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"I am not a swinger and although the lifestyle fascinates me it's not something I could ever truly imagine my husband and I getting into. I think it fascinates me because he's the only man I've ever had sex with( we met at age 14) and there's always a wonder of what if. Although I don't feel I've missed out my fantasies often involve a 3rd wheel. How do you overcome the jealousy, insecurity? Do you ever use it against each other when arguing?? " There is no jealousy and absolutely no insecurity whatsoever . And no , we never use it against each other when arguing . I don’t recall a single argument happening which even has a hint of swinging being the reason for it . We swing because it’s fun , and exciting and our relationship has become way stronger as a result of our liberated lifestyle | |||
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"You could even go to a nice club and just watch others getting it on!" We have been to a club in Cambridge around 7 or 8 years ago but it wasn't really our thing. Watching doesn't do anything for me and my husband said he'd rather watch porn with me than what we witnessed. | |||
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"I am not a swinger and although the lifestyle fascinates me it's not something I could ever truly imagine my husband and I getting into. I think it fascinates me because he's the only man I've ever had sex with( we met at age 14) and there's always a wonder of what if. Although I don't feel I've missed out my fantasies often involve a 3rd wheel. How do you overcome the jealousy, insecurity? Do you ever use it against each other when arguing?? " We've been together since similar age to you, married 26yrs. Never slept with anyone else so this is fun, a joint hobby which has brought new dimensions to our relationship. Is awesome discussing and the friendships we've formed are amazing Fi xx | |||
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"If someone used sex against me when arguing I'd be out of that relationship before they could finish whatever point they were trying to make." After being with that person for 33 years? Married for 22 nearly 23 got 2 teenage children together an amazing life and relationship together , you would end the relationship because you argued about sex and we all know when arguing things get said just to "win". This is why I know I will never swing because I don't think I could trust myself not to just say oh well why dont you just go fuck so and so again | |||
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"If someone used sex against me when arguing I'd be out of that relationship before they could finish whatever point they were trying to make. After being with that person for 33 years? Married for 22 nearly 23 got 2 teenage children together an amazing life and relationship together , you would end the relationship because you argued about sex and we all know when arguing things get said just to "win". This is why I know I will never swing because I don't think I could trust myself not to just say oh well why dont you just go fuck so and so again" Yes. I would leave if someone threw something like that back in my face because I'd know I'd seen their true colours. If you think you're going to behave that way, I don't personally think you should be on a swingers site. It's not a kind way to treat people. I don't form relationships with people who say hurtful things to win arguments. People that do things like that aren't very nice people. | |||
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"I am not a swinger and although the lifestyle fascinates me it's not something I could ever truly imagine my husband and I getting into. I think it fascinates me because he's the only man I've ever had sex with( we met at age 14) and there's always a wonder of what if. Although I don't feel I've missed out my fantasies often involve a 3rd wheel. How do you overcome the jealousy, insecurity? Do you ever use it against each other when arguing?? " There is no jealousy to overcome. If we were jealous of each other we simply wouldn’t do it. As for using it in arguments; no. We don’t argue. Discuss things but never argue. | |||
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"If someone used sex against me when arguing I'd be out of that relationship before they could finish whatever point they were trying to make. After being with that person for 33 years? Married for 22 nearly 23 got 2 teenage children together an amazing life and relationship together , you would end the relationship because you argued about sex and we all know when arguing things get said just to "win". This is why I know I will never swing because I don't think I could trust myself not to just say oh well why dont you just go fuck so and so again" With an outlook like that I totally agree that you are not cut out for swinging. Good luck not swinging. x | |||
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"You could even go to a nice club and just watch others getting it on! We have been to a club in Cambridge around 7 or 8 years ago but it wasn't really our thing. Watching doesn't do anything for me and my husband said he'd rather watch porn with me than what we witnessed." What about being watched? My partner & I love the thrill of that, it’s amazing. Here’s nothing to say you have to play with others, you could remain monogamous but still have the thrill ... just a thought! I echo the other comments though. It’s not something you can do with an unstable relationship, but for us, it adds another dimension to our relationship & in a lot of ways has brought us even closer because of the added intimacy & the level of trust in each other it brings (we do a bit of BDSM play too, so massive trust needed!!) | |||
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"I was merely asking for honest opinions as to how you handle the emotions not the abuse im now getting in pm about deleting my account as I don't belong. Ive clearly stated at every opportunity that I'm not a swinger just interested is all." Report any abusive messages I meet other people with my partners knowledge, have done for a few years and can honestly say our sex life together has only improved as a result and we've had not a single argument about it. | |||
