FabSwingers.com forum: Attached with Mrs who doesn't know?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've seen so many profiles taking shots at people in couples where the other partner is unaware and feel I need to point out that not all of us are lucky enough to be in happy relationships or are able to leave. Sometimes it's not our fault and sometimes we need an escape.

I'm bi. My other half is bi-polar and a massive homophobe, her true feelings on many topics didn't become clear until it was too late for me to bolt (post the birth of our daughter) and I'm now stuck in a hellish situation where I need to stick around for the well-being of my child but still have needs and a desire for some happiness in my life.

Bit of a rant here so apologies but I have been shot down by numerous couples because I am honest about my situation and - without knowing me at all - I am judged wanting.

Go easy on us… Not everyone looking for some fun on the side whilst in a relationship is a total dog.

On that note: Any bi couples out there?

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By *illy2018TV/TS
over a year ago

Birmingham

Maybe you should have told her you were bi in the early days..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP are you saying the whole of your relationship is hellish or just that you can't explore your bi-side openly with your partner's knowledge? Did you tell her about this before you lived together and had a child?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Op there are a lot of people (men and women) on here in your position. Don't take it too personally but equally don't bring your wife into it where she has no right of reply. Just go about your business and meet people who have no problem with your status.

Good luck

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"I've seen so many profiles taking shots at people in couples where the other partner is unaware and feel I need to point out that not all of us are lucky enough to be in happy relationships or are able to leave. Sometimes it's not our fault and sometimes we need an escape.

Bit of a rant here so apologies but I have been shot down by numerous couples because I am honest about my situation and - without knowing me at all - I am judged wanting.

Go easy on us… Not everyone looking for some fun on the side whilst in a relationship is a total dog.

On that note: Any bi couples out there?

No offence intended but the 'sticking around for the child' is an excuse, my parents did that and made our lives a living hell, if you're that unhappy odds are that your child will pick up on it and it will make them unhappy too.

You might think that your reasons are acceptable, alot of other people won't, however you justify it though, you're cheating.

Harsh I know but that's my view on it.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

If your wife doesn't know you're on here then you are a cheat which doesn't need to be pointed out you know that,so you think your excuse is acceptable do you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We clearly state on our profile we meet attached people..let's face it,a lot of the chaps on here will be in a relationship of some kind and will not disclose it. You do see on a lot of profiles the We/I do not meet Married people..BUT how would you truthfully know that the person they are meeting are not in a relationship..they lie.. so thats why will say we will meet attached people ..just saves them lying

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Just another married/attached man not being honest to his partner as far as I am concerned.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

Sounds like you both kept things back from each other, but nice attempt to throw the wife under a bus.

Just slip in a bit about her mental illness, then accuse her of being a homophobe and yes it's all her fault, for trapping you with a child.

I do wonder what people talk about before they decide on proposing marriage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bit of a rant here so apologies but I have been shot down by numerous couples because I am honest about my situation and - without knowing me at all - I am judged wanting.

Go easy on us… Not everyone looking for some fun on the side whilst in a relationship is a total dog.

On that note: Any bi couples out there?

Just because you are honest with folk about your marriage situation doesn't make those that don't want to get involved with a married/attatched man,suddenly want to get involved.

They have the choice to choose who they play with.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I suppose everybody knowingly doing something they know is wrong, has to find an excuse or reason to make themselves feel alright about it, and tell themselves and possibly others, to be able to live with it.

As far as I'm concerned it's completely your responsibility and choices, but is not something I want to be involved with in any shape or form.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry Op but you’re laying the whole blame on your partner, for not making her feelings known until very late in the relationship. What you fail to recognise is, you haven’t made yours known at all, and now resent your wife for her opinions.

Staying together for children is a waste of time. If you’re truly unhappy living a lie, tell her and both move on with your lives.

I speak from experience here, also a bi male who was in a very similar situation. Child together but not happy.

