FabSwingers.com forum: Is it wrong to wanna chat 1st

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Now forgive me if im wrong but when did it stop being okay to want to chat 1st before anything else!??

For me it gives me an indication of what someone is like, is no obligation amd a decent way to break the ice!!

Am I wrong and if so how much has the world changed

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By *idingawayCouple
over a year ago

Central

Definitely not. I like a chat to suss them out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chat on here and then on the phone .plus need to see recent pics before i decide to meet up for social.

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By *hispers-40Woman
over a year ago

up the garden path

Definitely chat first need to to sus them out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are you suggesting others view it as wrong? The vast majority of profiles I read (couples and men) say they want to chat first to see if there's a connection.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

You have to accept not everyone will act the way you do. Also, with men vastly outnumbering women, messages like "hi, how are you?" will be mostly ignored in favour of something more imaginative.

It's not that you're doing anything wrong, it's simply a numbers game.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why are you suggesting others view it as wrong? The vast majority of profiles I read (couples and men) say they want to chat first to see if there's a connection."

Due to the fact that i try to chat with people whosay that, get 2 messages in (so before its even started) and its message deleted. If you want to chat then do it surely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now forgive me if im wrong but when did it stop being okay to want to chat 1st before anything else!??

For me it gives me an indication of what someone is like, is no obligation amd a decent way to break the ice!!

Also it seems there is obligation involved for some people. Plenty seem to just see it as a time-limited, going through the motions thing. There are like-minded people out there, just got to keep going until you find them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are you suggesting others view it as wrong? The vast majority of profiles I read (couples and men) say they want to chat first to see if there's a connection.

Due to the fact that i try to chat with people whosay that, get 2 messages in (so before its even started) and its message deleted. If you want to chat then do it surely

Perhaps after a couple of messages they just decide that you're not for them. Sure it would polite if they just said so, but the internet has never encouraged good manners really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why are you suggesting others view it as wrong? The vast majority of profiles I read (couples and men) say they want to chat first to see if there's a connection.

Due to the fact that i try to chat with people whosay that, get 2 messages in (so before its even started) and its message deleted. If you want to chat then do it surely

Perhaps after a couple of messages they just decide that you're not for them. Sure it would polite if they just said so, but the internet has never encouraged good manners really."

Fair point lol, although wouldn't hurt just to say no thanks!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same here , we always exchange a few messages before arranging a social . You wouldn’t believe how many guys we’ve met off here who don’t look like their pictures and can’t hold a conversation with both of us .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are you suggesting others view it as wrong? The vast majority of profiles I read (couples and men) say they want to chat first to see if there's a connection.

Due to the fact that i try to chat with people whosay that, get 2 messages in (so before its even started) and its message deleted. If you want to chat then do it surely

Are you going sexual too early? Are you asking them dull stuff like what they're up to? Not expecting answers here but is your chat up to scratch? I know I can find it tough to sustain a conversation sometimes and people have dropped away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely not, you need to build up rapport, and check whether the chemistry is there.

When we meet, which is rare these days, it's always on a social basis first, and always somewhere public.

Rapport & chemistry work both ways, we've turned up and not been what the person we're meeting either expected or wanted and vice versa.

Imagine how badly that would have gone if we'd gone to the bedroom stage without the social?

So, nowt wrong with getting to know someone before you move on to the bigger things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It makes sense to chat first. If u met someone in a pub or bar u would have to chat to them first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only through chat you can find out if there will be the chemistry to go any further and saves the hassle of a social just to find out they're nothing like what you thought ?

The up to date picture thing is a must ! As some are as said nothing like what they look like now ??

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester

Don't understand people who just send a friend request out of the blue, no chat or connection - so rude and random - do they just want to nose at friends only pics?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't understand people who just send a friend request out of the blue, no chat or connection - so rude and random - do they just want to nose at friends only pics?"

I think people often do it so that you can see their pics. Seems lazy to me though, I usually ignore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now forgive me if im wrong but when did it stop being okay to want to chat 1st before anything else!??

For me it gives me an indication of what someone is like, is no obligation amd a decent way to break the ice!!

Am I wrong and if so how much has the world changed "

So let me get this right...if one of the few stunning ladies on this site messaged you and said "please call round, no chit chat, just fuck me like crave to be fucked"

You'd turn around and say..

