FabSwingers.com forum: Unrealistic expectations

By *rnortholt OP Man
over a year ago

Waveney Valley

Just putting this out there folks....

Couple near me are interested in meeting.

No pictures and not much detail - but okay says I, that's a possible.

I like to meet men to vet them first says he.

Ok says I, there's a decent pub nearby so let's grab a drink when we're both free.

Yes says he. I'll let you know.

Then: I also need to see where I'm taking her, says he.

As in my home, says I. I never meet men on their own at mine under any circumstances.

Well, I could never take her somewhere without seeing it first, he replies.

I reply politely cutting my losses and block. Now, they have two veris so I kind of think they are genuine.

So assuming they are, am I right in thinking sometimes there are just too many hoops to be jumped through and that people have unrealistic expectations of what people should do for a meet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just putting this out there folks....

Couple near me are interested in meeting.

No pictures and not much detail - but okay says I, that's a possible.

I like to meet men to vet them first says he.

Ok says I, there's a decent pub nearby so let's grab a drink when we're both free.

Yes says he. I'll let you know.

Then: I also need to see where I'm taking her, says he.

As in my home, says I. I never meet men on their own at mine under any circumstances.

Well, I could never take her somewhere without seeing it first, he replies.

I reply politely cutting my losses and block. Now, they have two veris so I kind of think they are genuine.

So assuming they are, am I right in thinking sometimes there are just too many hoops to be jumped through and that people have unrealistic expectations of what people should do for a meet?"

You did the right thing, at the end of the day your self respect is worth more than a shag

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We would walk away the minute he said he wanted to meet you on his own first. They might be genuine but if his partner isn't included in every step of the meet process I would infer that she's not fully on board. Despite the verifications I would still assume this was a man acting alone though.

We don't ask guys to jump through hoops and don't expect to jump through any our self.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just putting this out there folks....

Couple near me are interested in meeting.

No pictures and not much detail - but okay says I, that's a possible.

I like to meet men to vet them first says he.

Ok says I, there's a decent pub nearby so let's grab a drink when we're both free.

Yes says he. I'll let you know.

Then: I also need to see where I'm taking her, says he.

As in my home, says I. I never meet men on their own at mine under any circumstances.

Well, I could never take her somewhere without seeing it first, he replies.

I reply politely cutting my losses and block. Now, they have two veris so I kind of think they are genuine.

So assuming they are, am I right in thinking sometimes there are just too many hoops to be jumped through and that people have unrealistic expectations of what people should do for a meet?"

Never do anything you're not comfortable with, it is your home and personal space.

The fact that you now believe them to be genuine should be irrelevant.

You used your gut instinct and should continue to do so, it is rarely wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are a couple willing to meet single men who are verified, apparently.

Some men have so little self respect that they will do any number of circus tricks to try and get a meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We would walk away the minute he said he wanted to meet you on his own first. They might be genuine but if his partner isn't included in every step of the meet process I would infer that she's not fully on board. Despite the verifications I would still assume this was a man acting alone though.

We don't ask guys to jump through hoops and don't expect to jump through any our self."

This exactly

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By *inky SpiceWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Fake verifications are plentiful on this site so don't let them make you doubt your decision. It certainly sounds dodgy to me.

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By *rNaughtyNickMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I'd probably say seeing as he wanted to meet you alone without his wife that 99% chance there may have been no female in the first place.

There are quite a number of 'couple' profiles on fab even with verification's where the wife doesn't exist.

Always prefer to chat to both male and female beforehand.

When you get the constant excuse of shes busy with the kids, gone shopping, at work etc... the alarm bells start to ring.

In this day and age with technology a quick chat or facetime, video call puts everyone at ease.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good call.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I would have done the same OP. If they are a couple I would only meet them as a couple, never just the male half x

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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Just putting this out there folks....

Couple near me are interested in meeting.

No pictures and not much detail - but okay says I, that's a possible.

I like to meet men to vet them first says he.

Ok says I, there's a decent pub nearby so let's grab a drink when we're both free.

