FabSwingers.com forum: Married men who are open about it

By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

Genuine question why do you say you are married? as:

1. As a man without a female partner on here, the odds are dramatically against you, by saying you are married you have made them even worse, and

2. Presumably, given you are deceiving your wife, you have no moral issues per se re lying about your sex life. Why care about lying to strangers when you are lying to your wife?

I am genuinely interested in the psychology of this as I can't see it...

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By *illy big bolloxMan
over a year ago

Newark

honesty from the start and if you have a meet or a lady contacts you then at least she is aware.

As regards being called for doing this I think it shows the honesty of the guy.

we have our reasons for being on here as do a lot of lady looking for BBC they to have there reasons.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"honesty from the start and if you have a meet or a lady contacts you then at least she is aware.

As regards being called for doing this I think it shows the honesty of the guy.

we have our reasons for being on here as do a lot of lady looking for BBC they to have there reasons."

But you're lying to your wife, so by definition honesty can't be that important to you. Why do you care about being honest with strangers.

Not having a go, by the way, just trying to understand.

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By *illy big bolloxMan
over a year ago

Newark

whether I am lying to my wife or not that is between us and my conscience.

can I just add why the guys always get it in the neck all the time, there are plenty of married ladies on this site that put it in there profile and are not vindicated for it.

Have you ever thought that I or we may be staying together for the sake of the kids and don't want to split up or move house with all the disruption that goes with it, keep the kids settled but still have sex life with someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/01/18 13:32:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone on this site has had a different journey to get here and different reasons for being here.

So I won’t judge anyone until I’ve walked in their shoes and understand their context for being here. In my opinion it’s rarely ‘black and white’ why some people find themselves cheating, for some it may have been a long complex journey to get to this point.

Anyway, many cheaters do take the option the OP alludes to which is to say nothing about their marital status.

Others opt to be up front (I won’t use the word ‘honest’ given the obvious hypocrisy that the OP has mentioned) so that people can make an informed choice before agreeing to meet anyone.

And as another response said, it’s far from only men cheating on here. There are plenty of ladies in the same boat, many of them “forum famous”

. It tends to be the men that get the rougher ride though!

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By *nvercoupleCouple
over a year ago

Inverness

Why pick on the men for this? There are plenty married women on here that are cheating.

We always want people to be honest about it. Doesn't matter to us if they are married or not.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

That's a good question actually,thankfully some men are upfront on their profile which I respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why pick on the men for this? There are plenty married women on here that are cheating.

We always want people to be honest about it. Doesn't matter to us if they are married or not. "

Probably since the site has a massive male majority. I presume most are married without their partners knowledge.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"whether I am lying to my wife or not that is between us and my conscience.

can I just add why the guys always get it in the neck all the time, there are plenty of married ladies on this site that put it in there profile and are not vindicated for it.

Like I said, I am not having a go, just trying to understand.

You may have very good reasons for lying to your wife, but the fact is you are lying. It follows from that you are willing to lie to someone very close to you in order to get what you want. - maintaining your marriage and having sex on the side.

Given that, I struggle to see why you don't lie to strangers on here to make it more likely you will get what you want.

I just don't understand.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"Why pick on the men for this? There are plenty married women on here that are cheating.

We always want people to be honest about it. Doesn't matter to us if they are married or not.

Probably since the site has a massive male majority. I presume most are married without their partners knowledge. "

Yes they are. As I say, I don't understand why the "honest" ones are honest. They are just shooting themselves in the foot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By doing so they are giving the other person the choice whether they want to engage in cheating, if guys or ladies don't state it, they are tricking the other person and that's not cool.

I get the argument that by lying to the other half is a bit hypocritical but as said by others, we all have our own reasons for being here.

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By *illy big bolloxMan
over a year ago

Newark

If I am shooting myself in the foot then so be it, but I would prefer to start in level ground if I did meet off this site.

It save a lot of pain in the end.

I wish you would stop using the word lying.

What the eye don't see the heart done bleed #justsaying

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Because some women actually prefer to meet married men for various reasons. The guys who get the grief are often those who complain and justify, blame their partner or are aggressive about the people who choose not to meet them.

