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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How comes the majority of people on here have a problem with winking and expect so much effort into the first message? What wrong with a simple hi my name is....? If we met in a club you wouldn't spill your guts out straight away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd prefer a bit more than "hey" or the memorable "suck my dick"

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By *halky90Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

I agree. Some people expect you to go all out when you don't even know them. Like how about we just go with a simple message or wink and see if there is some attraction first ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree. Some people expect you to go all out when you don't even know them. Like how about we just go with a simple message or wink and see if there is some attraction first ? "

THIS! Pretty sure that's what the Wink option is intended for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How comes the majority of people on here have a problem with winking and expect so much effort into the first message? What wrong with a simple hi my name is....? If we met in a club you wouldn't spill your guts out straight away "

Because women and mf couples get dozens of ‘Hi’ messages every day. It’s boring and it doesn't help you to stand out from the crowd.

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By *infulSandyCouple
over a year ago

London


"How comes the majority of people on here have a problem with winking and expect so much effort into the first message? What wrong with a simple hi my name is....? If we met in a club you wouldn't spill your guts out straight away "

I'm going to assume you are referring to ladies and couples.

Your analogy about a club falls apart when you consider how many winks and messages they get.

Imagine a lady is in a club and 100 guys come up to her saying "hi my name is..." At the same time, now imagine some of these guys wave their cock around with their comments, now imagine some if these guys don't event show their faces, hell imagine they are invisible, now imagine some add crude language to their short and unoriginal messages, meanwhile all the time there's 100 other guys trying to wink at her across the club.

When that becomes your regular situation then you start demanding a little more than the bare minimum.

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By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest


"How comes the majority of people on here have a problem with winking and expect so much effort into the first message? What wrong with a simple hi my name is....? If we met in a club you wouldn't spill your guts out straight away

Because women and mf couples get dozens of ‘Hi’ messages every day. It’s boring and it doesn't help you to stand out from the crowd."

This is the most cliched answer ever. If those 'women and couples getting hundreds of messages a day' put their filters on correctly, or, perish the thought, did some searching and messaging themselves, people like the OP would get a chance of recieving a 'well thought out mesage' and not have to ask the question.

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By *infulSandyCouple
over a year ago

London

Won't lie, I find it amusing that it's just guys standing up and joining OP's cause.

Like a rather horny "I am Spartacus!" Moment.

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By *ehind closed curtainsCouple
over a year ago

East Midlands

We're usually happy with a first message if the sender appears to have read our profile as opposed to just looking at the pictures, & their profile preferences etc match what we're looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Won't lie, I find it amusing that it's just guys standing up and joining OP's cause.

Like a rather horny "I am Spartacus!" Moment."

Basically, it's because you are a woman with her baps on show on her avatar pic so I'll eager you have no problems whatsoever getting messages. Whereas if a man had his tackle on show in his avatar he'd get lambasted.

Just saying.

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By *infulSandyCouple
over a year ago

London


"Won't lie, I find it amusing that it's just guys standing up and joining OP's cause.

Like a rather horny "I am Spartacus!" Moment.

Basically, it's because you are a woman with her baps on show on her avatar pic so I'll eager you have no problems whatsoever getting messages. Whereas if a man had his tackle on show in his avatar he'd get lambasted.

Just saying. "

Few things,

-We are a couple, not just a woman.

-We don't have problems getting messages but we do have trouble getting decent messages.

-We have no problem with a dick profile pic as long as there is more substance the the messenger than that.

-The male of the couple has been the single guy looking for fun so he knows what it's like.

And finally...

-It was me, Alex, the male of the couple that made the post.

So yeah, way to be wrong mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How comes the majority of people on here have a problem with winking and expect so much effort into the first message? What wrong with a simple hi my name is....? If we met in a club you wouldn't spill your guts out straight away

Because women and mf couples get dozens of ‘Hi’ messages every day. It’s boring and it doesn't help you to stand out from the crowd.

This is the most cliched answer ever. If those 'women and couples getting hundreds of messages a day' put their filters on correctly, or, perish the thought, did some searching and messaging themselves, people like the OP would get a chance of recieving a 'well thought out mesage' and not have to ask the question."

Well, sometimes cliches become cliches precisely because they have to be used so much.

