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Bdsm This is going to cause controversy!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Iv been thinking about this the last few days and I feel compelled to put it down in writing. Iv come across some profiles where the person states they are sub and like being tied up or spanked but not controlled . It troubles me that the lines have been blurred about the meaning of Bdsm. I think the easiest way for me to put what I think it is is in a list.

1 Bondage/Discipline ... tied up restraints psychological restraints

2 Domination/submission..The control of power given freely from one person to the other.

3 sadism/masochism...Taking pleasure in causing or receiving pain/humiliation

They all started out as different ways for sexual gratification at different times and on different countries for example sadism/masochism is known to be in Egypt in the 5th century bc and yet shibiri rope play only came about 200 years ago in Japan. Just because Bdsm is all lumped together with other fetishes it doesn't mean because you like one part it makes you a master or a submissive.

Remember it's only my thoughts

What are yours?.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

My thoughts are that we do what we want and call ourselves what we want. We aren’t involving anyone else so it’s no one else’s businsss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The boundaries between the 3 are blurred though, you must agree. A person that is into one of these is quite entitled to enjoy all 3.

I would even go as far as saying if you are into any one of these activities, the chances are you would enjoy them all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you pop over to wiki to see if you could impress someone with your knowledge of the history of BDSM this morning OP?!

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

Do what you want, let everyone else do what they want. If you don't like what is on someones profile, don't message them. Sorted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

No it's an interest of mine I did some research years ago when I first got involved with Bdsm and to answer another question yes is you are a submissive chances are you like one of the other 2 but my point is if you like causing pain it doesn't make you a master.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I see bdsm mentioned in a profile then I just take it as the generic term that it is. We all have our own kinks and limits, definitions etc, and they can be talked about before meeting anyone.

The "interests" options here include a lot of generic terms, I don't think they are intended to tie anyone down to specifics.

(Pun totally intended )

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I see bdsm mentioned in a profile then I just take it as the generic term that it is. We all have our own kinks and limits, definitions etc, and they can be talked about before meeting anyone.

The "interests" options here include a lot of generic terms, I don't think they are intended to tie anyone down to specifics.

(Pun totally intended )"

If someone states they like bdsm that covers it all but if someone say they are submissive that's specific.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"If I see bdsm mentioned in a profile then I just take it as the generic term that it is. We all have our own kinks and limits, definitions etc, and they can be talked about before meeting anyone.

The "interests" options here include a lot of generic terms, I don't think they are intended to tie anyone down to specifics.

(Pun totally intended )

If someone states they like bdsm that covers it all but if someone say they are submissive that's specific."

Nothing in our profile about bdsm. What do you glean from that ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I see bdsm mentioned in a profile then I just take it as the generic term that it is. We all have our own kinks and limits, definitions etc, and they can be talked about before meeting anyone.

The "interests" options here include a lot of generic terms, I don't think they are intended to tie anyone down to specifics.

(Pun totally intended )

If someone states they like bdsm that covers it all but if someone say they are submissive that's specific.

Nothing in our profile about bdsm. What do you glean from that ?"

Your username and the pink botty pics are a bit of a hint though : )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples. "

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"No it's an interest of mine I did some research years ago when I first got involved with Bdsm and to answer another question yes is you are a submissive chances are you like one of the other 2 but my point is if you like causing pain it doesn't make you a master."

Enjoying a master/sub relationship makes you a master. Nothing more, nothing less.

Or even just liking the title, to be honest.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days."

They don't. Sub is just a shortened form of submissive.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

So unless you like all 3 parts you can't call yourself a sub? Rubbish.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days."

In what way I take sub as an abbreviation of submissive?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days.

They don't. Sub is just a shortened form of submissive."

I know it is literally. I just meant that when I say "I tend to be submissive", I think that's different to saying "I'm a sub".

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days.

They don't. Sub is just a shortened form of submissive.

I know it is literally. I just meant that when I say "I tend to be submissive", I think that's different to saying "I'm a sub"."

Could you articulate how it's different?

I understand that saying 'I enjoy being submissive in some sexual activities' is different to 'I'm sexually submissive because of my interests in BDSM', but you could substitute 'sub' into either of those and it would still make sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Iv been thinking about this the last few days and I feel compelled to put it down in writing. Iv come across some profiles where the person states they are sub and like being tied up or spanked but not controlled . It troubles me that the lines have been blurred about the meaning of Bdsm. I think the easiest way for me to put what I think it is is in a list.

1 Bondage/Discipline ... tied up restraints psychological restraints

2 Domination/submission..The control of power given freely from one person to the other.

3 sadism/masochism...Taking pleasure in causing or receiving pain/humiliation

They all started out as different ways for sexual gratification at different times and on different countries for example sadism/masochism is known to be in Egypt in the 5th century bc and yet shibiri rope play only came about 200 years ago in Japan. Just because Bdsm is all lumped together with other fetishes it doesn't mean because you like one part it makes you a master or a submissive.

Remember it's only my thoughts

What are yours?."

