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"Thanks - that’s helpful. On the scene... you mean at clubs and through friends? I did once see a single man’s profile who had a very eloquent statement - something along the lines of “I fully understand that I’m a guest when I meet couples”. That resonated with us - you invite a guest because you want to entertain them and be entertained by them, certainly don’t expect them to invade your space or move in afterwards! R" Tbh I wouldn’t have any to move in after anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I tend do be asked to be invited which means that I don’t always play because people don’t think I am assertive and that is fine. Rather be know as someone who can behave and is decent, than someone that oversteps | |||
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"I share some points from a singles guys point on view I've only ever had one social with a couple when I first joined fab and it don't go great I found the guy very pushy towards me playing with his mrs and could see she was as uncomfortable as me in that situation so I politely left and that cooled my interest. No I would say I'm little different than most single guys in regards to I don't just want a quick fuck and certainly not looking for a couple to tick any box however it is something that intrigues me and in mind it's not just about getting having a fuck with the female it's the whole build up and being involved in that situation with a couple. I would want to know what ticks the boxes for them and play my part in that ! That would be a massive turn on for me knowing how turned on the both of them are ! I just find it really hard connecting with couples as I find most want a quick last minute meet and don't like it when I ask to chat first, so my focus goes on meeting one. I do live in hope. Do you have any questions for a single guy ? I'll always answer honestly " | |||
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"Thanks - that’s helpful. On the scene... you mean at clubs and through friends? I did once see a single man’s profile who had a very eloquent statement - something along the lines of “I fully understand that I’m a guest when I meet couples”. That resonated with us - you invite a guest because you want to entertain them and be entertained by them, certainly don’t expect them to invade your space or move in afterwards! R Tbh I wouldn’t have any to move in after anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I tend do be asked to be invited which means that I don’t always play because people don’t think I am assertive and that is fine. Rather be know as someone who can behave and is decent, than someone that oversteps " | |||
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"I would know before meeting what Mr wanted to get out of it ... what does he enjoy about the scenario ? Does he enjoy watching his wife and then joining in ? Does he like to be fully involved in the fun? For me it's about them and I'm just an extra in the fun like I said I knowing the both of them are fully engaged in the fun would be a huge turn on and a big part of it for me" | |||
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"I wouldn't get anything out of that at all !! It's why I struggle on here, I think as s single guy I'm just expected to take whatever comes my way and that couldn't be further away from what I'm looking for however I do understand we are all different and try to embrace the site." | |||
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"It's actually refreshing to chat to you it's restored my faith a little bit in the couples scenario I'm mainly just on the forums these days but maybe I should put some focus back on this and keep you updated " | |||
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"We prefer people who get us of course rather than be assertive for the sake of it... but with 130+ veris to your name we’d say you’re not doing toooo badly Thanks - that’s helpful. On the scene... you mean at clubs and through friends? I did once see a single man’s profile who had a very eloquent statement - something along the lines of “I fully understand that I’m a guest when I meet couples”. That resonated with us - you invite a guest because you want to entertain them and be entertained by them, certainly don’t expect them to invade your space or move in afterwards! R Tbh I wouldn’t have any to move in after anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I tend do be asked to be invited which means that I don’t always play because people don’t think I am assertive and that is fine. Rather be know as someone who can behave and is decent, than someone that oversteps " For me I just go with flow. So sometimes a guy will want to watch sometimes he will join in as we pleasure wife or other lady. Sometimes he will ask to take photos I play differently in a 1-2-1 than a mfm. More sort of how I interact. It’s hard to explain | |||
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"Thanks - that’s helpful. On the scene... you mean at clubs and through friends?" Yes exactly. Men we have met at parties and through friends. Or we might notice a man from a friends verification list. It’s very rare for us to start from scratch with a total stranger off the Internet, although we do occasionally. Mrs | |||
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"I wouldn't get anything out of that at all !! It's why I struggle on here, I think as s single guy I'm just expected to take whatever comes my way and that couldn't be further away from what I'm looking for however I do understand we are all different and try to embrace the site." Sounds like you feel single guys are treated as sex toys by couples. I have heard this before. However there are couples out there who enjoy a more friendship style approach to play. Certainly the guys who join us are treated as equals and as friends. I would be horrified if any of our playmates felt they got nothing out of it and that they were there purely to serve us. We believe in there being a three-way dynamic, which we believe most guys don’t really get, and the challenge is to find those guys to understand and enjoy that dynamic. Any couples who are expecting the single guy to be there purely for their enjoyment probably don’t get that dynamic themselves. On the other hand if the single guy doesn’t mind being treated like that, then that fine too. Mrs | |||
