FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

What now?

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So.....i was king of the swingers 2013 to 2016, parties, gang bangs, burnt the candle at both ends literally, then "BAM" out of thin air, I met a vanilla guy, we just clicked, and have had a very close, loving relationship for 2 years, I have been totally faithful...........then!!!!!!!!!!!!!the spider sense kicked in, a couple of weeks ago, and I did the sin of all sin, and checked his phone, when he was asleep, wow!!!!!!!!! He's talking to 3 women, and one has sent him naked pics, no evidence of meeting them, but chats about meeting up, I'm f...... gutted tbh. He never knew about my swinging years! So is this karma? My trust has gone, and feel the relationship is over now. Bloody shame, we have so much in common, but when the trust is gone, what's the point.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you "

He has been the most generous, lovely guy I've ever met, we both work hard, and spend wonderful times together, I moved in with him, but now I've discovered this, I don't know what to do. I wish I had never looked, but a woman knows when her man is acting out of character, and the detective kicks in......very sad.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ream3.14159Man
over a year ago

Here & there

If you have been faithful to him and haven't played with others since you started going out, then you haven't done him wrong and don't see why Karma getting back at you for that!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People should respect each other it's that simple.

Talk to him and see what he says but if you feel it wouldn't change how you feel then it's time to say goodbye.

But only you can decide that xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you not been on this site for 2 years then?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you

He has been the most generous, lovely guy I've ever met, we both work hard, and spend wonderful times together, I moved in with him, but now I've discovered this, I don't know what to do. I wish I had never looked, but a woman knows when her man is acting out of character, and the detective kicks in......very sad. "

Does he know that you know ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rMrs Horny300Man
over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile "

Well said

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you

He has been the most generous, lovely guy I've ever met, we both work hard, and spend wonderful times together, I moved in with him, but now I've discovered this, I don't know what to do. I wish I had never looked, but a woman knows when her man is acting out of character, and the detective kicks in......very sad.

Does he know that you know ?

"

Yea, I confronted him, and I've always had a rule, that in a healthy relationship, you don't need to be checking each other's phones, I'm disgusted with myself for doing that, but when someone's behaviour changes, I'm afraid I have to find out why!!!

He's gone to work, and phoned me 6 times, and I've not answered, as my childish side has come out......ffs.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile "

I don't want to share lol.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

Well said "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very sorry to hear what yo7ve discovered, the only time in my 15yr relationship with my ex husband that I felt the need to check his phone, I found similar. I do believe in a sixth sense. This is absolutely no way "on you" though, your past is irrelevant. I guess what happens from now depends on you and your feelings. Deceit is a really difficult thing to move beyond it's possible though, if the love is there and you can communicate fully with one another. Swinging together in the future may be a possibility, but (as I'm sure you already know) that in itself won't work unless the trust has already been worked on again...And that's on him.xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

I don't want to share lol. "

Then part company & move on , or just live a life of feeling “what’s he up to now “? At the end of the day your call

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you

He has been the most generous, lovely guy I've ever met, we both work hard, and spend wonderful times together, I moved in with him, but now I've discovered this, I don't know what to do. I wish I had never looked, but a woman knows when her man is acting out of character, and the detective kicks in......very sad.

Does he know that you know ?

Yea, I confronted him, and I've always had a rule, that in a healthy relationship, you don't need to be checking each other's phones, I'm disgusted with myself for doing that, but when someone's behaviour changes, I'm afraid I have to find out why!!!

He's gone to work, and phoned me 6 times, and I've not answered, as my childish side has come out......ffs. "

Have a good chat when he gets home and see where you go from there.

But it doesn't sound to good to me as now you'll always be worried

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

I don't want to share lol.

Then part company & move on , or just live a life of feeling “what’s he up to now “? At the end of the day your call "

I'm the sort to not give second chances, done that too many times in my life, but bloody hell, the hassle now, to find somewhere to live, after feeling settled, he even talked about us getting married, the sex was regular and good, just wondering why, he felt the need to do this. Feeling very sad for what I have lost.......

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ilks xXxWoman
over a year ago

East Mids

Never a nice thing to discover after giving your all, but all I can say is never move backwards, only forwards.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you

He has been the most generous, lovely guy I've ever met, we both work hard, and spend wonderful times together, I moved in with him, but now I've discovered this, I don't know what to do. I wish I had never looked, but a woman knows when her man is acting out of character, and the detective kicks in......very sad.

Does he know that you know ?

Yea, I confronted him, and I've always had a rule, that in a healthy relationship, you don't need to be checking each other's phones, I'm disgusted with myself for doing that, but when someone's behaviour changes, I'm afraid I have to find out why!!!

He's gone to work, and phoned me 6 times, and I've not answered, as my childish side has come out......ffs.