Your proposed solution is no solution at all to the OP who doesn’t feel the need to put himself out beyond doing a wink or a simple Hi.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Now I understand what people saying about loads of messages from guys saying hi but that's a conversation starter and the question is to anyone male and female who moan about 1 liners.. Yh make ur message stand out but it can be a much to expect a paragraph on the first message

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By *rladytoyMan
over a year ago

bournemouth

Within reason, it makes absoloutely no difference what you say. Thats just internet ego boost shit which came about because of the vast numbers of men compared to women. In life and on here you are judged on your appearance in a nano second. Seriously its comical to think oh no i wont meet him as his profile os 2 sentances short, or the cheecky bastard asked me how i am!! Hilarious. Do u know how many people in my area want someone slim and athletic aged 25 to 40 who doesnt smoke and is single ,yet for years now ignore my every advance and dont even consider actually speaking to me

? Absolute bollocks dont beleive it for a second.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Now I understand what people saying about loads of messages from guys saying hi but that's a conversation starter and the question is to anyone male and female who moan about 1 liners.. Yh make ur message stand out but it can be a much to expect a paragraph on the first message "

You really don’t get it do you? There are hundreds of blokes on Fab and far, far fewer females. So the women get to pick and choose. Not surprisingly they choose the ones that, for some reason, stand out. Ie the ones capable of stringing a sentence together that says a little more than ‘Hi babe - you alright’. If a paragraph is too much effort for the prospect of getting laid, then perhaps Fab isn’t going to be right for you.

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By *infulSandyCouple
over a year ago

London


"Now I understand what people saying about loads of messages from guys saying hi but that's a conversation starter and the question is to anyone male and female who moan about 1 liners.. Yh make ur message stand out but it can be a much to expect a paragraph on the first message

You really don’t get it do you? There are hundreds of blokes on Fab and far, far fewer females. So the women get to pick and choose. Not surprisingly they choose the ones that, for some reason, stand out. Ie the ones capable of stringing a sentence together that says a little more than ‘Hi babe - you alright’. If a paragraph is too much effort for the prospect of getting laid, then perhaps Fab isn’t going to be right for you."

He really doesn't

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" You really don’t get it do you? There are hundreds of blokes on Fab and far, far fewer females. So the women get to pick and choose. Not surprisingly they choose the ones that, for some reason, stand out. Ie the ones capable of stringing a sentence together that says a little more than ‘Hi babe - you alright’. If a paragraph is too much effort for the prospect of getting laid, then perhaps Fab isn’t going to be right for you."
.

I actually do get it women have the pick of choice on here and as you can see I have no problem constructing a paragraph...I just don't feel like a first message doesn't need to be in great detail that's all

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By *infulSandyCouple
over a year ago

London


" You really don’t get it do you? There are hundreds of blokes on Fab and far, far fewer females. So the women get to pick and choose. Not surprisingly they choose the ones that, for some reason, stand out. Ie the ones capable of stringing a sentence together that says a little more than ‘Hi babe - you alright’. If a paragraph is too much effort for the prospect of getting laid, then perhaps Fab isn’t going to be right for you..

I actually do get it women have the pick of choice on here and as you can see I have no problem constructing a paragraph...I just don't feel like a first message doesn't need to be in great detail that's all"

Well I guess you have your answer now, It is possible to get a meet here you just don't want to put the effort into it.

Best of luck on this site with your current outlook.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I'm female and I get say maybe 10 messages a day, not too much to handle at all, but I don't bother to reply to most.

That is because their message is 'hi, how was your day' from a profile that has 1 line at best and no bloody pictures at all.

No I am not going to waste any of my time answering them, as they have had the courtesy of me actually having a profile (whether they read it is debateable) but they have a great array of pictures of me to see, and that is why they decide to message in the first place.

If a guy can't be arsed on here, then neither can I, it's quite simple really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading this thread with interest and noting the indignant sense of entitlement some men seem to have. You can often tell as much about a person from the nature of their forum posts, as you can from their profile and photos...that's worth bearing in mind if you're having trouble catching people's eye.