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"Making it very clear, both on your profile and in your messages that youre there to play by their rules and boundaries. youre being invited into an intimate dynamic, so make sure you broadcast that from the start..." Close but not quite. Change the statement their rules and boundries to rules and boundaries agreed by all 3. On my profile I state no bi play. Anything else to be discussed. | |||
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"There are 3 fundamental checks that we do. First one is fairly basic - have they ticked the ‘MF couples’ box? Obviously if they haven’t then they are not looking for couples. However we are conscious that a lot of guys tick that box just to expand their chances of getting sex, and aren’t really interested in playing with a couple. So we look at the verifications to see if they play with couples. We will also read the profile text. If the text implies that they are on Fab to look for a lady, and there is no mention of couples at all in the text and there are no veris from couples, we will probably assume they are not that into couples. We find it easier to meet single guys on the scene though, as opposed to via Fab. Mrs" Exactly what we do for ladies too, anyone can tick "couples" in their would like to meet box, but proof is in the pudding as they say & if the profile just talks of "a guy must" or "A lady must" then its a pretty good indicator. S | |||
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"Making it very clear, both on your profile and in your messages that youre there to play by their rules and boundaries. youre being invited into an intimate dynamic, so make sure you broadcast that from the start..." No that’s not right. It should be a three-way process. Everybody’s rules and boundaries are important, including the single guy’s. Mrs | |||
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"It may sound big headed but it's not meant to be. There are way more single men than playing couples. So coupkes can afford to be choosy. We have a good dynamic of sex between us. So for us single men we normally stipulate what we would like in the bedroom. We say xyz, if they agree to it, then we play. If they agree then start changing stuff we cancel the meet. This is the big headed bit - theres plenty more fish in the sea. Although we don't "use" a man. We always make sure that everyone enjoys the play. We also have a unicorn. We make the play all about her. As we know they are so rare and we are very lucky. " From our experience I don’t agree that us,as a couple, can afford to take that approach with single men. Although it’s true there are ridiculous numbers of single guys looking for sex on Fab (numbers that far out-number couples) there are relatively few men who genuinely enjoy and understand the dynamic with playing with a couple and are also reliable. Because there are so few I sometimes describe our playmates as ‘male unicorns’. I am always acutely aware that they see more than one couple and therefore have choices. So we treat our playmates as equals because if we don’t they might not come back for more. We often lose single guys when they get girlfriends etc and when that happens we don’t find we can click our fingers and get a replacement. No, in our opinion the good ones are worth their weight in gold and we will endeavour to hold on to them. Mrs | |||
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"Lots of interesting insight so far, thanks to everyone who has contributed. Seems to us that basically communication is key - everyone should state their wishes and boundaries, and everybody should be treated with respect, and this includes both members of a couple to one another. Sounds simple on paper, doesn’t it? Also this approach rules out the “not into endless chit chat” types because you do need some depth of communication to establish the ground rules... " Have to admit we don’t get into discussions about rules and boundaries with potential playmates, as we prefer to go with the flow and see what happens. I’ll soon say so if I don’t want to do something. If they say they don’t want something we of course respect that. The only thing that has ever gone wrong is my husband feeling marginalised. More recently we do make sure we have a conversation about ensuring his inclusion especially as I sometimes meet alone. Mrs | |||
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"It may sound big headed but it's not meant to be. There are way more single men than playing couples. So coupkes can afford to be choosy. We have a good dynamic of sex between us. So for us single men we normally stipulate what we would like in the bedroom. We say xyz, if they agree to it, then we play. If they agree then start changing stuff we cancel the meet. This is the big headed bit - theres plenty more fish in the sea. Although we don't "use" a man. We always make sure that everyone enjoys the play. We also have a unicorn. We make the play all about her. As we know they are so rare and we are very lucky. " Yeah that's bigheaded and wrong. Equal respect to be shown from the couple to the 3rd party as the other way round regardless of the gender of the third party. You say you don't 'use' a man, yet the reading of the post suggests that's exactly what you do. | |||