Now with a woman who accepts me for who I am and we work together to fulfil each other’s lives - that even includes sex with men.

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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

Some people may not feel happy in their relationships. Those people for whatever reason don't get out of those relationships.

Those people don't have to swing or date or otherwise go begind their partners back regardless of their sexuality.

HTH

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

... still have needs and a desire for some happiness in my life.

Bit of a rant here so apologies but I have been shot down by numerous couples because I am honest about my situation and - without knowing me at all - I am judged wanting.

Go easy on us… Not everyone looking for some fun on the side whilst in a relationship is a total dog.

On that note: Any bi couples out there?

We aren't in any position to judge considering how we got together but a couple of points...

your situation may not be ideal but just because you have a need for escape and happiness, nobody here is obliged to provide those things for you if it goes against their own set of beliefs about how they conduct their swinging lives...

People may be rejecting you when you tell them about your situation...that is entirely their right to do so, putting the blame onto them for not fulfilling your needs smacks of a sense of entitlement that is unattractive and off putting...

We have met and will meet attached people because like a couple posted earlier, we've accepted that the vast majority of men in our age range and meeting our requirements are attached in some way or another and we save them the bother of lying to us...however, we will meet those who will meet us openly in a social situation first and can then meet during the evenings or at weekends when we can meet...that tends to become a natural filter for the attached.

The last attached guy we agreed to meet texted us as we were walking into the pub we agreed to meet him in saying his conscience was biting him and could we please be patient with him until he could bring himself to overcome it...actually, no we couldn't. Life is too short to be messed around and this is meant to be fun...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bit of a rant here so apologies but I have been shot down by numerous couples because I am honest about my situation and - without knowing me at all - I am judged wanting.

Go easy on us… Not everyone looking for some fun on the side whilst in a relationship is a total dog.

On that note: Any bi couples out there?

I think if you arent happy you should leave

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Leaving your partner when there’s children involved is hard but after the shit storm it’s the best thing you can ever do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well he's left the site..Probably to open up a fresh account ..maybe he was not happy how this post was going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well he's left the site..Probably to open up a fresh account ..maybe he was not happy how this post was going "

Was it something we said?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well he's left the site..Probably to open up a fresh account ..maybe he was not happy how this post was going

Was it something we said?

Sometimes the truth hurts

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By *iveshowcoupleCouple
over a year ago

glasgow

I'm not going to criticise anyone for their choices bit equally we are not on fab to meet married people cheating on their partners.

As for the (now vanished)op we are only hearing his version of his married life. It might be true. It might not.

Either way this is not the sort of person we got involved in swinging to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not going to criticise anyone for their choices bit equally we are not on fab to meet married people cheating on their partners.

As for the (now vanished)op we are only hearing his version of his married life. It might be true. It might not.

Either way this is not the sort of person we got involved in swinging to meet."

you would never know if somebody was married or partnered if they did not tell you..so you probably have met married or partnered people unknowingly

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By *iveshowcoupleCouple
over a year ago

glasgow

"I'm not going to criticise anyone for their choices bit equally we are not on fab to meet married people cheating on their partners.

As for the (now vanished)op we are only hearing his version of his married life. It might be true. It might not.

Either way this is not the sort of person we got involved in swinging to meet.

you would never know if somebody was married or partnered if they did not tell you..so you probably have met married or partnered people unknowingly "

Of course. We are perfectly aware of that. However foreplay doesn't involve a question and answer session with some finger nail pulling.

That doesn't change our opinion on cheats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let the person who is without sin cast the first stone. I don't think any of us on here can cast the first stone. I know I certainly can't. Sorry about your troubles OP and hope you can sort something out in the end.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Sounds like you both kept things back from each other, but nice attempt to throw the wife under a bus.

Just slip in a bit about her mental illness, then accuse her of being a homophobe and yes it's all her fault, for trapping you with a child.