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"I am not a swinger and although the lifestyle fascinates me it's not something I could ever truly imagine my husband and I getting into. I think it fascinates me because he's the only man I've ever had sex with( we met at age 14) and there's always a wonder of what if. Although I don't feel I've missed out my fantasies often involve a 3rd wheel. How do you overcome the jealousy, insecurity? Do you ever use it against each other when arguing?? " We didn't have to overcome jealousy and insecurity because it's never been a feature of our relationship. When we argue we don't use mutually agreed activities of any sort against each other. | |||
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"I was merely asking for honest opinions as to how you handle the emotions not the abuse im now getting in pm about deleting my account as I don't belong. Ive clearly stated at every opportunity that I'm not a swinger just interested is all." Ignore the tossers, just block them. You enjoy yourself on here in any way you want to. | |||
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"I was merely asking for honest opinions as to how you handle the emotions not the abuse im now getting in pm about deleting my account as I don't belong. Ive clearly stated at every opportunity that I'm not a swinger just interested is all." Wow, that’s awful!! You clearly enjoy the elements that you do get involved in & no one has the right to judge anyone for how they choose to use Fab or live their life!! If you had a fake profile just to research the topic (you know, for Sydney Uni & all that!) then I could maybe understand the reaction - although not the abuse - but a brief look at your profile shows that you actively participate & enjoy what you do. Ignore the bullies, report & block and enjoy yourself!! Hope you’ve got some positive responses to this & if you’re ever in the North West, you’d be more than welcome at Townhouse for a social & a natter - maybe even a gin & a hot tub - even if you didn’t want to dress down or play M x | |||
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"I think that if there are elements of insecurity and jealousy in a relationship swinging isn't a good idea. I also think that if one partner will use something that happened during swinging against the other in an argument that partner doesn't really want to swing or something happened that needs resolving. Having said that I'm surprised time and again to discover that the basis of many relationships seems to be jealousy and insecurity and many couples arguments consist of them scoring points off of each other over things that happened in the past." We are neither jealous or insecure in any part of our life or relationship. My husband works away often. We holiday alone with friends him golf me spas. No jealousy at all or questioning but having sex with someone else is unknown to us so we need to address these issues before even thinking of indulging. I just wanted honest opinions of if people had experienced jealousy and what they did about it | |||
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"I was merely asking for honest opinions as to how you handle the emotions not the abuse im now getting in pm about deleting my account as I don't belong. Ive clearly stated at every opportunity that I'm not a swinger just interested is all." Your honesty should be applauded. If you are worried about jealousy then cherry pick the bits you both like that wont be an issue. Then take baby steps from there. Either way do what is right for both of you. | |||
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"I think that if there are elements of insecurity and jealousy in a relationship swinging isn't a good idea. I also think that if one partner will use something that happened during swinging against the other in an argument that partner doesn't really want to swing or something happened that needs resolving. Having said that I'm surprised time and again to discover that the basis of many relationships seems to be jealousy and insecurity and many couples arguments consist of them scoring points off of each other over things that happened in the past. We are neither jealous or insecure in any part of our life or relationship. My husband works away often. We holiday alone with friends him golf me spas. No jealousy at all or questioning but having sex with someone else is unknown to us so we need to address these issues before even thinking of indulging. I just wanted honest opinions of if people had experienced jealousy and what they did about it " I didn't mean to suggest it was, I'm sorry you took it that I did. You asked how people dealt with it. My opinion is that if people have these issues swinging isn't a good idea. | |||
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"I am not a swinger and although the lifestyle fascinates me it's not something I could ever truly imagine my husband and I getting into. I think it fascinates me because he's the only man I've ever had sex with( we met at age 14) and there's always a wonder of what if. Although I don't feel I've missed out my fantasies often involve a 3rd wheel. How do you overcome the jealousy, insecurity? Do you ever use it against each other when arguing?? There is no jealousy and absolutely no insecurity whatsoever . And no , we never use it against each other when arguing . I don’t recall a single argument happening which even has a hint of swinging being the reason for it . We swing because it’s fun , and exciting and our relationship has become way stronger as a result of our liberated lifestyle " 100% couldn’t agree more with this. This is exactly how we feel xx | |||
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"I'm not sure I can give you the answer you want, as we are coming at this from different directions. It sounds a cliché, but we don't consider that we "own" each other, therefore there is nothing to be jealous about. We have a rock-solid relationship, so when we are playing we like to see each other enjoying ourselves. As for using it during an argument, why would we, its something we do together, we both decided to get into this together, we involve each other as much as possible in whatever we are doing as we love to swing together. From your post, it seems that you have deep insecurities, I would step away from Fab and sort those out." | |||