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"There are 3 fundamental checks that we do. First one is fairly basic - have they ticked the ‘MF couples’ box? Obviously if they haven’t then they are not looking for couples. However we are conscious that a lot of guys tick that box just to expand their chances of getting sex, and aren’t really interested in playing with a couple. So we look at the verifications to see if they play with couples. We will also read the profile text. If the text implies that they are on Fab to look for a lady, and there is no mention of couples at all in the text and there are no veris from couples, we will probably assume they are not that into couples. We find it easier to meet single guys on the scene though, as opposed to via Fab. Mrs" This is quite similar for us, but on top of this Mr insists on meeting any single for a chat prior to any play meets. That way he gets the feeling if the guy is right for us and if our play rules will be followed. Everyone knows what to expect up front and keeps everyone safe | |||
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"There are 3 fundamental checks that we do. First one is fairly basic - have they ticked the ‘MF couples’ box? Obviously if they haven’t then they are not looking for couples. However we are conscious that a lot of guys tick that box just to expand their chances of getting sex, and aren’t really interested in playing with a couple. So we look at the verifications to see if they play with couples. We will also read the profile text. If the text implies that they are on Fab to look for a lady, and there is no mention of couples at all in the text and there are no veris from couples, we will probably assume they are not that into couples. We find it easier to meet single guys on the scene though, as opposed to via Fab. Mrs This is quite similar for us, but on top of this Mr insists on meeting any single for a chat prior to any play meets. That way he gets the feeling if the guy is right for us and if our play rules will be followed. Everyone knows what to expect up front and keeps everyone safe" We used to do that when we first started, although this was on Craig’s List not Fab. It worked the first couple of times. Then a guy refused to meet my husband without me. He explained that they were a lot of weird men out there posing as a couple. At the time we thought ‘your loss’. I mean we knew we were real. These days we have realised that his concern is quite actually quite reasonable and would no longer ask a man to put himself in that situation. I suspect most of the guys we have met of Fab would not have agreed to meet my husband alone due to the risk that he might be a man posing as a couple. Mrs | |||
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"There are 3 fundamental checks that we do. First one is fairly basic - have they ticked the ‘MF couples’ box? Obviously if they haven’t then they are not looking for couples. However we are conscious that a lot of guys tick that box just to expand their chances of getting sex, and aren’t really interested in playing with a couple. So we look at the verifications to see if they play with couples. We will also read the profile text. If the text implies that they are on Fab to look for a lady, and there is no mention of couples at all in the text and there are no veris from couples, we will probably assume they are not that into couples. We find it easier to meet single guys on the scene though, as opposed to via Fab. Mrs This is quite similar for us, but on top of this Mr insists on meeting any single for a chat prior to any play meets. That way he gets the feeling if the guy is right for us and if our play rules will be followed. Everyone knows what to expect up front and keeps everyone safe We used to do that when we first started, although this was on Craig’s List not Fab. It worked the first couple of times. Then a guy refused to meet my husband without me. He explained that they were a lot of weird men out there posing as a couple. At the time we thought ‘your loss’. I mean we knew we were real. These days we have realised that his concern is quite actually quite reasonable and would no longer ask a man to put himself in that situation. I suspect most of the guys we have met of Fab would not have agreed to meet my husband alone due to the risk that he might be a man posing as a couple. Mrs" We get that but veris tend to show who are real cpls so it will remain our way, works for us but appreciate not for everyone | |||
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"Lots of interesting insight so far, thanks to everyone who has contributed. Seems to us that basically communication is key - everyone should state their wishes and boundaries, and everybody should be treated with respect, and this includes both members of a couple to one another. Sounds simple on paper, doesn’t it? Also this approach rules out the “not into endless chit chat” types because you do need some depth of communication to establish the ground rules... " Very useful, thoughtful thread providing great insight. Understanding the dynamics and patience open / honest communiquè seems a lost art from our experience on the whole. But worth it when it occurs. | |||
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"There are 3 fundamental checks that we do. First one is fairly basic - have they ticked the ‘MF couples’ box? Obviously if they haven’t then they are not looking for couples. However we are conscious that a lot of guys tick that box just to expand their chances of getting sex, and aren’t really interested in playing with a couple. So we look at the verifications to see if they play with couples. We will also read the profile text. If the text implies that they are on Fab to look for a lady, and there is no mention of couples at all in the text and there are no veris from couples, we will probably assume they are not that into couples. We find it easier to meet single guys on the scene though, as opposed to via Fab. Mrs This is quite similar for us, but on top of this Mr insists on meeting any single for a chat prior to any play meets. That