Some of the most popular men on fab are here without their partners knowledge, mention it on their profile but don't discuss it on the forum.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"By doing so they are giving the other person the choice whether they want to engage in cheating, if guys or ladies don't state it, they are tricking the other person and that's not cool.

I get the argument that by lying to the other half is a bit hypocritical but as said by others, we all have our own reasons for being here. "

But what I don't understand is why anyone should feel an obligation to be truthful to strangers when they don't feel an obligation to be truthful with their partners.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"Because some women actually prefer to meet married men for various reasons. The guys who get the grief are often those who complain and justify, blame their partner or are aggressive about the people who choose not to meet them.

Some of the most popular men on fab are here without their partners knowledge, mention it on their profile but don't discuss it on the forum."

Perhaps. But I don't think anyone can seriously suggest that being an openly attached man dramatically reduces your chances on here.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"If I am shooting myself in the foot then so be it, but I would prefer to start in level ground if I did meet off this site.

It save a lot of pain in the end.

I wish you would stop using the word lying.

What the eye don't see the heart done bleed #justsaying"

But that last sentence could equally apply to people on here if you lie to them.

And what's wrong with the word "lying"? That's what you're doing isn't it.?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By doing so they are giving the other person the choice whether they want to engage in cheating, if guys or ladies don't state it, they are tricking the other person and that's not cool.

I get the argument that by lying to the other half is a bit hypocritical but as said by others, we all have our own reasons for being here.

But what I don't understand is why anyone should feel an obligation to be truthful to strangers when they don't feel an obligation to be truthful with their partners. "

The reverse could be true, some may say they’re attached when in fact they are single. Saves on someone getting too clingy etc...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Some of the most popular men on fab are here without their partners knowledge, mention it on their profile but don't discuss it on the forum.

Perhaps. But I don't think anyone can seriously suggest that being an openly attached man dramatically reduces your chances on here. "

I truthfully don't know if it increases,decreases or keeps it level. There are way more threads from men who describe themselves as single complaining that they don't get meets than from men who declare their marital status. This leads me to believe that overall it has little effect. I know it's not a scientific study but it's all I have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OK....Married men may be lying cheats but some of their accusers could do well to look at it from another angle....Do they lie about swinging to their children and parents?? I suspect they do! In, which case are they a bit like pot calling kettle etc...Being non judgmental is not easy.....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If I am shooting myself in the foot then so be it, but I would prefer to start in level ground if I did meet off this site.

It save a lot of pain in the end.

I wish you would stop using the word lying.

What the eye don't see the heart done bleed #justsaying"

So when you meet someone what do you tell your wife?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what your saying OP it's best to lie to everyone?

As a chick that meets married men of rather know upfront as its best to keep things strictly on here ...ie no txt messages or phone calls.

I'm here for sex...not to judge others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's possible to be honest with one person and not another, is it not? Just because someone lies to one person does not make them a dishonest person... if that were the case I think nobody would be able to claim to be honest.

Anyway I'm answer to the OP I would suggest that those guys and ladies (see what I did there?) who choose to disclose their marital status do so because they would like to be honest with those they are intending to chat to and meet. It makes things simpler and gives the other person the choice wether to get involved or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OK....Married men may be lying cheats but some of their accusers could do well to look at it from another angle....Do they lie about swinging to their children and parents?? I suspect they do! In, which case are they a bit like pot calling kettle etc...Being non judgmental is not easy....."

I’m very open with my family, I prefer honesty all round full stop. I try not to judge but will not meet attached men unless their partner is part of the fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of the most popular men on fab are here without their partners knowledge, mention it on their profile but don't discuss it on the forum.

Perhaps. But I don't think anyone can seriously suggest that being an openly attached man dramatically reduces your chances on here. "

Not all people want to simply maximise their chances, many wish to have fulfilling enjoyable meets. If the status is clear from the outset it avoids drama and possible bad experiences ‘down the line’ if and when the people you meet find out (if they’re ‘anti-cheater’).

Plenty WILL meet marrieds so many think it’s best to meet them than those that won’t for a hassle-free experience.

It’s like people who insist on VWE only, or gym fit. If you say you are VWE or gym fit, but it turns out you aren’t, then any meetings you have will just go tits up and be a car crash!