I do wonder what people talk about before they decide on proposing marriage. "

In fairness, you never truly know someone until you live with them.

I didn't know my ex was an alcaholic until we lived with each other 24/7.

Not making excuses on behalf of the op, just throwing another perspective out there.

Million miles. Shoes. Walk in. Etc.

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By *iveshowcoupleCouple
over a year ago

glasgow

"Sounds like you both kept things back from each other, but nice attempt to throw the wife under a bus.

Just slip in a bit about her mental illness, then accuse her of being a homophobe and yes it's all her fault, for trapping you with a child.

I do wonder what people talk about before they decide on proposing marriage.

In fairness, you never truly know someone until you live with them.

I didn't know my ex was an alcaholic until we lived with each other 24/7.

Not making excuses on behalf of the op, just throwing another perspective out there.

Million miles. Shoes. Walk in. Etc."

I agree. I'm not going to tar all married people playing on fab as being the same.

But we all know that many guys will make up any old bollocks about the state of their marriage in order to get a shag.

I take all their excuses with a pinch of salt.

I fail to see how cheating in your marriage does it any good whatsoever. It is horribly traumatic to the other partner if it comes out and I personally don't want to share any responsibility for that hurt and betrayal.

So again I prefer to avoid the situation where I'm aware of it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Sounds like you both kept things back from each other, but nice attempt to throw the wife under a bus.

Just slip in a bit about her mental illness, then accuse her of being a homophobe and yes it's all her fault, for trapping you with a child.

I do wonder what people talk about before they decide on proposing marriage.

In fairness, you never truly know someone until you live with them.

I didn't know my ex was an alcaholic until we lived with each other 24/7.

Not making excuses on behalf of the op, just throwing another perspective out there.

Million miles. Shoes. Walk in. Etc."

Yep. I didn't know my ex was a pathological liar and gambling addict until I lived with him. However there were many things he didn't know about me. There are always two sides to a story and it's not fair on anyone who doesn't have the opportunity to defend themselves if one side is presented in defence of the other sides actions.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

I have met guys who I later found out are married. They do not bang on about it but one can catch the clues. Some of them have become good friends.

The kind of guy I will not meet is one who has "married" in his user name, "married" mentioned twice on his profile and twice in his initial message. This tells me he is still in love with his wife and needs to work on his relationship with her, not go seeking out other women, so I tell him so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh no OP has gone unlos

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Sounds like you both kept things back from each other, but nice attempt to throw the wife under a bus.

Just slip in a bit about her mental illness, then accuse her of being a homophobe and yes it's all her fault, for trapping you with a child.

I do wonder what people talk about before they decide on proposing marriage.

In fairness, you never truly know someone until you live with them.

I didn't know my ex was an alcaholic until we lived with each other 24/7.

Not making excuses on behalf of the op, just throwing another perspective out there.

Million miles. Shoes. Walk in. Etc.

^this

That's one of the challenges with threads like this, we only get to hear one side of the story.

Generally why I usually avoid posting.

Plus, the ops gone, so kind of irrelevant in regard to his/their situation.

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By *igJandTheBlondeCouple
over a year ago

Kings Hill

“Try walking in my shoes” said Depeche Mode. Everyone’s circumstances are different and subject to change. Everyone is hopefully adult enough to make their own decisions and face the consequences of their actions, those aren’t for us to decide. We don’t judge.

The reason we don’t meet married folk is because their availability is limited and it’s hard to arrange meets and not be let down. Our time together is limited so throwing other blockers in to that mix just doesn’t work.

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By *aggie and DanCouple
over a year ago

Swansea

Bit of a rant here so apologies but I have been shot down by numerous couples because I am honest about my situation and - without knowing me at all - I am judged wanting.

Go easy on us… Not everyone looking for some fun on the side whilst in a relationship is a total dog.

On that note: Any bi couples out there?

You are entitled to any happiness you can grab. Yes, we're both bi and very happy with each other.

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