Absolutely spot on mrs loves the bondage ...well some of it not into gaggs i love it all except pain ..... really not into pain ... when i need to be in pain i turn up for work really intetested in the shibiri ( didnt realise it was called that, thanks )

Xx

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


" really intetested in the shibiri ( didnt realise it was called that, thanks )

Xx"

Shibari is a particular *type* of rope bondage, not just any old rope bondage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's a sliding scale which is a combination of wanting to give up control and experiencing sexually enhancing discomfort. It's only natural that over time certain practices become blurred together.

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By *onforming_deviantWoman
over a year ago

Hull

I think it comes down to a key element of BDSM.... communication... each arrangement or relationship between consenting parties is discussed and limits and mutual understandings established before play.... simple

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

People can do what they want. Sometimes bdsm excites other times its a no no. Ms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs"

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"If I see bdsm mentioned in a profile then I just take it as the generic term that it is. We all have our own kinks and limits, definitions etc, and they can be talked about before meeting anyone.

The "interests" options here include a lot of generic terms, I don't think they are intended to tie anyone down to specifics.

(Pun totally intended )

If someone states they like bdsm that covers it all but if someone say they are submissive that's specific.

Nothing in our profile about bdsm. What do you glean from that ?

Your username and the pink botty pics are a bit of a hint though : )"

shucks

No comment OP?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way."

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think"

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I see bdsm mentioned in a profile then I just take it as the generic term that it is. We all have our own kinks and limits, definitions etc, and they can be talked about before meeting anyone.

The "interests" options here include a lot of generic terms, I don't think they are intended to tie anyone down to specifics.

(Pun totally intended )

If someone states they like bdsm that covers it all but if someone say they are submissive that's specific.

Nothing in our profile about bdsm. What do you glean from that ?

Your username and the pink botty pics are a bit of a hint though : )

shucks

No comment OP?"

It's not intended to pick on anyone specific. Its just my thoughts and i mean no offence to anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days.

They don't. Sub is just a shortened form of submissive.

I know it is literally. I just meant that when I say "I tend to be submissive", I think that's different to saying "I'm a sub"."

I describe myself as sexually submissive. I’ve come to that conclusion from the type of sex I enjoy and from my natural deviation towards sexually dominant men, and also the way I act around men in a potentially sexual environment. However I am not a submissive, as in the ‘owned’ sense. I’ve dabbled with that several times and it doesn’t work for me. Either way will usually shorted the noun or the adjective to ‘sub’ though.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days.

They don't. Sub is just a shortened form of submissive.

I know it is literally. I just meant that when I say "I tend to be submissive", I think that's different to saying "I'm a sub".

Could you articulate how it's different?

I understand that saying 'I enjoy being submissive in some sexual activities' is different to 'I'm sexually submissive because of my interests in BDSM', but you could substitute 'sub' into either of those and it would still make sense."

That's very true, I suppose it's the qualifying sentence that makes the difference more than the word itself.

Tend to be submissive, just means I like partners who take the lead really. Sometimes I like a bit of mild restraint, being gagged with my own panties, a bit of spanking and name calling etc. BDSM though does make me think more extremes which can make for sexy porn but don't appeal much to me in reality, which is why I say submissive in my profile but haven't ticked bdsm as an interest.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days.

They don't. Sub is just a shortened form of submissive.

I know it is literally. I just meant that when I say "I tend to be submissive", I think that's different to saying "I'm a sub".

Could you articulate how it's different?

I understand that saying 'I enjoy being submissive in some sexual activities' is different to 'I'm sexually submissive because of my interests in BDSM', but you could substitute 'sub' into either of those and it would still make sense.

That's very true, I suppose it's the qualifying sentence that makes the difference more than the word itself.

Tend to be submissive, just means I like partners who take the lead really. Sometimes I like a bit of mild restraint, being gagged with my own panties, a bit of spanking and name calling etc. BDSM though does make me think more extremes which can make for sexy porn but don't appeal much to me in reality, which is why I say submissive in my profile but haven't ticked bdsm as an interest.

"

Whereas I identify as submissive (sometimes) and enjoy relationships where the d/s dynamic is present at all times and in every thing we do. From having sex involving edgeplay, to choosing what I wear day to day, or what I eat when we go out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games."

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?"

The thing is, these terms don't have particularly fixed definitions.

You might identify as a rope submissive. Or a masochistic master. And that's perfectly ok.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"If I see bdsm mentioned in a profile then I just take it as the generic term that it is. We all have our own kinks and limits, definitions etc, and they can be talked about before meeting anyone.

The "interests" options here include a lot of generic terms, I don't think they are intended to tie anyone down to specifics.

(Pun totally intended )

If someone states they like bdsm that covers it all but if someone say they are submissive that's specific.

Nothing in our profile about bdsm. What do you glean from that ?

Your username and the pink botty pics are a bit of a hint though : )

shucks

No comment OP?

It's not intended to pick on anyone specific. Its just my thoughts and i mean no offence to anyone."

You started a thread about people who identify as master and sub. That’s us, so why not answer the question

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?"

Again we don’t state BDSM. And??

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

The thing is, these terms don't have particularly fixed definitions.

