FabSwingers.com forum: Swinging isn't about sex it's a lifestyle choice.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok we are quite new on here but are keen readers of these forums. Quite often seeing comments on posts along the lines of "Swinging isn't about sex it's a lifestyle choice."

Holding our hands up here we joined to meet people for sex.

Can anyone shed light on that lifestyle statement. Curious to know what others joined for.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Sex.

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

"Sex."

^^what she said

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Group sex. Bi mmf.

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Kinky sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex with people who aren’t my husband (with his full blown blessing and encouragement).

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

and of course it's about sex otherwise they'd just use Facebook or join a knitting group. Obviously some like to socialise as well,as just meeting for sex alone is soooo common so throw in a bit of social chitchat makes it more acceptable.

Take that in jest.

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

I guess it's both. It's not just about the sex for us (though it kind of is), it's about the shared secret and the fact that we've both come to this place together after 20+ years of happy non-swing marriage.

It's about having a giggle as we search through Fab profiles. It's about choosing her lingerie together and planning meets. It's abouy taking sexy pics to add to our gallery. It's about planning to go to our first social. It's about sending each other sexy tweets throughout the day to update on who's messaged us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok we are quite new on here but are keen readers of these forums. Quite often seeing comments on posts along the lines of "Swinging isn't about sex it's a lifestyle choice."

Holding our hands up here we joined to meet people for sex.

Can anyone shed light on that lifestyle statement. Curious to know what others joined for."

I joined because I wanted an extra male for mmf. We have meets every month or so. We don't go to clubs anymore but have done and enjoyed them. Don't speak to anyone that we have met outwith this site. Don't know what category that puts me in but would certainly not call that a swinger. I think being "in the lifestyle" is when you actively seek swinging on a regular basis and socialise with other people swingers if you like.

More emphasis on the social side...which doesn't interest me in the slightest x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We love both the social side aswell as the play side, and have made some very good friends along the way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me the social aspect is almost more important than the sex, I couldn't have sex with someone I don't connect with.

I like to make friends and then the sex is the bonus part

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me the social aspect is almost more important than the sex, I couldn't have sex with someone I don't connect with.

I like to make friends and then the sex is the bonus part "

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Since embracing the social side a little more I feel my opportunities have ballooned.

The fact I get more options to sit on big willies if I do fancy is just a massive bonus. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This isn't a lifestyle choice for us, it's something we pop into and out of as and when we feel the need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess it's both. It's not just about the sex for us (though it kind of is), it's about the shared secret and the fact that we've both come to this place together after 20+ years of happy non-swing marriage.

Best. Answer. Ever.

And very similar to our swinging journey/experience.

V x

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

For me, it’s an attitude - I could find a guy for sex in any bar of any town ... what I’m looking for is experiences with people who have a similar attitude & outlook on sex.

Gomez & I play together & separately but always include each other ... it’s an exciting secret, something naughty that we do together. We also love the social side you get from the club side of things & we have some great friends there too.

It’s more than just sex - but it’s not as all encompassing as a lifestyle!!

However is right for you OP, is right!!

Enjoy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For me, it’s an attitude - I could find a guy for sex in any bar of any town ... what I’m looking for is experiences with people who have a similar attitude & outlook on sex.

It’s more than just sex - but it’s not as all encompassing as a lifestyle!!

However is right for you OP, is right!!

Enjoy

Thank you-that clears it up a bit. Was struggling with certain regular posters using the "It's a lifestyle" line.

Would happily close the thread now if we could!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/03/18 19:45:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all starts with sex..

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

It’s not just about sex but it all boils down to how you want to play.

Social meet, club meet, hotel etc

We all have our preferences and yes it is a lifestyle but it’s only a part of our life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this refers to being open and honest with each other, accepting who you are and what you both want!

As we all know once you’ve swung there’s no going back lol

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By *eviantdeliteWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me the social aspect is almost more important than the sex, I couldn't have sex with someone I don't connect with.

I like to make friends and then the sex is the bonus part "

This is our approach, too. If it was just sex, we would go to a club.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Sex.

Lifestyle to me means the whole way you live e.g. what you eat, where you live, the things you own (or choose not to) etc. Swinging might be part of your lifestyle but in my opinion isn't your entire lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Since embracing the social side a little more I feel my opportunities have ballooned.

The fact I get more options to sit on big willies if I do fancy is just a massive bonus. Lol"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without sex it's drinking with strangers. That's called "Going to the pub".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me the social aspect is almost more important than the sex, I couldn't have sex with someone I don't connect with.

I like to make friends and then the sex is the bonus part

This is our approach, too. If it was just sex, we would go to a club. "

If there wasn't sex you would go to a pub.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

What we’ve found over the seven years since we started swinging , is that the social side has become a much more major part of the swinging scene now , compared to when we started .

We started swinging for the sex , and still see it the same way .