way he gets the feeling if the guy is right for us and if our play rules will be followed. Everyone knows what to expect up front and keeps everyone safe We used to do that when we first started, although this was on Craig’s List not Fab. It worked the first couple of times. Then a guy refused to meet my husband without me. He explained that they were a lot of weird men out there posing as a couple. At the time we thought ‘your loss’. I mean we knew we were real. These days we have realised that his concern is quite actually quite reasonable and would no longer ask a man to put himself in that situation. I suspect most of the guys we have met of Fab would not have agreed to meet my husband alone due to the risk that he might be a man posing as a couple. Mrs We get that but veris tend to show who are real cpls so it will remain our way, works for us but appreciate not for everyone" Yeah true, I guess from our veris it’s pretty obvious we’re real. I honestly don’t know what the reaction would be if we decided to start doing that now. | |||
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"It may sound big headed but it's not meant to be. There are way more single men than playing couples. So coupkes can afford to be choosy. We have a good dynamic of sex between us. So for us single men we normally stipulate what we would like in the bedroom. We say xyz, if they agree to it, then we play. If they agree then start changing stuff we cancel the meet. This is the big headed bit - theres plenty more fish in the sea. Although we don't "use" a man. We always make sure that everyone enjoys the play. We also have a unicorn. We make the play all about her. As we know they are so rare and we are very lucky. From our experience I don’t agree that us,as a couple, can afford to take that approach with single men. Although it’s true there are ridiculous numbers of single guys looking for sex on Fab (numbers that far out-number couples) there are relatively few men who genuinely enjoy and understand the dynamic with playing with a couple and are also reliable. Because there are so few I sometimes describe our playmates as ‘male unicorns’. I am always acutely aware that they see more than one couple and therefore have choices. So we treat our playmates as equals because if we don’t they might not come back for more. We often lose single guys when they get girlfriends etc and when that happens we don’t find we can click our fingers and get a replacement. No, in our opinion the good ones are worth their weight in gold and we will endeavour to hold on to them. Mrs" This | |||
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"Love playing with couples I like the way I can please the Mrs and see him turned on watching. Then se him help fantastic " Ah, no disrespec,t but therein lies the problem. You’ve just described the male half as “help” rather than a partner - unless this is specifically what is sought by all, this would lead to the marginalisation of the male half which is the scourge of many couples. Based in what I’ve heard, still sounds to me like communication is important, whether you call it “rules” or not... | |||
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" Based in what I’ve heard, still sounds to me like communication is important, whether you call it “rules” or not..." Communication has been very variable depending on guy we are playing with. This has ranged from almost zero communication if he’s someone we play with at a party, to extensive communication if we are exploring anything along the lines of D/s or cuckoldry. If we want to meet a man for an ordinary threesomes, we would of course chat in order to establish a friendship, and we might all chat about our experiences and fantasies. But we tend not to express what we expect to happen in the threesome - in fact I’m not sure we even know what we want to happen. Mrs | |||
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"It may sound big headed but it's not meant to be. There are way more single men than playing couples. So coupkes can afford to be choosy. We have a good dynamic of sex between us. So for us single men we normally stipulate what we would like in the bedroom. We say xyz, if they agree to it, then we play. If they agree then start changing stuff we cancel the meet. This is the big headed bit - theres plenty more fish in the sea. Although we don't "use" a man. We always make sure that everyone enjoys the play. We also have a unicorn. We make the play all about her. As we know they are so rare and we are very lucky. Yeah that's bigheaded and wrong. Equal respect to be shown from the couple to the 3rd party as the other way round regardless of the gender of the third party. You say you don't 'use' a man, yet the reading of the post suggests that's exactly what you do. " Your entitled to your opinion. Thats what makes the world go round, every one is differant. We've been swinging for 50 years between us, and what ever we're doing seems to work. See our veri's. | |||
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" Based in what I’ve heard, still sounds to me like communication is important, whether you call it “rules” or not... Communication has been very variable depending on guy we are playing with. This has ranged from almost zero communication if he’s someone we play with at a party, to extensive communication if we are exploring anything along the lines of D/s or cuckoldry. If we want to meet a man for an ordinary threesomes, we would of course chat in order to establish a friendship, and we might all chat about our experiences and fantasies. But we tend not to express what we expect to happen in the threesome - in fact I’m not sure we even know what we want to happen. Mrs" True - getting the balance is tricky. You want to get some communication out so that everybody understands what each party is after, but you don’t want to meticulously plan every move. R | |||
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