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Situations where you thought "oh fuck"

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

When meeting someone....

I once met a woman in a bar. . All went swimmingly l, so swimmingly that we hit a room and had great sex.

Post coitally, she starts telling me about her ex husband and says she would like to kill him. Thinking this is a joke, I laugh. She looks at me completely straight faced and says "no I mean it....".

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

I suspect intent to murder might win you the thread. Then again never say never on Fab

My worse was in a previous relationship and we were invited to a younger couples place. Many things didn’t float my boat about them but the icing on the cake were the children. A few weeks old baby and a young lad they’d barricaded into his bedroom.

Outta there ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many years ago whilst working in central Africa I was driving a young (legal)girl in my mate's car and she was giving me a blow job when the reclining seat reclined inadvertently. I was driving far too fast and it was an Oh Fuck moment for me

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

"I suspect intent to murder might win you the thread. Then again never say never on Fab

My worse was in a previous relationship and we were invited to a younger couples place. Many things didn’t float my boat about them but the icing on the cake were the children. A few weeks old baby and a young lad they’d barricaded into his bedroom.

Outta there ...."

My first ever swinging experience was similar. In my twenties and went to meet a couple in their forties at their place. We were chatting in the living room when I heard the front door open. A teenager popped his head round the door, said hello and then went upstairs.

"that's our son", the bloke said. " don't worry he won't come downstairs".

The son didn't ask why a bloke not much older than him was chewing the fat with his parents. So I assume he knew what they got up to. But I was gobsmacked.

We still had sex though...

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Many years ago whilst working in central Africa I was driving a young (legal)girl in my mate's car and she was giving me a blow job when the reclining seat reclined inadvertently. I was driving far too fast and it was an Oh Fuck moment for me"

Oh fuck you came or oh fuck you crashed

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By *ohncukMan
over a year ago

london

Went to meet a guy who did look hung, I'd been lusting after hung black guys for ages, we chatted on here and agreed to meet at his, said he want to suck and fuck me, I thought yeah I'll go for it he looks good.

Walked thought door and closed behind me, he was stood in hallway, with it hanging out of track bottoms...

Oh fuck !!! Don't think I'll get that in my mouth let alone anywhere else...

How wrong I was, just remember an hour later him saying "good boy I'm all in"

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Went to meet a guy who did look hung, I'd been lusting after hung black guys for ages, we chatted on here and agreed to meet at his, said he want to suck and fuck me, I thought yeah I'll go for it he looks good.

Walked thought door and closed behind me, he was stood in hallway, with it hanging out of track bottoms...

Oh fuck !!! Don't think I'll get that in my mouth let alone anywhere else...

How wrong I was, just remember an hour later him saying "good boy I'm all in"

"

like that

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"Went to meet a guy who did look hung, I'd been lusting after hung black guys for ages, we chatted on here and agreed to meet at his, said he want to suck and fuck me, I thought yeah I'll go for it he looks good.

Walked thought door and closed behind me, he was stood in hallway, with it hanging out of track bottoms...

Oh fuck !!! Don't think I'll get that in my mouth let alone anywhere else...

How wrong I was, just remember an hour later him saying "good boy I'm all in"

"

Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing I ever remember saying 'Oh fuck' to was in my younger days when I was trying to be helpful and zip up my b/f's jeans.

When he crumpled on the floor with blood on his hands I realised what I'd done. Never ever done that again

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By *ohncukMan
over a year ago

london

Really was an oh my god moment, he had me on knees in hallway, coaching me to swallow it, no sucking up n down, just slowly swallow it, made my mouth ache, it being to thick, all the time thinking oh my god he wants to fuck me too, it will never go in let alone up, how wrong I was !!! Very good guy and skilled at getting what he wanted, he coached me all the way in taking it, so remember being on me hands n knees ass up lol, him coaching me to relax and push back slowly, when he said " good boy I'm all in" I didn't believe it, reached round and all I could feel was his balls hanging out of me !!!!

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By *rLucky777Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Went on a tinder date with a girl.

I really fancied her and everything going well and she invited my back to hers at the end of the night.

Started kissing on the sofa. I went to use the loo and noticed some guys trainers in the hallway and upstairs smelled of herbal scent.

I asked her and she confessed that her ex boyfriend had keys to the house and was a dealer who used the house to stash his gear. She opened a cupboard and there was a kilo of Brazilian marching powder under the sink.

Not exactly a relaxing environment!