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By *rLucky777Man
over a year ago

Leeds

I met a lady off this site who gave the impression of being single. Turns out she was married. I wish she’d been honest from the start so I could have made an informed decision whether to meet or not. The fact that she was dishonest from the get go really put me off her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's not really comparable though, peoples sex lives are none of their parents or childrens business..

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By *illy big bolloxMan
over a year ago

Newark

I don't tell her anything why would i... she works I work,in all intense and purposes we live as one but also have separate lives.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"I think it's possible to be honest with one person and not another, is it not? Just because someone lies to one person does not make them a dishonest person... if that were the case I think nobody would be able to claim to be honest.

Fair enough, but for most of us, it's more important to be honest to those close to us than random strangers. The married persons wife has no choice as to whether she wants to be married to someone who has sex with other people. Why should he care about strangers having a choice?

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

Some of the most popular men on fab are here without their partners knowledge, mention it on their profile but don't discuss it on the forum.

Perhaps. But I don't think anyone can seriously suggest that being an openly attached man dramatically reduces your chances on here.

Plenty WILL meet marrieds so many think it’s best to meet them than those that won’t for a hassle-free experience.

It’s like people who insist on VWE only, or gym fit. If you say you are VWE or gym fit, but it turns out you aren’t, then any meetings you have will just go tits up and be a car crash!"

Good answer!

I agree, if you are looking for a long term thing, it's probably best to be honest. If you just want a short term casual shag, it's best to lie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why pick on the men for this? There are plenty married women on here that are cheating.

We always want people to be honest about it. Doesn't matter to us if they are married or not. "

Well said ......

Married / attached men and Married / attached women come here and other similar sites for sexual relief - simple as that - make no bones about it this a is after all a sex dating site in the form of "swingers"

Us that are honest, do so because its silly to deny the truth, its equally true that the site is heavily weighted against us and if you bi like me, even more so - however if you don't tell the truth in this forum of sex dating, sure as hell you will be found out.

I sadly also have to venture saying, that if the OP thinks that every "single" man is single, they are mistaken - as an ex MF swinging couple, we had our fair share of "singletons" with wedding rings and full of Bull S.....when they turned up chancing it

No doubt and man only interested in fucking his way around FAB's, will say whatever it takes to get laid

One last thing - there are 1000's upon 1000,s of cracking genuine singles out there, so enjoy them OP , don't pick on us, who mean you no harm, but are here for same reasons as you - SEX

J steps of his soap box.....again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we treat all single guys as if they are married because there is no way of knowing you ask they lie (not all) people moan about married men on here yet when people play in clubs they don't ask ... we've never seen or heard a couple or single woman ask if a guys married in a club ..... also if it was worked out in % of people I suspect there are just as many women who lie as there are men just the women get away with it because of the numbers game ... anyway its other peoples problems not ours nobody knows whats really going on in other peoples lives so think its best not to judge and just get on with the fun .... mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree but most are still not telling the truth to someone who is close about something you enjoy...and I respect that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By doing so they are giving the other person the choice whether they want to engage in cheating, if guys or ladies don't state it, they are tricking the other person and that's not cool.

I get the argument that by lying to the other half is a bit hypocritical but as said by others, we all have our own reasons for being here.

But what I don't understand is why anyone should feel an obligation to be truthful to strangers when they don't feel an obligation to be truthful with their partners. "

I get your point totally, can't explain it lol

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"Why pick on the men for this? There are plenty married women on here that are cheating.

We always want people to be honest about it. Doesn't matter to us if they are married or not.

Well said ......

No doubt and man only interested in fucking his way around FAB's, will say whatever it takes to get laid

One last thing - there are 1000's upon 1000,s of cracking genuine singles out there, so enjoy them OP , don't pick on us, who mean you no harm, but are here for same reasons as you - SEX

J steps of his soap box.....again

I have posted elsewhere that I am sure most alleged single men are attached. Hence my puzzle as to why some are open about it

And for about the eighth time, I am not having a go!

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

"Genuine question why do you say you are married? as:

1. As a man without a female partner on here, the odds are dramatically against you, by saying you are married you have made them even worse, and

2. Presumably, given you are deceiving your wife, you have no moral issues per se re lying about your sex life. Why care about lying to strangers when you are lying to your wife?

