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Club vs private meets, the pros and cons

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London

I was just wondering if any other couples are in a position similar to ours.

CLUBS are great. You get to meet similarly minded people and you get to have fun in themed areas like BDSM rooms and glory holes, both male and female, which we really really enjoy.

The other great thing about clubs is the fact that there is no pressure to play with anyone you don't click with sexually.

BUT

On the down side. Its almost always a bit of a trek so by the time you get home and get a good nights sleep the rest of your weekend is ruined/written off.

PRIVATE meets on the other hand are potentially much more convenient. Potentially a lot cheaper and don't ruin the rest of your weekend because more often than not, most people like to part company after a couple of hours.......perfect!!

However on the down side. If you meet a couple you don't click with, extracting yourselves without causing offence can be tricky. Plus the opportunity to have fun in a naughty swinging environment that weekend is wasted.

As a swinger with many years behind me I've had the best of both worlds but the potential downsides of private meets have so far put my girlfriend off. She is newer to swinging and loves clubs and spas but the idea of private meets still make her very nervous. So as a couple we're yet to venture down that path.

Anyone other couples here have similar experiences in either direction?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a social meet first. That way you can go out in town have a drink and see what their personalities are like. You can always ask them to play if you are really keen. Otherwise go home talk about it with your Mrs and see if she wants to take it further next time.

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"Have a social meet first. That way you can go out in town have a drink and see what their personalities are like. You can always ask them to play if you are really keen. Otherwise go home talk about it with your Mrs and see if she wants to take it further next time. "

Great in theory but so far logistics with a matching couple have not yet made that possible. We live in hope though

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

If you get on with a couple in a club, why not contact them afterwards and arrange a private meet with them ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know you asked for couples responses but I will add my views

Clubs are safer - you aren't bringing strangers to your home, nobody has to know where you live exactly, and if anyone gets weird/aggressive, you aren't dealing with trying to eject them from your house. At a club you can walk away if you aren't enjoying the play, it's a bit awkward trying to stop play at home. At the end of the day there are a lot of nutcases out there and bringing people to the home is a big chance to take, even if you've had a drink in the pub first to check chemistry.

Home meets do have their advantages too though- familiar comfortable surroundings, privacy if you dont like being watched, room temperature probably better (some clubs get way too hot in the playrooms!).

You could make a sexy weekend of it and book a hotel near your chosen club so there's no long drive home at the end of the night, and the potential to carry on the party at the hotel after the club has closed

Good luck whatever you decide x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're much similar. For a long, long while we gave up on private meets and just went to clubs. It's so much less effort, and although it writes your weekend off it tends to take up less time than private meets when you take into account all the messaging, socials, arranging etc.

It seems more like work than pleasure, whereas the build up to going to a club is exciting. Watching Mrs picking clothes, the anticipation all that. However we tend to build a club night into a weekend away so go every couple of months rather than weekly.

Howeve, we have come back to meets a little bit and have started to build a circle of friends that we meet with on a semi regular basis. You then know you like them, trust them and generally 'chime' if that makes sense. It's taken a long time though to meet those people.

The balance seems to be working for us at the moment.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

We are with you OP.....clubs provide an erotic environment with plenty of opportunity to play due to the number of people that are likely to be there. It is a bit of a trek for us too but there are closer clubs we could go to, it's just our preference is to go to a particular one. Are we tired the next day?.....yes....was it worth it?.....oh yes

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"If you get on with a couple in a club, why not contact them afterwards and arrange a private meet with them ? "

The clubs we enjoy most aren't local to us so that hasn't really worked so far.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've found clubs pretty hit and miss..sure, if you arrange a meet here and you get let down there's still people to play with but I've found I don't always like anyone in the place and I've been and the night has just been dead and it's been a waste of time. They're ok to get out the house for a bit but i just don't find them particularly sexy places, wait for rooms to be free, wait for equipment to be free, small chance of fancying someone and them fancying you back, the whole getting there and back thing :/ they're ok, not great.

Private meets though I've always found much better, you can cherry pick the folk you want to play with or attend rather than having a load of 'extras' you don't fancy milling about, you don't have to wait for anything to become free, no limits to what times you can attend/play, no limits to the type of play you can have, no laws need be observed. I find clubs extremely limiting personally and home and private meets much more fun

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I was just wondering if any other couples are in a position similar to ours.

CLUBS are great. You get to meet similarly minded people and you get to have fun in themed areas like BDSM rooms and glory holes, both male and female, which we really really enjoy.

The other great thing about clubs is the fact that there is no pressure to play with anyone you don't click with sexually.

BUT

On the down side. Its almost always a bit of a trek so by the time you get home and get a good nights sleep the rest of your weekend is ruined/written off.

PRIVATE meets on the other hand are potentially much more convenient. Potentially a lot cheaper and don't ruin the rest of your weekend because more often than not, most people like to part company after a couple of hours.......perfect!!

However on the down side. If you meet a couple you don't click with, extracting yourselves without causing offence can be tricky. Plus the opportunity to have fun in a naughty swinging environment that weekend is wasted.

As a swinger with many years behind me I've had the best of both worlds but the potential downsides of private meets have so far put my girlfriend off. She is newer to swinging and loves clubs and spas but the idea of private meets still make her very nervous. So as a couple we're yet to venture down that path.

Anyone other couples here have similar experiences in either direction?"

I agree with you here, however with private meets before play have a social meet in a pub or coffee shop, if you don't click then you've still had a nice time out x

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"I know you asked for couples responses but I will add my views

Clubs are safer - you aren't bringing strangers to your home, nobody has to know where you live exactly, and if anyone gets weird/aggressive, you aren't dealing with trying to eject them from your house. At a club you can walk away if you aren't enjoying the play, it's a bit awkward trying to stop play at home. At the end of the day there are a lot of nutcases out there and bringing people to the home is a big chance to take, even if you've had a drink in the pub first to check chemistry.

Home meets do have their advantages too though- familiar comfortable surroundings, privacy if you dont like being watched, room temperature probably better (some clubs get way too hot in the playrooms!).

You could make a sexy weekend of it and book a hotel near your chosen club so there's no long drive home at the end of the night, and the potential to carry on the party at the hotel after the club has closed

Good luck whatever you decide x"

Exactly why my gf feels more comfortable with club fun. For us its not able choosing one or the other. As mentioned both have their pros and cons.

Oh and yes booking hotel room does help. Thats what we do most times when we go to VA's bi night. It's lots of fun but does still impact on the rest of the weekend. Hence why I'd love to be able to balance things a bit with the occasional local private meet too.

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"We're much similar. For a long, long while we gave up on private meets and just went to clubs. It's so much less effort, and although it writes your weekend off it tends to take up less time than private meets when you take into account all the messaging, socials, arranging etc.

It seems more like work than pleasure, whereas the build up to going to a club is exciting. Watching Mrs picking clothes, the anticipation all that. However we tend to build a club night into a weekend away so go every couple of months rather than weekly.

Howeve, we have come back to meets a little bit and have started to build a circle of friends that we meet with on a semi regular basis. You then know you like them, trust them and generally 'chime' if that makes sense. It's taken a long time though to meet those people.

The balance seems to be working for us at the moment."

Perfect, that's exactly the point we'd love to get to.

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"We are with you OP.....clubs provide an erotic environment with plenty of opportunity to play due to the number of people that are likely to be there. It is a bit of a trek for us too but there are closer clubs we could go to, it's just our preference is to go to a particular one. Are we tired the next day?.....yes....was it worth it?.....oh yes "

I hear you. So far Vanilla Alternative is our club of choice. We have never been and not had a good time. Just wish it was more local

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots


"We are with you OP.....clubs provide an erotic environment with plenty of opportunity to play due to the number of people that are likely to be there. It is a bit of a trek for us too but there are closer clubs we could go to, it's just our preference is to go to a particular one. Are we tired the next day?.....yes....was it worth it?.....oh yes

I hear you. So far Vanilla Alternative is our club of choice. We have never been and not had a good time. Just wish it was more local "

House prices are lower up here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We're much similar. For a long, long while we gave up on private meets and just went to clubs. It's so much less effort, and although it writes your weekend off it tends to take up less time than private meets when you take into account all the messaging, socials, arranging etc.

It seems more like work than pleasure, whereas the build up to going to a club is exciting. Watching Mrs picking clothes, the anticipation all that. However we tend to build a club night into a weekend away so go every couple of months rather than weekly.

Howeve, we have come back to meets a little bit and have started to build a circle of friends that we meet with on a semi regular basis. You then know you like them, trust them and generally 'chime' if that makes sense. It's taken a long time though to meet those people.

The balance seems to be working for us at the moment.

Perfect, that's exactly the point we'd love to get to. "

Londons not a million miles away old chap

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"I've found clubs pretty hit and miss..sure, if you arrange a meet here and you get let down there's still people to play with but I've found I don't always like anyone in the place and I've been and the night has just been dead and it's been a waste of time. They're ok to get out the house for a bit but i just don't find them particularly sexy places, wait for rooms to be free, wait for equipment to be free, small chance of fancying someone and them fancying you back, the whole getting there and back thing :/ they're ok, not great.

Private meets though I've always found much better, you can cherry pick the folk you want to play with or attend rather than having a load of 'extras' you don't fancy milling about, you don't have to wait for anything to become free, no limits to what times you can attend/play, no limits to the type of play you can have, no laws need be observed. I find clubs extremely limiting personally and home and private meets much more fun "

When I was single my club experiences were very similar to yours. I much preferred private meets with couples.

Without doubt I find clubs much more fun as part of a couple. Even if we don't meet anyone we click with sexually.

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"We are with you OP.....clubs provide an erotic environment with plenty of opportunity to play due to the number of people that are likely to be there. It is a bit of a trek for us too but there are closer clubs we could go to, it's just our preference is to go to a particular one. Are we tired the next day?.....yes....was it worth it?.....oh yes

I hear you. So far Vanilla Alternative is our club of choice. We have never been and not had a good time. Just wish it was more local

House prices are lower up here "

When we finally buy a place together our proximity to VA will be considered. I'm only half joking when I say that lol

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"We're much similar. For a long, long while we gave up on private meets and just went to clubs. It's so much less effort, and although it writes your weekend off it tends to take up less time than private meets when you take into account all the messaging, socials, arranging etc.

It seems more like work than pleasure, whereas the build up to going to a club is exciting. Watching Mrs picking clothes, the anticipation all that. However we tend to build a club night into a weekend away so go every couple of months rather than weekly.

Howeve, we have come back to meets a little bit and have started to build a circle of friends that we meet with on a semi regular basis. You then know you like them, trust them and generally 'chime' if that makes sense. It's taken a long time though to meet those people.

The balance seems to be working for us at the moment.

Perfect, that's exactly the point we'd love to get to.

Londons not a million miles away old chap "

Oh I'm sure you must know why us London drivers are so damn lazy. It's not the distance. Its the damn traffic and the effort it takes to get beyond the M25 lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've found clubs pretty hit and miss..sure, if you arrange a meet here and you get let down there's still people to play with but I've found I don't always like anyone in the place and I've been and the night has just been dead and it's been a waste of time. They're ok to get out the house for a bit but i just don't find them particularly sexy places, wait for rooms to be free, wait for equipment to be free, small chance of fancying someone and them fancying you back, the whole getting there and back thing :/ they're ok, not great.

Private meets though I've always found much better, you can cherry pick the folk you want to play with or attend rather than having a load of 'extras' you don't fancy milling about, you don't have to wait for anything to become free, no limits to what times you can attend/play, no limits to the type of play you can have, no laws need be observed. I find clubs extremely limiting personally and home and private meets much more fun

When I was single my club experiences were very similar to yours. I much preferred private meets with couples.

Without doubt I find clubs much more fun as part of a couple. Even if we don't meet anyone we click with sexually."

I am part of a couple, we just choose to use our single profiles mostly. I've mainly ever been to a club as a part of a couple and find it the same..few times we've been and just found ourselves milling about going 'now what?'

Our lass isn't a fan for the same reasons really.

Different things float different people's boats though I guess

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By *reokink OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"I've found clubs pretty hit and miss..sure, if you arrange a meet here and you get let down there's still people to play with but I've found I don't always like anyone in the place and I've been and the night has just been dead and it's been a waste of time. They're ok to get out the house for a bit but i just don't find them particularly sexy places, wait for rooms to be free, wait for equipment to be free, small chance of fancying someone and them fancying you back, the whole getting there and back thing :/ they're ok, not great.

Private meets though I've always found much better, you can cherry pick the folk you want to play with or attend rather than having a load of 'extras' you don't fancy milling about, you don't have to wait for anything to become free, no limits to what times you can attend/play, no limits to the type of play you can have, no laws need be observed. I find clubs extremely limiting personally and home and private meets much more fun

When I was single my club experiences were very similar to yours. I much preferred private meets with couples.

Without doubt I find clubs much more fun as part of a couple. Even if we don't meet anyone we click with sexually.

I am part of a couple, we just choose to use our single profiles mostly. I've mainly ever been to a club as a part of a couple and find it the same..few times we've been and just found ourselves milling about going 'now what?'

Our lass isn't a fan for the same reasons really.

Different things float different people's boats though I guess "

Ahh got you. I suppose it depends on the club and the theme on the night you go.

However one tactic we now use is not to get ourselves too excited beforehand. That way we don't create over expectations for the night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’ve been to quite a few clubs but only ever played once!

We prefer private parties, they are great for socialising with similar couples and then make plans for a private meet through fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are probably only 20 mins drive from one of the best clubs in the UK. Yet unlikely to go as we are both very body conscious and not that socially experienced, ie we enjoy our own company and don’t have a massive social circle. Home meets for us it is then.

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

Firstly thanks to the OP for bringing this one up.

In our early days doing this we had quite a few private meets, both with couples and single guys. Some went well and others didn't. Funny is that in over a dozen meets only once did it end up with sex, and that was with a single guy whose house was just around the corner. She fancied him as well so couldn't really say no LOL.