Have a good chat when he gets home and see where you go from there.

But it doesn't sound to good to me as now you'll always be worried "

As I said, once the trust is gone, what's the point?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you

He has been the most generous, lovely guy I've ever met, we both work hard, and spend wonderful times together, I moved in with him, but now I've discovered this, I don't know what to do. I wish I had never looked, but a woman knows when her man is acting out of character, and the detective kicks in......very sad.

Does he know that you know ?

Yea, I confronted him, and I've always had a rule, that in a healthy relationship, you don't need to be checking each other's phones, I'm disgusted with myself for doing that, but when someone's behaviour changes, I'm afraid I have to find out why!!!

He's gone to work, and phoned me 6 times, and I've not answered, as my childish side has come out......ffs.

Have a good chat when he gets home and see where you go from there.

But it doesn't sound to good to me as now you'll always be worried

As I said, once the trust is gone, what's the point? "

But it can be rebuild though.

As you said, the guy's behaviour was weird so it made you want to double check.

Let's say, for the sake of the argument, that you got back together. Trust can be regain if there is total transparence... But only if you are ready to forgive him though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax


"Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you

He has been the most generous, lovely guy I've ever met, we both work hard, and spend wonderful times together, I moved in with him, but now I've discovered this, I don't know what to do. I wish I had never looked, but a woman knows when her man is acting out of character, and the detective kicks in......very sad.

Does he know that you know ?

Yea, I confronted him, and I've always had a rule, that in a healthy relationship, you don't need to be checking each other's phones, I'm disgusted with myself for doing that, but when someone's behaviour changes, I'm afraid I have to find out why!!!

He's gone to work, and phoned me 6 times, and I've not answered, as my childish side has come out......ffs.

Have a good chat when he gets home and see where you go from there.

But it doesn't sound to good to me as now you'll always be worried "

This

I can't see any explanation that would account for sending and receiving naughty pics from other women

Miss

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

BTW you're past has nothing to do with it if you weren't using fab,during your relationship.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

I don't want to share lol.

Then part company & move on , or just live a life of feeling “what’s he up to now “? At the end of the day your call

I'm the sort to not give second chances, done that too many times in my life, but bloody hell, the hassle now, to find somewhere to live, after feeling settled, he even talked about us getting married, the sex was regular and good, just wondering why, he felt the need to do this. Feeling very sad for what I have lost......."

Two choices at the end of the day haven’t you , but you’re probably throwing the towel in to quick ..... talk to one another you’d be amazed what you’d achieve if you don’t want to loose him / relationship

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your past is your past and had nothing to do with karma in that situation.

Sorry to hear abt what he has done to you

He has been the most generous, lovely guy I've ever met, we both work hard, and spend wonderful times together, I moved in with him, but now I've discovered this, I don't know what to do. I wish I had never looked, but a woman knows when her man is acting out of character, and the detective kicks in......very sad.

Does he know that you know ?

Yea, I confronted him, and I've always had a rule, that in a healthy relationship, you don't need to be checking each other's phones, I'm disgusted with myself for doing that, but when someone's behaviour changes, I'm afraid I have to find out why!!!

He's gone to work, and phoned me 6 times, and I've not answered, as my childish side has come out......ffs.

Have a good chat when he gets home and see where you go from there.

But it doesn't sound to good to me as now you'll always be worried

As I said, once the trust is gone, what's the point?

But it can be rebuild though.

As you said, the guy's behaviour was weird so it made you want to double check.

Let's say, for the sake of the argument, that you got back together. Trust can be regain if there is total transparence... But only if you are ready to forgive him though. "

Once the trust has gone it's gone. You shouldn't have o be 2nd thinking whats he doing when not with you.

I worked away a lot years ago and i was allowed to meet men one on one but not women. I kept to that rule because sheena is my wife and my life. She won't do it to me and i wouldn't do it to her its called trust

Dave

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I really feel for you, sounds a very hurtful situation to be in - especially as you thought he was the one.

Unfortunately once the trust has gone it takes enormous effort to regaine but now this will always be in the back ground.

If it was me, personally I’d like to know his reasons for allowing others (albeit virtually) to enter into our relationship .

I hope it works out well for you x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks all for your comments, I'll have a ponder, but I can't see it been the same again. I've given a lot of emotions into this relationship, not gonna jump back into gang bangs just yet lol. Life...... .ffs. I'm a positive person, so onwards and upwards.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We wish you all the best

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Does he know you're on here?

Sorry, but I don't understand, if you've been in a happy vanilla relationship why still have a profile on here?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Does he know you're on here?

Sorry, but I don't understand, if you've been in a happy vanilla relationship why still have a profile on here? "

Does it matter, I've made a lot of friends on here, that I don't communicate with, other than here, I've never met off this profile, ok sunshine???