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"From your post, it seems that you have deep insecurities, I would step away from Fab and sort those out." I didn't quote the entire post here for reasons of brevity, but couldn't agree more! You absolutely can not have any insecurities regarding your partner if you expect swinging to be an enjoyable experience. Your relationship needs to be solid before-hand and everyone (both partners and the folks they're swinging with) needs to be on the same page with what each is expecting from the experience. That includes what YOU want from the experience. If you're excited about getting your rocks off with someone else, but aren't happy for your partner to do the same, then I'd recommend some serious introspection to unpick those emotions before even thinking about taking anything further. | |||
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"I have no intention of ever swinging. I don't WANT to have sex with anyone other than my husband as clearly stated in my profile and in the opening line. Merely curious as to understanding how couples dealt with the emotions. I have fun in chat and have made many friends there why should I leave ? And simply asking a question about how people coped with jealousy or if they even experienced it has made you think I'm insecure. Far from it. " I think the key is that people who have been swinging for any sort of time don't really have jealousy. Well, that's not true. Occasionally I am jealous of something, but then I unpick in my head what that emotion is trying to tell me. Perhaps something is manifesting as jealousy because I'm not feeling happy about my own body at this time. Or because I want to spend more time with my partner. Sometimes jealousy manifests just because I'm stressed or anxious in another part of my life. Each time I think about it and decide what it's telling me, and then just... get rid of the feeling. Jealousy itself is just a thing to tell you that something is up - if you then deal with the problem then it disappears. | |||
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"I am not a swinger and although the lifestyle fascinates me it's not something I could ever truly imagine my husband and I getting into. I think it fascinates me because he's the only man I've ever had sex with( we met at age 14) and there's always a wonder of what if. Although I don't feel I've missed out my fantasies often involve a 3rd wheel. How do you overcome the jealousy, insecurity? Do you ever use it against each other when arguing?? " In all the years we have been doing this we have never brought it up in any way during, our quite rare, arguments. In fact I cannot remember us ever having an argument about sex at all. Says it all really. | |||
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"This lifestyle made our relationship many time stronger a we are so happy. I had also on my life before, only one man but now I love this everyday more and more. We are playing only together and I can only recommend this for everyone." | |||
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"I am not a swinger and although the lifestyle fascinates me it's not something I could ever truly imagine my husband and I getting into. I think it fascinates me because he's the only man I've ever had sex with( we met at age 14) and there's always a wonder of what if. Although I don't feel I've missed out my fantasies often involve a 3rd wheel. How do you overcome the jealousy, insecurity? Do you ever use it against each other when arguing?? There is no jealousy and absolutely no insecurity whatsoever . And no , we never use it against each other when arguing . I don’t recall a single argument happening which even has a hint of swinging being the reason for it . We swing because it’s fun , and exciting and our relationship has become way stronger as a result of our liberated lifestyle " Absolutely agree with that, same for us . | |||
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"Don’t get this ,why oh why are you on a swingers site if you don’t want to try even soft swing ?" Because I enjoy the chat rooms and forums and I get alot of attention when I go on cam which is always nice. Maybe I just like knowing im wanted from the hundreds of messages I get weekly. We are all here for our own thing. Are we Not? | |||
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"Don’t get this ,why oh why are you on a swingers site if you don’t want to try even soft swing ?" Would hazard a guess and say because swinging has become a much broader term than it's strict meaning. Personally I would say Fabswingers would be a much poorer place without those who are exploring and maybe experimenting with "the lifestyle" You couldn't call beginners like us swingers really and everyone has to start somewhere lol. Can honestly say that no one we have met has tried to push us into anything, exact opposite in fact and the advice we have had from others is to take time, go at your own pace and discuss, discuss, discuss which is what the OP is doing | |||
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"Basically the position is this. Most people in relationships feel that sex is something that bonds them and that any sexual contact with anyone else is a betrayal of that relationship. There are a small percentage of people in relationships who don't feel like that about sex and see sex with someone outside the relationship as no more significant than having in a drink with someone outside the relationship. People in the former group shouldn't swing. " You missed out the people who see sex as something significant, but that needn't be restricted to just one person. | |||
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"I am not a swinger and although the lifestyle fascinates me it's not something I could ever truly imagine my husband and I getting into. I think it fascinates me because he's the only man I've ever had sex with( we met at age 14) and there's always a wonder of what if. Although I don't feel I've missed out my fantasies often involve a 3rd wheel. How do you overcome the jealousy, insecurity? Do you ever use it against each other when arguing?? " Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then? | |||
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"Basically the position is this. Most people in relationships feel that sex is something that bonds them and that any sexual contact with anyone else is a betrayal of that relationship. There are a small percentage of people in relationships who don't feel like that about sex and see sex with someone outside the relationship as no more significant than having in a drink with someone outside the relationship. People in the former group shouldn't swing. You missed out the people who see sex as something significant, but that needn't be restricted to just one person." Group one isn't restricted to two person relationships. | |||
