FabSwingers.com forum: Rude or Honest ?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I recently replied to a mail saying thanks but no thanks as he didn't match any of my profile asks (to short, to old and bi)

He told me I was rude

I thought I was being polite !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive been told the same..... i no longer tell them why, i just say no thank you and block em so they dont do the ping pong messages then asking why....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had this a lot - I was polite with my messages wished them luck but some not all by any means got offended. can't see everyone though !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ive been told the same..... i no longer tell them why, i just say no thank you and block em so they dont do the ping pong messages then asking why....

same here ...

best to forget about it and move on to the next one ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I didn't go into details I just said 'No thanks. You are not what I am looking for'

Made me laugh. I can be very rude when I want to be but for once I was being diplomatic and nice lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People (especially single guys) moan about people not replying to their messages.. and now they can see why people dont respond.

It's this type of pathetic responses that ruin it for everyone.

It's either a choice of never replying to anyone (unless you're interested), or simply saying no thank you and blocking them..

sad state of affairs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People (especially single guys) moan about people not replying to their messages.. and now they can see why people dont respond.

It's this type of pathetic responses that ruin it for everyone.

It's either a choice of never replying to anyone (unless you're interested), or simply saying no thank you and blocking them..

sad state of affairs."

I agree, damned if you do, damned if you dont....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i have tried to me nice when saying no thanks and you get the message back "why" which i don't respond to no more

being nice and polite is all well and good but sometimes you are dammed if you do and dammed if you dont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't go into details I just said 'No thanks. You are not what I am looking for'

Made me laugh. I can be very rude when I want to be but for once I was being diplomatic and nice lol x"

thing is, if u was out and someone asked you for a date or tried chatting u up u would say yes or no and if you said no, u wouldnt give a reason!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply to all messages unless it's a 'hi' and that it !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aye ya get em

Some really need ta get a life lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of people have difficulty accepting rejection. Mummy told them they are special and they believe it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I reply to all messages unless it's a 'hi' and that it !!! "

Or the other one is, 'what do you like' read the fecking profile

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Lol well they better get used to it and grow some balls if they intend on staying on this site and meeting anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just put on your profile ... thanks for mail but cant mail back to everyone ... i do this and it works for me ... i get alot of mail and would be here hours and hours each week if i had to mail everyone back ... its not being rude i just dont have the time always .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I reply to all messages unless it's a 'hi' and that it !!!

Or the other one is, 'what do you like' read the fecking profile

I get that too and it's not as if my profile isn't pretty comprehensive !

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By *XXJAYMan
over a year ago

Warrington

You can only be honest, but some don't take to kindly to it, even if your reply is tactful and well meaning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe in being diplomatic about these things (letting 'em down gently), but when someone really *doesn't* get the idea that you're not interested then I have to resort to being polite and in no uncertain terms, but not rude, as there is no point in that.

Wolf

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

another day

another single guy did this thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"another day

another single guy did this thread.

erm single lady

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"another day

another single guy did this thread.

erm single lady"

I think he means the thread is about what a single guy did, although the OPs complaint could well apply to couples and single females too.

Maybe this guy was the guy who told the OP she was rude!

Stranger things have happened.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes you were being polite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nowadays, I would block those whom I have no intention of getting to know or meeting to prevent further contacts and wasting each other's time.

I *usually* reply to their messages and tell them that I am going to block them.

I do the same for unsolicited winks/friend invites, however, I would not send them a message to tell them they are being blocked.

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By *BW38jWoman
over a year ago

Dudley/Telford

"ive been told the same..... i no longer tell them why, i just say no thank you and block em so they dont do the ping pong messages then asking why....

same here when i did it he get really aggresive and offensive - blocked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've started to reply with a simple "Thanks for the message, but why have you messaged me?" if they don't match what I'm looking for, which generally results in an apology rather than a torrent of abuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You did what you had to do...just don't dwell on it. Let him deal with his own insecurities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of people have difficulty accepting rejection. Mummy told them they are special and they believe it.

lol just psml!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the problem with the "so and so did this threads" is that the "so and so's" are hardly likely to be regular forum goers, or people "well-settled" into the swinging scene.