Yes says he. I'll let you know.

Then: I also need to see where I'm taking her, says he.

As in my home, says I. I never meet men on their own at mine under any circumstances.

Well, I could never take her somewhere without seeing it first, he replies.

I reply politely cutting my losses and block. Now, they have two veris so I kind of think they are genuine.

So assuming they are, am I right in thinking sometimes there are just too many hoops to be jumped through and that people have unrealistic expectations of what people should do for a meet?

You did the right thing, at the end of the day your self respect is worth more than a shag

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Decision well made OP

When we meet as a couple, everything is as a couple including the social. (If we have one)

I’ll make my own judgement/decision if we play or not.

MrsK x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just putting this out there folks....

Couple near me are interested in meeting.

No pictures and not much detail - but okay says I, that's a possible.

You probably find it was just a guy on his own with no partner. You done the right thing mate.

I like to meet men to vet them first says he.

Ok says I, there's a decent pub nearby so let's grab a drink when we're both free.

Yes says he. I'll let you know.

Then: I also need to see where I'm taking her, says he.

As in my home, says I. I never meet men on their own at mine under any circumstances.

Well, I could never take her somewhere without seeing it first, he replies.

I reply politely cutting my losses and block. Now, they have two veris so I kind of think they are genuine.

So assuming they are, am I right in thinking sometimes there are just too many hoops to be jumped through and that people have unrealistic expectations of what people should do for a meet?"

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

How old are the veris? Even if they were genuine once, nothing to say the couple is still together if they’re from old meets.

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By *rnortholt OP Man
over a year ago

Waveney Valley

Thanks for all the responses - and for all the support affirming my original decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like he was about to murder you

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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I can understand him wanting to meet you and check you out first - some of the more dominant types will insist on doing that on their partner’s behalf.

But to your house?

Nope. No. Nein. Nee. Never.

That’s overboard, even by my standards. If they were worried about potential location, they should get a hotel and split the bill with any potential third party. I would never agree to that if I was a single male.

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Think you did the right thing. If we meet as a couple, we do it together.

When your gut tells you it’s off, listen!!

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

You did the right thing, but just out of interest, if the woman of the 'couple' had asked the same, would you have had the same reservations or just gone with it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd probably say seeing as he wanted to meet you alone without his wife that 99% chance there may have been no female in the first place.

There are quite a number of 'couple' profiles on fab even with verification's where the wife doesn't exist.

Always prefer to chat to both male and female beforehand.

When you get the constant excuse of shes busy with the kids, gone shopping, at work etc... the alarm bells start to ring.

In this day and age with technology a quick chat or facetime, video call puts everyone at ease.

Tbh, we are a bit like this at the moment mainly as we have a just coming up to a 1 year old and with the mrs job she cannot get onto fab we are also not keen on FaceTime/video calls, it doesn’t make us fake. I wouldn’t however try to arrange a meet with a couple without the wife.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I think it has to do with the level of experience of the couple in question. I personally do not meet couples like this because in my opinion their experience is just too low for me to be interested in them.

A couples behaviour has to be natural to me , once the guy in the couple starts asking me loads of questions or trying to act like he is doing me a favour by trying to make me jump hoops, I would make him understand that I am swinging as a single guy by my choice .

I choose to swing as a single guy, there is a big difference between someone who intentionally chooses to swing as a single guy and someone who cannot find a lady. I don't want any kind of relationship that stops me from swinging as a single guy.

I would then ask them to forget about the meet, just like you did, very good Op, you did very well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single female I always trust my gut, and ONLY do meets in clubs.

I feel safer there. End of story.

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By *rnortholt OP Man
over a year ago

Waveney Valley

"You did the right thing, but just out of interest, if the woman of the 'couple' had asked the same, would you have had the same reservations or just gone with it?"

Probably not, to be honest. I don't want people knowing my business unless we both buy into it, as it were. I live in a very small market town so it's as much about gossip as physical safety.

I have met women at mine who are in a relationship, at times without there partners knowledge, but that has never simply been for coffee/tea/delete as per preference.

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