We socialise with friends and family outside the scene . And they don’t know we do this . Nor do we want them to know .

When we socialise we have a great time and don’t think about swinging .

When we swing , we also have a great time and don’t think about socialising .

Works for us

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

We started out like many looking for sex and imagining orgies and the like but quickly discovered that it is not like that.

As parents we had pretty much put our own social lives on hold for ten/fifteen years and now we were free of kid commitments. Over time the social aspect has taken more of a priority, yes we still want to have sex with other people but equally we like the friends we have made and are happy just to socialise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without sex it's drinking with strangers. That's called "Going to the pub"."

Exactly.....

It’s about sex, if you just are in the lifestyle to socialise, go find some real friends who are not motivated to be friends with you for an ulterior motive (the hint you may have sex with them)

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Without sex it's drinking with strangers. That's called "Going to the pub".

Exactly.....

It’s about sex, if you just are in the lifestyle to socialise, go find some real friends who are not motivated to be friends with you for an ulterior motive (the hint you may have sex with them)"

Well said and exactly as we see it too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without sex it's drinking with strangers. That's called "Going to the pub".

Exactly.....

It’s about sex, if you just are in the lifestyle to socialise, go find some real friends who are not motivated to be friends with you for an ulterior motive (the hint you may have sex with them)"

Very good point!

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By *east and belleCouple
over a year ago

Bradford

We have joined and started tondo to clubs for the social side of being able to talk about kink. Its not like you can pop down to the local boozer and twll them ypu enjoy being pegged by the wife now is it. We enjoy being around naked people, sex and watching others but we don't want to physically swing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us it’s about sex. Now the kids have grown up we are free to try new things. we have been to a club for the first time it was very quiet. We are bricking it a lot. That being said we have never had as much sex since the topic was brought up. So in short sex and lots of it (eventually lol)

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By *ants_Nerdy_CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Havant

For us it's somewhere in the middle. It's definitely about sex, but it's also nice to socialise with people who share some of the same attitudes about sex that we do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For us it's somewhere in the middle. It's definitely about sex, but it's also nice to socialise with people who share some of the same attitudes about sex that we do."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me the social aspect is almost more important than the sex, I couldn't have sex with someone I don't connect with.

I like to make friends and then the sex is the bonus part

This is our approach, too. If it was just sex, we would go to a club.

If there wasn't sex you would go to a pub. "

No. That may be your view, but it's not ours. The social element for us is key. Paramount, perhaps.

This, like many things, cannot be reduced down to a simple binary. Attempting to do so would be facile. It would ignore the vast spectrum on which we all fall, and would fail to account for nuance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always say there's more to swinging than just the sex. Don't get me wrong it's all about sex but it's the build up to the fucking. That's what makes it interesting and exciting. And hopefully if your lucky then you can make friends along the way.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"For me the social aspect is almost more important than the sex, I couldn't have sex with someone I don't connect with.

I like to make friends and then the sex is the bonus part

This is our approach, too. If it was just sex, we would go to a club.

If there wasn't sex you would go to a pub.

No. That may be your view, but it's not ours. The social element for us is key. Paramount, perhaps.

This, like many things, cannot be reduced down to a simple binary. Attempting to do so would be facile. It would ignore the vast spectrum on which we all fall, and would fail to account for nuance.

Very true , swingers can’t be categorised into one or the other as there are so many variants . It’s not black and white , there are varying shades of grey .

But the bottom line is that sex plays a major part in what defines swinging for the majority of active swingers .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For some it's a lifestyle, not sure how that works tbh. For us it's just sex!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some great posts thanks everyone. Concensus so far seems to be as we stated. Sex is what most people are here for. Yes some attend socials and make friends but as pointed out above they mainly attempt to be your friend in the hope of having sex with you. It was the term "lifestyle" that puzzled us.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I think a good example is Donald and Jacquline from Benidorm.

Look how they took that single fem on holiday with them and then holidayed separately with the partners of another swinging couple (who neither had sex with)

I was saying to a friend (tv I met through here) when we met for lunch on Saturday that what I liked about fab is, say I went to Brighton with work, I know there’s someone down there would meet me for drinks so I Wasn’t sat alone. (Much like probably someone belonging to another ‘group’ - Motorcycle groups, jehovahs witness's Etc could).

It’s as much as belonging to a likeminded (open minded) society as much as ‘sex round at John and Mary’s’ on a Friday afternoon for me xx

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By *appysunflowerWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I think a good example is Donald and Jacquline from Benidorm.

Look how they took that single fem on holiday with them and then holidayed separately with the partners of another swinging couple (who neither had sex with)

It’s as much as belonging to a likeminded (open minded) society as much as ‘sex round at John and Mary’s’ on a Friday afternoon for me xx"

Totally agree with you, I totally adore the social side as much as the sex. I have met some truly amazing people who have become very dear friends to me over the years.

