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"Hey fellow swingers. Thought I’d open up a bit of a discussion thread on normality. I’ve been swinging off and on for about 8 years now. I’ve been thinking the last few days that I believe I’ve lost touch with normality being on here and in the scene I am in. Does anyone have any views on how they feel? Could the have a normal relationship again etc? I know some people see swinging as normal to them but if your on the outside looking in is it really....?" Nope. Next question!  | |||
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"Hey fellow swingers. Thought I’d open up a bit of a discussion thread on normality. I’ve been swinging off and on for about 8 years now. I’ve been thinking the last few days that I believe I’ve lost touch with normality being on here and in the scene I am in. Does anyone have any views on how they feel? Could the have a normal relationship again etc? I know some people see swinging as normal to them but if your on the outside looking in is it really....?" In the interest of stopping this descending into a semantic debate, since there will inevitably be the "what's normal" question thrown back at you: - It's very normal for humans to have multiple sexual partners (i.e. that is human nature, monogamy is not) - Our present dominant culture does not consider it normal to have multiple partners after marriage. They think it's much more nobel to tear apart your family before getting nookie elsewhere. - Historically most cultures were accepting of polygamy or men having mistresses, that used to be normal - It's never really been normal for a man to enjoy seeing his wife fucked by other men. It kind of works against evolution, men who could tolerate it did better in evolution than those who couldn't, but to actually arrange and watch it has never been normal. It's just a great side benefit from the invention of condoms. | |||
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"I would still argue that monogamy is normal. Swingers are still monogamous. Most live with one partner and have kids from that one partner and would only ever want to be with that one partner. Just because you swing doesn't mean you're not monogamous. You're sexually polygamous but your relationship is still monogamous. I'd even say 90% if couples would happily stop swinging if one of the partners in the relationship felt too uncomfortable. You love and want to be with one person but you enjoy sex with others. Your relationship is monogamous unless you're living and sharing your whole lives with more than one partner. That's my thoughts on it anyway. I like monogamy so have to stand up for it haha" 
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"I would still argue that monogamy is normal. Swingers are still monogamous. Most live with one partner and have kids from that one partner and would only ever want to be with that one partner. Just because you swing doesn't mean you're not monogamous. You're sexually polygamous but your relationship is still monogamous. I'd even say 90% if couples would happily stop swinging if one of the partners in the relationship felt too uncomfortable. You love and want to be with one person but you enjoy sex with others. Your relationship is monogamous unless you're living and sharing your whole lives with more than one partner. That's my thoughts on it anyway. I like monogamy so have to stand up for it haha" I think you are bending the definitions of words there or reaching into nuances that the average man on the street really wouldn't recognise. We talk about animals being monogmous or not so it clearly refers to their sexual habbits rather than a claim to know whether one penguin really loves another penguin. I'd also strongly dispute that 90% of swingers could give up swinging. I know people claim that on here because it's good virtue signalling but the reality is that a pathetically low proportion of the general population are genuinely monogamous (between 15% and 30%) so the idea that most swingers could do it after having opened Pandoras box strikes me as patently false. | |||
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"Where did you get the stats? I'm not saying you're lying I'm just asking where you got them and we're not the same as animals despite when people may think. We're way more complicated. Monogamy when talking about humans isn't just related to sex. Sex is basically a hobby for alot of swingers. I do believe that the majority of couples would give it up if one of the partners really wanted to. " I'm talking about whats normal, so i don't think the average joe has a different definition of monogamy for animals and humans. In terms of the stats you have to combine the divorce rate (serial monogamy is an oxymoron and is not monogamy), the prevalence of infidelity (also very high) and then the proportion of people that are monogamous by nature or not. Nobody knows the exact final figure, which why i gave a range. But we know that 43% divorce, between 60-70% cheat and only 30% are naturally predisposed to monogamy in the first place (which helps explain the first two). Nobody knows the exact combination of those (i.e. people who don't divorce and don't cheat) but it's obviously low. | |||
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"I would still argue that monogamy is normal. Swingers are still monogamous. Most live with one partner and have kids from that one partner and would only ever want to be with that one partner. Just because you swing doesn't mean you're not monogamous. You're sexually polygamous but your relationship is still monogamous. I'd even say 90% if couples would happily stop swinging if one of the partners in the relationship felt too uncomfortable. You love and want to be with one person but you enjoy sex with others. Your relationship is monogamous unless you're living and sharing your whole lives with more than one partner. That's my thoughts on it anyway. I like monogamy so have to stand up for it haha I think you are bending the definitions of words there or reaching into nuances that the average man on the street really wouldn't recognise. We talk about animals being monogmous or not so it clearly refers to their sexual habbits rather than a claim to know whether one penguin really loves another penguin. I'd also strongly dispute that 90% of swingers could give up swinging. I know people claim that on here because it's good virtue signalling but the reality is that a pathetically low proportion of the general population are genuinely monogamous (between 15% and 30%) so the idea that most swingers could do it after having opened Pandoras box strikes me as patently false. " Most swingers couldn’t do it after opening Pandora’s box ? Spot on , and recent events have proved this to be the case for us . We first opened the box seven years ago after being together for a year . We loved the liberating feel we had , the secret lifestyle we led , and of course the fun we had . We took a break after a year or so , got married , but within a month we had started again . This time it was a couple of years before we took another break , questioning whether we wanted to carry on . A month later we started again ! Couldn’t resist the temptation I guess . Anyway up until a few weeks ago we were again in that place .... could we stop we asked ourselves , and hid our profile while we mulled it over . Well of course we couldn’t and we are still having as much fun as ever , just not through fab . It’s in our blood . We don’t want to stop , see no reason to and if that makes our marriage weak in some people’s eyes , so be it . We know what works for us and that’s all that matters . Never been happier | |||