I can't speak for single women, but it's true that couples get dozens of messages. We get a good dozen or so messages a day from people who clearly haven't read our profile, often send a message with 'nice tits' amd nothing else, or a 'hi how's you" kind of thing. Should I really be expected to reply to everyone who messages, when most of those messages are half hearted, ill thought out, or from people who don't meet the criteria in our profile and are merely chancing their arm.

Yes there are some people who don't expect much in the way of conversation before they'll meet for sex, but I personally think that the majority are a little more selective.

If you expect to have sex with someone without putting any effort in, then good luck, but don't be surprised if you find it hard to meet someone on here.

V x

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By *ayMaxxxMan
over a year ago

Windsor

I don't mind writing a considered and relevant first message. After all, you don't get a second chance at making a good first impression. I don't send many messages as I am fairly selective about who I message.

I think a one liner message gives the impression that the sender is just playing the numbers game and doesn't exactly make the recipient feel special does it?

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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago

swingers clubs


"How comes the majority of people on here have a problem with winking and expect so much effort into the first message? What wrong with a simple hi my name is....? If we met in a club you wouldn't spill your guts out straight away

Because women and mf couples get dozens of ‘Hi’ messages every day. It’s boring and it doesn't help you to stand out from the crowd.

This is the most cliched answer ever. If those 'women and couples getting hundreds of messages a day' put their filters on correctly, or, perish the thought, did some searching and messaging themselves, people like the OP would get a chance of recieving a 'well thought out mesage' and not have to ask the question."

Clichéd but true.

By all means, play it your way - you don't have to put the effort in if you don't want to, but the chances are, you'll get very little return for your very little effort.

Even with filters on, when we put up a meet, we are inundated. A simple 'hi' message will be deleted immediately to save time and space in our inbox. We have a life outside of fab and don't have time to yoyo message. If the first don't impress, you'll not be heading back from us.

As a couple, we put effort into our profile so those messaging us can see what we're about and what we do. Hopefully we get our preferences and personality across.

We do message single guys. When we make first contact, we put the effort in, why not? What I'm saying here is that we do send out well thought out messages to single guys. Maybe you should take a look at why you don't receive such messages yourselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't mind writing a considered and relevant first message. After all, you don't get a second chance at making a good first impression. I don't send many messages as I am fairly selective about who I message.

I think a one liner message gives the impression that the sender is just playing the numbers game and doesn't exactly make the recipient feel special does it?"

Well put

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"I don't mind writing a considered and relevant first message. After all, you don't get a second chance at making a good first impression. I don't send many messages as I am fairly selective about who I message.

I think a one liner message gives the impression that the sender is just playing the numbers game and doesn't exactly make the recipient feel special does it?"

Your totally right! Who wants to feel like the 100th woman they had messaged today with the hope of being balls deep later on? I certainly don't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, despite just coming back here recently, I've been on and off here a while.

Ladies and couples can receive 100's of messages a day, more so if they've recently posted a photo up. They have real lives and can't answer every message.

Us guys are in the huge majority here, so putting in the effort really is the only way to stand out from the norm.

And if you get it right......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol mine is to ask if they ok with my age and status as most don't change the upper age limit but they not actually looking for a 50 yr old man in first place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My profile specifically says one word messages will be deleted.

My profile also says don’t call me babe, hun, sexy or anything else like that.

I would say 80% of messages I receive say hi babe or hi sexy. Therefore they get deleted without being read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How comes the majority of people on here have a problem with winking and expect so much effort into the first message? What wrong with a simple hi my name is....? If we met in a club you wouldn't spill your guts out straight away "

OP you have come on here admitting that you really can't be doing with making an effort, and that you think people expect too much

You are a brave man indeed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op put the boot on the other foot.

If there were hundreds of women trying to get your attention what would you do?

Awnser every single one? Or try narrowing them down. Its hard to sift through hundreds of profiles.

All lazy winkers is obviously a good start on narrowing down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Effort in = results out.

If a guy has a well written profile and composes a decent message, with some photos either on his profile or attached to the message, I will reply (even if just to say no thanks). But if he cant be arsed to make a bit of effort, I can't be arsed with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if the message isn't in relation to our profile discription we simply won't reply as obviously they didn't bother to read it so why would we bother to reply

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

This started as a queston about first messages but has been taken into profile territory by some already so I will give my twopenneth about both. Additionally it is pretty clear that effort starts with your profile and that is the essence of this thread.