You might identify as a rope submissive. Or a masochistic master. And that's perfectly ok."

Those terms were brought in when it was all put under one umbrella to identify whether you like doing it to others or having it done to it has no relevance to the original meaning as I understand it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Again we don’t state BDSM. And??"

Think you missed the point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Whereas I identify as submissive (sometimes) and enjoy relationships where the d/s dynamic is present at all times and in every thing we do. From having sex involving edgeplay, to choosing what I wear day to day, or what I eat when we go out."

I love hearing about other people's tastes and experiences.

I'm kind of the opposite ... if someone tries to dom me outside of the bedroom so to speak, I usually run a mile. I do quite like guys who are traditionally masculine in their social role and make me feel fem, but then that can become chauvinistic and patronising. It's a fine line.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?"

Would you say OP that it is having all themes represented in one word, ie a letter for each theme, that causes potential confusion? That’s probably how I feel. Whereas to use the examples that others have given of umbrella terms eg skiing and computer games, there is not a representation of different parts of the activity within the word.

Mrs

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Would you say OP that it is having all themes represented in one word, ie a letter for each theme, that causes potential confusion? That’s probably how I feel. Whereas to use the examples that others have given of umbrella terms eg skiing and computer games, there is not a representation of different parts of the activity within the word.

Mrs"

That's why I tend to use the term 'kink' and then specify that I'm into both BDSM and fetishistic activities - then break it down further if we're getting on well.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Again we don’t state BDSM. And??

Think you missed the point"

Why can’t you explain yourself then?? I’m a sub to my master, the two terms you’ve picked on. You’re saying people shouldn’t be using those names unless they state BDSM, which we don’t. You’re going on about the history and origins of different things which I frankly have no interest in reading about. What is your point OP? Have Sir and I no right to call ourselves master and sub in your opinion. Do tell...

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'll be honest and say I think the whole OP is a fairly moot point - to my mind there is no single definition of what constitutes BDSM or it's various elements other than that agreed between two (or more) consenting adults - the definition itself is unique to each relationship.

For some BDSM might mean the occasional spanked rear on a Saturday night for others it may mean full bondage with a flogging thrown in and clamps applied for others something else completely.

It doesn't matter what came about when historically or that they didn't go together in the past (although I'm sure they probably did) - what matters is the unique definition each of us places on it as individuals.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Would you say OP that it is having all themes represented in one word, ie a letter for each theme, that causes potential confusion? That’s probably how I feel. Whereas to use the examples that others have given of umbrella terms eg skiing and computer games, there is not a representation of different parts of the activity within the word.

Mrs"

Very true it does cause confusion they have tried to put a letter in for each

B....Bondage

D....Discipline

D....Dominance

S....sadism

M... masachism

The D is actually used twice but has been shortened to Bdsm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Would you say OP that it is having all themes represented in one word, ie a letter for each theme, that causes potential confusion? That’s probably how I feel. Whereas to use the examples that others have given of umbrella terms eg skiing and computer games, there is not a representation of different parts of the activity within the word.

Mrs

Very true it does cause confusion they have tried to put a letter in for each

B....Bondage

D....Discipline

D....Dominance

S....sadism

M... masachism

The D is actually used twice but has been shortened to Bdsm"

You’ve missed out ‘submission’. ‘S’ is used twice too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As with everything in the swinging or sex related world (to me) it's all about communication and understanding. Whether its a social or sex meet, BDSM or vanilla. Always discuss and agree exactly what is going to and what is not going to happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria"

Nobody criticising anybody

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Again we don’t state BDSM. And??

Think you missed the point

Why can’t you explain yourself then?? I’m a sub to my master, the two terms you’ve picked on. You’re saying people shouldn’t be using those names unless they state BDSM, which we don’t. You’re going on about the history and origins of different things which I frankly have no interest in reading about. What is your point OP? Have Sir and I no right to call ourselves master and sub in your opinion. Do tell..."

And that's my point you are specifically calling your selves that and that's fine it's when someone calls themselves submissive when they arnt interested in being controlled but only like being tied up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Would you say OP that it is having all themes represented in one word, ie a letter for each theme, that causes potential confusion? That’s probably how I feel. Whereas to use the examples that others have given of umbrella terms eg skiing and computer games, there is not a representation of different parts of the activity within the word.

Mrs

Very true it does cause confusion they have tried to put a letter in for each

B....Bondage

D....Discipline

D....Dominance

S....sadism

M... masachism

The D is actually used twice but has been shortened to Bdsm

You’ve missed out ‘submission’. ‘S’ is used twice too "

Sorry rushing lol

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria

Nobody criticising anybody"

They are. The op is saying you can't call yourself a submissive or master if you don't partake in every element of bdsm

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Again we don’t state BDSM. And??

Think you missed the point

Why can’t you explain yourself then?? I’m a sub to my master, the two terms you’ve picked on. You’re saying people shouldn’t be using those names unless they state BDSM, which we don’t. You’re going on about the history and origins of different things which I frankly have no interest in reading about. What is your point OP? Have Sir and I no right to call ourselves master and sub in your opinion. Do tell...