I am genuinely interested in the psychology of this as I can't see it... "
Ive saw hundreds of posts from so called single guys complaining they cant get a meet so id say in general the guys who are married are probably just tge same as those claiming to be single

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Why pick on the men for this? There are plenty married women on here that are cheating.

We always want people to be honest about it. Doesn't matter to us if they are married or not.

Well said ......

No doubt and man only interested in fucking his way around FAB's, will say whatever it takes to get laid

One last thing - there are 1000's upon 1000,s of cracking genuine singles out there, so enjoy them OP , don't pick on us, who mean you no harm, but are here for same reasons as you - SEX

J steps of his soap box.....again

I have posted elsewhere that I am sure most alleged single men are attached. Hence my puzzle as to why some are open about it

And for about the eighth time, I am not having a go! "

It's a sensitive subject people will always be defensive about it. I'd say it's nigh on impossible to discuss it without people getting upset.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"Why pick on the men for this? There are plenty married women on here that are cheating.

We always want people to be honest about it. Doesn't matter to us if they are married or not.

Well said ......

No doubt and man only interested in fucking his way around FAB's, will say whatever it takes to get laid

One last thing - there are 1000's upon 1000,s of cracking genuine singles out there, so enjoy them OP , don't pick on us, who mean you no harm, but are here for same reasons as you - SEX

J steps of his soap box.....again

I have posted elsewhere that I am sure most alleged single men are attached. Hence my puzzle as to why some are open about it

And for about the eighth time, I am not having a go!

It's a sensitive subject people will always be defensive about it. I'd say it's nigh on impossible to discuss it without people getting upset."

Indeed. I would say that if you find it hard to talk about something without getting upset, don't contribute.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's easier to be honest about some things than others. It's easier to say to a stranger on a NSA site "I'm married" than it is to say to a husband or wife "I'm cheating" or "I'm not happy in our marriage"

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By *ancgent74Man
over a year ago

Denton, Manchester

"Genuine question why do you say you are married? as:

1. As a man without a female partner on here, the odds are dramatically against you, by saying you are married you have made them even worse, and

2. Presumably, given you are deceiving your wife, you have no moral issues per se re lying about your sex life. Why care about lying to strangers when you are lying to your wife?

I am genuinely interested in the psychology of this as I can't see it... "

Neither is the case for me - I'm married and the male half of a swinging couple - we both have a singles profile each and a couple profile. Nobody is cheating and we play with the consent of each other.

As such, I'd sooner be honest about it that deceive people - why would I want to play with people who would not normally want to play with me if they knew the truth? There's plenty to go around!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So what your saying OP it's best to lie to everyone?

As a chick that meets married men of rather know upfront as its best to keep things strictly on here ...ie no txt messages or phone calls.

I'm here for sex...not to judge others."

Totally agree with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am married and say so on my profile. I play because she is ill and can't be intimate. She knows. I say because I believe being honest is important and builds trust

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

I get that, but by saying you are married you are hampering your chances of a meet, so given that you are prepared to lie to get what you want, why worry about lying to a stranger?

As I said above, the only good reason I can see is if you are looking for something long term.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What really gets us are the profiles where male or female are open that they are cheating in their partners, yet have loads of meets and verifications!!

We wouldn't dream of meeting anyone playing away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear OP - I am to long toothed, thick skinned and not bothered if you think my honesty is wrong nor am I offended by your remarks, quite the opposite, I enjoy the openness and stimulation of the conversation .....now ....fancy a shag ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ps.......nice ass OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don’t all have wives that would be so relaxed about sex with others. Old cliche I know but surely it’s better to be straight up front on here and everyone knows the score(apart from the wife clearly)

If intimacy has dried up at home doesn’t mean you love them less.... and as women often say “we all have needs”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get that, but by saying you are married you are hampering your chances of a meet, so given that you are prepared to lie to get what you want, why worry about lying to a stranger?

As I said above, the only good reason I can see is if you are looking for something long term. "

Maybe because there's no need to lie to the stranger. There are plenty of people who would and do meet married people, so lying is maybe just an unnecessary complication. For many married people it can be difficult to arrange meets and sometimes plans need to change last minute... if the other person is aware of the marital status that can help with those situations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why do you feel the need to understand the actions or motives of other members of FS..surely it is entirely up to the protagonists in each relationship to set their own rules and bounderies ..