Swinging to me it's about being truly open minded about things what you feel uncomfortable to talk about in vanilla life

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By *eviantdeliteWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"I think a good example is Donald and Jacquline from Benidorm.

Look how they took that single fem on holiday with them and then holidayed separately with the partners of another swinging couple (who neither had sex with)

It’s as much as belonging to a likeminded (open minded) society as much as ‘sex round at John and Mary’s’ on a Friday afternoon for me xx

Totally agree with you, I totally adore the social side as much as the sex. I have met some truly amazing people who have become very dear friends to me over the years.

Swinging to me it's about being truly open minded about things that you feel uncomfortable to talk about in vanilla life"

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By *ants_Nerdy_CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Havant

"but as pointed out above they mainly attempt to be your friend in the hope of having sex with you. It was the term "lifestyle" that puzzled us. "

No, that's cherry picking the responses to confirm the answer you were looking to find. Surely the responses have shown you that it's different for different people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A like of better varied sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Broaden my sexual horizon.

Experience new sexual fantasies.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"but as pointed out above they mainly attempt to be your friend in the hope of having sex with you. It was the term "lifestyle" that puzzled us.

No, that's cherry picking the responses to confirm the answer you were looking to find. Surely the responses have shown you that it's different for different people?"

OK thank you.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i came here originally for the sex, and very much stayed because of the social.....

the choice is there if you want to get into the social side.....

but what i find is that people who want just the sex often look down on the people who like the social side......

they can get very "sniffy" about it.....

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"i came here originally for the sex, and very much stayed because of the social.....

the choice is there if you want to get into the social side.....

but what i find is that people who want just the sex often look down on the people who like the social side......

they can get very "sniffy" about it....."

Agree

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I originally came here for the sex years ago. Then I left and came back for the social side to meet and make friends. The amount of abuse I now get off people when I say I’m not meeting especially the artful single straight guys is deafening Like come on. It isn’t all about jumping on going at it like a jack hammer squirt squirt ugh baby wipes please. It’s more fun socially and should something come of that then so be it. These forums bring out the best and worst in a lot of discussion about this. We have the seasoned swingers !!!! Who say it’s all about the sex. Then we have the. Social swingers who take it as it comes then we have the single guys who just want to rub their cocks all over our faces and give out when no one will meet them.

This lifestyle will either drive you crazy or be right down your street. Whatever you think or say. We should be all adults about it and accecpt others for who we are. Not every single woman wants to shagged hard like many think !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me the social aspect is almost more important than the sex, I couldn't have sex with someone I don't connect with.

I like to make friends and then the sex is the bonus part

This is our approach, too. If it was just sex, we would go to a club.

If there wasn't sex you would go to a pub.

No. That may be your view, but it's not ours. The social element for us is key. Paramount, perhaps.

This, like many things, cannot be reduced down to a simple binary. Attempting to do so would be facile. It would ignore the vast spectrum on which we all fall, and would fail to account for nuance.

Very true , swingers can’t be categorised into one or the other as there are so many variants . It’s not black and white , there are varying shades of grey .

But the bottom line is that sex plays a major part in what defines swinging for the majority of active swingers .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I originally came here for the sex years ago. Then I left and came back for the social side to meet and make friends. The amount of abuse I now get off people when I say I’m not meeting especially the artful single straight guys is deafening Like come on. It isn’t all about jumping on going at it like a jack hammer squirt squirt ugh baby wipes please. It’s more fun socially and should something come of that then so be it. These forums bring out the best and worst in a lot of discussion about this. We have the seasoned swingers !!!! Who say it’s all about the sex. Then we have the. Social swingers who take it as it comes then we have the single guys who just want to rub their cocks all over our faces and give out when no one will meet them.

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By *he incognito twoCouple
over a year ago

near you

This a strange one....yes its about sex ....but then we like the "lifestyle" being free to meet like minded people ..not necessarily for sex but who understand our life style ....we may be one of the lucky couples we have been together for 30 years swinging 24 years ..still in love and still enjoying the "lifestyle"...but also enjoying thre sex.......hope this makes sense

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Sex....after all, I didn’t realise the site had a forum etc until I joined.

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By *amRod64Man
over a year ago

Gravesend

I like women, I like Men. I like men and women together...

thats it for me

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By *histle do nicelyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow South

I joined with my partner partly because we were nosey.. we lived out a few fantasies from It and enjoyed a few meets in and out of a club..it was all about the sex.

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By *onforming_deviantWoman
over a year ago

hull

"Since embracing the social side a little more I feel my opportunities have ballooned.

The fact I get more options to sit on big willies if I do fancy is just a massive bonus. Lol"

#handsome_big_willies

^^ This

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

I like lifestyle of swinging, ethical non-monogamy and polyamory. Alas few on here do and just want to bonk.

Which is cool.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm mainly into dogging I've met some wonderful people over the years

In general it's a good community to be in.

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