FabSwingers.com forum: This post will make you hate me...... meh

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There are very few “strict” guidelines on these forums, and this is a good thing, it allows frank and open discourse between people that have a similar interest. Questions are raised and answered, statements made and refuted or concurred and jokes told and smiles broadened.

I enjoy actively participating in the forums, it’s something to do and helps me understand the FAB community a little better (since leaving Sydney University, I have gone on to become a sex therapist…… JOKE!).

One policy we do have on the forums is “No naming and shaming” and this is on an individual basis, which is right and proper, no online forum should be utilised to “flame” another, sully a reputation or “Score points” from people we are no longer are amicable with.

Yet there is an irony or at least a paradox in this. Single people (both men and women), as a group are mentioned with disdain in a large proportion of the threads and by large I mean over 50%, this is “in-effect” naming and shaming a whole section of the swinging community. Now we take this on the chin in the most part, I tend to be rather flippant about it, ignore it and move on (as all adults would do). However there is an accumulation of “bad feeling” towards singles, that grows, thread by thread, day by day, that tarnishes the reputation of the honest and genuine single participants of this site.

Statistically in the UK 22% of men and 15% of women have cheated on their partner, taking into account that this is a swinging site, and therefore a perfect “playground for cheaters”, we could, increase these KNOWN statistics by a factor of 100% (I know weighty but let’s err on the side of caution). So let’s now say on UK swinging sites 44% of men and 30% of women “claiming to be single” are actually cheating. Still not in the majority and remember we have increased the percentile chance by 100% and enormous factor.

Hardly qualifies statements such as “The majority of single xyz are cheating”, “Most single xyz are cheating”

Conversely we see very little “rage” against couples, In my experiences of swinging (in total about 8 years with a break in-between (I was married)), I have ONLY ever been let down by couples, I have ONLY been lied to by couples, but until this post I have never felt the need to mention it in a thread. Why Not?

Well to begin with there are no FACTS concerning my experience that can be easily transferred as a sweeping statement that applies to all the couples on this site. Another reason is; why would a single “whinge” about couples, thus minimising their chance of a meet? (Note it is usually only whinging if SINGLES complain about other people, couples tend to have free reign to say as they choose and this is seen as both new and insightful). The final and perhaps most important reason why singles don’t say anything is that their own community (other singles), jump on them for saying something mildly detrimental against someone they may have a chance to meet with (“Yeah I agree with the you both, any chance I can biff your wife, you are so perceptive”)…. Irony, got to love it

So, it’s a whinge right, and it’s a long whinge at that, so if you got this far, well done! In effect it isn’t a whinge about me getting (or not getting) meets, I do “ok”, it’s about having a fair playing field, about all members of a community being treated with “mutual respect”, each one of us that is genuine, and actively engaged in this lifestyle is a valued member of this community, each person’s thoughts are valid, yet open to criticism, if you don’t like criticism then don’t post (one could argue, if you don’t like people bad-mouthing singles Paul, don’t read the forums, and I will take that one on the chin).

I love Thursdays, can I have my “time-out” or “ban” now please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loads of cheaters on here. Even had one who claimed to be single and then asked me to leave at 3pm before the kids and her husband came home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going to have to de cloak for the second time this week!

Well said! Swit swoo!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there's one thing worse than a single male moaning, it's a literate single male moaning

Seriously, it's true that we see lots of moaning about single males, but perhaps most comes from people new to the forums who don't realise that we've heard it all before, and probably in the last few minutes on another thread. We could call it tripadvisor syndrome, where many people only leave a hotel re_iew when they've had a bad experience and don't bother when they've had a good time.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"If there's one thing worse than a single male moaning, it's a literate single male moaning

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If there's one thing worse than a single male moaning, it's a literate single male moaning

Compliment appreciated (I think

) and statement well made, I only hope that like me, people take tripadvisor (and therefore peoples opinions of singles on this site) with a pinch of salt. I have visited or worked in 57 countries, I know a "wrong-un" (when it comes to hotels) by my own experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the previous poster was being slightly sarcastic. The Op was being told politely, that his post, though highly literate, was pointing out that he objects to people forever moaning about single guys on these threads. The reply was pointing out that the single guys, all tend to belong to the team of "me" and don't in fact read the other posts, where the same moan gets repeated over and over ad infinitum. Basically the moan goes "I'm single, and I'm male, and I'm not getting what I want!".......