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

I don't want to share lol.

Then part company & move on , or just live a life of feeling “what’s he up to now “? At the end of the day your call

I'm the sort to not give second chances, done that too many times in my life, but bloody hell, the hassle now, to find somewhere to live, after feeling settled, he even talked about us getting married, the sex was regular and good, just wondering why, he felt the need to do this. Feeling very sad for what I have lost......."

Talk to him first could be any number of reasons hes done it, and may be one you feel you can mitigate depending on how strong your feelings are for him. Talk first though xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is still hope for your relationship. It sounds weird, but the fact that you suspected him because he was acting a little strange, suggests this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to him - he isn't a "player". It is also better that there wasn't just one other woman, but three. It might be, in his mind, "just" flirting. It doesn't excuse it, and the pictures are totally out of order. He does have some explaining to do though, but maybe he just needs a good kick up the arse. Only you will know what to do. Trust your instincts.

But know this - Never love somebody that treats you like you're ordinary.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

I don't want to share lol.

Then part company & move on , or just live a life of feeling “what’s he up to now “? At the end of the day your call

I'm the sort to not give second chances, done that too many times in my life, but bloody hell, the hassle now, to find somewhere to live, after feeling settled, he even talked about us getting married, the sex was regular and good, just wondering why, he felt the need to do this. Feeling very sad for what I have lost.......

Talk to him first could be any number of reasons hes done it, and may be one you feel you can mitigate depending on how strong your feelings are for him. Talk first though xx"

Thanks, I love him to death, just feeling very betrayed. Yes guys I'm on here, so what? I'm not having sex with anyone ffs.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is still hope for your relationship. It sounds weird, but the fact that you suspected him because he was acting a little strange, suggests this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to him - he isn't a "player". It is also better that there wasn't just one other woman, but three. It might be, in his mind, "just" flirting. It doesn't excuse it, and the pictures are totally out of order. He does have some explaining to do though, but maybe he just needs a good kick up the arse. Only you will know what to do. Trust your instincts.

But know this - Never love somebody that treats you like you're ordinary."

I love that, Thanks, and to be honest, he has treated me and told me how special I am for 2 bloody years.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

I don't want to share lol.

Then part company & move on , or just live a life of feeling “what’s he up to now “? At the end of the day your call

I'm the sort to not give second chances, done that too many times in my life, but bloody hell, the hassle now, to find somewhere to live, after feeling settled, he even talked about us getting married, the sex was regular and good, just wondering why, he felt the need to do this. Feeling very sad for what I have lost......."

looks like a decision has already been made, relationships can be horrible to end but your brain may need a bit longer to realise what your heart already knows xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is still hope for your relationship. It sounds weird, but the fact that you suspected him because he was acting a little strange, suggests this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to him - he isn't a "player". It is also better that there wasn't just one other woman, but three. It might be, in his mind, "just" flirting. It doesn't excuse it, and the pictures are totally out of order. He does have some explaining to do though, but maybe he just needs a good kick up the arse. Only you will know what to do. Trust your instincts.

But know this - Never love somebody that treats you like you're ordinary.

I love that, Thanks, and to be honest, he has treated me and told me how special I am for 2 bloody years....."

Is it possible it was just wank bank stuff? I'm not saying for one second that you shouldn't be feeling as you are right now, but it's possible he had no intention of acting on the fantasy. I completely understand you being hurt and your emotional guard going up, but maybe try not to make any knee jerk decisions when everything is still feeling so raw xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is still hope for your relationship. It sounds weird, but the fact that you suspected him because he was acting a little strange, suggests this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to him - he isn't a "player". It is also better that there wasn't just one other woman, but three. It might be, in his mind, "just" flirting. It doesn't excuse it, and the pictures are totally out of order. He does have some explaining to do though, but maybe he just needs a good kick up the arse. Only you will know what to do. Trust your instincts.

But know this - Never love somebody that treats you like you're ordinary.

I love that, Thanks, and to be honest, he has treated me and told me how special I am for 2 bloody years.....

Is it possible it was just wank bank stuff? I'm not saying for one second that you shouldn't be feeling as you are right now, but it's possible he had no intention of acting on the fantasy. I completely understand you being hurt and your emotional guard going up, but maybe try not to make any knee jerk decisions when everything is still feeling so raw xxx"

But why feel the need for wank bank stuff, when we having sex regularly, and bloody hell sometimes 3 times a night, I'm just lost as to why, and don't think I can forgive this, especially as he was planning to meet up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is still hope for your relationship. It sounds weird, but the fact that you suspected him because he was acting a little strange, suggests this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to him - he isn't a "player". It is also better that there wasn't just one other woman, but three. It might be, in his mind, "just" flirting. It doesn't excuse it, and the pictures are totally out of order. He does have some explaining to do though, but maybe he just needs a good kick up the arse. Only you will know what to do. Trust your instincts.