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"I Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then?" Stupid, unfriendly, unhelpful comment. | |||
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"I Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then? Stupid, unfriendly, unhelpful comment." In what way? It was a real question, why be on here if you don’t swing? Or is it a private investigator ? Don’t see why you think it unfriendly? | |||
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"I Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then? Stupid, unfriendly, unhelpful comment. In what way? It was a real question, why be on here if you don’t swing? Or is it a private investigator ? Don’t see why you think it unfriendly? " I thought the same ( but then I am the eternal cynic) To me the OP sounds like someone fishing for info, for 'research' | |||
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"I Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then? Stupid, unfriendly, unhelpful comment. In what way? It was a real question, why be on here if you don’t swing? Or is it a private investigator ? Don’t see why you think it unfriendly? I thought the same ( but then I am the eternal cynic) To me the OP sounds like someone fishing for info, for 'research'" What research could they possibly be doing? | |||
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"If you have a strong marriage and have ralked about it then shouldnt b an issue. The way we look at is that we make love, but meets are sex hopefully good sex lol" Couldnt agree more. | |||
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"I Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then? Stupid, unfriendly, unhelpful comment. In what way? It was a real question, why be on here if you don’t swing? Or is it a private investigator ? Don’t see why you think it unfriendly? I thought the same ( but then I am the eternal cynic) To me the OP sounds like someone fishing for info, for 'research'" I am completely fishing for info. As in I'm trying to understand the dynamics of swinging and what effects it has on your relationship and emotions.for no other purpose than my own toe dip into this world. I'm not an institute not a private investigator. I'm also real ask anyone who has chatted with me in chat. Or ask cyberdean or centrally, Ms cheekie or Minnie mouse they all have my phone number and I class them as chat friends. | |||
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"I Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then? Stupid, unfriendly, unhelpful comment. In what way? It was a real question, why be on here if you don’t swing? Or is it a private investigator ? Don’t see why you think it unfriendly? I thought the same ( but then I am the eternal cynic) To me the OP sounds like someone fishing for info, for 'research' I am completely fishing for info. As in I'm trying to understand the dynamics of swinging and what effects it has on your relationship and emotions.for no other purpose than my own toe dip into this world. I'm not an institute not a private investigator. I'm also real ask anyone who has chatted with me in chat. Or ask cyberdean or centrally, Ms cheekie or Minnie mouse they all have my phone number and I class them as chat friends. " Rubbish. You’re from Sydney uni. Look you; I’ve asked nicely now I’m starting to get cross. The knickers you borrowed for research cost me lots. They were part of a beautiful set. I do t want them back now because I dread to think what you’ve been doing with them so I think it only fair you get me some new ones | |||
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"I Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then? Stupid, unfriendly, unhelpful comment. In what way? It was a real question, why be on here if you don’t swing? Or is it a private investigator ? Don’t see why you think it unfriendly? I thought the same ( but then I am the eternal cynic) To me the OP sounds like someone fishing for info, for 'research' I am completely fishing for info. As in I'm trying to understand the dynamics of swinging and what effects it has on your relationship and emotions.for no other purpose than my own toe dip into this world. I'm not an institute not a private investigator. I'm also real ask anyone who has chatted with me in chat. Or ask cyberdean or centrally, Ms cheekie or Minnie mouse they all have my phone number and I class them as chat friends. Rubbish. You’re from Sydney uni. Look you; I’ve asked nicely now I’m starting to get cross. The knickers you borrowed for research cost me lots. They were part of a beautiful set. I do t want them back now because I dread to think what you’ve been doing with them so I think it only fair you get me some new ones " I will of course get you some new ones as your pert bottom is much smaller than mine and I think I've over stretched the elastic so now they would just fall down on you. What colour and style would you prefer? | |||
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"I Can I ask why you on on here if you aren’t swingers then? Stupid, unfriendly, unhelpful comment. In what way? It was a real question, why be on here if you don’t swing? Or is it a private investigator ? Don’t see why you think it unfriendly? I thought the same ( but then I am the eternal cynic) To me the OP sounds like someone fishing for info, for 'research' I am completely fishing for info. As in I'm trying to understand the dynamics of swinging and what effects it has on your relationship and emotions.for no other purpose than my own toe dip into this world. I'm not an institute not a private investigator. I'm also real ask anyone who has chatted with me in chat. Or ask cyberdean or centrally, Ms cheekie or Minnie mouse they all have my phone number and I class them as chat friends. Rubbish. You’re from Sydney uni. Look you; I’ve asked nicely now I’m starting to get cross. The knickers you borrowed for research cost me lots. They were part of a beautiful set. I do t want them back now because I dread to think what you’ve been doing with them so I think it only fair you get me some new ones I will of course get you some new ones as your pert bottom is much smaller than mine and I think I've over stretched the elastic so now they would just fall down on you. What colour and style would you prefer?" Finally a response from a memeber of the research team. I might be able to rewrite my profile after this. | |||
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