Of course this thread is completely different! Isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If there's one thing worse than a single male moaning, it's a literate single male moaning

Compliment appreciated (I think

It was a compliment

Thank god we only see the positive re_iews (verifications) on Fab

Though that does mean that spleens get vented on forums instead

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By *uckoldandWifeCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

It's just another whinge, but more long winded than most haha

"I think the previous poster was being slightly sarcastic. The Op was being told politely, that his post, though highly literate, was pointing out that he objects to people forever moaning about single guys on these threads. The reply was pointing out that the single guys, all tend to belong to the team of "me" and don't in fact read the other posts, where the same moan gets repeated over and over ad infinitum. Basically the moan goes "I'm single, and I'm male, and I'm not getting what I want!".......

Of course this thread is completely different! Isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Of course this thread is completely different! Isn't it?

I genuinely don't believe that I complained about not getting meets, however your _iew is so tarnished by either the forums or your experience that you believe that I am..... its ok the point of the thread went thataway!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A very valid point!

We have single males on our friends list and know that there are some really good people out there.

We have encountered all kinds of people since starting our foray into the swinging, dogging, sexual adventures we persue.

We have been together over 20 years and entered into broadening our sexual experiences with others in the early 90's.

On this journey so far, we have had more fun with single males than couples but finding someone suitable is a hard task.

If you check how many genuine couples, singles (male and female) are on here, you find the majority are single males.

We all know what the name of the game is and to build a relationship up with anyone on sites like this is hard for anyone.

It's like panning for gold, you have to sieve through the muck to get to the treasure.

For all those that are trying to get ahead in the swinging scene no matter who you are, it will take time and patience.

Before the internet people used to go out and meet, mingle and introduce themselves.

This type of interaction has dwindled as times are changing and there seems to be a "need it now!" attitude with some, hence less effort put in to actually corresponding correctly and politely which ruins it for those who actually put the time and effort into building a foundation with others.

It does get very tiresome when reading/answering mail from some single men and couples too who just think you message someone and hey presto! its a guaranteed shag!.

Enough waffling

In a nutshell, while there are good people on here, single men, seem to get the rough deal but maybe it's because of the large number of the impatient ones that ruin it for the gems.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I truly believe you only get a rough deal if you allow yourself to.. I am an equal, no better no worse than any female or couple on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Couples get whinged about alright...

"why is no pics on a couples profile of the guy?"

"why are couples so far up there arses?"

"why are couples so picky?"

http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/21761

http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/uk/69702

http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/62594

A few that didn't get nasty enough to get pulled.

Couples moan about couples, fems used to moan about couples until message filters were altered to allow them to block them, males moan about couples, fems moan about males, males moan about fems, couples moan about males, couples moan about fems mainly born from lack of action, timewasted or being bombarded with too much mail.

Disclaimer: not ALL couples/fems/males moan... only a small minority.

I will say males do get whinged about the most and they do the most whinging (not a pop, it's a fact and we do like single males... well most anyway!) I think the very fact that the site is absolutely swamped with single males will have a huge effect on the level of whinge/moaning.... of course it's going to be higher!

Couples whinge/moan less because I'm guessing, like us, they have each other to talk to and rarely feel the need to vent frustration on the forums... trust me... poor ole Mr Now gets his ear chewed from time to time

Fems don't whinge/moan too often either... they vent when they get abuse or bombarded with too much interest.

Disclaimer no2: All of the above is no way a whinge/moan... just my _iew.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I must admit it took me 3 attempts to read the whole of that lol

But very well said .

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By *urreyfun2008Man
over a year ago

East Grinstead

Its easy, we are English and we enjoy moaning

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In a nutshell, while there are good people on here, single men, seem to get the rough deal but maybe it's because of the large number of the impatient ones that ruin it for the gems.

Someone that can see.... ah blessed be!