"No thanks love, I think we should get to know each other on a more platonic level before any of that nonsense"

Or do you just want people to think you're a nice genuine guy??? Mmmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also...you must be one of very few men on here that has messages just wanting fucks straight off the bat.???

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By *iss_Samantha_LovecockTV/TS
over a year ago

bmth /poole sometimes blandford

not at all but unfortunately , for a lot of guys , thats all they will ever do ..which is frustrating if your on here to meet up for real sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no right or wrong way, you do exactly what suits you. I'm sure there are some on here that exchange a couple of messages, meet, fuck, go home and equally, there are others who like to establish a connetion through chatting first. Just find someone who does the same as you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a general rule and because of the amount of email we get each day,we tend not to chat because if we chatted to everyone that contacted us it would take forever.We as a couple know what we want meet wise and always outline it in any adverts we might place..We clearly state on our profile we do not chat and only really correspond back when it's regarding a meet request/advert as this would be the only time we would definitely be free ..we do not engage in chat as we do not want to string anybody along as we are limited with our free times for meets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chatting first for me is usually essential. I like to know a little about the person before deciding to take things further.

I do also understand though that for some people they want spontaneous and the thrill of meeting a total stranger.

I may not chat to someone if I needed someone to fulfill a fantasy for me.

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By *lackbird1000Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Don't understand people who just send a friend request out of the blue, no chat or connection - so rude and random - do they just want to nose at friends only pics?"
that gets to me but I don't have friends only pictures , I always thought they want me to see theirs !!!! Who knows !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't understand people who just send a friend request out of the blue, no chat or connection - so rude and random - do they just want to nose at friends only pics? that gets to me but I don't have friends only pictures , I always thought they want me to see theirs !!!! Who knows !!! "

I think they are hoping you'll accept it so they can have an excuse to message thanking your for accepting it, cheeky fookers!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now forgive me if im wrong but when did it stop being okay to want to chat 1st before anything else!??

For me it gives me an indication of what someone is like, is no obligation amd a decent way to break the ice!!

Am I wrong and if so how much has the world changed "

It’s the only way really in our humble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For my wife chatting to someone first is most important. She likes the thrill and flirt before having a meet. Having said that she only exchanged a few messages over 4 days before she decided to meet him. She said felt comfortable with him so why not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For my wife chatting to someone first is most important. She likes the thrill and flirt before having a meet. Having said that she only exchanged a few messages over 4 days before she decided to meet him. She said felt comfortable with him so why not "

That’s what we like, we don’t want to chat for days on end but a few chats to build a bit of tension is good.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

If there’s an obvious attraction we prefer to chat in person . Can’t stand constant messaging on here or anywhere else .

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Why are you suggesting others view it as wrong? The vast majority of profiles I read (couples and men) say they want to chat first to see if there's a connection.

Due to the fact that i try to chat with people whosay that, get 2 messages in (so before its even started) and its message deleted. If you want to chat then do it surely

But that scenario is completely different to what your OP was about.

They are deleting because they aren't interested (in a way that some take as rude) but they aren't going straight to sex with no chat, they just aren't doing either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s what we like, we don’t want to chat for days on end but a few chats to build a bit of tension is good."

I wasn't involved in any way. And love seeing her smile into her phone when she received a naughty text. I'm a realist and appreciate that getting to know eachother is amazing. Me and my wife know eachother inside out. So I know I can never give her that buzz again so don't want to deny it her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now forgive me if im wrong but when did it stop being okay to want to chat 1st before anything else!??

For me it gives me an indication of what someone is like, is no obligation amd a decent way to break the ice!!

Am I wrong and if so how much has the world changed "

Wish u weren't in Bristol

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Some will want to chat first.

Some will want to go straight to a social.

Some will want a meet yesterday and to get down and dirty straight away.

Some will want all three at different times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As iv grown into it im having more fun on forum than fishing for meets anyway

Its fine whatever way you do it blind meet of become best buddys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always like to chat first .. we like to know the people we plan to meet are into the same things as us , what limits they have , what things they want to try etc and we like to be able to give them an understanding of our own dynamics to ensure we are all happy with moving forward x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Defo chat to build up trust n lust xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love the chat and getting to know someone.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

We love a natter, as we want a connection. Not looking for love or anything serious but impatient, unintelligent people are quite the turn off for us. Seduce our minds and our bodies may just follow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a general rule and because of the amount of email we get each day,we tend not to chat because if we chatted to everyone that contacted us it would take forever.We as a couple know what we want meet wise and always outline it in any adverts we might place..We clearly state on our profile we do not chat and only really correspond back when it's regarding a meet request/advert as this would be the only time we would definitely be free ..we do not engage in chat as we do not want to string anybody along as we are limited with our free times for meets "

Same routine as us, not interested in chatters outside of the chatrooms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same routine as us, not interested in chatters outside of the chatrooms."