And that's my point you are specifically calling your selves that and that's fine it's when someone calls themselves submissive when they arnt interested in being controlled but only like being tied up."

How do you know what I like? Where do we say what our own dynamic involves? There are many people identifying as sub and master on here without giving detail. I would suggest that unless you take the time to discuss with the individuals that you can’t know this.

You don’t want to offend yet your thread is titled contraversial.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria

Nobody criticising anybody

They are. The op is saying you can't call yourself a submissive or master if you don't partake in every element of bdsm"

I'm not criticising I'm not saying that please re read

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My thoughts are that we do what we want and call ourselves what we want. We aren’t involving anyone else so it’s no one else’s businsss."

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By *exyspecs and supermanCouple
over a year ago

A house, a very big house in the country

Why does this trouble you op?

Surely it doesn't matter what people say or do in their dynamic of this lifestyle as long as it's not hurting anyone and is safe sane and consensual?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria

Nobody criticising anybody

They are. The op is saying you can't call yourself a submissive or master if you don't partake in every element of bdsm

I'm not criticising I'm not saying that please re read "

From your original post

'doesn't mean because you like one part it makes you a master or a submissive.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria

Nobody criticising anybody

They are. The op is saying you can't call yourself a submissive or master if you don't partake in every element of bdsm"

He’s discussing the word and it’s meaning and the accuracy of its use and the evolution of the word. He has not criticised people for using this word, though it’s seems to be taken that way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Again we don’t state BDSM. And??

Think you missed the point

Why can’t you explain yourself then?? I’m a sub to my master, the two terms you’ve picked on. You’re saying people shouldn’t be using those names unless they state BDSM, which we don’t. You’re going on about the history and origins of different things which I frankly have no interest in reading about. What is your point OP? Have Sir and I no right to call ourselves master and sub in your opinion. Do tell...

And that's my point you are specifically calling your selves that and that's fine it's when someone calls themselves submissive when they arnt interested in being controlled but only like being tied up.

How do you know what I like? Where do we say what our own dynamic involves? There are many people identifying as sub and master on here without giving detail. I would suggest that unless you take the time to discuss with the individuals that you can’t know this.

You don’t want to offend yet your thread is titled contraversial. "

So if you read a profile and it says submissive what does that tell you?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria

Nobody criticising anybody

They are. The op is saying you can't call yourself a submissive or master if you don't partake in every element of bdsm

He’s discussing the word and it’s meaning and the accuracy of its use and the evolution of the word. He has not criticised people for using this word, though it’s seems to be taken that way. "

He's said it a couple of times now.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"No it's an interest of mine I did some research years ago when I first got involved with Bdsm and to answer another question yes is you are a submissive chances are you like one of the other 2 but my point is if you like causing pain it doesn't make you a master."

Here

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria

Nobody criticising anybody

They are. The op is saying you can't call yourself a submissive or master if you don't partake in every element of bdsm

I'm not criticising I'm not saying that please re read

From your original post

'doesn't mean because you like one part it makes you a master or a submissive.' "

Thread title ; this is going to cause controversy

You wanted to cause contraversy OP now you’re back peddling and not wanting to offend. Really make your mind up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"

So if you read a profile and it says submissive what does that tell you?"

It tells me that an individual either identifies as a submissive, or that they like being the submissive partner in activities that are generally regarded as being on the BDSM and fetish spectrum.

Exactly how I interpreted it would depend on the words they placed either side.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"I agree with you OP, I’ve often wondered why 3 themes are put together as one. Indeed they can be interelated. But often one element is practiced but the umbrella term is still used. Probably guilty of that myself.

Mrs

That's a bit like saying 'I've often wondered why three different types of skiing are put together under one... you can have downhill skiing and cross country skiing...' etc'.

Because it's a useful overall term that works as an umbrella for things that are often related in some way.

But they didn't originate togeater they wernt all classed as one until about 1920 I think

So? That was 100 years ago. It's now a useful way to describe what you're generally into.

Saying 'I'm into BDSM' is easier than explaining all the different things I'm into.

The same with any hobby or lifestyle really - for instance if someone asks me what I'm into I'll proberbly say 'computer games', but I'm unlikely to specify that I'm into MMORPGs until we've established that the other person knows something about computer games.

Iv no argument with someone saying there into bdsm my point is when someone is being specific and saying they are submissive when in actual fact they just like being tied up or saying your a master when all you like is causing pain it's the wrong description of what you like .you use computer games as a metaphor so will go with that you wouldn't say you like fifa when actually you like call of duty?

Again we don’t state BDSM. And??

Think you missed the point

Why can’t you explain yourself then?? I’m a sub to my master, the two terms you’ve picked on. You’re saying people shouldn’t be using those names unless they state BDSM, which we don’t. You’re going on about the history and origins of different things which I frankly have no interest in reading about. What is your point OP? Have Sir and I no right to call ourselves master and sub in your opinion. Do tell...