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By *illy big bolloxMan
over a year ago

Newark

Well said Badkitty

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"why do you feel the need to understand the actions or motives of other members of FS..surely it is entirely up to the protagonists in each relationship to set their own rules and bounderies .."

Because I am interested.

No one is obliged to contribute to this thread if they don't want to.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

I get that, but by saying you are married you are hampering your chances of a meet, so given that you are prepared to lie to get what you want, why worry about lying to a stranger?

As I said above, the only good reason I can see is if you are looking for something long term.

Yes, I can see that. I am going to do a survey in another thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"honesty from the start and if you have a meet or a lady contacts you then at least she is aware.

As regards being called for doing this I think it shows the honesty of the guy.

we have our reasons for being on here as do a lot of lady looking for BBC they to have there reasons.

Not that i condone cheating but some are on here with a wife’s consent. Ps. The married part with or without consent is a no from me but that’s my personal choice.

But you're lying to your wife, so by definition honesty can't be that important to you. Why do you care about being honest with strangers.

Not having a go, by the way, just trying to understand. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm married and he has no idea I'm on here, however everyone who reads my profile knows I'm married.

I'd like to remain married so yes I lie to him.

Potential meets knowing I'm married wouldn't end in my divorce. Therefore they know and he does not. It isn't that I care more about being honest with you all but not him it's about consequences. Simples

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm married and he has no idea I'm on here, however everyone who reads my profile knows I'm married.

I'd like to remain married so yes I lie to him.

That sounds like sound reasoning to me.

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By *illy big bolloxMan
over a year ago

Newark

well said NaughtyMrs555

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"I'm married and he has no idea I'm on here, however everyone who reads my profile knows I'm married.

I'd like to remain married so yes I lie to him.

That sounds like sound reasoning to me. "

Being married won't significantly lessen a woman's chances. That's the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's a good question actually,thankfully some men are upfront on their profile which I respect."

Thank you. That's why it's there.

Honesty is ironic as mentioned by others.

Some people don't get the position I and others are in and it would take a lot of words to explain.

Personally, I don't get couples seeking other people to join them in their sex life. Not judging anyone as I've never tried it and not saying I wouldn't, just don't get it is all.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

We all have our own moral compass and often the decisions aren’t easy. Just because I choose to lie to my wife it doesn’t mean I have to like it and it doesn’t mean that I want to lie to others.

If your life is straightforward and things are black and white for you then that’s great. But they aren’t for everyone and it doesn’t mean you’re right and they’re wrong.

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

There's no point in lying about it, in my opinion.

By the time I can't accommodate, I mention discretion and can only meet during the working day it's pretty obvious.

I appreciate that others on the site can choose whether they meet married folk or not.

It's just another parameter of choice such as age or race.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm married and he has no idea I'm on here, however everyone who reads my profile knows I'm married.

I'd like to remain married so yes I lie to him.

There's something about having a secret life that's just mine in my own naughty little world. I have had affairs and at times have left my partner for the person I'm having an affair with, making the lover the new partner. The relationship soon fails.

In my long life I have realised I am a serial cheat HOWEVER I have always been faithful to my lovers while they are lovers. My secret life is my real life and once it is no longer a secret I need a new secret.

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By *ringles0510Woman
over a year ago

Central Borders

"Everyone on this site has had a different journey to get here and different reasons for being here.

Anyway, many cheaters do take the option the OP alludes to which is to say nothing about their marital status.

Others opt to be up front (I won’t use the word ‘honest’ given the obvious hypocrisy that the OP has mentioned) so that people can make an informed choice before agreeing to meet anyone.

And as another response said, it’s far from only men cheating on here. There are plenty of ladies in the same boat, many of them “forum famous”

. It tends to be the men that get the rougher ride though! "

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"There's no point in lying about it, in my opinion.

By the time I can't accommodate, I mention discretion and can only meet during the working day it's pretty obvious.

I appreciate that others on the site can choose whether they meet married folk or not.

It's just another parameter of choice such as age or race.

Those are fair points. It's logical that if you think you will pretty speedily get found out that it's best not to lie.

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