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By *017chesterladMan
over a year ago

chester

Completely agree chat first and see where it goes xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m really confused about how I feel about this at the moment. I’ve done both and with mixed outcomes, great/not so great meets out of little chat and same after a lot of chat. But I’m getting put off loads of chat because I do feel I get more messed about by those people - after they’ve drawn me in and then it’s upsetting (yes I know, don’t take it personally, just hit delete and move on etc etc!!) So sadly after yet another incident of this my chat time is going back to basics again. Shame because I do prefer the connection you can build with good chat.

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

I don't like too much chat , I prefer action, this is because I don't like talking for the fun of talking, everything I say must have a purpose and lead to a destination.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m really confused about how I feel about this at the moment. I’ve done both and with mixed outcomes, great/not so great meets out of little chat and same after a lot of chat. But I’m getting put off loads of chat because I do feel I get more messed about by those people - after they’ve drawn me in and then it’s upsetting (yes I know, don’t take it personally, just hit delete and move on etc etc!!) So sadly after yet another incident of this my chat time is going back to basics again. Shame because I do prefer the connection you can build with good chat.

We find the ones that ask the most questions and say the most in what they are going to do on the meet are the ones most likely to bottle out ..we only chat when its regarding any adverts we have up..we usually get three or 4 messages a day saying can we chat to see if we are compatible ..but for us that does not work because every meet is different in the way we set it out because of the way we like to meet..for us it not just a case of come and have a 3sum or mf our meet usually involve some sort of scenario .. we do not chat socially on here because it would only be me Mike they would be chatting too anyway and most always want the female involved but Diane is not interested in the admin side of swinging only because of time constraints on our part ..but every individual is different when it comes to swinging so people should do what works for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We prefer to chat first, we like to see if there’s a connection, interest the mind and the body will follow!

I’m an utter chatter box (fem) so do all the admin, he will send the odd message but due to myself being the fussy pot, I like to suss them out, far too many time wasters or fakes so chatting gives ample opportunity to find this out.

Plus we are looking for long term friends in the swinging world not just fuck and goes.

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By *ave65Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

Don't no what it's like for women but because am bi every man thinks just because am on line am going to drop everything and go fuck them. I like to see what's happening and love chatting on the live cams and reading the great stories in forum. But the message I get start with. Cum fuck my hole and am free cum and use me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Defo chat to build up trust n lust xx"

Totally agree

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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

"Now forgive me if im wrong but when did it stop being okay to want to chat 1st before anything else!??

For me it gives me an indication of what someone is like, is no obligation amd a decent way to break the ice!!

Am I wrong and if so how much has the world changed "

We like to chat, but not on here.

If someone wants to chat with us, they can do so at a Club.

We find a club let's you get a better idea of physical attraction and mental connection than a keyboard or smartphone.

If people are not willing to go to a club, we'd never meet them anyway, so it saves all of us from wasting our time.

For us clubs are a perfect safe place to meet, socialise and play if the opportunity arises, but we would never go with the expectation of playing with others, even if we have spoken before. So there is no obligation anyway.

Don't think the world has changed that much, we prefer to get to know people in person rather than over other media. Maybe we're just old fashioned though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also...you must be one of very few men on here that has messages just wanting fucks straight off the bat.???"

Think you have mis understood, I am a red blooded male same as the rest and if what you said in the 1st reply was to happen, then yeah ibs I would take them up on it. All I am saying is people on here tend to not do the whole chat thing, even though in a profile thats what they ask for!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have just found out to my ego's demise that it is best to chat before you exchange face pictures lol...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely not. I like a chat to suss them out

Im the same.

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By *eKoopleCouple
over a year ago

Germany / Manchester

Like many, we prefer to chat first. We have experienced people wanting to jump in straight away and fortunately it’s rare.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always a social first unless in a club which is more spontaneous

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