And that's my point you are specifically calling your selves that and that's fine it's when someone calls themselves submissive when they arnt interested in being controlled but only like being tied up.

How do you know what I like? Where do we say what our own dynamic involves? There are many people identifying as sub and master on here without giving detail. I would suggest that unless you take the time to discuss with the individuals that you can’t know this.

You don’t want to offend yet your thread is titled contraversial.

So if you read a profile and it says submissive what does that tell you?"

That the person identifies as submissive regardless of what I or you think.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs"

He wanted to cause controversy ???

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"BDSM is whatever you want it to be and play with people on the same page as you.

I have little interest in people that want to adhere to strict definitions and criticise those who don't meet their criteria

Nobody criticising anybody

They are. The op is saying you can't call yourself a submissive or master if you don't partake in every element of bdsm

I'm not criticising I'm not saying that please re read

From your original post

'doesn't mean because you like one part it makes you a master or a submissive.'

Thread title ; this is going to cause controversy

You wanted to cause contraversy OP now you’re back peddling and not wanting to offend. Really make your mind up.

"

It's a debate there will be people for and against so controversial every body has different opinions I'm just expressing mine.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs"

So discussion doesn't involve opposing views in your world then? Just always agreement and support? Pretty boring discussions in my view.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs

He wanted to cause controversy ???"

Well we don’t know that for sure. He certainly suspected that people would take it the wrong way judging by his thread title.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs"

If his feeling were like you suggest he could have written

BDSM a question

Or

BDSM what are your thoughts.

Then he’s gone onto attacking profiles identifying sub and/ or. master at which point I feel the need to interject. Is that a surprise ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs

So discussion doesn't involve opposing views in your world then? Just always agreement and support? Pretty boring discussions in my view. "

I never said people had to agree in a discussion.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs

So discussion doesn't involve opposing views in your world then? Just always agreement and support? Pretty boring discussions in my view.

I never said people had to agree in a discussion."

But you called out those objecting to the premise of the op.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

Lol, who cares? The world’s full of hardcore experts who claim that everybody’s wrong and they’re the only few who know right. To us, BDSM is just a bit of kinky fun. Binds, blindfolds, gags, flogger, toys, power/role play etc. We don’t take it seriously at all. If sex becomes serious, then what’s the point?

Ed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs

If his feeling were like you suggest he could have written

BDSM a question

Or

BDSM what are your thoughts.

Then he’s gone onto attacking profiles identifying sub and/ or. master at which point I feel the need to interject. Is that a surprise ?"

.

I’m sorry, I just didn’t take it that way. It didn’t come across to me as attack. I guess I see things differently. I’d rather give him the benefit of the doubt though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BDSM is a joint arrangement. Boundaries and trust are needed, which doesn't fit well with swinging or NSA.

Doesn't mean elements of the play style can't be included in meets though.

For me it sinks my boat... hate B as I like to touch and be touched. Hate D as I like myself and playmates to put equal voluntary effort into giving and receiving pleasure. S does nothing for me, though light spanking is acceptable as it makes a nice sound. M well I hurt myself often enough don't need any help.

But each to their own, it's good to know what floats people's boats. Labels give you a starting point when time is limited.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs

If his feeling were like you suggest he could have written

BDSM a question

Or

BDSM what are your thoughts.

Then he’s gone onto attacking profiles identifying sub and/ or. master at which point I feel the need to interject. Is that a surprise ?.

I’m sorry, I just didn’t take it that way. It didn’t come across to me as attack. I guess I see things differently. I’d rather give him the benefit of the doubt though. "

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs

If his feeling were like you suggest he could have written

BDSM a question

Or

BDSM what are your thoughts.

Then he’s gone onto attacking profiles identifying sub and/ or. master at which point I feel the need to interject. Is that a surprise ?"

What I feel is wrong is where profiles (which I have mentioned none) say submissive or master specifically when infact they maybe only interested in rope play and or being whipped for example and not being submissive in the true sense. I dont know how many different ways to write it

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ..."

Actually... I haven't seen the bit where he said that people shouldn't identify as master or sub. The OP just said that sometimes people were identifying as master or sub when they liked things that weren't really related to master sub behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you pop over to wiki to see if you could impress someone with your knowledge of the history of BDSM this morning OP?! "

I class my self as dominant but I prefer the degrading, humiliation and objectification side of that world. I have been pulled on this a few times as it isnt strictly a ‘Dom’. Label, Labels!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ...

Actually... I haven't seen the bit where he said that people shouldn't identify as master or sub. The OP just said that sometimes people were identifying as master or sub when they liked things that weren't really related to master sub behaviour."

Thank you you put it better than I did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Minx is sub. Completely but won't submit to just anyone. There MUST be a element of trust

If there is no trust there is no way in hell I will submit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saying you are into BDSM is a very broad statement, particularly when you may only wish to occupy a small part of that spectrum.

Bearing in mind lots of men are into anal, but don't go on to specify they only give...

Communication trumps assumptions every time.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"Did you pop over to wiki to see if you could impress someone with your knowledge of the history of BDSM this morning OP?!

