your job has the right to say you can't. Or at least they shouldn't have the right.

it's pretty standard in a huge amount of fields of employment. From their point of view it absolutely could harm them and their reputation. there have been numerous people on here who've had incidences of people threatening to 'out' them to family, work etc..they aren't doing anything wrong but not everyone is comfortable about sharing what isn't really anyones business..and an employer can choose to protect themselves from possible repercussions by morals clauses..it may not be right, but contracts like this are prevalent everywhere now.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

The act is the act.

Ask your parents or your kids if they think it's ok. Tell them not to get too "judgy".

I’m sure most swinging couples might find their parents or kids might get a little ‘judgy’ too if they told them what they did.

But would it end in divorce?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you wanna swing then no one at your job has the right to say you can't. Or at least they shouldn't have the right.

I think the hypocrisy of it is what really bothers me the most. An employer tells us we can't do so and so whilst they've probably done something much worse.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"If you wanna swing then no one at your job has the right to say you can't. Or at least they shouldn't have the right.

I think the hypocrisy of it is what really bothers me the most. An employer tells us we can't do so and so whilst they've probably done something much worse. "

Write your MP a stern letter?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'I think the hypocrisy of it is what really bothers me the most. An employer tells us we can't do so and so whilst they've probably done something much worse.'....

its not necessarily hypocrisy , its usually just a simple desire to protect their business. If you are an employer who provides staff to say, a nursery, or a care home, a school.. it could shut your business down overnight if certain clients found out you had staff involved in anything they disapproved of..also in positions in govt, or the services, where people could be subjected to bla*kma*l..there are valid reasons for them to cover themselves.it's not ideal , but i can see why so many employers still have morals clauses..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"'I think the hypocrisy of it is what really bothers me the most. An employer tells us we can't do so and so whilst they've probably done something much worse.'....

I find it cringe worthy that 'society' thinks breaking up a family unit is fine, but staying together and swinging is bad. Especially given infidelity is the number 1 cited reason for divorce.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That is exactly it m

Swinging is for couple s who are together and do this

Otherwise it’s just a sex site "

Swinging is sex.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you wanna swing then no one at your job has the right to say you can't. Or at least they shouldn't have the right.

I've explained about code of conduct for professionals.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

000000000000 THE END 0000000000

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

decree nisi absolute..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately