FabSwingers.com forum: Controversial post

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

I was a hardened swinger from 2011 to 2015, been there, done everything, but I've found myself a vanilla guy, we have been together 2 years, and it would kill me to share him. And he's not at all interested in the lifestyle.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

No harm in being nosey girl!! I'm the same.. met a guy on here we meet regularly, mad about each other.. he's not pushing to meet anyone together but I've told him categorically no way, I'll watch together in a club or meet and greet but could not watch him with someone else...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because it’s something we do together.

There’s enough love & trust between us that it works.

Monogamy is a social expectation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

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By *wisted2000Woman
over a year ago

under my rock cleethorpes

Maybe they’re a cuckhold/cuckqueen couple, it’s just what each are comfortable with, what turns them on, what they enjoy, it’s all down to individual choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

Because we've come to realise that sex and love can be exclusive (for us at least).

Just because she has sex with someone else doesn't mean she loves me less or vice versa. In fact, if anything it has strengthened our love for each other.

There is also an element of loving each other so much that we gain pleasure from seeing or knowing the other is receiving pleasure. And again, pleasure and love can be exclusive.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Each to their own and whatever works for you. Don’t feel pressured to play, don’t feel less of your situation if anyone criticises you, but also try not to cast harsh judgment on others. Relationship dynamics vary a lot and that’s entirely down to the personalities involved and how they make their partners feel.

To me it’s just an act of sex, nothing to do with what we have between us in our relationship, it’s just kinky, sexy gratuitous additional sex.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I enjoy seeing my partner gain pleasure from sex. Also I don't do anal or DP which he likes so it is good he can do that if he wants.

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By *orksCouple25Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

Maybe many couples say they love each other but are not ‘in love’ as there is a difference between the two situations, and being ‘in love’ especially if only one of a couple is ‘in love’ leads to a greater chance of jealous and obsessive feelings and particularly a fear of losing their partner to someone else .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably most people in the world are naturally monogamous. But some people, like myself, don’t chime with monogamy. Sex to many people signifies the relationship, therefore sex with someone else is unfaithful. To me it’s just sex though. But sex is also something that I enjoy, in that multiple partners provides so much variety of experiences. I don’t want to lose that variety just because I have a husband who I love. I also want my husband to experience stuff that I can’t give him. In the same way I’d be happy for him to dine out in order to eat a meal that I’m not able to cook for him.

Mrs

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By *UCKY_13Couple
over a year ago

southwest

We as a couple have no problems inviting others into our sex lives mr loves to watch me have sex and I love putting on a show for him other people joining us are live sex toys that only inhance our sex life I think it only becomes a problem when there is no trust or is a one sided arrangement xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well it's a legitimate question and it's the view most people have. In my view there is a difference between loving sex and "horny" sex.

The compulsion to swing is probably driven by the latter outweighing the former by many, many times.

It's also probably true that a large number of swingers most probably wouldn't be together if it for swinging, preferring to have sex with others and stay together than split up and sleep around. I'm being controversial myself here but I think people who spend a very large percentage of their lives having sex with others in this lifestyle may be like this. Not all, but some.

On the other hand you can love someone a crazy amount and watch them have sex with others knowing that the love you have is so strong that jealousy and insecurity aren't significant factors. That the sex you're seeing them have is there, in the moment, for a couple of hours, and it stays there in that moment. It's like watching your very own porn movie and the person you love is a better actress anyone you can see on screen. It's all an act. This is us. We become Matt and Chelsea, not our real selves, and we take this persona and become filthy hedonists for a short while. This view is underpinned by the fact that we simply don't do this all the time. There is a reason why we don't meet often, and it's because we have amazing sex with each other and it's an indulgence for us. It would be tiresome to live this life every weekend. I also, to some extent, see it is a perfect way of expressing my bisexuality, I get to have fun with women and I get to see Matt enjoy himself in that moment. It would be a problem if I saw him do this all the time though simply because I don't want to meet all the time. Luckily neither does he.

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By *ust Us TogetherWoman
over a year ago

Newport

My wife and I make love.......she has sex with others.

That is the difference for us

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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

I fail to understand why you wouldn't want to see someone you love enjoying themselves and having fun.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

We enjoy watching each other play with others,thats why we are here funnily enough.

If its not your thing no prob,but i presume you wont meet couples then?

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because its sex, which is fun, not love, which is different?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/12/17 09:47:51]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d like to turn the question round, and ask, those who find that non-monogamy doesn’t sit comfortably, what is it that bothers you about a partner having sex with someone else? Is it jeolousy? In which what are you jealous of? Is it fear of losing your partner to someone else? Is it a fear that someone might be better sexually? Or is it that you just believe it is wrong? I’m not being judgemental btw, just opening the discussion further.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Probably most people in the world are naturally monogamous. But some people, like myself, don’t chime with monogamy. Sex to many people signifies the relationship, therefore sex with someone else is unfaithful. To me it’s just sex though. But sex is also something that I enjoy, in that multiple partners provides so much variety of experiences. I don’t want to lose that variety just because I have a husband who I love. I also want my husband to experience stuff that I can’t give him. In the same way I’d be happy for him to dine out in order to eat a meal that I’m not able to cook for him.

Mrs"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To us it's just sex not love and something we both enjoy so if either of us is watching the other have fun we don't get jealous we feel good seeing our partner enjoy themselves

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By *ikstupp2Man
over a year ago

london

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

"
im in exactly the same position

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We love each other, are in love it each other and we make love with each other. She just likes fucking other guys and I love watching her enjoy herself. True love in my book!!

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By *infulSandyCouple
over a year ago

London

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

Because it's fun and we trust each other.

Not that difficult to understand (not trying to change your mind or have a go) it's just a case of "to each their own"

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By *witcherooMan
over a year ago

Muirhead

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

If you were a hardened swinger before then surely you would know ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is an interesting debate, when I first joined fab as a single guy I was shocked at the amount of couples who wanted another guy for a MMF. Now, after experiencing a few, I can see how much pleasure and fun it gives them. You wouldn’t believe how much the guys enjoy watching me fuck their wives, they are literally bursting!! and of course the wives enjoy it just as much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

With such hang-ups, swinging is not for you.

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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago

Over the roundabout and then turn right.

We have sex with other people but we make love to each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s just sex. It’s fun

You go for a beer dinner at work with someone else. It’s fun

You have dinner with someone else. It’s fun

Why the hang up because you’re having a shag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s just sex. It’s fun

You go for a beer dinner at work with someone else. It’s fun

You have dinner with someone else. It’s fun

Why the hang up because you’re having a shag. "

I see it this way too.

They fuck other people but they come back to *you*. Sharing the experience. And remembering.

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By *urreySunSeekersCouple
over a year ago

Camberley

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

Because we've come to realise that sex and love can be exclusive (for us at least).

Just because she has sex with someone else doesn't mean she loves me less or vice versa. In fact, if anything it has strengthened our love for each other.

There is also an element of loving each other so much that we gain pleasure from seeing or knowing the other is receiving pleasure. And again, pleasure and love can be exclusive.

Spot on. It adds the spice and intrigue that naturally will change in a long term relationship. If you are a strong and established couple then it can work. But it is not for all - thank goodness though because could you imagine what it would be like if swinging was actually the norm?!?! I wouldn’t know if I was coming or going

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Mrs"

Most people are not monogamous by nature. It's about 70:30 non-monogamous to monogamous. There is 3-4 times more different females that have contributed to your genes than male, polygamy is by far the most common form of .marriage throughout history and present throughout the bible which whould be a good clue. I struggle think of any country where the majority of people marry one person for life and remain sexually faithful to them, certainly not the UK! Maybe if the armish people had their own country but that's as close as you get.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Maybe many couples say they love each other but are not ‘in love’ as there is a difference between the two situations, and being ‘in love’ especially if only one of a couple is ‘in love’ leads to a greater chance of jealous and obsessive feelings and particularly a fear of losing their partner to someone else . "

Totally disagree and think this is a perfect example of your languge constraining your thinking. English is a particularly poor language to discuss 'love', in ancient greek they had three words for what we lump into one. The people who go around declaring their love constantly are the high neuroticism types who are statistically more likely to get divorced.

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By *x3anteexxCouple
over a year ago

NW Cheshire

[Removed by poster at 06/12/17 09:43:11]

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By *x3anteexxCouple
over a year ago

NW Cheshire

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

Because we've come to realise that sex and love can be exclusive (for us at least).

Just because she has sex with someone else doesn't mean she loves me less or vice versa. In fact, if anything it has strengthened our love for each other.

There is also an element of loving each other so much that we gain pleasure from seeing or knowing the other is receiving pleasure. And again, pleasure and love can be exclusive.

^^^^ exactly this ^^^^

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Two things puzzle me a bit...I wonder why there are no comments of why the person is on here when in a relationship for two years etc etc ( I am not asking the question ) and why is a person on a swinging site having been an active swinger when they don't understand the concept of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love seeing husband with other ladies.

I love watching her enjoying my husband, and I love seeing him enjoy himself with her.

I don't get jealous, never have. I love that other women want sex with him but knowing full well it's me he's coming home with.

It's a total turn on.

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By *iWifeHappyLifeCouple
over a year ago

Liverpool

There's a brilliant polyamory term called "Compersion". It's like the opposite of jealousy - that feeling you get when you're happy for someone's happiness, like when they get a new job or when they achieve something they really wanted. You can feel happy that they're experiencing pleasure.

There are plenty of other reasons though, for myself as a bi/pansexual there are some things my husband and I literally can't do together. We've been together 11 years and are in a strong, stable relationship but to stay monogamous would mean me denying a huge part of my sexuality, my personality. I'm lucky that he's open to let me explore that side of myself and in return I'm happy for him to enjoy himself, fulfil fantasies and for us both to share that pleasure with another woman.

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

" We have sex with other people but we make love to each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs

I’ll rephrase it

I think most people believe in monogamy but in reality a lot are incapable of doing so. Also most people expect their partners to be monogamous, irrespective of whether they are. And of course society says it’s wtong. Why, though, most people can’t bare the thought of their partner enjoying a fun activity with another person is a fascinating question.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two things puzzle me a bit...I wonder why there are no comments of why the person is on here when in a relationship for two years etc etc ( I am not asking the question ) and why is a person on a swinging site having been an active swinger when they don't understand the concept of swinging."

I don’t think that’s uncommon though. There are lots of singles on the swing scene that would leave the swing scene if they were to get a life-long partner.

Mrs

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I don’t think that’s uncommon though. There are lots of singles on the swing scene that would leave the swing scene if they were to get a life-long partner.

Mrs"

I understand that, not everyone can swing, there is nothing wrong with that in my eyes.

What puzzles me is after swinging for a long while, not getting the concept of it so much that she says "So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?" All those people who she swung with I bet wouldn't have done if they had known what she really thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if I had a lover theres no way I would be happy seeing him with someone else , it would kill me too OP

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By *ardiffCoupleNJCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd/Rhyfelin

It's only a problem if you consider sex to be synonymous with love. Some do, and I think I would have done 25 years ago.

However am now in a very secure relationship and we have moved into the lifestyle with the benefit of real life experience. We are able to truly discuss our desires with each other without fear of criticism.

We both enjoy seeing each other enjoying the pleasures of sex.

Love is exclusive to us alone. But sex is not, because it actually enhances our own sexual pleasures.

We still have rules, the main one being we only play together. Not everyone will have this rule, but for us, we would both consider playing alone as cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think that’s uncommon though. There are lots of singles on the swing scene that would leave the swing scene if they were to get a life-long partner.

Mrs

I understand that, not everyone can swing, there is nothing wrong with that in my eyes.

Yes it is misleading. We would probably avoid someone if we knew they think like that.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

You don't own your partner no matter how much you love them, therefore you don't share them.

Love and sex are not the same thing.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Mrs

I’ll rephrase it

Mrs"

I think most people believe in whatever they are told to.

Monogamy is a nice idea in theory but doesn't work on any kind of scale. Serial monogamy is morally replusive. If anyone can successfully pull off a proper monogamous relationship then by all means they can look down their nose at swingers but they are a rare breed.

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By *witcherooMan
over a year ago

Muirhead

Part B was my point exactly, especially when the OP declared they were originally a “swinger”. Leads me to doubt they ever were in the first place tbh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love seeing the interaction between hubby and wife when I’m in a MMF with them, there’s definitely a lot of love going on between them. I’ve often heard the comment that it makes their relationship even stronger and the sex between them on their own even better.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I love seeing the interaction between hubby and wife when I’m in a MMF with them, there’s definitely a lot of love going on between them. I’ve often heard the comment that it makes their relationship even stronger and the sex between them on their own even better."

I don't think sex can make your love stronger because it isn't love iyswim. I think the realisation that the trust and affection between you is such that you are able to enjoy sexual adventures like this together is what makes you realise how good your relationship actually is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

You don't own your partner no matter how much you love them, therefore you don't share them.

Love and sex are not the same thing.

Well we do. We don’t own each other but we most certainly share each other. Sharing has nothing to do with ownership.

Mrs

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

You don't own your partner no matter how much you love them, therefore you don't share them.

Love and sex are not the same thing.

Well we do. We don’t own each other but we most certainly share each other. Sharing has nothing to do with ownership.

Mrs"

I think it's a question of how we define sharing then

. We like to share the experience but to me (and this is only my opinion) you can only share something if you own it. I appreciate and respect the fact that you see it differently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite simple really... there's a difference between making love to someone you love and fucking someone

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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago

swingers clubs

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

Society drums in that sex should be with someone you love.

Sex should be pleasurable, and for us certainly it is.

I think you could look at sex with two points of view.

Sex for procreation - maybe this should be with someone you love, having a family unit and enjoying each others company for ever.

Sex for recreation - if you want to, and you enjoy it, why not? Does this have to be only between long term partners in a loving relationship?

Love and sex are two different things. It's society/education/religion that tells us otherwise they are the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

How the hell, can you watch a women you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, let her face be seen by another man???????

Go to some parts of the world and your question could have been this. It's all relative.

Ownership, jealously, insecurity and protecting your legacy are not love but for many they are a side effect of love.

Some people are more liberated than others from these side effects.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

OP, swinging isn't for you. He doesn't want to do it and you don't either....

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford

OP love and trust in relation to fab users means to have sex with other people. Love and trust to others usually mean monogamy. Different horses for different courses. I'm like you and him I suppose, when in relationship monogamy is a must not because of being possessive or jealous just due to respect and love for the person I'm with. I put them above everyone and vice versa so to me we are together mentally and physically which means We = you and me and not every Tom, Dick and Sally.

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By *RnMrsFreakCouple
over a year ago

Hull,England

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

How the hell, can you watch a women you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, let her face be seen by another man???????

Go to some parts of the world and your question could have been this. It's all relative.

Ownership, jealously, insecurity and protecting your legacy are not love but for many they are a side effect of love.

Some people are more liberated than others from these side effects. "

Mononagmy is a religious construct which is now sewn in to our social programming. Thankfully people are breaking away from the rules religons have put upon us.

I doubt the OP will have the same fear over their partner after 20 years, just needs time for 'the madness' to wear off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

You don't own your partner no matter how much you love them, therefore you don't share them.

Love and sex are not the same thing.

Well we do. We don’t own each other but we most certainly share each other. Sharing has nothing to do with ownership.

Mrs

I think it's a question of how we define sharing then

. We like to share the experience but to me (and this is only my opinion) you can only share something if you own it. I appreciate and respect the fact that you see it differently."

I looked up the dictionary definition of the word ‘share’, and certainly with inanimate object it’s entirely possible, and indeed correct use of the word, for people share something they don’t necessarily own. Eg teacher passes round the books for children to share between 2 of them. So maybe it’s the sharing of people that jarrs?

Mrs

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"OP love and trust in relation to fab users means to have sex with other people. Love and trust to others usually mean monogamy. Different horses for different courses. I'm like you and him I suppose, when in relationship monogamy is a must not because of being possessive or jealous just due to respect and love for the person I'm with. I put them above everyone and vice versa so to me we are together mentally and physically which means We = you and me and not every Tom, Dick and Sally."

To many swinging couples it we=you and me who are experiencing and sharing the adventure.

Swinging isn't for everyone, it's not the norm and it is hard to understand for loads of people. To us that doesn't matter as long as "we" understand what it means to us. I've mentioned before that we never justify or explain why we swing. That's partly because it's nobody else's business and partly because people who don't understand it never will. That doesn't mean we think they're bad or wrong it's just a pointless exercise..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

You don't own your partner no matter how much you love them, therefore you don't share them.

Love and sex are not the same thing.

Well we do. We don’t own each other but we most certainly share each other. Sharing has nothing to do with ownership.

Mrs

I think it's a question of how we define sharing then

. We like to share the experience but to me (and this is only my opinion) you can only share something if you own it. I appreciate and respect the fact that you see it differently.

Mrs"

With me yes, it is sharing of people that jars.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/12/17 12:38:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

You don't own your partner no matter how much you love them, therefore you don't share them.

Love and sex are not the same thing.

Well we do. We don’t own each other but we most certainly share each other. Sharing has nothing to do with ownership.

Mrs

I think it's a question of how we define sharing then

. We like to share the experience but to me (and this is only my opinion) you can only share something if you own it. I appreciate and respect the fact that you see it differently.

Mrs

With me yes, it is sharing of people that jars. "

Yes, although ‘ownership’ has nothing that do with ‘sharing’ according to dictionary definitions examples, there were no examples of sharing people, so I do admit that I’ve used the word inaccurately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But what if she wanted the variety of several sex partners, even if you don’t? Would your love and respect for her mean she must go without that variety. Or what is she wanted to watch you have sex with others, would your love and respect for her mean you would not entertain pursuing that sexual fantasy of hers? Love and respect are to a certain extent about making your partner happy.

Mrs

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Sex is enjoyable, I love my wife and I want her to enjoy life. I want to enjoy life too! Watching her enjoy having sex is like watching her enjoy eating her favourite food, or spending time with a good friend.

Monogamy is a societal construct and expectation. There are some species which are designed to be monogamous, humans are not one of them. In every country, culture, religion, ethnicity, and time period, there has been infidelity. People have lost their jobs, their children, their families and even their lives as a result of infidelity. That's how powerful our sex drive is. There is no way in hell I wanted that destructive force damaging my marriage, so instead of fighting against it, we chose to embrace it, and swing instead.

I don't think that non-monogamous relationships are better than monogamous relationships. If you both chose to be monogamous, great. But I do think that monogamy should be an active choice for a couple, not a default that no one actually chose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sex is enjoyable, I love my wife and I want her to enjoy life. I want to enjoy life too! Watching her enjoy having sex is like watching her enjoy eating her favourite food, or spending time with a good friend.

Lots of talk about monogamy here. We consider ourselves to be monogamous. We just have sex with women every now and then. Those playmates aren’t our partners. Friends, maybe, not partners?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

You don't own your partner no matter how much you love them, therefore you don't share them.

Love and sex are not the same thing.

Well we do. We don’t own each other but we most certainly share each other. Sharing has nothing to do with ownership.

Mrs

I think it's a question of how we define sharing then

. We like to share the experience but to me (and this is only my opinion) you can only share something if you own it. I appreciate and respect the fact that you see it differently.

Mrs

With me yes, it is sharing of people that jars.

I'd happily share my chocolate orange with you though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

I'm not having a go, just interested in people's thoughts.

So my question is, how the hell do you watch someone you love shag somebody else?

Why am I still on here? Cos I'm a nosey cow...........

You don't own your partner no matter how much you love them, therefore you don't share them.

Love and sex are not the same thing.

Well we do. We don’t own each other but we most certainly share each other. Sharing has nothing to do with ownership.

Mrs

I think it's a question of how we define sharing then

. We like to share the experience but to me (and this is only my opinion) you can only share something if you own it. I appreciate and respect the fact that you see it differently.

Mrs

With me yes, it is sharing of people that jars.

I'd happily share my chocolate orange with you though

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Lots of talk about monogamy here. We consider ourselves to be monogamous. We just have sex with women every now and then. Those playmates aren’t our partners. Friends, maybe, not partners? "

That's not monogamy then, that's ethical non-monogamy. The ethical bit means you are both aware of, and consenting to, the non-monogamy. The non-monogamy bit is obviously because you are having sex with other people.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

How the hell, can you watch a women you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, let her face be seen by another man???????

Go to some parts of the world and your question could have been this. It's all relative.

Ownership, jealously, insecurity and protecting your legacy are not love but for many they are a side effect of love.

Some people are more liberated than others from these side effects.

Mononagmy is a religious construct which is now sewn in to our social programming. Thankfully people are breaking away from the rules religons have put upon us.

I doubt the OP will have the same fear over their partner after 20 years, just needs time for 'the madness' to wear off."

Utter drivel. Religion far pre-dates monogamy, polygamy has been the norm for the vast majority of himan history and still is in most countries.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" How the hell, can you watch someone you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, have sex with someone else???????

How the hell, can you watch a women you love, and I mean deeply, deeply love that person, let her face be seen by another man???????

Go to some parts of the world and your question could have been this. It's all relative.

Ownership, jealously, insecurity and protecting your legacy are not love but for many they are a side effect of love.

Some people are more liberated than others from these side effects.

Mononagmy is a religious construct which is now sewn in to our social programming. Thankfully people are breaking away from the rules religons have put upon us.

I doubt the OP will have the same fear over their partner after 20 years, just needs time for 'the madness' to wear off.

Utter drivel. Religion far pre-dates monogamy, polygamy has been the norm for the vast majority of himan history and still is in most countries. "

Is polygamy the norm in most countries? Genuine question.