I was going to leave then she started stripping and taking my cock out and sucking me off then she got a text from her ex saying he was coming over to collect his gear.

Called a taxi and luckily it turned up quickly. Took her to mine and fucked her all night!

Best and worst tinder date in one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh fuck I nearly shat myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Went on a tinder date with a girl.

I really fancied her and everything going well and she invited my back to hers at the end of the night.

Started kissing on the sofa. I went to use the loo and noticed some guys trainers in the hallway and upstairs smelled of herbal scent.

I asked her and she confessed that her ex boyfriend had keys to the house and was a dealer who used the house to stash his gear. She opened a cupboard and there was a kilo of Brazilian marching powder under the sink.

Not exactly a relaxing environment!

I was going to leave then she started stripping and taking my cock out and sucking me off then she got a text from her ex saying he was coming over to collect his gear.

Called a taxi and luckily it turned up quickly. Took her to mine and fucked her all night!

Best and worst tinder date in one!"

Hahahah made my day this has

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

male here .... years ago when my GP (not attractive at all) "physically checked" my prostate gland - I got a hard on the size of Florida and could do absolutely nothing about it.

My new GP is a twenty something blonde stunner and she has assured me I do not need my prostate checking every Friday afternoon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went on a date with this girl a few years ago. Everything was great we ended up going back to my hotel and getting up to no good.

We fell asleep, and I had the weirdest dream that I was walking down an endless corridor and then I was stood at the edge of a cliff, weeing.

Then suddenly I heard screaming ! I snapped out of it and I had sleep walked into someone else’s room and was pissing in the corner on the curtains.

I remember these two girls shouting “how did you get in here?” And all I could do was say “sorry” I didn’t know how it happened (still don’t know to this day). I had to wake up the girl I was with to get back into my room and then call reception to explain it all... I was panicking that the hotel were going to call the police and so I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night

Needless to say that my date didn’t see me again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I started talking to a guy in a dating app, we agreed on a date but as neither of us had much money I agreed to go to his, in north London, I lived near Gatwick at the time.

It was summer so we went into the back garden, he had an old Victorian house and initially thought ‘this is nice’ I had a couple of beers so couldn’t drive home, we went indoors and my god I wished I hadn’t if d*unk any beers, I needed the loo, there wasn’t a window so no light and no bulb so I felt my way around, it smelt a little around the house of cats, we went up to his room again all fine. We listened to music and then his brother came home and we had a chat and I needed another wee, I took my phone with me this time...there was shit up the walls...I quickly text my ex husband (we’re friends) he was looking for ways for me to get out of there and told me where to go but the guy was lovely and his bedroom was immaculate. I went upstairs and didn’t come down again until the next morning, his brother who had brain damage was just walking about with a t shirt on and his mum was a big old lady sat in a chair in the really dark living room not doing a thing, it was very Texas chainsaw massacre feeling about it.

He asked to see me again and I declined and not only that I forgot to pay the bloody toll charge both ways and I ended up with over £200 worth of fine because by the time the dart charge people sent me the bill I was commuting between Essex and Kent weekly and I didn’t get all the notices. WORST.MEET.EVER!!

Geeky x

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By *inkyduokentCouple
over a year ago

Swanley

Great thread . Geeky made me smile most .

A few years ago we suffered the old "doesn't quite look like the pictures" scenario.

Martine had been chatting to a guy who seemed very nice. He had good pics and we arranged to meet in a suitably quiet pub.

We were sat outside when purple haired, significantly shorter much older man emerged from an old banger.

He came into the pub and greeted us as if all was normal.

We both definitely thought "oh fuck".

Being polite we stayed for a drink then left.

Why do people do this?

We do have a few more oh fuck stories

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was having fair too much fun at a BMFC party a few weeks ago and when I looked at the time it was 4am and I had to get a flight at 11am the next morning! Oh fuck but it was a very good night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I went on a date with this girl a few years ago. Everything was great we ended up going back to my hotel and getting up to no good.

We fell asleep, and I had the weirdest dream that I was walking down an endless corridor and then I was stood at the edge of a cliff, weeing.

Then suddenly I heard screaming ! I snapped out of it and I had sleep walked into someone else’s room and was pissing in the corner on the curtains.

I remember these two girls shouting “how did you get in here?” And all I could do was say “sorry” I didn’t know how it happened (still don’t know to this day). I had to wake up the girl I was with to get back into my room and then call reception to explain it all... I was panicking that the hotel were going to call the police and so I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night

Needless to say that my date didn’t see me again."