I class my self as dominant but I prefer the degrading, humiliation and objectification side of that world. I have been pulled on this a few times as it isnt strictly a ‘Dom’. Label, Labels! "

They are wrong. Humiliation and objectification is a totally legit form of domination and submission partnerships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Minx is sub. Completely but won't submit to just anyone. There MUST be a element of trust

If there is no trust there is no way in hell I will submit.

"

Over the last 2 years I have met some amazing Dom's and the trust and respect I have for them I have no issues submitting my body and mind to them but you have to find the ones who are not just 50shade wannabes and find the ones that have been on the scene for years. Go to events and munches , talk and see what happens

Minx

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham

I've been heavily into bdsm for over 35 years .I'm 100% sub and I love all aspects of bdsm .I like to experiment and will give anything a try . I especially like electrics ,stapling and needleplay .I'm def an edge player .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are so many people objecting to the OP starting this thread? It’s presumably a question that interested him and he wanted to have a discussion. Nothing more sinister than that.

Mrs

If his feeling were like you suggest he could have written

BDSM a question

Or

BDSM what are your thoughts.

Then he’s gone onto attacking profiles identifying sub and/ or. master at which point I feel the need to interject. Is that a surprise ?.

I’m sorry, I just didn’t take it that way. It didn’t come across to me as attack. I guess I see things differently. I’d rather give him the benefit of the doubt though.

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ..."

I simply see it that he was discussing whether the term BDSM should be used as an umbrella term, to which people can agree or disagree.

Mrs

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ...

Actually... I haven't seen the bit where he said that people shouldn't identify as master or sub. The OP just said that sometimes people were identifying as master or sub when they liked things that weren't really related to master sub behaviour."

It was in his OP. He appears to be looking at profiles and coming to these conclusions. I’m using us as a good example of where that falls down.

I’m actually just playing devils advocate here for what I perceive to be a poor thread and title in my opinion.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ...

Actually... I haven't seen the bit where he said that people shouldn't identify as master or sub. The OP just said that sometimes people were identifying as master or sub when they liked things that weren't really related to master sub behaviour.

It was in his OP. He appears to be looking at profiles and coming to these conclusions. I’m using us as a good example of where that falls down.

I’m actually just playing devils advocate here for what I perceive to be a poor thread and title in my opinion. "

The problem is that nobody has said what you're claiming has been said.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ...

Actually... I haven't seen the bit where he said that people shouldn't identify as master or sub. The OP just said that sometimes people were identifying as master or sub when they liked things that weren't really related to master sub behaviour.

Thank you you put it better than I did."

The thing is though (as suggested in my earlier post) who defines what constitutes Master/Mistress/Dom/me and sub behaviour?

In my opinion the two (or more) people involved in that specific relationship/scene and no-one else - therefore regardless of what others think there is no right or wrong there is just the unique safe, sane and consensual definition agreed between all involved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ...

Actually... I haven't seen the bit where he said that people shouldn't identify as master or sub. The OP just said that sometimes people were identifying as master or sub when they liked things that weren't really related to master sub behaviour.

It was in his OP. He appears to be looking at profiles and coming to these conclusions. I’m using us as a good example of where that falls down.

I’m actually just playing devils advocate here for what I perceive to be a poor thread and title in my opinion. "

Well if he is criticising people for using the word BDSM when they don’t embrace all elements, I don’t think he meant you guys, as you don’t use that term in your profile and you have stated in the thread that it’s not a term you use. I on the other should take offence as we do use the term BDSM in our profile. But I’m not offended because I’ve asked myself the very same question.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"

Surely you can see we do define as Master and Sub though and do object ...

Actually... I haven't seen the bit where he said that people shouldn't identify as master or sub. The OP just said that sometimes people were identifying as master or sub when they liked things that weren't really related to master sub behaviour.

It was in his OP. He appears to be looking at profiles and coming to these conclusions. I’m using us as a good example of where that falls down.

I’m actually just playing devils advocate here for what I perceive to be a poor thread and title in my opinion.

The problem is that nobody has said what you're claiming has been said."

Not a problem to me. If it is to you just reread the thread and what the OP put from the outset

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"

Not a problem to me. If it is to you just reread the thread and what the OP put from the outset "

I did, because I was puzzled at your posts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days.

They don't. Sub is just a shortened form of submissive."

That is a case of perception and context. I am submissive, not a I am a submissive. Shorten the first one, and it doesn't make sense in the queens English.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Iv been thinking about this the last few days and I feel compelled to put it down in writing. Iv come across some profiles where the person states they are sub and like being tied up or spanked but not controlled . It troubles me that the lines have been blurred about the meaning of Bdsm. "

Firstly, why would other people's choices trouble you in any way if they are consenting adults? Each to their own with their own personal definitions


" Just because Bdsm is all lumped together with other fetishes it doesn't mean because you like one part it makes you a master or a submissive.

Remember it's only my thoughts

What are yours?."

Secondly with most fetishes in Bdsm, one person is 'doing', one 'receives'

Whatever names they choose to use is up to them - Master,sub,Dom..their own names etc.

It's personal to that couple and for them to work it out.