What then happens is that someone from the same social group (single males, females, couples), then feel (rightly or wrongly) that they have to defend their social set.

Why? Well the issue here is how "far-reaching" are the forums, just because you could count the posting members in the less than 200 bracket, doesnt mean that 500 dont read the forums. If a member of a social set, ignores the negative posts about his/her/their social set, then over time a negative impression will build up, which could directly or indirectly effect the posibility of being seen as genuine, honest etc. etc. consequently effecting negatively the number of potential meets.

So, single guys will defend single guys, but may sympatise with the OP's of such posts that there are some numpties on the site, and the same for single women and couples.

To the OP, you said no thank you and he couldnt take, he is an idiot, its that simple, people seem to forget that "choice" applies to both parties on this site, just because he has chosen someone doesnt mean he will be chosen by them, dont worry about it. It is easy for such people to send cutting remarks, negative comments or even insults, because he doesnt have a chance to meet you, therefore nothing to lose.

When I get messages from people that dont interest me, I just dont respond, keeps them guessing and stops them badmouthing me, flinging insult because there is still a "chance" sounds slightly arrogant, but thats not the case, this must work even better for single women or couples, as single guys are hardly likely to throw a wobbly if there is still "potential".

Strange as it seems on this site, a polite "no thank you" often coincides with a rebuke and insult, so best to ignore messages from people that dont interest you. If they pester, then block, if they are disrespectful, report.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we always respond, even if it a polite no.

and

much rather get a polite no than nothing...

Anyone with a problem with this, it is their problem not yours..

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"I recently replied to a mail saying thanks but no thanks as he didn't match any of my profile asks (to short, to old and bi)

He told me I was rude

I thought I was being polite !"

Some people just can't handle rejection. Move on with your life and let the loser wallow! Muahahahahah!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I reply to all messages unless it's a 'hi' and that it !!!

Or the other one is, 'what do you like' read the fecking profile

oo, i reply knitting & jigsaws, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ave been lucky only ad a couple of nutters xx

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"I recently replied to a mail saying thanks but no thanks as he didn't match any of my profile asks (to short, to old and bi)

He told me I was rude

I thought I was being polite !"

this is why i dont reply

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By *iles3659Man
over a year ago

Stafford

I always thank people for replying when they say No Thanks.

It hurts - but they've taken the trouble to tell me. It's not hard.

And although I'd always like to know why I don't ask if they've not said.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"I always thank people for replying when they say No Thanks.

It hurts - but they've taken the trouble to tell me. It's not hard.

And although I'd always like to know why I don't ask if they've not said."

Why should it hurt...this is nsa not find love.com...sometimes i wonder if i am on the right site

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By *iles3659Man
over a year ago

Stafford

Rejection always hurts!

You don't have to be looking for love for it to hurt to be turned down.

And I don't mean BIG HURT.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't care!

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"Rejection always hurts!

You don't have to be looking for love for it to hurt to be turned down.

And I don't mean BIG HURT.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't care!"

i go to a club...some people want me,some dont...if you care then i think you need to work on not caring,its just sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rejection always hurts!

You don't have to be looking for love for it to hurt to be turned down.

And I don't mean BIG HURT.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't care!"

Mate its swingin ya shouldnt care a jot really or ya will have problems

Just remeber there will be times you turn folk down and ya wont gi a monkeys bout that xx

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By *woBiTwoCouple
over a year ago

north manchester

We almost always reply to all messages, (unless they come across as cynical, cut-and-paste affairs from people who have not read anything relevant on our profile - even then we tend to send a quick response telling them no ta) and wherever possible we tell them why not. However, if it's because we find them unattractive we generally just say that we dont think we'd be compatible.

This has worked fine until recently, when a few people have demanded more info - at first we replied honestly, but after a couple of caustic remarks we've started deleting and blocking instead before it gets to that point. Shame really, as we prefer to be civil, but it takes all sorts!

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