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"So you live with your partner and they say "I don't want to swing anymore"...... you dump them? If not I'd like to know why? Even if humans want sex with many why do they still crave sharing their lives with one? Obviously there are polygamous marriages but in the vast majority of cases people want one person to be with. You're making sex out to be the whole relationship. I would say most swingers would class themselves as having a monogamous relationship. " This question comes up often on here. I'd encourage you to look at it another way, imagine a couple have been married for a couple of years. The wife turns to the husband and says "I'd like to start trying for a baby soon". The husband says "i know i said i wanted kids when we got married but I've changed my mind and now i don't". What do you think happens next? | |||
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"I would still argue that monogamy is normal. Swingers are still monogamous. Most live with one partner and have kids from that one partner and would only ever want to be with that one partner. Just because you swing doesn't mean you're not monogamous. You're sexually polygamous but your relationship is still monogamous. I'd even say 90% if couples would happily stop swinging if one of the partners in the relationship felt too uncomfortable. You love and want to be with one person but you enjoy sex with others. Your relationship is monogamous unless you're living and sharing your whole lives with more than one partner. That's my thoughts on it anyway. I like monogamy so have to stand up for it haha I think you are bending the definitions of words there or reaching into nuances that the average man on the street really wouldn't recognise. We talk about animals being monogmous or not so it clearly refers to their sexual habbits rather than a claim to know whether one penguin really loves another penguin. I'd also strongly dispute that 90% of swingers could give up swinging. I know people claim that on here because it's good virtue signalling but the reality is that a pathetically low proportion of the general population are genuinely monogamous (between 15% and 30%) so the idea that most swingers could do it after having opened Pandoras box strikes me as patently false. Most swingers couldn’t do it after opening Pandora’s box ? Spot on , and recent events have proved this to be the case for us . We first opened the box seven years ago after being together for a year . We loved the liberating feel we had , the secret lifestyle we led , and of course the fun we had . We took a break after a year or so , got married , but within a month we had started again . This time it was a couple of years before we took another break , questioning whether we wanted to carry on . A month later we started again ! Couldn’t resist the temptation I guess . Anyway up until a few weeks ago we were again in that place .... could we stop we asked ourselves , and hid our profile while we mulled it over . Well of course we couldn’t and we are still having as much fun as ever , just not through fab . It’s in our blood . We don’t want to stop , see no reason to and if that makes our marriage weak in some people’s eyes , so be it . We know what works for us and that’s all that matters . Never been happier "But then again you are in the top 1% of honest people on this forum... | |||
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"I dunno which person male or female I'm talking to on this profile but you're basically saying you'd dump your other half to continue swinging? And as for the other person both of you in your marriage want to continue swinging. You only stopped because you possibly felt it was the right thing to do now that you're married but I was asking what if your wife or husband suddenly said they do not want to continue it and would not want you to either? Would you divorce to continue swinging? " Hell no , we wouldn’t duvirce to continue swinging . There’s no way I figure this would work with someone else , and my wife feels the same way . If either one of us wanted to stop and the other didn’t want to , we would take a break , and no doubt start again after a month or so | |||
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"I dunno which person male or female I'm talking to on this profile but you're basically saying you'd dump your other half to continue swinging? And as for the other person both of you in your marriage want to continue swinging. You only stopped because you possibly felt it was the right thing to do now that you're married but I was asking what if your wife or husband suddenly said they do not want to continue it and would not want you to either? Would you divorce to continue swinging? " Husband here, what I'm saying is that marriage is a legally binding contract. People enter into that agreement on certain terms and neither person has the right to arbitrarily change the terms of a contract without penalty. Naturally neither party can force the other to fulfil their promises either. I can't force my wife to swing just like she can't force me to get her pregnant. Personally I'm very much against divorce so i wouldn't be breaking up a marriage over swinging, but i never promised to be monogamous, i explicitly said i wouldn't be and therefore that is how i would continue to operate, as a single if need be. Fortunately it's not a problem i have. Nor would i do a u-turn on wanting children although it's the kind of thing i perpetually want to do 'next year'. | |||
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"That's what I'm saying, you both love swinging. You're perfect for each other but you'd still stop it for your partner which is what I said. I said most would because they only really love their partner and just love the sex with others. Obviously there's exception and people would dump their other halves but they probably love sex more than their partners anyway haha." Can you quote who you are replying to please | |||
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"That's what I'm saying, you both love swinging. You're perfect for each other but you'd still stop it for your partner which is what I said. I said most would because they only really love their partner and just love the sex with others. Obviously there's exception and people would dump their other halves but they probably love sex more than their partners anyway haha. Can you quote who you are replying to please" Sorry it was for _loswingers. I hate the quote type replies on this and wish you could tag someone instead like Facebook ha. | |||
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