Rules to adhere to for Bdsm? I don't think so. Guidance and suggestions where you can adapt it to suit everyone is probably where most people are at.

Just my humble opinion

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Saying your into bdsm is just better than saying your into kinky shit.

As people have already said its just a collective term. Everybodies tastes vary as does the dynamic between 2 or more people.

All just labels people.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I am submissive, I prefer to use that term rather than 'being a sub'.

For me the lines aren't blurred. If play involves any form of bondage, discipline sadism, masochism, dominance or submission then it is BDSM. Simples.

I agree with this though, I think submissive and sub have different meanings these days.

They don't. Sub is just a shortened form of submissive.

That is a case of perception and context. I am submissive, not a I am a submissive. Shorten the first one, and it doesn't make sense in the queens English. "

It makes sense in the context of the particular linguists of the BDSM scene.

'I am sub'

'I am a sub'

Both work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am failing in avoiding responding in threads.

Recently there has been some very good inclusive threads on bdsm. However this thread (in my view) is a regression to territoriality and finger pointing.

For me OP gets the history of shibari wrong (I am currently reading Master K' s 'The Beauty of Kinbaku's which provides references and footnotes, I am rope geeky) therefore I personally would not trust OP's facts on other matters.

In regard to his opinion and in terms of bdsm it is my suggestion that as long as it is consensual and not exploitative there is no true way to do bdsm or kink.

As for the definition of bdsm there was a long thread on it last year. If anyone does not want to do the research here is Wikipedia.

The term "BDSM" is first recorded in a Usenet posting from 1991,[1] and is interpreted as a combination of the abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism). BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include cross-dressers, body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers, rubber fetishists, and others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am failing in avoiding responding in threads.

"

I failed here too

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I think I understand the OP point a bit. Like the threads about "fake Doms", he's maybe trying to say that simply enjoying whacking someone with a cane doesn't make you a "master".

Of course, anyone can call themselves anything they want!

On the submissive side, maybe he hasn't met the term "bottom" , which is generally (on the scene) understood to mean someone who enjoys experiencing certain stuff but without giving up control.

It's just names and labels... And as such are a starting point for further conversation and not meant to be taken as gospel.

I didn't get any sense of criticism from the OP though...

Can't remember what's on my profile, but I'm definitely of a sexually submissive inclination, so wouldn't be interested in any profiles where the male identified as sub or as wanting to be tied up and spanked...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think I understand the OP point a bit. Like the threads about "fake Doms", he's maybe trying to say that simply enjoying whacking someone with a cane doesn't make you a "master".

Of course, anyone can call themselves anything they want!

On the submissive side, maybe he hasn't met the term "bottom" , which is generally (on the scene) understood to mean someone who enjoys experiencing certain stuff but without giving up control.

It's just names and labels... And as such are a starting point for further conversation and not meant to be taken as gospel.

I didn't get any sense of criticism from the OP though...

Can't remember what's on my profile, but I'm definitely of a sexually submissive inclination, so wouldn't be interested in any profiles where the male identified as sub or as wanting to be tied up and spanked...

"

I always thought that "bottom" meant gay/bi males who like to receive anal but not give it. Just goes to show how subjective these terms are I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BDSM: for the Elite.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"I think I understand the OP point a bit. Like the threads about "fake Doms", he's maybe trying to say that simply enjoying whacking someone with a cane doesn't make you a "master".

Of course, anyone can call themselves anything they want!

On the submissive side, maybe he hasn't met the term "bottom" , which is generally (on the scene) understood to mean someone who enjoys experiencing certain stuff but without giving up control.

It's just names and labels... And as such are a starting point for further conversation and not meant to be taken as gospel.

I didn't get any sense of criticism from the OP though...

Can't remember what's on my profile, but I'm definitely of a sexually submissive inclination, so wouldn't be interested in any profiles where the male identified as sub or as wanting to be tied up and spanked...

I always thought that "bottom" meant gay/bi males who like to receive anal but not give it. Just goes to show how subjective these terms are I guess.

"

True, very subjective. But in kink circles it means wanting the kinky stuff withiut the submission (generally lol)

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I think I understand the OP point a bit. Like the threads about "fake Doms", he's maybe trying to say that simply enjoying whacking someone with a cane doesn't make you a "master".

Of course, anyone can call themselves anything they want!

On the submissive side, maybe he hasn't met the term "bottom" , which is generally (on the scene) understood to mean someone who enjoys experiencing certain stuff but without giving up control.

It's just names and labels... And as such are a starting point for further conversation and not meant to be taken as gospel.

I didn't get any sense of criticism from the OP though...

Can't remember what's on my profile, but I'm definitely of a sexually submissive inclination, so wouldn't be interested in any profiles where the male identified as sub or as wanting to be tied up and spanked...

I always thought that "bottom" meant gay/bi males who like to receive anal but not give it. Just goes to show how subjective these terms are I guess.

"

It does mean that. It also is often used in a kink sense when you do not want to play with dominance and submission.

I like bottoming for rope play. I'm not particularly interested in having rope used on me in a submissive context.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I am failing in avoiding responding in threads.