This post is not about "meets" its about a section of the FAB community (BOTH men and women) being vilified classed as liars (in the majority), cheating (in the majority) and time-wasters (in the majority), which quite simply isn't true, to comment on this post as if it's a whine about "not getting meets" is to have missed the point.

Single people should be allowed to enjoy the forums (as well as meets, clubs, socials etc.) as much as anyone else, but please tell me, how many of you would continue to read and participate in a forum where your opinion was undervalued due to your status and where your section of the community is consistently ostracised without saying something in your own defence.......

Thought so

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a nutshell, while there are good people on here, single men, seem to get the rough deal but maybe it's because of the large number of the impatient ones that ruin it for the gems.

Someone that can see.... ah blessed be!

Thought so"

Can I just say one more thing...

Cheating is a very touchy subject as we have seen the proof with a couple of recent threads that got pulled (they nearly always do).

Couples that swing together cannot be judged and accused of cheating on their partners if they are on here together (apart from those few that try and meet behind their partners back

)....

....therefore couples will be excluded from the cheating rants and sly digs.

I do say single guys are given a harder time... auto suspicion goes into overdrive when a guy can't accommodate etc.... and because females are in such short supply against high demand, they do get less of a lashing.

Again, not a dig... just my observation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Can I just say one more thing...

Cheating is a very touchy subject as we have seen the proof with a couple of recent threads that got pulled (they nearly always do).

Couples that swing together cannot be judged and accused of cheating on their partners if they are on here together (apart from those few that try and meet behind their partners back

)....

....therefore couples will be excluded from the cheating rants and sly digs.

Again, not a dig... just my observation."

It's an absolutely fair point (although I get contacted by FB couples that are both obviously cheating, how that one sits I dont know lol)

and I take your point about couples getting abuse, and the proportionality, again absolutely right, more singles, more "wrong-uns" (in numbers but not necessarily in percentage)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the OP- you were bored, weren't you?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only meet single guys, in my 16months on the site ive been let down on a meet only once, ive no complaints about single guys, i actually quite like them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh... and one final point (I do shut up eventually lol)...

Everyone whether they are singles or couples should enjoy the forums. I rarely get wound up by anything that gets said on here (plain and simple abuse pisses me right off as some witnessed this morning).

I do find some of the whinging threads mildly amusing watching the OP (couples/singles) dig themselves in a massive hole... my reason for mild amusement is that they are actually making the good guys and gals shine

I'm also going to show that I do agree that single guys do take a bashing... but also are much loved and appreciated by a lot of us

http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/62078

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would have posted on here,,but i got bored reading about 4 lines in sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/09/11 17:54:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/09/11 17:54:24]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear dear! the OP started in a jocular mode, but the tone is getting a little harsh now! Could it be that we are all entitled to an opinion, just not necessarily our own! I fully admit to being almost entirely self opinionated, but acknowledge that even when I am 100% sure i'm right (which from my point of _iew is 99.999% of the time

) the vast majority are going to consider that I am wrong.

This is the basis of free speech, but the tone now seems to be that we must agree with the OP no matter what. Either that or I sense the implication that we are all beneath contempt?

I frequently advertise for men (multiples) to meet. I will often confirm in excess of 100 "single guys" for a meeting in the full knowledge, that if I am very lucky, 4 or 5 will show up! Now forgive me, but by my book 94 or 95 not showing up, having sent countless emails to me to confirm time, place, what I want to happen etc. etc. Makes the 95% that don't show, timewasters! Then multiply the instances this has happened by 75 or so (the number of times it has happened) then you can see, by my book, the majority of guys on here (and other sites) are complete timewasters. But that does not detract from the fact that we have met a lot of genuine "diamonds". The important thing to realise is that mathematically, the majority at least under those circumstances are indeed timewasters! You can't beat the math! It does not mean that we hate single guys, but statistically, we know most won't show up!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I feel the urge to add something but not sure what... hmm

do I think that some single guys do get flak on here... sure... but it tends to be the ones who come on with pre-conceived notions on what swinging is.... for example "i've been here 2 weeks and not got a meet"

some people think it is insta-shag,

some think that having a six pack is enough to get them by,

some think that swingers are easy and will shag anything....and a million other generalisations have breezed past...