By the same token that ladies or couples or anyone for that matter doesn't want to feel that they are recieving generic messages, and rightly so, I have tailored my profile to try and show my personality, my outlook on how I go about my fab life and what I look for in a potential fab date. I say fab date as opposed to meet as a lot seem to hate people using that word!

I have ticked a few of the boxes that fab has chosen to categorise. Therein lies another issue. Just because a person has certain interests it doesn't mean that they want to partake in said interests with everbody they get together with.

With that in mind I have avoided mentioning any specific kinks for example that I might or might not enjoy.

On the flip side I don't read a profile and assume anything specific that person or persons enjoy would neccessarily be afforded to me should I make it past first base and recieve a reply.

That leads nicely onto my first message ettiquette.

A hi how are you, faf, please sit on my face while farting and calling me betty type message is not going to win any prizes. We all know that. Neither is a long winded description of what you want to cram into a session.

Showing that you are compatible at the very least is essential. Showing that you have an interest in that person or couple specifically for whatever reason too. Come across warm and friendly. Can't be more specific as then you get into generic territory and that is what we want to avoid. Should it get that far subsequent messaging is where you fine tune how all parties would like things to play out.

It will come down to attraction mostly. You can have a great profile, great pictures and a great command of the english language. If they don't fancy you then yer stuffed anyway.

Essentially it's about balance. Don't bare your soul on here. Entice people in. Be interesting. Don't be a dick.

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By *witcherooMan
over a year ago

Muirhead

I hate taking ages to write a polite and well thought out message and you go in to it to see if it’s been read ....and you (deleted).

It’s a kick in the balls to be honest and now as my profile says.....if I wink it means I like what I see / read and I’m being polite by not messaging incase you don’t want a message.

Then.....it’s down to them, if they wink back I don’t mind sending a message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Op put the boot on the other foot.

If there were hundreds of women trying to get your attention what would you do?

Awnser every single one? Or try narrowing them down. Its hard to sift through hundreds of profiles.

All lazy winkers is obviously a good start on narrowing down."

Agreed

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By *annnMan
over a year ago

Isle of Man

I find this thread really interesting. I’m not sure that any of this is an exact science. In my experience it very much depends on the recipient of the message and what they want and how they are feeling on the day they receive it, as much as it does the message they recieve or the profile it was sent from.

I’ve been on fab for just about a year now and during this time I’ve had the good fortune to meet some very beautiful and interesting ladies. Though I never send a one line message, I don’t have the most interesting profile. I have no public pics or even an inanimate object as an avetar. I live in the middle of the Irish Sea, don’t meet locally and I’m also attached, so not the greatest catch am I lol.

Admittedly I don’t send many messages but when I do I probably get a nice reply 50% of the time, of which some lead to longer term chats/friendship and others turn into very enjoyable meets.

I don’t have any real words of wisdom other than don’t send crude and disrespectful messages and try and make sure you are as good as match as you can.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East


"I find this thread really interesting. I’m not sure that any of this is an exact science. In my experience it very much depends on the recipient of the message and what they want and how they are feeling on the day they receive it, as much as it does the message they recieve or the profile it was sent from.

I’ve been on fab for just about a year now and during this time I’ve had the good fortune to meet some very beautiful and interesting ladies. Though I never send a one line message, I don’t have the most interesting profile. I have no public pics or even an inanimate object as an avetar. I live in the middle of the Irish Sea, don’t meet locally and I’m also attached, so not the greatest catch am I lol.

Admittedly I don’t send many messages but when I do I probably get a nice reply 50% of the time, of which some lead to longer term chats/friendship and others turn into very enjoyable meets.

I don’t have any real words of wisdom other than don’t send crude and disrespectful messages and try and make sure you are as good as match as you can. "

Good point you make regarding the mood of the recipient at the time. If they are having a bad day or have had to trawl through a load of crap messages you could just become part of a mass delete.

From a glass half full perspective. Your nice message could lift their spirits and I think writing a message with that in mind is a good way of looking at it.

If you think about how you feel when you get good or crap messages and how it affects your mood and apply that to the ones you send you can't go far wrong.

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