Recently there has been some very good inclusive threads on bdsm. However this thread (in my view) is a regression to territoriality and finger pointing.

For me OP gets the history of shibari wrong (I am currently reading Master K' s 'The Beauty of Kinbaku's which provides references and footnotes, I am rope geeky) therefore I personally would not trust OP's facts on other matters.

In regard to his opinion and in terms of bdsm it is my suggestion that as long as it is consensual and not exploitative there is no true way to do bdsm or kink.

As for the definition of bdsm there was a long thread on it last year. If anyone does not want to do the research here is Wikipedia.

The term "BDSM" is first recorded in a Usenet posting from 1991,[1] and is interpreted as a combination of the abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism). BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include cross-dressers, body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers, rubber fetishists, and others."

TBH, I wouldn't trust anyone who quotes wikipedia as a source!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am failing in avoiding responding in threads.

Recently there has been some very good inclusive threads on bdsm. However this thread (in my view) is a regression to territoriality and finger pointing.

For me OP gets the history of shibari wrong (I am currently reading Master K' s 'The Beauty of Kinbaku's which provides references and footnotes, I am rope geeky) therefore I personally would not trust OP's facts on other matters.

In regard to his opinion and in terms of bdsm it is my suggestion that as long as it is consensual and not exploitative there is no true way to do bdsm or kink.

As for the definition of bdsm there was a long thread on it last year. If anyone does not want to do the research here is Wikipedia.

The term "BDSM" is first recorded in a Usenet posting from 1991,[1] and is interpreted as a combination of the abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism). BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include cross-dressers, body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers, rubber fetishists, and others.

TBH, I wouldn't trust anyone who quotes wikipedia as a source!"

Wikipedia is one of the few sites on Fab that can be quoted without receiving a ban. Anything bdsm specific would generally receive a ban. But feel free to be helpful and suggest some links or sites acceptable to fab which are bdsm specific.

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire


"I am failing in avoiding responding in threads.

Recently there has been some very good inclusive threads on bdsm. However this thread (in my view) is a regression to territoriality and finger pointing.

For me OP gets the history of shibari wrong (I am currently reading Master K' s 'The Beauty of Kinbaku's which provides references and footnotes, I am rope geeky) therefore I personally would not trust OP's facts on other matters.

In regard to his opinion and in terms of bdsm it is my suggestion that as long as it is consensual and not exploitative there is no true way to do bdsm or kink.

As for the definition of bdsm there was a long thread on it last year. If anyone does not want to do the research here is Wikipedia.

The term "BDSM" is first recorded in a Usenet posting from 1991,[1] and is interpreted as a combination of the abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism). BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include cross-dressers, body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers, rubber fetishists, and others.

TBH, I wouldn't trust anyone who quotes wikipedia as a source!

Wikipedia is one of the few sites on Fab that can be quoted without receiving a ban. Anything bdsm specific would generally receive a ban. But feel free to be helpful and suggest some links or sites acceptable to fab which are bdsm specific."

You can quote anything you like, you just can't hyperlink to most sites.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am failing in avoiding responding in threads.

Recently there has been some very good inclusive threads on bdsm. However this thread (in my view) is a regression to territoriality and finger pointing.

For me OP gets the history of shibari wrong (I am currently reading Master K' s 'The Beauty of Kinbaku's which provides references and footnotes, I am rope geeky) therefore I personally would not trust OP's facts on other matters.

In regard to his opinion and in terms of bdsm it is my suggestion that as long as it is consensual and not exploitative there is no true way to do bdsm or kink.

As for the definition of bdsm there was a long thread on it last year. If anyone does not want to do the research here is Wikipedia.

The term "BDSM" is first recorded in a Usenet posting from 1991,[1] and is interpreted as a combination of the abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism). BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include cross-dressers, body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers, rubber fetishists, and others.

TBH, I wouldn't trust anyone who quotes wikipedia as a source!

Wikipedia is one of the few sites on Fab that can be quoted without receiving a ban. Anything bdsm specific would generally receive a ban. But feel free to be helpful and suggest some links or sites acceptable to fab which are bdsm specific.

You can quote anything you like, you just can't hyperlink to most sites."

You are ducking the question.

To help most on here to research a point to make a decision about an issue and to to do quick research, providing a link to sites where information is gathered together is better than a mass of quotes which may take time to verify. As quote without full context I would suggest is partially helpful.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

As has been said above. From the thread title to the OP it’s just negative undertones right from the start.

Also note that the OP omitted the only word he identifies with - Dom, from the thread. Open to discussing others but not himself. All very negative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to throw my opinion into the mix. For me BDSM gives you a quickly identifiable genetic subject of interest, if you want more specifics on the personal level then communication is the key. Even breaking it down further to B/D, D/s or S/M it needs to be personalised further to each individual. As individuals we all have our own specific definitions, the only way you will understand someone’s specific thing is to ask them - honest, open communication .... without anyone’s ego gettingvin the way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't believe I've just read that from start, that was painful

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