you do tend to get a fair few "pipebomb" thread from people who vent frustration and take it out on the wider public... and again with generalisations/inaccuracies attached to them

but the key is this...

those people who "get it" aren't the ones who do the moaning/whinging.... they are just plodding away, getting meets, being happy and getting on...

there is no right/wrong way, use as much or as little of the site as you like, but in the end you get out what you put in, and you only have yourself in the mirror to answer to.. or to blame

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear dear! the OP started in a jocular mode, but the tone is getting a little harsh now! Could it be that we are all entitled to an opinion, just not necessarily our own! I fully admit to being almost entirely self opinionated, but acknowledge that even when I am 100% sure i'm right (which from my point of _iew is 99.999% of the time

) the vast majority are going to consider that I am wrong.

This is the basis of free speech, but the tone now seems to be that we must agree with the OP no matter what. Either that or I sense the implication that we are all beneath contempt?

The very same voice that missed the initial point of the thread now comes back to say that I do not accept criticism of my post, I accept criticism of its content and quite rightly I should, you critisicised the motivation behind it, and you were wrong.

I apologise that you appear to have had so many time wasters, and it appears that confirming 100 people at a time does little to improve the mathematics in your favour. Your experience is your own, and of course you are welcome to share in this open thread discussing the matter, it is afterall the reason for a forum.

I have only criticised people in this thread that have "missed the point" and _iewed it as a moan about not getting meets (I average two a week, i think thats "ok"). But where the poster is wrong I will disagree with them, and one thing is for sure, the motivation behind the original post (which I wrote) was not about meets, therefore anyone commenting on it being about meets is wrong, unless of course they are the other voice in my head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, that's like a brick wall of text! I'm siding with op on this though.

To be honest the type of bloke that get on everyone's tits probably won't be reading the forums, and even if they did... would they take any notice and would they modify their behaviour? I'm not so sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I understand you, you moan that "singles" get vilified on the forums....

I think you will find that the majority of posters are (as in our case) reacting to their own experiences. As I find it hard to believe that you as a single guy, have much experience of the antics of singles (single fems being quite rare). I don't understand the factual basis of your decision to defend the singles?

As a theoretical discussion, it's fine, but most folks, having had experiences of timewasting, whinging, demands etc. etc. will continue to feel as they do. Most people simply speak as they find, your post seems to suggest that they think as justice would decree, which is a long way from the same thing.

Boils down to "Life ain't fair, and that's the truth"!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And on the count of three, everybody put away their soap box and carry on swinging! Ooer Matron!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As I understand you, you moan that "singles" get vilified on the forums....

Boils down to "Life ain't fair, and that's the truth"!"

60% of my meets in fact nearer 70% are single females, but I do belong to a site "specialising" in that area, which would explain this. I also prefer to meet with single people, and as swinging is about choice (strange that single blokes do get choice, we aren't all rampant fuck anythings lol), I tend to choose singles, partly because, motivationally they have a stronger desire (in my experience) for sexual contact, i.e. they don't have a regular partner or husband.

I am sorry that you find some of the "factual" basis missing, anecdotal evidence from reading these forums and swinging for quite some time, is valid as factual evidence, after all you used it in your previous post

I have no wish to enter a "personal" disagreement with you. You disapprove of my post, thats fine, you think it is motivated by a lack of meets, thats fine too. My post is not to "lead" you to the same conclusion you have drawn, merely to discuss a phenomena that I experience on these forums on a regular basis

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 15/09/11 18:45:15]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

sometimes it all gets a bit complicated, sometimes it is like something from the international Courts of Justice..

it's a shag...

and we won't get to shag everyone, some would like to, others wouldn't..

and we won't all get on, some would like to, others wouldn't..

same as in life.. just more concentrated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

zzzzzzz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another moaning Single Male

Ladies and Couples, please check me out as I don't complain....

Much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/09/11 20:10:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry i got bored halfway thru the statistics, can i get the bullet points in short form?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sorry i got bored halfway thru the statistics, can i get the bullet points in short form?

You're not alone. I read government documents and letters from solicitors for a living, so that's saying something!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have very much enjoyed this 'alternative' thread, but feel it's now time to move back to txt speak and general arsing about

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