Friend of mine did that in his fiancee’s parents’ house.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

My stand out 'oh fuck' moment was when I really thought I was going to be strangl d with my VS holdups. He removed them....big no no....during sex (that was the OFM) and when I asked him what he was doing he calmly said he was going to wear them later. Bastard stretched them so much I couldn't of worn them again, yes, I went back to collect them...they were expensive.

I never met him again because he was a bit clingy and I think he had gone through my bag when I went to the loo

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By *amesnplanesMan
over a year ago

Banbridge

I while back I met a splendid couple at BGHS in Brighton. Post a bit of a social, we exchanged numbers and met up a few weeks later during a weekend at their home in Crawley.

Had a great evening, lots of fun etc.

However in the morning, I was invited into round three or four with the wife, and just after my magnificent performance (still hung over) in the bedroom walks a 25 year old red headed bloke. Seems he was the FWB for the wife, had his own key. He looked mortified that I'd worn his best friend out and sprinted out of the house, with the wife chasing after him with half a dressing gown on.

In retrospect I does make me smile, but the shock at the moment did sober me up rather rapidly!

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By *amesnplanesMan
over a year ago

Banbridge

I should add that I'd never met thisred headed 25 year old. He wasn't the hubby!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I suspect intent to murder might win you the thread. Then again never say never on Fab

My worse was in a previous relationship and we were invited to a younger couples place. Many things didn’t float my boat about them but the icing on the cake were the children. A few weeks old baby and a young lad they’d barricaded into his bedroom.

Outta there ...."

This happened to me to... I was dressed up with a couple at their place, and I heard noises upstairs. I asked them what it was, and she said it was their son, but don't worry as they had locked him in.... Needless to say I left!!

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By *plpxp2Couple
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Met a couple, had a meal at their house and then we were getting ready to play when they put a wedge on the inside of the lounge door to hold it shut. We looked a bit surprised, more so when they told us their daughter was upstairs

Seems she'd been told we were from her dads works, suffice to say we left!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After having a social with a guy arranged a fun meet at his house. When I got there and stepped in to house through the back door there was no room to sit, we stood and talked for a bit then I needed the loo. After stepping over a pair of ladders and God knows what else on the floor I found it, no light, no loo paper...

I came out to find him making a coffee for me, he opened the fridge to get the milk and all that was in there was a one pint carton and several bottles of vodka, one of which he grabbed and started to drink....I politely made excuses and ran for the hills lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After having a social with a guy arranged a fun meet at his house. When I got there and stepped in to house through the back door there was no room to sit, we stood and talked for a bit then I needed the loo. After stepping over a pair of ladders and God knows what else on the floor I found it, no light, no loo paper...

I came out to find him making a coffee for me, he opened the fridge to get the milk and all that was in there was a one pint carton and several bottles of vodka, one of which he grabbed and started to drink....I politely made excuses and ran for the hills lol"

Are you sure it wasn’t the same guy as me?

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By *vpamelaTV/TS
over a year ago

kinkville

Met a really cute local girl in a bar on my holidays. Continued drinking and ended up going to a night club together. Decided to get a taxi back to hers but while trying to flag one down she stumbled backwards and fell into an open sewer/manhole. I had to reach in and pull her out but she was covered in raw sewage. Managed to get her home where she showered and changed and then promptly walked back out across the street to a hotel a downed 3 double G&Ts. I decided to return alone to my hotel at this stage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The only thing I ever remember saying 'Oh fuck' to was in my younger days when I was trying to be helpful and zip up my b/f's jeans.

When he crumpled on the floor with blood on his hands I realised what I'd done. Never ever done that again

"

This happened to me. I had to check your profile!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After having a social with a guy arranged a fun meet at his house. When I got there and stepped in to house through the back door there was no room to sit, we stood and talked for a bit then I needed the loo. After stepping over a pair of ladders and God knows what else on the floor I found it, no light, no loo paper...

I came out to find him making a coffee for me, he opened the fridge to get the milk and all that was in there was a one pint carton and several bottles of vodka, one of which he grabbed and started to drink....I politely made excuses and ran for the hills lol

Are you sure it wasn’t the same guy as me?

"

Maybe lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Met a woman for a first date at a nice pub for a meal. She fell out of her car d*unk in the car park when she arrived

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Met a lady from here, very last minute and VERY local, we had a little chat after the fun and discovered our sons were at the same school in the same year!!! Needless to say, we didn’t meet again and I’ve kept a low profile at parents evening ever since!

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