But know this - Never love somebody that treats you like you're ordinary.

I love that, Thanks, and to be honest, he has treated me and told me how special I am for 2 bloody years.....

Is it possible it was just wank bank stuff? I'm not saying for one second that you shouldn't be feeling as you are right now, but it's possible he had no intention of acting on the fantasy. I completely understand you being hurt and your emotional guard going up, but maybe try not to make any knee jerk decisions when everything is still feeling so raw xxx

But why feel the need for wank bank stuff, when we having sex regularly, and bloody hell sometimes 3 times a night, I'm just lost as to why, and don't think I can forgive this, especially as he was planning to meet up. "

Even if I'm in a completely fulfilling monogamous relationship, I still wank watching porn. But yeah, the messaging people would be a no go for me too. I guess all you can do is what feels right in your heart have you got people around you who you can lean on in real life? Try to gather your tribe around you to help you heal.xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"Does he know you're on here?

Sorry, but I don't understand, if you've been in a happy vanilla relationship why still have a profile on here?

Does it matter, I've made a lot of friends on here, that I don't communicate with, other than here, I've never met off this profile, ok sunshine???"

Well if he knows you're on here and chatting to friends perhaps he feels it's ok for him to chat to his friends to.

Sorry.....sunshine.....I was just trying to see things from all angles

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Does he know you're on here?

Sorry, but I don't understand, if you've been in a happy vanilla relationship why still have a profile on here?

Does it matter, I've made a lot of friends on here, that I don't communicate with, other than here, I've never met off this profile, ok sunshine???

Well if he knows you're on here and chatting to friends perhaps he feels it's ok for him to chat to his friends to.

Sorry.....sunshine.....I was just trying to see things from all angles

"

No he doesn't know I'm on here, what difference does that make????? I'm not sending private pics to anyone, as I said I was a jezzabell couple of years ago, oh well never Mind, think this convo has run it's course x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talk , you having nothing to loose & maybe just maybe you both could have a couple's profile

I don't want to share lol.

Then part company & move on , or just live a life of feeling “what’s he up to now “? At the end of the day your call

I'm the sort to not give second chances, done that too many times in my life, but bloody hell, the hassle now, to find somewhere to live, after feeling settled, he even talked about us getting married, the sex was regular and good, just wondering why, he felt the need to do this. Feeling very sad for what I have lost.......

Talk to him first could be any number of reasons hes done it, and may be one you feel you can mitigate depending on how strong your feelings are for him. Talk first though xx

Thanks, I love him to death, just feeling very betrayed. Yes guys I'm on here, so what? I'm not having sex with anyone ffs. "

But neither is your partner having sex, just chatting. Do you only chat about news and weather on here, or could it sometimes be flirty or even dirty?

I’m definitely not judging, just saying that if you do flirt etc on here, then actually your partner hasn’t done anything you aren’t doing.

Either way, hope you sort things out xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Yes you are the right the trust has gone ...

Probsbly the only thing that can help you rebuild the trust is for him to tell you exactly how far it all went (warts and all) and then depending how your feelings are for him it’s down to you whether you can forgive and move on or not get past it at all

Otherwise too many unanswered thoughts in your head with ‘unknowns’

I really hope everything works out well for you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does he know you're on here?

Sorry, but I don't understand, if you've been in a happy vanilla relationship why still have a profile on here?

Does it matter, I've made a lot of friends on here, that I don't communicate with, other than here, I've never met off this profile, ok sunshine???

Well if he knows you're on here and chatting to friends perhaps he feels it's ok for him to chat to his friends to.

Sorry.....sunshine.....I was just trying to see things from all angles

No he doesn't know I'm on here, what difference does that make????? I'm not sending private pics to anyone, as I said I was a jezzabell couple of years ago, oh well never Mind, think this convo has run it's course x"

So he doesn't know you're chatting to people on here either? I'd say your hardly in a position to be holier than though with him. Talk to him, tell him you've looked at his phone, and that you're on this site, and go from there.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is the key

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see hurt on both sides. He done something behind your back, but I would be so hurt if someone didn’t feel they could tell me about their past. However now is a good time for you both to get it all out in the open. Perhaps if you are honest with him about your life before he met you, he might be more comfortable to share his fantasies, which he is currently keeping a secret.

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"I see hurt on both sides. He done something behind your back, but I would be so hurt if someone didn’t feel they could tell me about their past. However now is a good time for you both to get it all out in the open. Perhaps if you are honest with him about your life before he met you, he might be more comfortable to share his fantasies, which he is currently keeping a secret.

Mrs "

Always the voice of reason

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

All sorted, and yes communication is the key, thanks guys xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Untill he finds out ur on here!!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top