However even that meet made Mrs feel uncomfortable, especially in the early part of the evening. She finds the whole routine of turning up in a bar to meet someone from a swinger site on the pretext of having sex with them far too clinical. On the very rare occasion we now meet someone privately we make it very clear that it is a social meet only and sex will only happen on (if we have) a subsequent meet.

We are fortunate to have a good selection of clubs pretty much on our doorstep and really like the scene and the atmosphere. She can dress up in her sexiest (sometimes slutiest) outfits, flirt (sometimes outrageously) at the bar and if she fancies fucking a guy she will invite him to a play room. That is the kind of spontaneity that she likes. No planning, no organisation, no endless streams of messages, just chat flirt and fuck.

Sometimes, if the mood is right, we will go into an open play room and see who joins us. Again it is a spur of the moment thing, maybe we will discuss it for a whole 10 seconds beforehand, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

On some nights nothing works and we will come away having no sex at all.

The other thing we prefer about clubs is that we can keep our swinging life in its own little box. We can go to a club, be as crazy as we like for a few hours but when we walk through the door to go home we leave it behind.

That is us for 50 weeks a year. The other two are in Cap d'Agde which we teat as a wild fortnight long swinger club night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've found clubs pretty hit and miss..sure, if you arrange a meet here and you get let down there's still people to play with but I've found I don't always like anyone in the place and I've been and the night has just been dead and it's been a waste of time. They're ok to get out the house for a bit but i just don't find them particularly sexy places, wait for rooms to be free, wait for equipment to be free, small chance of fancying someone and them fancying you back, the whole getting there and back thing :/ they're ok, not great.

Private meets though I've always found much better, you can cherry pick the folk you want to play with or attend rather than having a load of 'extras' you don't fancy milling about, you don't have to wait for anything to become free, no limits to what times you can attend/play, no limits to the type of play you can have, no laws need be observed. I find clubs extremely limiting personally and home and private meets much more fun

When I was single my club experiences were very similar to yours. I much preferred private meets with couples.

Without doubt I find clubs much more fun as part of a couple. Even if we don't meet anyone we click with sexually.

I am part of a couple, we just choose to use our single profiles mostly. I've mainly ever been to a club as a part of a couple and find it the same..few times we've been and just found ourselves milling about going 'now what?'

Our lass isn't a fan for the same reasons really.

Different things float different people's boats though I guess

Ahh got you. I suppose it depends on the club and the theme on the night you go.

However one tactic we now use is not to get ourselves too excited beforehand. That way we don't create over expectations for the night."

Yeah sorry, posting from this profile and saying I instead of we doesn't help.

Yeah after the first couple of times we just went to go out someplace and for that i find them ok..if one were on my doorstep I might frequent a little bit more but as it stands it's a 40 mile round trip to the closest and it's not just a bit too much of a mission really when we weigh it all up.

I get why folk like them but then some people like pubs and clubs and i don't so its just one of those things i think, I've given them a fair chance and they're not for me really

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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

I've been to a few clubs and only played once. For me the experience was not satisfying at all. I much prefer an unhurried one to one meet. That way I don't feel any pressure, there's no clock ticking and there's lots of reloading time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone has different preferences as they do with all aspects of a social life. We are lucky in that we are only 15 minutes drive from Townhouse & spend a lot of time there, both socially & for playing. We do prefer club meets & tend to just go & play it by ear with people we meet rather that pre arrange a meet. Other nights we socialise & just play together & then there are nights when we just socialise & don’t play. Sometimes we go on our own, depending on the night & what else we have on. If we didn’t have such a great club on our doorstep, our swinging life would be very different, so I can totally understand this being one of your list of requirements in house hunting!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was just wondering if any other couples are in a position similar to ours.

CLUBS are great. You get to meet similarly minded people and you get to have fun in themed areas like BDSM rooms and glory holes, both male and female, which we really really enjoy.

The other great thing about clubs is the fact that there is no pressure to play with anyone you don't click with sexually.

BUT

On the down side. Its almost always a bit of a trek so by the time you get home and get a good nights sleep the rest of your weekend is ruined/written off.

PRIVATE meets on the other hand are potentially much more convenient. Potentially a lot cheaper and don't ruin the rest of your weekend because more often than not, most people like to part company after a couple of hours.......perfect!!

However on the down side. If you meet a couple you don't click with, extracting yourselves without causing offence can be tricky. Plus the opportunity to have fun in a naughty swinging environment that weekend is wasted.

As a swinger with many years behind me I've had the best of both worlds but the potential downsides of private meets have so far put my girlfriend off. She is newer to swinging and loves clubs and spas but the idea of private meets still make her very nervous. So as a couple we're yet to venture down that path.

Anyone other couples here have similar experiences in either direction?

I agree with you here, however with private meets before play have a social meet in a pub or coffee shop, if you don't click then you've still had a nice time out x"

That sums it up

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